Chapter Nine
Moving the next carton of discs, Jack sighed. When Tosh had told him there would be hundreds of discs he had not actually considered a number. It's like when some says one million you know it's a large amount but it's so big it's not actually connected to anything in particular except, it meant a lot.
When Tosh said hundreds it meant hundreds, not discs, but boxes of discs, each one security sealed coded and listed. Fortunately for them the arrival of the digital archives from Torchwood had coincided with another lull in rift activity. Tosh has busied herself with the more difficult task of downloading the information from the converted digital archives. This left the rest of them downloading the remainder in shifts. He looked at his watch: ten AM. He needed to keep an eye on the time because he was meeting Ianto for lunch today instead of Sunday. Sunday was Mica's fourth birthday and there was a party planned for her and a giggle of little friends at Macdonald's and Ianto did not want to miss it. Jack broke the seal on the carton and viewed the discs and pulled one out.
The task was seriously monotonous. It was break the seal on the box, check the codes against the list, and count the number of discs in each box. Check the disc, load it onto the drive, check the contents, download to correct file. It was only the thought he was meeting Ianto for lunch that had kept him going this morning. He smiled to himself; Ianto was like his one rock of normality, now he knew what all the fuss was about. He sighed wishing it was more and he caught himself wondering what it would be like to live with Ianto as couple, and he found his thoughts wandering as he contemplated what would it be like to go home to someone at the end of each day and felt a warm glow.
He checked the label on the box, and checked the code against the print out. It would help if the boxes were in some kind of order, but they were as disorganized at the contents. Another thing he couldn't fathom was why they wanted to keep all this trivia because the vast majority of it was low level email communications between departments. 99% of it was a vast amount of the minutiae that made up the day to day running that you might expect to find in any large organization. He picked up a disc, loaded into the drive, and threw his eyes down the contents. He stopped for a moment and saw the content of this disc was slightly different than any of the others so far. Instead of emails this looked like a report, or series of reports. Clicking the mouse he quickly scanned the contents and then began the download. A name flashed by and he scrolled back to check he had seen the name correctly. Clicking on the name, he began to read.
His back against the wall, Jack had his arms around his legs, his head on his knees. He felt physically sick; it was this hollow feeling that was the worst of it. His watched beeped and he turned off the alarm, in exactly forty five minutes he had to sit down and have lunch with Ianto. What was he going to do? One thing was sure it meant he needed to put aside what he wanted and for once in his long life he was grateful he had not followed through on his feelings.
Ianto's needs were what counted here, but it hurt and he cursed himself that he had allowed for one moment the vision that it might be possible to have someone in his life. 'Well, more fool you for letting someone in,' he told himself. "Goddamnit", he burst out. Why had he let this go so far? He was an 'idiot.' He felt a tear run down his face and stood up. Ianto, deserved better and if all he could be was a good friend that's what he would be, he would be the best friend the man had ever had, anything to be in the man's life. 'But could he stand back and watch Ianto be with someone else? He asked himself as he took a deep breath and he felt himself come undone. He couldn't do it which meant he was left with only one choice, and he felt desolate. He wiped his face dry as his Bluetooth rang in his ear.
"Jack, there's woman up here in the tourist office screaming her lungs out demanding to speak to you," Gwen told him.
"Not now Gwen," he snarled at her sharply.
"It's Rihanna, Ianto's sister and she says she wants to speak to you about him, she's in a right state," Gwen told him.
He cursed under his breath as he reeled trying to brace himself for what he had to do next.
"No way Gwen," he said then switched off his phone and with slow steps he walked back to his office. Standing with his arms crossed in front of his desk he contemplated his next move. Maybe he could just not turn up for lunch and then just disappear off the radar and he felt his gut twist. If nothing else Ianto deserved a clean break. He might not be able to tell him how much he knew or meant to him or justify this was in his own best interests, but he could at least tell the man to his face. He looked up to see Gwen in front of him.
"You look terrible. You okay?" Gwen queried then continued before he could reply. "She's threatened if you don't see her she is going out on to Plass and call you out publically," Gwen told him as he glared at her.
"You tell her she can go to hell," he started to say then realized Ianto was most likely be at the restaurant nearby, and this was going to be difficult enough without having to witness his sister having a major rant in public, so without another word he made his way to the tourist office.
"You!" Rihanna screamed as soon as he came through the door. "I know all about you," she snarled at him as Jack took a step back instinctively and found himself backed up against the door.
"You leave my brother alone," she told him, pushing her face into his as he tried to back away but she had him cornered.
"I know what you're up to. You've been seen, meeting him in his book shop, having lunches, breakfasts, going on long walks," she bellowed at him.
"I care for Ianto and what he does is none of your business," Jack struggled to reply as he bristled at her tone; he might be about to end things with Ianto but that didn't mean her brother didn't have a life.
"So you care for him do you?" she snarled "Well let me tell you, the only thing he ever wanted, wants is a family, children; can you give him that? Can You? Can you? "She pointed a finger at his chest. "Can you give him that Captain- Jack- Harkness?" she spat out.
Glancing at Gwen he took a breath to reply but Rihanna was unstoppable.
