Author's Note: Some of you may have been expecting Beckett (swoon!), but his time to shine is still off in the distance a bit. In either case, Jones is making his appearance this time around and I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks for all your support!
Disclaimer: Me. Pirates. Implausible.
RumRunner: Diary of a Pirate
Davy Jones – Week 1
DAY 1
I've been sitting here knitting for the last eight years – my claw is killing me and this bloody housecoat is only one-third finished! That AND I've ruined my favorite clarinet – the toilet wouldn't unclog itself, laddie!
Besides that, sitting here in the dark has helped me to meditate on what has become of my life…that and a little help from the smooth stylings of Dashboard Confessional. Anyhoo, it turns out that I've wasted so much time on being a killjoy and have yet to begin to properly enjoy my life. Dr. Baverman says that "those who waste time being depressed deserve to be depressed." Happy to say there was a turning point in my life last week – I called grandmummie for the first time in 24 ½ years and reconciled with my uncle's half sister, then I decided that enough is enough.
I'm done being a brick in the water!! Err…a duck..in the…a brick…a duck…in…brick…water…
DAY 2
To Do List:
1. Kill Jack Sparrow
2. Order Word-A-Day calendar.
3. Restock pantry and toiletries.
4. Bring back Jack Sparrow.
5. Plan to spend more time "hanging out" on the town.
6. Find people to get "wild and crazy" with. Yo.
7. Kill Jack Sparrow again
8. Find town.
DAY 3
That blood crab wasn't worth it. Oh yeah, so anyway, my gut was telling me something last night – "DO NOT EAT THE CRAB!" Or maybe that was Hoy, but that's not the point. Well, I ate "the crab" and boy, was it swell. That is until about, oh say, three hours later and I had to make a run for it or…yeah…it was a collision course that night – the crab will never be the same.
Let's just say I lost about ten pounds in 2.5 seconds.
DAY 4
Yay! My Word-A-Day calendar has arrived! Fortunately for me, the crew was engaged in an exciting game of "Eunuch, Eunuch, Whelp" and didn't notice my special delivery. It's such a touchy subject! Sure, their little game may sound innocent, but they play with sharp sticks and wet towels! Why, just last week someone lost an eye! Stupid towels…I don't know why I keep getting them sent off to be dry cleaned….they get better treatment than the floormats! Speaking of which…
TO DO: Get floormats steam cleaned. They are starting to look a bit dungy.
Word of the Day: Fallacious.
DAY 5
Word of the Day: Sardoodledom.
I've decided that in order to get the most out of my Word-A-Day calendar, I will use each day's word in a sentence. Oh, yay! Alright, so…sardoodledom…sar-doo-dle-dom…
Ooh, I've got it! Alright…
This journal is quite the sardoodledom.
I am THE sardoodledom.
DAY 6
My compassion for the sardoodledom – I mean, the Word-A-Day calendar – has been my undoing. I have been descried by my cohorts on account of this sitzmark of a calendar…
They've threatened to burn the darn thing if I don't keep the haplology to a minimum! I am the Captain! ME!! They are all just jealous of my intellectuality! It's so éclat and so deliciously divine! AND I WILL KEEP MY CALENDAR!
THE WORD OF THE DAY IS PAMPHLETEER!! TO WRITE AND PUBLISH PAMPHLETS!!!!
DAY 7
The calendar is dead. It would appear by the score marks and holes in my door and walls that they snuck inside in the middle of the night, hijacked my dearest calendar and then proceeded to commit unspeakable horrors against it! Maccus denies any wrongdoing, but the panty raid is over!! I won't rest until I have my calendar!
