A/N - Thank you all so much for your continuing support of this story. I especially want to thank Carolyn (everlarkbakery) for fixing my constant wordiness, and all of my friends at Tumblr for the writing sprints that keep me motivated. Also, a shout out to Mel (lifeloveanddance) for being a constant cheerleader. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. :)


"Do you mind if I borrow the car tomorrow?" Peeta asks me one evening over dinner. "There's a puppet show at the library that I think Lily would love."

Peeta has a way of adapting to changes that I can't help but admire. He's lived in a handful of states over the past few years and has made good friends and a community network in each of them. So it's no surprise that he's made himself at home here in Connecticut as well in just the few short weeks he's been here.

"Sure," I reply with a nod. "I can ask Johanna to give me a ride to work."

"No, we'll drive you," he insists. "You're on the way. And then maybe we can grab dinner when we pick you up. Check out that Italian place you were telling me about?"

"Yeah. That sounds nice."

"Then it's a date," he says with a smile.

As he turns to break up some bread for Lily, I notice the shadow on his jawline is more pronounced in the evening light. "Busy day today?" I ask.

"Not particularly. Why?"

"I just noticed you didn't shave," I note. On days when Lily is especially needy, Peeta forgoes his own needs to care for her.

He laughs and rubs at his cheek. "Actually… I was thinking of growing the beard back," he admits.

"You were?" I reply, my voice cracking. "What happened to trying something new and embracing change and all that?"

"I did try something new. Just thought I'd go back to the old for now." He shrugs, looking down at the table and putting much more focus into cutting his meat than seems necessary. "Besides… I thought you liked the beard? You seemed disappointed when I shaved it."

"I did!" I answer, probably too quickly. He looks up, his eyes twinkling. "I mean, I do. Like it. I just… You don't have to grow it back if you don't want to. Certainly not on account of me. I think you're perfect either way."

I mentally cringe at my choice of words, so similar to my reaction in the airport. What's the matter with me?

He chuckles, his nervousness seeming to fade. "Thank you, Katniss. You're pretty perfect yourself."

I roll my eyes, my cheeks flaming. Luckily, Peeta changes the subject to Lily and her walking progress. A few tentative steps earlier this week rapidly graduated into practically running around the house. I share in his excitement, grateful that the strange tension in the air has faded.


"So, five o'clock?"

"Yeah. I'll text you if I'm running late for any reason."

"Okay." I open the door, but before I can get out, Peeta reaches across the console and touches my forearm. "Thanks again for letting us borrow the car. Have a good day," he says, a warm smile on his face.

"Anytime," I reply, leaning into the back seat to wave goodbye to Lily. "Have fun today, you two."

I close the door and wave to the car as they drive away.

"Aww, your boyfriend drove you to school today?" Johanna walks toward me in a leather trench coat, a messenger bag slung across her shoulders. I can't see her eyes behind the large dark sunglasses she's wearing, but her lips are curled up in a smirk. "Did he ask you to prom yet?"

"Shut up, Johanna," I growl, pushing past her to walk toward the building. "And isn't it a little late in the year for a leather jacket?"

She catches up and falls into step beside me. "It was chilly this morning," she replies. "Not that you'd notice, with the extra heat in your house."

I stop and face her just outside the office door, my face scrunched up in a scowl. Her jokes about Peeta and I have become unbearable ever since she met him at Lily's birthday party. "For the millionth time, Johanna, there is nothing going on between us. Peeta is just a good friend."

She shrugs, the smirk on her face only widening. "I don't know, hooking up with him seems like the perfect revenge to me."

"What the hell are you talking about? Revenge for what?"

"For running off with The Hunk and abandoning you. For keeping their love child a secret. Admit it, now that the shock has worn off: you're not the slightest bit pissed at her?" I see an eyebrow raise behind her sunglasses challengingly.

