We're almost to 100 reviews! Keep goin!
Chapter 6
The Legend of Walter Shit
(Danny's POV)
"Hello?" I asked, picking up my cell phone. "Yes…you're kidding…really? Wow…in California? He is? Ok, I'll see you there!"
"Who was that?" Sam asked.
"Tucker" I said. "He's here at California. He flew up here to see us. And he told me that Walter Shit was here"
Sam stared at me.
"Walter SHIT?" she asked.
"You mean to tell me you don't remember a kid with a name like Walter P. Shit?" I asked, surprised.
"Not really. Who is he?"
I took a deep breath.
"Sam" I said. "Only one person knows what I'm about to tell you, and that's Tucker. When we were in the 5th grade, the school was having this big race to see who was gonna represent the school for the track team. I was on the left on the end, Tucker right beside me, and Walter on the end. So then the gym teacher, Mr. Lovitz, he was on the megaphone saying, "Ready, on your mark, get set…" and I was just so keyed up I just TOOK OFF!"
"Wow" Sam said.
"By the time the gun was fired I was ten yards ahead of everybody. And I won by so much, a myth began to grow about my speed. I became the star track runner. Only Walter ever suspected something. He's hated me ever since. And now he's back"
"Well, what happened when you raced Walter again?"
I inhaled again.
"I never did" I said. "For the next 4 years I kept avoiding Walter. But I never did race again, not even to the bus stop to catch a bus. And so the legend grew. People wanted me to race, they begged me. My coach called my parents twice a week, proclaiming that it was a sin against the Holy Bible to waste my God-given talent. But I said to him what I said to everyone: "I choose not to run"
"So now Walter's back?" Sam asked.
"He's back" I said, popping open a soda. "As I knew he would be" I took a big swig of the soda. "Man…that's some tart soda"
So, Tucker told me on the phone that he was with Walter at The Roach Hotel; a surprisingly beautiful hotel, owned by Jerry O'Connell, yes the guy from "Joe's Apartment".
We walked into the hotel.
"My God" I said. "This place is amazing"
"How could Tucker find a way into this place?" Sam asked. "It must've cost a lot to get in"
"Actually just 75 dollars once I showed the manager how to do his taxes" I heard a voice behind us say.
Sam and I turned around to see the smiling face of Tucker.
"Tucker!" I said. "What're you doing here?"
"I heard from your parents that you two were on a road trip" Tuck said. "So I decided to see how you guys were doing"
"Yeah, thanks Tuck" I said. "Look, can I speak to you for a second? Just a moment, Sam"
I pulled Tucker into the restroom.
"Are you out of your NUT!" I yelled at Tuck. "I just wanted it to be just ma and Sam on this trip!"
"Relax buddy" Tucker said. "I've been here in California for the past MONTH."
"A month?" I asked. I realized that Sam and I HAD been gone for almost a month. "My God, has it been that long?"
"Yeah" Tuck said.
"How are my mom and dad?"
"They took it surprisingly well" Tucker said. "They said that they HAD been arguing a lot, and they did realize that it was driving you insane. So, they're ok with it."
"What about Sam's parents?" I asked.
"Yeah…um…they'd like to talk to you" Tucker said, handing me his cell phone.
"You had them on hold?" I asked.
"Yeah" Tuck said.
The minute I grabbed the phone, I realized that I should've taken this trip alone.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR DAUGHTER!" I heard Sam's mom, Marilyn, yell at me.
"I haven't done anyth…" I started.
"Don't tell me you slept with her!" I heard Sam's dad, Charles, say.
I blushed hard.
"No, I didn't" I said.
"Did you use a condom?" I heard Sam's dad ask.
I couldn't handle it anymore.
"NO! I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER!" I yelled. The other side of the line was silent.
I took a deep breath and calmed down.
"Look" I said. "Sam and I are fine. We didn't do ANYTHING. We just need a break from back home. Sam told me that you two did the same thing when you were kids"
Once again, silent line.
