It's three in the morning when we all get home. Everyone is spending the night but Peeta's parents.
The problem with me is I'm claustrophobic, so having all of these people in my house at one time is way too much.
I haven't been to my hideout in almost two weeks. I pack my bag to stay the night and climb out the window. I leave it open, with the curtains blowing in the wind. I land on the trampoline and run off through the forest. I get my extension cord and plug it in and the run back to my clubhouse. Tomorrow, I need to move this somewhere else, because my family know where it is now, which means they'll come bother me. I need to sneak out tomorrow morning to go get my fruit, and I need to go to the bank to cash the three thousand dollars I got for my gold metals. You get a thousand for each metal. I might actually use my three thousand to get a car from a car lot or something. I lie down in my full size bed and stare at the ceiling. I switch my fan to heat.
Someone walks into my little hideout.
It's Peeta. I sit up and he shuts the door and sits down in front of me. "Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, sometimes I just…need to get away, you know?"
"Yeah." He pauses. "It gets lonely though, being alone all the time."
"Yeah, but…" I shrug. "I'm not alone all the time anymore."
"Are you staying the night out here?"
"I planned on it."
"Well then I'm staying with you." He locks my front door and sits back down. I scoot closer to the wall and pat the spot next to me. He hesitates, but lies down and rolls over to face me. I roll over to face him, and both of us are holding our heads up with our hands. We search one another's eyes for a while. "I've been meaning to ask you something." He whispers. "But I don't know if I'm going to ask you, because I'm a coward."
"You aren't a coward, Peeta, what makes you say that?" I ask.
"I just…" he shakes his head and rolls over so he's facing the ceiling. I changed my clothes into a loose t-shirt and short shorts. I reach over him and turn on the light. My hair is down and I don't have a bra on. "Something tells me that Glimmer is still getting to you." He sits up so I'm leaning against the wall, and he's facing me. "It's a little easier since people are nice to you, but Glimmer still gets to you, and that really bugs me."
I shrug and look down, because it's true.
"You aren't alone, Katniss. One day, and I swear on my life that this is true, but one day, all of this pain and agony...it's going to be gone like it never was really there in the first place." Peeta whispers. "Katniss," he takes a deep breath, "One day all of this pain is going to be invisible."
"Bullshit." I snap. "I don't believe you. I don't feel happy unless I'm doing gymnastics. Peeta, nobody gets it. Nobody can make me feel good about myself!"
"I can make you feel good…about yourself." Something in his tone tells me that he means two different things, and I think one of them is sexual.
"You are beautiful. You know that, right?" I don't answer him, and he looks like he's in pain. He tilts my chin up so our eyes lock. "Why don't you see you are beautiful?"
"Because I only see the truth." I mutter.
"No, no, you only see the lies."
I stare at him for a long time. "Why do you even bother with me?"
"Because I have strong feelings for you, I always have."
I look down again. "I find that hard to believe. A guy as…" I bite my lip, "attractive as you having feelings for me? Bullshit."
"I wouldn't be so sure." He kisses me. "I struggle to control myself around you." He whispers against my lips. "I don't want you to do something you don't want to do. I won't stop, because I can't control myself, but if you tell me to, I will."
I swallow. "What if you don't something you don't want to do?" I ask. He starts kissing down my jawline.
"That's impossible. The only thing I never want to do to you is hurt you. Other than that, there's nothing. I want to touch every single speck of your graceful skin. I love you. You know that, right?" he pulls away from my neck to look me in the eyes. His lips left beautiful burning marks on my skin, and I never want them to go away.
"You love me?" I whisper.
"Yes. You don't have to say it back. You just needed to know."
I think I love him. I think about him in ways a friend wouldn't every day. I think about how his lips would feel against my most sensitive parts. I imagine running my hands up and down his chest.
I think I want him, and I know I love him. "I…" I bite my lip.
"Never mind." He says.
"I love you too." I whisper.
"You what?" he asks.
"I said I love you too. I do Peeta, really, I do."
He smiles and starts kissing me. I kiss him back, deepening it. My eyes slip shut and I scoot closer to him. We kiss wildly for a few minutes and I really want to touch his chest. "Stop me if you want." He mumbles.
"What if I don't want?" I whisper breathlessly.
He pulls away. "Then you don't want." I'm sitting in his lap now, and my legs are locked around his waist. He's rock hard beneath me, and I'm sitting right on top of his groin. I shut my eyes when I feel how hot and good it feels. We start kissing again and my hands start tugging upwards on shirt. We pull away so he can pull it off. His hands are slipped beneath my shirt, roaming my back.
I realize right now, that I have just as much control as he does. He starts tugging on my shirt and I pull it off. I think he realizes just now that I'm not wearing a bra. His eyes get huge, and he stares at my chest, and then looks at me.
There is no way in hell I'm going to be the one that stops us.