"Her? You mean - Prim?! No, Johanna, I'm not. God. You're amazing." I shove past her and storm into the office with her following close behind. When I reach my cubicle, I drop my bags to the ground and fall heavily into my chair. Johanna stops beside me, perching on the edge of my desk. She pushes her sunglasses on top of her head, her spiky hair held back by the frames.

"I'm not-" I drop my voice, the quiet office slowly buzzing to life. "Prim was my sister. She made mistakes, but I forgive her for that. I loved her more than anything else in this world. Is that really so hard for you to understand? What loving someone unconditionally means?"

Johanna shrugs and looks away, her bravado melting away. She seems uncomfortable for once, as if I've hit a nerve. I'm confused by this power shift, but it ends quickly as she squares her shoulders and shakes her head. "Whatever, Brainless. If you want to deny your feelings for Blondie, that's your call."

I open my mouth to disagree, but she continues. "Speaking of hotties, I ran into your friend Gale at the pub last night."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We got to talking and stayed to have a few drinks. Does that bother you?"

"No," I reply, confused. "Why would it?"

"Well, I know you guys dated a while ago. I wouldn't want to take any liberties if you were still interested."

"Not at all. Gale and I are just friends. You're welcome to see him if you want to."

She hops down off the desk and adjusts her bag. "Good. Then we don't have to cancel our date this weekend. I'm looking forward to getting a look at his military maneuvers."

With a wink, she heads to her own desk, leaving me alone with a pile of work and a stomach in knots.


"What do you think about having your birthday dinner next weekend?" Peeta asks, his head buried in a cabinet as he puts the last of the clean dishes away.

"Next weekend?" I ask, watching him as I take a seat at the table. My birthday is only a few days away; it's hard to believe they've been here nearly a month. "Uh, sure. There's nothing going on. Except… you know ... Mother's day."

Peeta closes the cabinet door gently and joins me at the table. "Yeah. I know," he says with a sad smile. "I figured we could have dinner with your friends on Saturday, and then Sunday we can have that picnic you suggested. Just the three of us."

We've been invited to have a Mother's day brunch with Madge's family, or to have dinner with Haymitch, but we wanted to keep the day quiet and private. I suggested a visit to a local park where Prim and I used to play as children; there's a beautiful meadow there that's perfect for picnicking.

"That sounds good," I reply. "The weather has been so beautiful lately; I think it would be a nice day for Lily."

He nods slowly. "She'd like that. Luckily she's young enough that she doesn't know any better yet what day it is. I hate what it will always represent for her," he says sadly. "Her mother is gone. One of her grandmothers is gone, and she'll probably never know your mother."

"My mother's dead, too," I admit softly.

He looks at me, confusion evident on his face. "What?"

I'm not sure why I'm confessing this to him. I haven't spoken of it to anyone, not even Gale, but somehow, in this moment, I need to get it out.

"I mean, I assume she's dead by now." I swallow. "A couple of years ago, I got a letter from somewhere in New York. She was sick. Cancer. She'd entered hospice, and she was making her peace with the world. Before…" I pause, my voice shaking. Peeta's blue eyes study me, waiting patiently for me to continue. "She wanted to tell us she loved us. To apologize for all she'd done."

He shakes his head. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. Prim never mentioned it."

"Prim didn't know," I reply softly. "Funny," I chuckle ruefully, "Johanna thinks I should be mad at Prim for lying to me about Lily. But I know all about wanting to protect the ones you love, even when it means keeping secrets. Hell, Prim probably got that trait from me."

I study Peeta's face, waiting for the inevitable look of judgment, but I see only kindness and compassion.

"She didn't send an address, and I didn't try to track her down. After all we'd done to pull our lives together, to get back on our feet after she left us? I … I couldn't open those doors again. Prim was getting ready to start college, and it would have devastated her. I wouldn't do that to her." I shake my head. "Prim was only thirteen when she left. For four years, we had no mother to speak of. We'd already mourned her and moved on with our lives. Why should Prim have to go through that all over again?"

Peeta nods and reaches out to squeeze my hand. "I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you. To have to go through all of that alone."

