"Rebecca, please, let me explain."
"Fuck you."
"But he needs to know –"
Rebecca turned the full brunt of her anger in Gabrielle's direction. "He needs to know what? Why you cheated on him? Fuck you." She started to walk off.
Gabrielle had gotten a call from Rebecca two days after Jack had walked out that she was coming by the ED to pick up the things Jack had left at her house – a few changes of clothes, books – it was amazing what you accumulated over a year. She had hoped it would be an opportunity to talk to the younger woman but Rebecca had been full of venom. Given she was only twenty, there was a lot of loyalty and dignity in her, loyalty and dignity Gabrielle knew she hadn't possessed that night Jack had walked in on them.
Jack. She couldn't believe she had let Steve kiss her, take her clothes off, have sex with her… but then, she was to blame as well. They had both been too out of it to know what they were doing… and she should have known what she was doing, because she had been mature enough and committed enough to one person to agree to marry them.
"Bec, please, I need to explain –"
"You come near either of us again and I will break your neck, do you understand that you filthy whore!" She screamed the last three words loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Bec, you need to go," Charlotte said, placing a reassuring hand on Rebecca's arm.
"Don't worry, I don't want to be breathing the same air as that whore any longer than I have to," Rebecca said. Then her face softened. "I'm sorry, Char, I didn't meant to take it out on you. I want to do the best by him… maybe you can come around for dinner? He's pretty upset." Charlotte understood that pretty upset included drinking something chronic and having a new girl over every night. Rebecca was glad she had recently moved into her own apartment with a spare room (actually, Jack paid the extra rent so he could have somewhere to crash when he came over and they inevitably drank too much), her father wouldn't have put up with it.
"I understand. Do you know if he's using condoms?" It was a question that had to be asked.
"Yeah. I confronted him about it – it's one of those things that's hardwired into his brain, thank god." If Jack was going to engage in destructive behaviour, at least he was being careful about it. She laughed bitterly and had to explain to Charlotte the irony of destructive behaviour being careful.
Rebecca put down the box so she could hug Jack. "You have been an awesome friend," she said.
"It's only what he's been to me."
When Rebecca left, Charlotte glared at Gabrielle. "Not. A. Word. I don't care why you did it. I only care that my best friend is now drinking too much and sleeping around after the people who care about him spent a year getting him over that issue. And we thought you were one of us."
Charlotte had already known about Gabrielle and Jack, she had called Charlotte at home to inform her. Charlotte had had the good grace not to mention anything until now but since Rebecca had come in and made it public knowledge when Gabrielle had tried to talk to her, it didn't matter anymore. Gabrielle and Jack's relationship had gone up in flames after he'd walked in on her and Steve having sex. The ED was completely silent; the gossip would come later.
When Gabrielle fled to her office, Charlotte collapsed onto the front desk with laughter so hysterical that Zoe was worried about her. "Nothing," she said. "Just that Gabrielle was stupid enough to OK Steve working here. I bet everyone's regretting that decision now. Especially Frank."
"Especially Gabrielle," Zoe added, knowing what it felt like to be driven to infidelity.
"I heard about you and Gabrielle. I'm so sorry."
Jack smiled ruefully. It had been nice of Rachel to track him to the surgeon's lounge, it was more than most of his so-called friends in the ED had managed. There were Dan and Erica, of course. And Charlotte had come through like the big sister he'd come to think of her as. And even Frank had managed to contrive a meeting in the hall. But the rank and file…
Not that he really blamed them. He didn't make friends easily and something like this – he was in a worse position reputation-wise than he had been before he'd started dating her. Now he was a cuckold.
Steve Taylor at least had the good sense to avoid him like the plague. Clever man. Jack was tempted to break his neck. Although he knew the man was only half to blame. Gabrielle had been a willing enough participant, even if she had been drunk and stoned.
God, what had she been thinking? To let him touch her like that, to let him stick it to her – whatever thoughts he'd had of jumping after Patrick's death and paled in comparison to Gabrielle's betrayal. She had been the only thing that had gotten him through and to find out she was no better than a whore…
"I'm sorry, it hasn't been the best of days for me," Jack admitted. "You still want to go for that drink?"
So they had drinks and he told her a lot about himself – about his physically and emotionally abuse step-mother, about his alcoholic and physically abusive father. He left out Patrick, of course. Deep down, he knew Rachel would never mean enough to him that he would tell her about Patrick.
