All Stef could do was watch as Lena left. Tears fell down her face and she let them: her heart was broken. She rose, walked to her bedroom, lay down on her bed and sobbed uncontrollably. 'Why,' she wondered, 'Why can't she give me more time. I just need a little more time.'
Stef intended to tell Mike. She was going to tell him. She just wasn't going to tell him over the phone. She didn't know Lena overheard that conversation. It wasn't a conversation she had wanted to have. She said what she'd had to say to get a drunk Mike off the phone. How could she tell him then that she planned to divorce him? And now, she had lost Lena possibly forever.
For the next two weeks Stef felt like a ghost in her life. She was there, but not aware particularly of much beyond Brandon. She had to talk to Mike. She had to set things right. She couldn't imagine losing Lena forever. Two weeks without seeing Lena was all it took to prod Stef to take the next steps that scared her incredibly.
She called some friends and told them she was gay. This strengthened her resolve. They all took it well and encouraged her to do what it took to be happy. With that bolster she decided to talk to her father next.
XXXX
"Hi Dad," Stef kissed her dad's cheek and then sat down at the kitchen table with him.
"Hi sweetie. What's up?" He smiled at his daughter.
"Well, I just need to talk to you. I needed to tell you that I'm divorcing Mike."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that. I really like Mike. He has made some bad choices though, ones I never liked. I understand that you have to do what is best for you and Brandon. I am sure you will meet someone else that is very special one day." He reached over and patted Stef on her shoulder.
She took a deep breath, which she felt hitch in her chest. "Actually Dad, I did meet someone."
"Really? What's his name?"
"Her name is Lena Adams."
"What?"
"Her. I met a woman. Her name is Lena. She is incredible and if she will have me I plan to spend the rest of my life with her. Dad, I'm gay. You know that though," she had tears in her eyes. She knew his response would be negative. Now she just had to wait.
"Stef," he began. He had a frown on his face and his eyebrows were knitted together. "Stef, that's wrong. I can't," he paused shaking his head.
Stef didn't let him finish. "I understand that you don't agree with this. I am not asking for permission. I am just telling you. I met someone. I am going to spend my life with her. You don't have to agree with it but if you want to spend time with me or with your grandson then you are going to have to live with it. That is your choice dad. Can you live with yourself if you can't see Brandon or me? I love you. I will come see you again after you have had time to process this." With that, Stef stood up and left her father's house. She didn't know if he would accept her, but she honestly doubted it. He had known she was gay. He had known for a very long time and refused to admit it. He just wanted her to be 'fixed' and she had finally come to realize that she wasn't the one broken.
XXXX
Stef hurried towards Mike with a little wave, "Hi." She detested being late but it couldn't be helped.
She saw Mike stand to greet her and come in for a kiss. All she could do was turn her head to the side so that his kiss landed on her cheek, his hands on her hips. She patted his arm awkwardly, unsure of what exactly to do in the situation.
"Hiya, sorry I'm late," she greeted Mike as they took their seats.
He looked at Stef with a smile and began before she could speak. "Look the separation's been good," Mike said positively. "I mean- bad," a slight chuckle punctuates this thought before he continues, "but good. It's made me realize that I have not been present in our marriage for a while and I'm sorry. Our family is everything to me Stef and I'm gonna spend more time with you and Brandon. I'm gonna communicate. Hell, I'll even go to counseling I just- I love you," he finished sincerely.
Stef listened, sighed heavily and then began, "Counseling can't fix what's wrong with us-"
Mike interrupts quickly, "I thought that's what you wanted!"
"Look, you're a good man and you're a really good dad but I haven't been happy," she continues.
"Yeah, lately, me neither. But things were good before Stef."
"Because I tried to make them good. But," Stef sighed. "But something was missing because I was not able to love you the way you love me."
"I don't understand. Why not?" Mike asked completely confused.
"Because I'm gay. I'm a lesbian." She paused watching the words slowly sink in for Mike. "And I'm so sorry for you and for me. For- for it taking so long to be able to say that and to accept before now." Stef could hardly believe she had gotten all of that out. She truly didn't want to hurt Mike; though in reality she knew there was no way not to. It was inevitable. She did love him though. He was the father of her son. He was an important part of her life. His role in her life was just going to change; he wasn't going anywhere. She would still have to co-parent with him. She wanted Brandon to always have his father.
"Why now?" He looked as if he had been struck dumb. Shock was written all over his face.
"Because I met someone," she answered truthfully. In her mind she added, 'Someone incredible.' Mike looked at her and slowly nodded, though Stef thought he still hadn't truly processed anything. She prayed that he would not lose himself to alcohol over this. She knew she would never forgive herself if he did.
After a minute of silence Stef rose and said goodbye. She left him to his thoughts. She figured he would be better off alone at this point. She looked back once as she left, but that was all. She felt an incredible pull. If she could, she would have used her cruiser to get to Lena faster. The most important thing now was talking to Lena and telling her what she had done and that she wanted to spend a lifetime, two lifetimes, with her. She hoped that Lena would still want her too. She was terrified she might not.
Once she arrived at the charter school she called Lena. Lena didn't answer. She called again, but again no answer. So she called the school and asked for Assistant Vice Principal Adams. That worked.
"Hello, this is Ms. Adams, how can I help you?" Stef heard Lena say.
"Lena this is Stef. Please listen just for a minute." Stef rushed as she expected Lena to hang up. Lena didn't say anything, but she stayed on the line. "I am just outside. I'm in the parking lot. I need to talk to you. Please come out here just for a minute. Please? I am not going to leave until I see you."
Lena sighed heavily. "I will be out in a minute." Lena said without emotion.
Stef leaned on the car as she waited for Lena to come out of the building. She chewed on her lower lip, her nerves getting the better of her. She pushed away from the car when she saw Lena. Lena looked angry or frustrated.
Before she could say one word, Lena began speaking. "I'm not doing this. I'm not. I'm not getting involved with a married woman. Women like you, you are just passing through but this is where I live Stef." Lena looked fierce.
Stef dove in, "I told Mike, and I told my dad and I told all of my, well most of my friends. I told them I'm gay. I even used the word lesbian. I told them I met a woman that I can't live without and I- I belong with you Lena," Stef's voice faded. She waited and her heart dropped when Lena didn't say anything. "That is if you'll…"
"You had me at lesbian," Lena finally answered.
Stef's heart soared! She didn't care that they were right in front of Lena's school. She reached forward and grabbed Lena's wrists, pulling her in. She felt Lena's hands on her hips and leaned forward. And for the second time in her life she had the perfect kiss.
