*****

The letter burnt a hole in his pocket but Gibbs couldn't bring himself to open it until Kelly was sleeping fitfully in her room. He closed his daughter's bedroom door behind him, knowing the memory of his daughter crying herself to sleep would stay with him for a long time. He made his way to the basement but instead of busying himself with his tools and his boat, he poured himself a stiff drink and sat at the stool next to his work bench – Abby's stool, his mind provided – and opened the envelope with fingers that trembled.

At first, he couldn't read the actual words. All he could see was her handwriting, all he could remember were the little notes she'd given him over the years – platonic notes of friendship, teasing notes to brighten his day, less-platonic notes slipped between the pages of her reports or scattered around his house after their relationship had changed.

It took all of one glass and almost all of another to get himself to concentrate on what she'd actually written.

# Dear Gibbs – my silver-haired fox,

If you're reading this, then you've found Shannon or vice-versa. I'm glad.

I don't want you to think I'm some kind of saint or saviour for doing this; I'm not. I'm just being selfish. I know if it came down to a choice between me or Shannon, she would always win. I don't want to put you in that position in the first place because I know what a good man you are and I know you'd suffer whatever the decision you made so I'm making it for you. You have the love of your life back, Gibbs. Make the most of your life together and please be happy. You do deserve it no matter what you think.

I chose to forget so there's no chance I can put your happiness, or Kelly or Shannon, at risk. I also chose to forget because I thought it'd be the easier option than having to live the rest of my life knowing you're out there but can't be part of my life in the way I want you to be. Selfish, like I said. I'm doing this to stop myself from hurting, Gibbs, so please don't feel bad about it.

Thank you for your friendship and love, for your patience and faith in me. It's meant so much to me that I don't know how exactly to put it into words.

I've got to go now, get this started before I change my mind.

Be happy, please.

All my love, for always,

Abs. #

Tears slipped unchecked down his cheeks, tears he wasn't even aware he was crying until his daughter wrapped her arms around him. He covered her hands with one of his own, gripping the letter with the other. He made no sound, just held on as tightly as he was being held and willed the pain away.

*****

A few weeks later, Gibbs let Kelly talk him into going with her to the diner. He made it clear to her that they weren't going to engage Abby in conversation but the change to be able to see her in something other than his dreams and memories was too much of an opportunity to miss.

They sat at a booth at the back and watched her from afar, torn between disappointment and relief that she wasn't their assigned waitress. Gibbs studied her closely, only half-paying attention to Kelly's chattering about her plans for the future, though his daughter understood and smiled at him to show as much whenever he looked at her in apology.

Abby smiled at something one of her customers said to her but Gibbs noticed it wasn't the same smile usually gave him. It wasn't as wide, didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes that, even without as much eyeliner or eye make-up as usual, could still cause his breath to catch in his throat from across a crowded room.

She walked around the diner with an easy grace he recognised, her hips swaying gently even though he was sure she wasn't aware of it. She stopped to talk to someone else, a regular, and while she appeared outwardly to be relaxed and calm, he could tell just by looking at the line of her back and shoulders that inwardly she wanted to be somewhere else.

"She looks sad," Kelly observed, keeping her voice quiet as she snuggled into his side. "Do you think she's maybe starting to remember?"

"Maybe." He watched her shoulders slump as she escaped from yet another customer who wanted to chat, the smile slipping from her face when she thought no one was paying her any attention. She did look sad, he realised, sad and tired. Not at all like the Abby he knew and loved. "You ready to go?" He asked Kelly, not wanting to stay and risk being seen, not wanting to stay and risk his old memories of Abby be overshadowed by the sense of loss he felt looking at her now.

Kelly hesitated. She bit her bottom lip and shook her head when he looked at her. "Can I stay a little longer?" She gave him a smile when he arched an eyebrow, her crossed fingers slipping out of sight underneath the table. "I won't talk to her, promise. I just want to hang out for a bit. There's a nice atmosphere here..."