I shrug, unable to respond. It was hard. A girl should not have to say goodbye to her mother once, let alone twice. A tear leaks from my eye but I brush it away. I won't let myself dwell on the past right now.

"You must miss her," he says.

"She wasn't exactly the model mother," I scoff.

"Yeah, but…" He pauses and looks away, his face turned toward the windows and the sunlight streaming through the sheers. Finally he turns back to me, a serious expression on his face. "Growing up, my mother was … abusive. She used to hit me and my brothers. And she had a cutting tongue, always telling us how stupid we were. Lazy. Worthless."

"Peeta," I breathe. He's still holding my hand, but I bring my other hand up to grasp his between my own. I can't understand anyone speaking so cruelly to a child, and the thought of someone hurting Peeta fills me with a strange combination of rage and sadness. I want to protect him, keep him safe, even though it was years ago.

"No matter what, though," he continues, "she was still my mother. The only one I had. And it still hurt when I lost her."

He gets up to make us some tea, leaving me to think about his words. Over the years, I've buried my feelings about my mother, but there is no point denying there were scars left behind. When she left, I lost two people: the real her - the flawed person she truly was - and the woman I always wished she would be. I had to accept that the mother of my fantasies, the one who would love and protect us, would never exist.


It's dark… so dark. I feel the walls around me; rough, biting. I'm in a cave of some kind. I think I hear the trickle of water nearby, but the darkness prevents me from finding it. I fumble, my fingers blindly scanning the walls, searching for any means of escape.

"Katniss? Katniss!"

"Prim!" Where is she? I can hear her calling for me. She needs me! There's a desperate edge to her voice that makes me claw at the walls. I must get to her.

"Katniss!" Her voice, it's getting louder. Finally, I see a bit of light washing on the floor ahead, and I realize it's coming from above me. I'm not in a cave, but a hole.

I look up to find the opening. The moon washes over a figure, leaning down. Blond hair, arms outstretched. But as I get closer, I see - no, it's not Prim. Mom? I back away slowly, the rough walls cutting into my back.

"Katniss! Please! Where are you?"

I don't answer, hoping she'll just disappear. I don't want her to know I'm here. Finally I see the arms retract, and I'm left in silence.

But only for a moment. The sound of scraping comes from up above and I see mounds of dirt begin to land at my feet. Slowly at first, but then more and more quickly. Rapidly the hole begins to fill around me, rocks and pebbles landing on my head.

"Mom!" Now I'm shouting for her, but no answers come. "Help me!"

I'm left with just the sounds of the earth piling around me, the muffled silence as it reaches my waist. My chest. My neck. I'm going to die here, buried beneath the earth, like my father before me. Oh, god, I can't breathe -

"Help me!" Oh, I can't breathe. I can't breathe… "Please!"

"Katniss!" I feel myself pulled into a strong pair of arms. "I've got you."

I'm sobbing, the tears cooling my flaming cheeks as I gasp for breath. I flail, struggling to free myself, even though I know this person has come to save me. Where am I? It's still so dark. "I can't see!"

A lamp clicks on, and I squint against it. From the dim light, I recognize my end table. I'm in my room. And the arms... "Peeta," I whimper against his chest. It was a dream. Just a dream.

But it wasn't a dream. My mother was calling for me, and I ignored her. And now she's gone. She's gone, my father is gone, Prim is gone. And I'm all alone.

"You're not alone, Katniss," Peeta murmurs. I realize I have been rambling through my tears, that Peeta's heard everything, and it just makes me cry harder. "Shhh. I'm here."

His attempts at comfort only serve to upset me further, and I break into choking sobs. He pulls me into his lap, cradling me much like he might hold Lily. I know I'm soaking his t-shirt, but he doesn't flinch, just strokes my hair and back and offers hushed words of support that I can barely make out over my weeping.