Naturally, he garnered her sympathy. To have someone as sweet as Jack abused because he represented another man's infidelity… "I think it was so good of you, the way you didn't go after Steve," she confided.
Jack shrugged. "She chose to have sex with him. I don't know what possessed her but she made up her mind. I saw what my dad's infidelities did to Stella and how Stella held me responsible because she didn't have the guts to admit she had a lousy husband, and I vowed I would never hold anyone else responsible for our relationship problems."
She reached out and squeezed his hand. "I think that's very noble," she said.
He resisted the urge to kiss her. He knew she still had a crush on him and that she was sending out all the signs of availability. But he hadn't fallen that low as to sleep with a colleague who he knew was infatuated with him. Yet.
"Promise… you'll be good to yourself."
"I promise." Jack gripped Travis's hand, wishing he could give him some of his strength – not that he had much right now. Gabrielle's infidelity had shaken him. Travis knew about it, and had been devastated about the break-up of the relationship. He had help up Jack and Gabrielle as a symbol of hope, that people could go through what Patrick had put them through and still be happy.
He had requested Gabrielle in his dying hours, and Jack had complied. He couldn't deny Travis anything, not now. So here she was, sitting beside him, waiting for Travis to die. "Promise… you'll forgive her. She loves you so much. She always has."
Jack wasn't aware Travis had been so astute to their relationship. He looked into the younger man's eyes and realized he couldn't deny him that, no when he had perhaps minutes to life. He took Gabrielle's hand and kissed her on the cheek. "I promise," he said, and her heart soared.
"I took so much joy out of watching you together. I… Jack, I know you don't like to be watched, but I loved watching you together. She loves you so much. I always wanted someone to love me like that. My parents, Patrick, girlfriends…" He took a ragged breath.
Jack drew Gabrielle into him and was surprised at how good she felt. His heart ached for her. "I know," he said, reliving all those years of women rejecting him because of his self-hatred.
"I always wanted someone like her."
"I know. I promise. I swear to God, as soon as I get the rings back, I'll –" but it was over. Travis was gone. Jack let go of Gabrielle's hand, leant over the body of his friend and sobbed brokenly in a way Gabrielle had never heard before.
She tried to hug him. "Don't touch me!" he yelled.
"Jack, what you just said –"
"What, you can't recognize a bullshit dying promise when you hear it? Did you think I wouldn't bother telling him what he needed to hear in his last minutes? He needed a lie far more than you needed the truth, Gabrielle."
"But Jack – you couldn't have just said those things –"
"I did. And I want you to go now. Don't you remember when Mammy dies and Rhett lies to her about getting back with Scarlett to make her happy?"
"I know he did end up with her in the end."
She was ruining his analogy. "Get out!" he yelled. "Get out before I call the police. Can't you get it through your thick head? I. Don't. Want. To. See. You. Again."
Shaking, Gabrielle left the room, passing Rachel as she headed back to the ED. "Listen, do you think you could talk to him?" she asked distractedly. "He seems fond of you and he shouldn't be alone right now."
"Of course." Rachel let herself into the room where Jack was still crying. "It's only me," she said softly. "I can go if you'd like but I thought maybe you'd like the company."
"Thanks. You're sweet. You've always been… sweet."
She sat down next to him and patted his back. "Do you want me to get you anything?" she asked. "Water, a coffee?"
"No thanks. If you could just…" He pulled her into his lap and buried his head in her neck like he'd done so many times with Gabrielle. He was too out of it, too in need for female comfort to care what he was doing. Rachel was shocked to have him crying like this but also… she knew she shouldn't be taking any pleasure out of his misery but she never would have gotten so close to him otherwise.
"It's OK," she said over and over.
She was shocked when he raised his head to kiss her. Shocked… and thrilled. God, he was a good kisser and the taste of his tears just added to the intensity of the moment. "Do you want to come over?" he asked in a ragged breath.
She blushed. She knew exactly what Jack was asking of her. But it was what she'd wanted from the first day she'd met him. "Sure," she agreed.