Her father gave her a long look but relented with a sigh, passing her the keys to his car as he slid out of the booth. "Don't stay out too late," he warned, his gaze softening when he looked down at her. His daughter. "Drive safe, Kels."

"I will, Dad." She tilted her face to accept the kiss he placed on her cheek, smiling and waving at him when he glanced back to look at her from the doorway of the diner.

Her father gone, Kelly let her smile slip as a determined expression took its place. She scanned the diner for Abby, catching a glimpse of the black-haired woman disappearing behind the swinging kitchen door and pushed herself out of the booth so she could follow.

*****

Her head was aching but nowhere near as much as her heart.

Abby had noticed them first come into the diner and she'd begged with Brittany to switch tables so she wouldn't have to serve them. She couldn't look at them, look at Gibbs, and trust herself not to say or do something that would give her away. She couldn't serve them and pretend she didn't remember how it felt to sleep curled up against him, how his hands felt against her skin or his lips felt against hers.

Her memories were returning slowly but surely and the more they did, the more it hurt. She couldn't sleep at night for remembering, couldn't close her eyes without worrying that she'd dream about one of the unpleasant moments from her past or, arguably worse, dreaming about spending the night with Gibbs only to wake up reaching for him, heartbroken all over again when she remembered why he wasn't there.

She stayed as far away from their booth as possible, aware Gibbs was watching her, feeling the heat of his gaze burn her skin even through the uniform shirt she wore. She waited until they were distracted in conversation before walking passed them, sticking to the less brightly lit areas of the diner until she saw him get up and leave.

When he was gone, she was alarmed to find tears stinging her eyes and made a quick escape through to the kitchen, telling a concerned Maria she was fine even as she wiped tears from her cheeks. Before Maria could push her, the doors swung open again and they both looked up.

Kelly Gibbs stood and stared at her, her blue eyes wide with undisguised hope. "You remember me, don't you?" She asked in a whisper. "You know who I am."

Abby found herself nodding before she'd consciously decided to confirm Kelly's belief and was quickly engulfed in a fierce hug by the young woman she was convinced hated her. "Kelly..."

"You've got to come back," Kelly mumbled, clinging to Abby stubbornly. "Please say you'll come back."

Her arms went around Kelly easily but Abby couldn't bring herself to make the promise Kelly wanted. Instead, she kept her silence and patted the young woman on the back awkwardly.

After a while, Kelly noticed her silence and drew back, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "You have to come back, Abby. My Dad needs you to."

"No, he doesn't." Abby took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest when she'd put some distance between them. "You guys have the chance to have the life you've both always dreamt about. I can't stand in the way of that, Kelly."

"You're not," Kelly told her insistently. "If you're worried about my mom, you don't need to be. She lied to you. She doesn't want to be my mom anymore and she doesn't want to get back with my dad. She's got a new husband, new kids... Please, Abby. We both want you to come back. I'm sorry I was such a cow and that I upset you and tried to screw things up. I was being selfish. I just wanted to keep my dad to myself and I didn't stop to think what was best for him or you or for me, really, in the long-run."

"Take a breath," Abby advised, a glimmer of a smile on her face. She'd never imagined any child of Gibbs' could rival her in the babbling stakes but Kelly seemed to be doing a good job. With a little more time and a few hints and tips... She shook herself mentally; she wouldn't be spending 'a little more time' with Kelly. She couldn't. "I don't know what your Mom's told you but she loves you. She and I both agreed this was the best way to protect you both and I can't go back on that. Your father... It would kill him to lose you again. Even if it doesn't work out between him and your mom, he loves you too much to survive losing you again."

The shimmer of Kelly's eyes startled her. The younger woman took a step forward, mouth open as if to protest, but the sound of screams and cries cut her off before she could even begin. Maria bustled passed them, out into the main cafe, just in time to hear an angry shout.

"I want Abby Sciuto and I want her now. Anyone who tries to leave before I have her dies."

*****