Eventually, I start to worry that my crying will wake Lily, so I begin to compose myself. I take deep cleansing breaths, trying to focus on the sensations in this moment. Peeta's warm hand slowly stroking my back; his clean, familiar scent where I've burrowed into his chest; the rhythmic beat of his heart beneath my ear; his deep voice, still whispering softly to me.

"It's alright, Katniss. I get nightmares, too. Remember?" I do remember. That night in Denver, when he woke me with his night terror; I made him tea, and sat with him until the wee hours of the morning. Holding his hand until he was ready to face the world again.

"It's okay to be sad," he continues. "But you aren't alone. I'll always be here for you. And Lily, too." Another whimper escapes and I sniff back the tears. I can feel his arms tighten around me. "What can I do, Katniss?" he asks softly. "How can I help?"

I can't shake the image of my mother reaching for me, or the feeling of the ground swallowing me whole. "Just talk to me," I beg. "Say anything. Tell me a story."

He pauses only a moment, then begins to tell me about a drawing he's working on. He explains the process of choosing the right colors, how he is trying to capture the look of sunlight on water. The words mean nothing to me, but I close my eyes and listen to his voice. There's a musical quality that soothes me. It reminds me of my father singing me to sleep as a child.

I can feel my body relaxing, a sense of peace filling my limbs. Eventually, Peeta stops talking, probably assuming I'm asleep. My heart races in terror as I'm shifted back into bed.

"Peeta, wait-" I ask, my voice still hoarse from crying. "Will you stay with me? Just a little longer? Until I fall asleep?"

"Sure," he replies, adjusting the covers around me and sliding on top of them next to me. I notice now that he's only wearing a pair of shorts with his t-shirt. While the days are warmer now, nights like tonight can still be cool, especially with the windows cracked.

"You must be cold. You can get under the covers with me if you want," I suggest.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Of course." I'm still trembling from my nightmare; I don't have time to think about anything else but his comfort… and maybe selfishly of myself. Having him under the blankets makes it easier for me to lay my head on his chest, where I can hear the strong and steady beating of his heart again.

I pull the blankets back and Peeta climbs in, reclining against the headboard. I lay back against him and he puts his arm around me, pulling me close. I feel safe, and protected, and so warm, it takes almost no time for me to fall back to sleep.


When I wake again, it's morning. I'm alone, but the other side of the bed is still warm.

From downstairs comes the sound of cooking; cabinet doors closing and pans being moved around.

I pull on my robe, suddenly feeling shy in the light of day. I'm embarrassed of my behavior last night; how pathetic I must have seemed. Peeta must think I'm so weak and needy.

I pad down the stairs and round the corner to the kitchen, watching for a moment as Peeta prepares something on the stove, talking to Lily with his back to us. She smiles at me from her booster seat, an investment Peeta made when they arrived.

"Kh-iss!" Lily squeals, her familiar attempt at my name causing Peeta to spin around.

"Hi," I say quietly.

"Good morning," he says, his bright smile easing any worries that things would be awkward. "Have a seat! I made some oatmeal and cut up some of that fruit from the farmer's market."

He pulls out a chair for me, and immediately goes to work serving me a dish of oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon. Sliced strawberries and blueberries are in a bowl on the table. From the pink stains on Lily's cheeks, I can tell she's already been enjoying them.

I take my seat and study the bowl he places in front of me. After serving his own, Peeta sits down beside me. I focus on stirring my food until he puts a hand on my arm to get my attention. "So... No more nightmares?" he asks, though he must already know the answer. I slept like a rock last night, better than I have in ages.

"No," I answer. "How about you?"

"No nightmares," he answers with a smile. "Although I have to apologize - I didn't mean to stay all night. Your bed is just really comfortable," he chuckles.

I put my spoon down. "No, Peeta, I should be the one to apologize. I never should have asked you to stay -"

"Stop," he interrupts me with a shake of his head. "I was glad to help. That's what you and I do for each other, right? We look out for one another. That's what friends are for."

I nod, remembering our promises when we parted in Denver. That we would always be there for one another.