"Jack, I need to know this isn't about Gabrielle," Rachel said breathlessly. He was kissing her against the door because it had taken him too long to find his house keys and he'd decided he couldn't wait any longer. If she'd known he'd kissed Gabrielle in his driveway for the same reason over a year before, it might have been enough to make her change her mind. Although it was hard to think about anything else when Jack was kissing you, touching you, wedging your body between his and something hard so you could feel every muscle in his body against yours…
"Of course it's not," he replied, just as breathlessly. "I dumped her, remember?" He didn't add that he'd dumped her after she'd shattered his heart by being with another guy. "Look, Travis wanted me to get back with her and I would have done anything for the guy, but I just couldn't. I don't love her anymore."
He did such a convincing job of saying that that Rachel bough it. She let Jack go back to kissing her as he tried to locate his keys. He finally did, and let them into the house.
Dan was up, watching a DVD with Erica. Rachel blushed a little to see her two colleagues there. She'd never done this sort of thing before and to have them know exactly what they were up to…Jack laced his fingers through Rachel's and began leading her towards his room.
"Mate," Dan said in a low voice, "can I speak to you for a second? In private?"
Jack gave Rachel a quick kiss. "Down the hall, first left. I'll be with you in a minute." He saw Rachel off then turned to Dan. "What?" he asked crossly.
"Don't do this. Send her home. If you want to get laid, go to a bar and pick up someone who doesn't give a shit about you. Or better yet, go make up with Gabrielle. But Rachel's infatuated with you. This isn't right."
Jack crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "I haven't promised her anything, she's here of her own free will."
"I'm going to go talk to her."
Jack blocked his path. "You do and I'll break your neck," he snapped. Dan backed off. Jack looked half-crazy with grief and loss – both of Travis and Gabrielle – and he decided it was best not to clash with him. Besides, if Rachel was so in love with him that she didn't think twice about going to be with him – well, someone that stupid was bound to get her heart broken eventually.
"Sorry about that," Jack said a minute later. He entered his room to find her sitting primly on his bed. She smiled at him nervously and he sat down beside her, taking her hand. Then he positioned himself behind her so he could kiss the back of her neck, running his hands up and down her back until she was whimpering.
"Jack, I've never done this before," she admitted. "I mean, I have, but… not like this."
"You. You're cute. You don't have much experience with men, do you?" He couldn't help but remember that first night together when she'd been so nervous, so awkward but so charmingly eager to please him. He scowled. "It's OK," he said. "Too much experience can be a turn-off anyway."
They started making out and things progressed quickly. He knew how to press her buttons to make her want him… he knew how to press women's buttons in general. And if he closed his eyes he could think, for a second, that he was with Gabrielle, that it was Gabrielle under him, Gabrielle's legs wrapped around him, Gabrielle running her hands up and down his back… When he was done he cried into her neck again and she held him. "It's OK," she said soothingly. "He must have meant a lot to you." If she had known he was crying as much for the loss of his relationship with Gabrielle as the loss of his relationship with Travis…
He had her five times in total before she was partly grateful he drove himself to exhaustion. He was devastating in bed but she needed to get some sleep. She fell asleep in his arms, thinking this was the best thing that had happened to her in a while.
"Saw you leave with Jack last night," Steve said smugly as he and Rachel attended a man who'd fallen on a chainsaw. He'd rushed off to tell Gabrielle about it as soon as he saw. For her own good and all. She blushed and nodded slightly. "Have a good time?"
"Yes, we did." Jack had been dead to the world when she'd woken up but she'd extracted his number out of the contact listings and sent him a message.
"You're just the last of his conquests, you know. Gabby was telling me he did it all the time."
"He managed to be with her for a year, didn't he? And you can talk about conquests." But Steve's talk rattled her. Word was leaking out about how Jack was using alcohol and women to ease his pan. He had told her last night hadn't been about Gabrielle, but…
No, she decided. You didn't just cry in someone's arms after you'd had sex with them and have it not mean anything. She'd wait until Jack arrived and he'd be sweet like he was last night.
She stopped dead when she came face-to-face with Gabrielle. The older woman was too professional to create a scene, but she looked in her eyes and shivered. She had gone to Jack as a favour to a friend and ended up in bed with him. Some friend.
She cheated on him, Rachel reminded herself, determined to hold her head up high. She doesn't exactly have a claim on him.
