Jets at Giants

August 24, 2013 7:00 pm

"To celebrate the annual New York Jets versus the New York Giants preseason football game. Prim and I decided to wear our jerseys."

"Katniss, I have a question. Why do two New York teams play in the same stadium in New Jersey."

"Good question Prim. You would have to ask the elected officials for an answer to that."

"You mean they screwed up?"

"You said it, not me. Now, as I've told you before, my jersey is an oversized ..."

"Not any more."

"Shut up Prim. Like I was saying, mine is an oversized New York Jets jersey that barely covers my butt."

"And mine is a form-fitting one that accentuates my slim body."

"Yeah, you still have the body of a twelve year old boy."

"I'm sorry Katniss. What did you say?"

"Not important Prim and tonight is not a fashion show. We all know that I got mine from a New York Jet linebacker that I dated when Peeta and I were on a 'break.'"

"He only played for two years and then he blew out his knee!"

"Thank you Peeta for that info."

"No problem!"

"But tonight we are going to tell the story of how Prim got her jersey."

"Oh no you're not!"

"Yup! It's about time the world learned the truth. So relax."

"RORY! GET ME A MARTINI!"

"Okay honey!"

"MAKE IT A DOUBLE!"

"Anything for you!"

"NO! A TRIPLE!"

"Okay!"


"Dad! It's hot up here!"

"I know Katniss. But we have to catch it."

"Why? It got in, it'll find its way out."

"Your mother couldn't sleep last night with that thing scurrying around. If she doesn't get some sleep our lives are going to be hell."

Oh my God dad was right. When my mother is tired she is hell to live with. "Prim is smaller. Send her up here."

"Did you just hear yourself?" He starts laughing. "Prim crawling around that musty attic." I roll over and join him with a good laugh.

"You're right, sorry." I crawl in further. Our attic is so full of crap you can barely move around. And there it is. Those two tremendous eyes staring at me. And it's tiny. Maybe two or three inches long. I can't tell what it's wingspan is. It looks frightened. Poor thing. If I can shoo it over I might have a chance.

"Come here baby. Don't be afraid. That's right, walk over here." It's working. She's walking towards the trap.

The trap is a box with a stick and a string. I feel like Elmer Fudd trying to catch Bugs Bunny. "Go ahead baby. One more step. Now..."

"YOU GET IT YET?" And there it goes. Deeper into the attic. Shit!

"No dad. Not yet." For a man who is quiet as a mouse in the woods he is a rampaging rhino in the house. Oh good. It didn't go too far. "Come here baby. Over here." It wanders over to the bird seed I put down. It must be famished by now. "Come on. Only six inches to go." As soon as it's at the seed I'll pull the string. Let's hope I have better luck than Wile E. Coyote. He, he, he, that stupid coyote. Okay Kat, get back into the game. Pull! "Got her!"

"Great going Kat. You get a bonus this month." Yum! Kit-Kat candy bars.

"A whole bag?"

"Just for you!"


"What is it?" My mom stares at it in the bird-cage that used to hold our pet canary.

"It's a sugar glider mom."

"How do you know?" She asks.

"They have a picture of one in the encyclopedia." I show my mom the book. "They are from Australia but they are popular pets in the United States."

"What do they eat?" She asks.

"Mealworms and insects."

Prim scrunches her nose. "EWE! That's disgusting!"

"We're not asking you to eat the stuff Prim. They might sell food for them at the pet store. I'll go by later."

"Ask them if they know who owns it. I can't imagine it traveled too far." My dad says.

"I'll go after I take a shower. If Prim didn't use all the hot water."

Prim sticks her tongue out at me. "No I didn't use all the hot water." Says Prim who's wrapped in a giant bath towel. "He is cute. Can we keep him dad?"

"We'll see if anybody claims him."

"Prim don't open the cage. We don't want her to escape."

"Why do you call him her?"

"It doesn't matter. Don't open the cage Prim!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH! Get it off me!" As soon as Prim opened the cage it jumps on her hand, runs up her arm and gets tangled in her hair.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Prim is spinning around like a crazy girl.

"Stand still and I'll get it!" She spins faster and is now jumping up and down.

"AHHHHHH!" She runs through the door and to our lawn. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

"PRIM STAND STILL!" I run to her but she takes off down the street screaming.

"GET IT OFF!" I take off after her.

"GET IT OFF!" I try to catch her, but she is unusually fast today. Maybe it's because the towel that she had wrapped around her comes flying off.

"SHIT PRIM STOP! YOU'RE NAKED!" I pick up the towel and continue running after my skinny little sister in her birthday suit. My father told me that in the seventies they called this streaking. "PRIMMMMM!"

Oh crap there goes Peeta. And I look like shit. Fuck!

"Hey Prim." Delly says.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Hi Prim." Peeta says.

"AHHHHHHHHH!

"Delly, why was Prim running down the street naked?"

"Who knows why Peeta. It's Prim."

"Hi Katniss."

"Hi Delly."

"Hi Katniss."

"Hi Peeta." Damn. I could have talked to Peeta Mellark, and I look like shit while I chase my naked hysterical twelve-year-old little sister. "FUCK!" She has gained so much speed I can't catch her. So I stop to catch my breath. But something happens. She stops. She's talking to someone, but I can't make out who.

"Hi Prim."

"Hi Rory." She doesn't even cover herself up. She just twists her hair around her finger.

"What's wrong with your hair? It's moving!"

"It's a sugar glider. It's from Australia. It got stuck in my hair."

"I'll get it out. I saw one in the pet store. They're cute." He untangles her hair. "Got it. I'll put it in the paper bag."

"Don't smother him."

"I'll be careful. Here, put my Giants jersey on." He takes his jersey off and slips it over her head. "It's big but it covers you."

"Thank you Rory. Walk me home."

"Yeah." They start to walk back when a police car rolls up behind them. One of Panem's finest gets out.

"Young lady. Can you tell me why you were running down twelfth street without any cloths on?"

"Wellofficermyfatherheardsomethingintheatticandsen tmysisteruptheretofinditshefinallytrappeditandbrou ghtitdownstairsitwasasugarglidertheyputitinacagean dIopenedthedoortopetitanditranoutofthecageandupmya rmandintomyhairIranoutofthedoorscreamingIranuntilR orygotitoutandgavemehisjersey." The officer just stared in disbelief.

"What did you say?" He asked.

"Wellofficermyfatherheardsomethingintheattic..."

"Never mind. I'll drive you home." He puts them in the back seat and they drive right past me. I can see her petting the sugar glider in the back seat. They didn't even notice me. I start my trek home.

"Hey Delly. Prim and Rory are in the police car. I wonder why."

"Peeta, it's Prim."

"I guess you're right Delly. It's Prim."

When I get home Prim and Rory is sitting on the porch bench with the sugar glider in its cage.


"So Prim that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"You're right. It was sweet. And Rory took the sugar glider home. Mom didn't want anything that ate mealworms in the house."

"I wonder what happened to it. I never heard."

"I dunno," Prim shrugs.


"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

"POSY! STAND STILL AND I'LL GET IT!"

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"