"You've done the same for me. Haven't you?" he asks, softer. I nod again. "Okay then." He slides my bowl closer to me. "Now eat. Before it gets cold."

"Yes, sir," I chuckle. I pick up my spoon and dig in, blowing on the steam gently before taking a bite. It's sweet and creamy and helps to fill up the emptiness inside me.


"Sorry I'm late, Katniss!" Madge hangs her bag on the hook near the door and pulls me into a hug. "Stupid last minute budget meeting."

"Don't worry about it," I mumble into her blond curls. She pulls back and rifles through her bag, searching for something. "There's still some lamb stew on the stove. Peeta made way too much, of course."

"I might take you up on that. I grabbed a granola bar from the vending machine at work, but that didn't do much... ah!" She pulls a small silver box from her bag. "Happy birthday!"

"Madge, I didn't want any gifts!" I whine.

She just shakes her head and holds it out to me. "It's not really a gift, so stop. Just open it."

I remove the wrapping to find a framed photo of Madge and me in high school. We're sitting on a rock wall, oversized sunglasses framing her face and her blond curls held back by a bright pink headband. I'm in my usual high school outfit of jeans and a t-shirt, with my hair in its trademark braid.

"That's a great picture." I spin to find Peeta has joined us in the entryway.

"Thanks. It's hard to believe that was almost ten years ago. High school seems like just yesterday."

"Really? I thought that was from just yesterday. You two haven't changed at all!" Peeta says with a smile that's just a bit too wide.

"Very funny," I say, elbowing him playfully in the side.

He grabs at it dramatically and pretends to be wounded. "Wow, you hit pretty hard for such an old lady." I move to punch him again and he straightens up, waving both hands in surrender. "Okay, okay! I give!"

He swings an arm companionably around my shoulders, and mine goes naturally to his waist. "Don't listen to a word he says, Madge. He's full of it. And for the record, he's a year older than me."

"Seven months!" he says, exasperated.

"Whatever."

Madge just laughs, looking between the two of us. "I'll remember to stay on his good side," she chuckles.

I hear Lily start to whine from the living room where Haymitch had been playing with her. I pat Peeta gently on the chest and remove myself from his arm. "I'll get her. She got up so early this morning, she's probably ready for bed. Would you help Madge out? She was interested in a bowl of stew."

"Absolutely," he says, shifting his arm to her shoulders and leading her toward the kitchen. "Let's get you something to eat."


As I suspected, the early morning wakeup and the excitement of the day wore Lily out. I barely got through the first verse of her song before she was asleep.

I make my way back downstairs, stopping short when I hear Gale's voice coming from the living room. He sounds agitated, the beers he had since dinner adding just the slightest hint of a slur to his words.

"Katniss has always been so blind! But it's plain as day he's got feelings for her."

I try to figure out what he's referring to. Who has feelings for me?

"No shit," I hear Johanna reply. Ever since their date last week, they seem to be thick as thieves. They've been joined at the hip all night. "And she's clearly got them right back. I'm always calling her on it at work. She blushes like a schoolgirl when she talks about him. But she claims they're just friends."

My hands fly to my face, my cheeks flaming suddenly. Does she mean… Peeta?

Gale groans. "They're so touchy-feely – there's definitely more than friendship there. She's never been like that before with me. She's not a hugger. But suddenly she's hugging him two, three times a night? What the hell?"

I try to analyze my interaction with Peeta in the hallway earlier with Madge. Was I hugging him? Touching him more than I should have?

"And those looks he's always giving her," Gale continues. "He's practically mooning!"

"Oh, he's got it bad," Johanna agrees. "And as usual, Brainless doesn't see a thing. She keeps bringing up the fact that he's a widower. Like that makes the guy a monk or something."

I think back on all the times Johanna has made comments about something else going on with Peeta and me. I thought she was just teasing, trying to get a rise out of me like she always does. But now… now I'm not so sure.

"Oh, he's no monk!" Gale scoffs. "It's just weird if you ask me. I mean the guy is still wearing his wedding ring!"