Jack was cool towards her when he arrived and as the day wore on she realized last night had meant nothing to him. She asked Erica about him, who confirmed that Jack was normally such a great guy. Erica didn't add that she shared Dan's opinion that going to be with him under the circumstances hadn't been the greatest of ideas. "Yeah, well why is he being such a prick?" she asked.
He finally bothered to find time for her at the end of the day, by which time, she didn't want to know him. "Why'd you sleep with me?" she asked. "Do you even know? Because I get the feeling I just happened to be there. God, if you just wanted to get laid, you should have picked up someone in a bar who didn't give a shit about you. Or was this your way of getting back at Gabrielle? A random hookup is too discreet for you?"
"No, of course not," Jack said, although he had to admit, he'd taken pleasure from the look on Gabrielle's face. Well, they had broken up. It wasn't like he had cheated on her or something. "Listen, last night wasn't a one-way thing. You wanted me too, remember?"
Yes, she had wanted him. And he'd pushed all her buttons so she would have done anything he'd asked. Too much experience was a turn-off? Now it certainly was. Jack knew his way around the bedroom like a seasons prostitute and she understood why now. The thought she had been the last of – what, hundreds, thousands? – disgusted her. "Well, you have certainly cured me of that, Doctor Quade," she spat.
"You know what? You're being jeuvenile."
He was screwing his exes staff and she was being jeuvenile? "What happened to me being a great person?" she asked sarcastically.
"Well, we have to work together, so we may as well figure out a way to do that."
"How about this? You don't talk to me and I don't talk to you. Easy."
But Jack wasn't quite done humiliating either Rachel or Gabrielle. The following week, a woman was brought in, the victim of being bashed by her husband after she had spent the night with another guy. At first, Rachel had been sympathetic, telling Mercedes it wasn't her fault, that she had been vulnerable and some men could sense that… before realizing that man was Jack Quade. That she had suggested he randomly pick women up in bars the week before was not lost on her.
She couldn't work with him. She couldn't trust him and she couldn't work with someone she didn't trust and she told Gabrielle that. "I'm sorry, to lose you," was all Gabrielle had to say on the matter, and she found herself meaning it. She knew Rachel hadn't been malicious in going to be with him, just a sweet, infatuated girl under the impression he gave a shit about her. In a way, it was better for Jack to be targeting women in bars.
"If it's worth anything… he still loves you. I tried to tell myself he was just upset about losing Travis… but I think he was more upset about losing you. He all by called me Gabrielle while he was doing it. I don't understand why he can't just forgive you."
"Gabby," she responded absently. "He always called me Gabby. Or farmgirl. Jack's the result of an affair his dad had. He grew up with his step-mother hating him and he vowed he would never tolerate infidelity in his relationships, either in himself or his partner. He may still love me but he can't forgive me. And he won't accept the pot as mitigating circumstances either because he's so anti-drugs." Rachel left her feeling deeply sorry for her. It had been a stupid thing to do but for Jack to walk away from everything they shared…
Jack confronted her on her leaving as she was walking out the door. "I'm really sorry," he said.
A woman was in hospital and he was sorry? "You're going to have to do better than that," she said.
"Look, I'm not feeling very articulate at the moment."
"I wonder why."
"Hey! It's not my fault she's in here."
"No. It was her decision to cheat on her husband and his decision to react the way he did." But she couldn't shake the feeling of disgust. If she had known how much effort Jack had gone to in order to understand Gabrielle and know that he reasons for sleeping with him were the right ones that first night together, she would have been even more disgusted. He had fallen so far from the man he had been eighteen months ago.
"Yeah, yeah, it was."
"So you won't have to lose any sleep over it."
She kept walking away from him, so Jack grabbed her arm and wrenched her around to face him. "I'm not proud of what I've done," he said.
She relented a little. "I can see that," she admitted. "Look, I'm usually a pretty good judge of character and I didn't take you for a player. You still love her, don't you?" It was a long pause before Jack nodded. "You were thinking about her while you were screwing me, weren't you?" An even longer pause before he nodded again. She couldn't hate him for it like she had last week. He was miserable. "Jack, you have to sort this out. You can't keep going on like this." And she walked away, leaving behind that chapter of her life.
Jack handed in his notice that day. The following week, Steve left the hospital and his troubled relationship with Gabrielle in a haze of alcoholic stupor, and Gabrielle found out she was pregnant.