"Please" I said. "You can trust me with Sam. I promise, nothing bad will happen to her"
I heard the inhaling and exhaling of Sam's mom.
"Ok" she said. "If you can swear to the good Lord that you will not harm Sam, or let any harm come to her, she can stay"
"Please, I'm Catholic. All we do is swearing. Didn't you see "Dogma"?"
"No" Sam's mom said sternly.
And then she hung up the phone.
"Good thing she didn't see it" I said, giving the phone back to Tucker.
"So…you can tell me" Tucker said. "Huh? Huh? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean?"
"We didn't sleep with each other" I said.
"Man, you're parents are both ghost crackpots and religious crackpots. Don't wanna sleep with someone till you get married…"
"It's not about religion" I said. "It's about the fact that I don't want my 'best friends' chopped off by Sam's parents"
"Ok" Tucker said. "I believe you. Oh, Walter's waitin' for ya"
My eyes widened.
"Oh, shit" I said.
"Yes?" I head a voice say from the bathroom.
And out walked Walter P. Shit.
He had long blonde hair that went down to his shoulders. He was wearing a white undershirt and blue jeans. He was wearing cowboy boots.
"Shit" I said.
"Fenton" Walter said in his Western accent. "I thought I told you to beat it"
"I did" I said. "Faster down the track field than you, at least"
"You cheated, you lyin' son of a bitch"
"Ok, let's agree to disagree" I said. "I'd be welcome to race you again to prove my point I did a long time ago"
"That you CHEAT?" he said, getting up in my face.
"No, that I was the winner."
Walter thought for a minute, which took a while because his mind was about as powerful as what his last name suggests.
"Let's have a little wager" Shit said. "If you win, I'll apologize for calling you a liar. But if I win, I get Sam for a weekend"
My eyes widened.
"What do you plan on doing with her?" I asked.
"Everything that you said you WOULDN'T" he said.
I was about to punch the schmuck right in the gut, when Tucker held me back.
"MUST KILL!" I yelled.
"Pansy" I said. "You couldn't beat up a dead guy"
You'd be surprised. I thought.
"Fine" I said, shaking Shit's hand. "Deal"
We walked out of the restroom. Walter ran right over to Sam.
"Well, well" he said. "The beautiful Ms. Manson" He tried to kiss her, but Sam pushed him on the ground.
"Shit-head" she said.
"That's who I am" Walter said.
"Look, do you wanna race or not?" I asked.
"Sure" Walter said. "Follow me"
We walked outside to the parking lot. I told Sam what happened. And then I filled her in on the plan that I thought up at the last minute.
"When I give you the keys, you start the car" I whispered to Sam.
"Gotcha" she said.
There were people lined all around the road that was blocked with velvet rope. Walter and I stood next to each other, warming up.
"When I win" Walter said. "I'm gonna give that Goth a weekend like she'll never forget"
"You sick little shack of shit" I said. "Sam will never like you"
"Same with you" Shit said.
I was about to retort when Sam walked up to me. I slipped her the keys to the car.
"Warm up the car" I whispered.
"Got it" Sam said, running to the car.
"On your marks!" Tucker said. "Get set…"
I nodded to Tucker. He nodded back.
BANG went the gun.
I started running…in the opposite direction towards the car.
"HEY!" Walter yelled. "Come back with my girl!"
"Fat chance, shit boy!" Sam yelled.
"See ya, Tucker" I yelled at Tucker.
"See ya, guys!" he said.
We drove out of California as quick as possible.
"WHOO-HOO!" I yelled.
"Yeah!" Sam yelled.
"I knew that plan would work" I said.
"You know, for once, me too" Sam said.
"Name ONE time that my plans didn't work out"
"The garage sale, hooking up with Valerie, thinking Paulina was actually you're girlfriend…"
"ALRIGHT" I said. "So, where to next?"
Sam looked at the map and replied with one thing.
"Las Vegas"
Ok, read and review!
PhantomAL