"Yeah, but he's got it on the wrong hand. Did you notice? After that first week, he moved it to his right hand instead."

He did? I guess he did remove it while cooking this morning, but I didn't pay attention to what hand he put it back on.

Apparently, there are a lot of things I haven't been paying attention to.

I can't listen anymore. I carefully back away and head to the bathroom, locking myself in and burying my head in my hands. My stomach flips in shame as I think of the other night, when he comforted me after my nightmare. How I begged him to share my bed. What was I thinking? How could I be so stupid?

I don't for a minute believe that Peeta has feelings for me. No matter what Johanna says, I know he's just extremely kind and warm. Didn't he treat Madge the same as he treated me tonight, putting his arm around her shoulders just as he did mine?

No. The problem isn't with Peeta. It's with me. Somehow I've let my guard down, let go of my inhibitions and allowed myself to cross a line. It wasn't intentional, but my behavior could be construed as flirting. And in doing so, I've opened both Peeta and I up to terrible gossip and rumors.

Our reputations are at stake, but worse - what have I done to Lily? What would she think if she were older? What kind of woman makes a play for her sister's husband?

I have to fix this.

I take a deep breath and wash my face, gathering my strength to face my friends again. From here on, I make a vow not to make this situation any worse than it is. I will get through tonight, and tomorrow I'll take care of this. Peeta and Lily are my family now, and I won't let anyone hurt them – including me.


"Wow. This place is beautiful," Peeta says as he closes the car door. He moves to the back seat to unbuckle Lily and grab the picnic basket he packed this morning. "You weren't exaggerating."

He carries Lily the short distance to the green and puts her down to explore. I watch as she takes a few tentative steps before plopping down onto her bottom and crawling across the lush grass. After exploring a bit, she sits down and pets at the fuzzy top of a dandelion, giggling as it comes apart beneath her fingers.

I remember another dandelion, the one I saw the day Peeta told me he was coming to visit. It had filled me with so much hope, so much happiness at the thought of seeing them both again. But this time, watching Lily laugh and play, I'm only reminded of what I'm going to lose. What I have to give up, for their sake.

"…Katniss?"

"Mmm?" I pull my gaze from Lily to find another pair of blue eyes watching me carefully.

"You're a million miles away," Peeta says with a small smile. "I thought we could let Lily play while we eat?" I realize he's already spread out a quilt and unpacked a feast. Fresh bread, fruit and cheese, plus a large thermos beside two mugs and spoons.

"Sure." We might as well eat and enjoy the day as much as possible before we talk. I figure it will be easier to have this conversation with something in my stomach.

He serves me up a mug of yesterday's stew with a chunk of bread for dipping. We eat together peacefully, taking turns jumping up to grab Lily when her wandering takes her too far from us.

We don't dwell on the pain that Mother's Day brings both of us. Instead, we share stories from our childhoods that make us smile; keeping our mothers on the fringes of memories, rather than dwelling on their faults. When the subject turns to Prim, we keep the conversation light, remembering happier times. It almost feels like we're practicing. These are the stories we'll tell Lily someday, so she can come to know and love her mother as we both did.

Peeta serves himself another helping of stew, but my stomach is tight with nerves and I can't eat another bite. Lily eventually wears herself out and falls asleep on the edge of the quilt, where Peeta drapes a blanket across her back. He packs the rest of the food back into the basket and flops back onto the quilt with a contented sigh.

"Wow. Katniss, look at those clouds," he comments.

I lean my head back and glance up quickly. "Mmm," I mumble in agreement, more interested in checking the time on my phone.

"No, really look at them," he insists with a laugh, tugging on my arm until I lay down beside him.

I stare up at the sky. It's a brilliant blue today in a shade that reminds me of Peeta's eyes. The clouds look like you could reach out and touch them. Some are large white puffs floating across the heavens in clusters, others are so wispy and loose they melt off into nothingness.