"I know what you're up to. My brother doesn't need leading astray into some perverted lifestyle," she narrowed her eyes
"Excuse me!" Gwen interjected speaking for the first time as Rihanna pointed at Jack who had gone pale. "Are you suggesting that, what are you suggesting, because if you're saying what I think you're saying you are you are well out of order?"
"You work for him, you know he has peculiar tastes, my brother is a normal man, he was getting married, setting up to start his own family, he needs direction, in the right way, " she declared her arms now crossed.
"And you know the right way is that it?" Gwen told her sarcastically.
"Yes I do," Rihanna said drawing her self -up. "There are such things as right and wrong" she told them. "I am here to guide him to the right way," she pointed to herself.
"Guide him by harassing him to go to church?" Jack interjected." Trying to make him a mirror of you?"
"Yes, I have been praying for him, we are his family and we know what's best for him," she emphasized. "Faggot," she spat out as both Jack and Gwen took a sharp inwards breath at the insult. "You're are just taking advantage of his vulnerability and trying to lead him into a lifestyle choice that goes against every one of God's laws, " she said her face red with fury as Jack's watch alarm began to beep.
"I think I've heard enough," Gwen told her fury on every line of her face as she moved to open the door that led to the Plass. "You had better leave I'll you'll have me to deal with," she told her.
Rihanna lifted her finger. "You leave him alone," she turned on her heel and left, slamming the door.
Gwen looked at horror at Jack who had gone completely pale,"you okay?" she asked him.
"No," he replied. "I am a long way from being okay." His watch beeped again and he let out a breath and headed for the door.
As the door closed he closed his eyes and tried to recover from Rihanna's histrionics. He walked across to the railings and turned so his back was to the sea. Over to the right he could see Ianto waiting for him a coffee in front of him and he closed his eyes and swallowed down the ache he felt and with slow steps he walked towards the table.
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As he approached Ianto looked up at him and pulled out the chair opposite. Sitting, Jack picked up a menu.
"I ordered for you," Ianto said taking the menu from him. He saw Jack appeared to be folded in on himself and he felt waves of sadness and loss.
"Jack what's happened?" Ianto asked him as he saw the distressed look on Jack's face.
"How, how are you Ianto?" Jack asked not sure how he should act
Laying down the menu Ianto stared at Jack for a long moment. "You know don't you?" he said as Jack remained silent, not able to return his gaze.
"How do…?" Jack asked looking up as Ianto interrupted him.
"How do I know? It's in the tone of your voice and the look on your face," Ianto told him exasperation lacing his words as he folded his paper.
"I'm so sorry," Jack said quietly feeling like a traitor.
'Do you know what was so nice Jack? It was being able to sit and have a conversation with someone who didn't know," Ianto took a deep breath then let it out nosily. "I could have a conversation with someone who wasn't constantly watching every word they said," his voice waivered with emotion. "Better not talk about families, or Christmas or children, he might start crying, get all emotional or kill himself." He looked at Jack who was staring at his feet. "We had this nice friendship, relationship thing going and I could be myself for the first time since….have you any idea how incredibly special that was for me? You were yourself, and now you've got the look," Ianto told him.
'The look," Jack repeated confused as he looked up at him as he continued to struggle with his own emotions.
"The 'oh my god he's so fragile, if I- say- the- wrong- thing, he- will- break' look," Ianto stated categorically.
"Ianto we need to talk, I am not sure if this is the right place," Jack said hesitantly with a horrible sinking sensation that seemed to have affected his whole being.
"If you have something to say Jack it better be now, best to get it over with," Ianto told him angrily suspecting he knew where this was going.
"I've been thinking that you and I should stop meeting," Jack said as he fought to lift his gaze and look Ianto in the eye, but knew if he did he wouldn't be able to continue.
"Yeah that's right Jack I'm damaged goods, better run," Ianto told him as looked at a Jack who looked up as he felt himself rocked as Ianto's pain crashed into him.
"That's not what I meant, Ianto never, you mean too much to, that's not why, look…" Jack stammered out distressed as he felt himself losing control. "You deserve to be happy, you deserve to get on with your life, and your sister is right." he spluttered as he looked at Ianto.
"My sister, so you've been talking to her have you," Ianto said in disgust as he stood up and drained his coffee in one gulp, "What about what I want Jack , have you stopped and thought about what I want in all this? Am I somehow invisible?" he said forcefully as he now turned and walked away towards his parked car as he fumbled for his keys.
Pushing his chair back Jack raced after him. He reached him just as Ianto paused to locate his keys and Jack spun him around, "No, you are not invisible," he exclaimed as Ianto swatted his hand away his face creased in distress.
"Then why? Why is everyone around me including you so determined to think for me?" Ianto demanded. "For months I've done what everyone else has wanted; come back to Cardiff, live with your sister. I didn't even get to open the type of business I wanted. "He pointed at his chest." I wanted to open a coffee shop; instead I have to open a book shop because it's less stressful. It's been months of do this, do that, and talk, endless bloody talk, how am I doing, how am I feeling, and not one of them, including you has asked me what I WANT ! " he shouted at him as he stepped around Jack and almost ran to his car.
"So what do you want?" Jack asked him bewildered as he chased after Ianto who was unlocking his car door.
"What do I want, Jack honestly truthfully?" he continued as he got into his car and put the key in the ignition as he saw Jack nod.
"I want you!" he shouted out as he slammed the door turned the ignition and backed out.