"Did you ever look for shapes in the clouds?" he asks. I glance to my left where Peeta's curls are fanned out on the blanket. "My brothers and I, we used to lie out in our backyard and find all kinds of creatures in the sky. Our mother always said it was a silly waste of time, but we loved it." He points up to our right. "Like there, that looks like a rabbit about to leap across a log." His arm moves again, a little lower. "Or there – can't you see a pirate ship with its flags waving?"

He turns to look at me, a peaceful smile on his face. "Did you and Prim ever do that? Let your imaginations go wild when you looked at the sky?"

"Sometimes," I reply, but that's only partly the truth. We did look at the clouds with our father occasionally when we were small, but I was never good at it. Of the two of us, Prim was the dreamer. She was the one who could see designs and patterns, imagine castles and unicorns floating above us. I was the practical one. I looked at clouds and saw a different kind of beauty: temporary moments of shade from the scorching sun, or impending rain storms that would help the plants to grow.

I can see now that Peeta and Prim are kindred spirits in that way. They could both dream, open up their minds to imagine a world of possibilities, where anything can happen. They fit together. Me, I see only what's real, and right in front of me.

Peeta lets out a sigh beside me. His eyes are closed, his hands folded across his chest. "This is such a perfect day. I wish I could just freeze this moment and live in it forever."

The tone of his voice fills me with guilt. I can't allow this to go on. I sit up quickly, my heart in my throat.

Peeta squints up at me, one hand shading his eyes as the other drifts to my back. "Are you okay, Katniss?"

"Peeta…" I can't look at him. I focus on a cluster of dandelions in the meadow.

"Hmm?" I feel him sit up beside me, his legs stretched out with his knees bent slightly. "Katniss, if something is bothering you, you know you can talk to me about it, right?"

He needs to stop being so kind to me. It's only making this harder.

"Peeta," I begin again. "I was just… wondering…" I fumble for my words. "When were you… What your plans were…" He's watching me, waiting so patiently. Finally I just spit it out. "For going home."

His brows raise, a series of emotions flashing across his face – surprise, confusion, embarrassment, shame. He looks away from me, out toward the meadow. His voice is quiet, shaky. "Oh. I – I guess I didn't really figure that out yet." Finally he meets my eyes, a hint of pink on his cheeks; I can't tell if it's from the sun or something else. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstay my welcome, Katniss. I didn't realize –"

"No, no!" I need to do this, but I can't let him think I didn't want him to come. That I didn't love having him and Lily here with me. "It's not that, Peeta. I was just thinking you should probably make plans soon. Flights will get expensive if you wait too long. And I'm sure Finnick and Annie miss you. And Mags."

With a skeptical squint of his eyes, he nods slightly. "You're probably right."

"I just know you'll want to get back home again before Lily forgets about it." I'm rambling, but I need to make him understand. "Besides, you can't stay with me forever. You wouldn't want people to start talking, right?" I chuckle awkwardly, but I can tell I've given away too much by the way his face floods with awareness.

He sits up straighter and shakes his head. "Of course. Right." He rubs a hand through his curls before removing the blanket from Lily to start rousing her. "You're right. I didn't even think of that." Lily fusses, so he pulls her into his lap with a kiss. "I didn't even think of that," he repeats softly to himself.

Lily squirms again and he stands and shifts her to his hip. "We should probably pack up and head back to the house. She could use a real nap. And I should probably start looking for flights this afternoon."

"No!" I start to panic at the thought of him leaving angry, or hurting his feelings. "Peeta, I didn't mean today! I was just… talking… I…"

"No, you were right, Katniss. I was starting to let myself get too comfortable. Using this visit to avoid facing everything. It's easy to forget the rest of the world out here with you." He gives me sheepish smile. "But it's time I start to face reality again. I need to do the responsible thing."

I nod and begin to help him pack up. Responsible. That's the word for it. Making difficult choices that because they're the right thing to do. This distance, it's what's best for Lily and Peeta.

No matter how much it might hurt.