Ok...so I'm gonna share a little something with you guys, this chapter is very emotional for me, and it's hard for me to write, not because it was hard to find the words or that I was stuck...It was emotionally hard, my parents went threw something like this, my dad cheated on my mom a few years ago and then they seperated for a few years and then got back together, which was why I hate stories where people cheat and why cheating really bothers me, and honestly the whole story was hard to write because I love Kogan, and it hurt me to make Logan cheat on Kendall, cuz do to seeing what my mom went threw, I know how much it hurts. Anyways some shit in this chap may confuse you, like last chapter Kendall said "Oh why dont you go stuff your face in Sasha's pussy!"...yeah...I'm so not writing that, I tried to but I was like eww eww eww eww! And then I started gagging at the thought of Logan doing anything sexual to someone besides Kendall...so I changed it..for my own health,and your gonna be like, what the hell do you mean his bedroom's in the attic, it said something different in the second chapter,well thats because switched back his room cuz...fuck,
just read okay...

Kendall closed his eyes as a single tear ran down his left cheek, not minding to wipe it away, not having enough strength to act like he didnt care, like the memory didnt hurt him, like it didnt break his heart and make him cry like a little girl, even if it was just himself.

The memory slowly entered his mind like a slow burn,endlessly painful and to real to hide from.

A memory that he realy hadnt taken out since that day, he had only allowed himself to remember the echo of it to keep his angry flame alive.

It didnt take more then a moment to remember every detail,in the beginning he had played it so many times in his mind, allowing himself to remember only that of Hortense Logan Phillip Mitchell, and nothing else, so many times the memory had played, when he had finally put himself to rest he had been afraid that it would be his one and only memory, and pain and hurt to be his only feeling.

It hadnt been long after Christmas. Barely two weeks after it. Thirteen days to be exact.

January seventh.

He had been feeling sick from even before Christmas and Logan had finally convinced him to go to the docters to see what was wrong.

And Kendall had gotten this result:

He was pregnant.

Being only fourteen of course he had been terrified, he had been so afriad to tell his mother and his friends, and even more then that he was afraid to tell Logan.

But when he had told his mother and showed her the pictures she had just kissed his forehead and held him close to him, telling him everything would be okay, that everything would work out, that she loved him, she wasnt upset and she would be there for every step of the way.

And then he had tried to call James, trying to buy himself some time before he had to face Logan, and now when he looked back, he thought maybe if he hadnt been such a pussy and had just told Logan right after his mom, maybe he could have gotten there before Logan had gotten the urge to cheat, maybe then things could have been differnt, but he didnt and when he called James, the older didnt answer.

Then he had called Carlos, and when he had told Carlos the Latino's reaction was like his mothers, he told Kendall he loved him and no matter what they would be best friends forever and he was exited to have a new playmate and to be 'Uncle Carlos.'

And then he had gone to Logans.

He remembered everything from that night,every single detail, he had walked down the stairs from his bedroom, the third step had creeked a little, and so had the last step, his mother had been feeding Courtney and Katie had been talking to her friend on the phone.

He had taken down the black jacket that Logans parents had gotten him that Christmas, it had been made in France and it had been shipped in, the silky insides had slid against his warm skin, the jacket covering the blue button up that belonged to Logan, but he had stolen after a night of sex in Logans bedroom.

He had buttonend up the three middle buttons, the middle one had been difficult to get in, and had keeped on slipping from his fingers.

He had called out to his mom in a extremly shaky voice, telling her he was going to Logans, she had came out, her hair in a bun and her face a little sweaty, Courtney clinging to her dark red shirt, the babies red locks wild, and had kissed his left temple, wishing him luck and telling him she loved him no matter what Logan said.

Flashback:

Kendall stepped off the bottom step to his porch slowly, eyeing the white Victorian style house across the street, the lights in the windows where reflecting over the bed of white snow like a flame.

The air smelled sweet,like winter flowers, the smell warfing off from his own house, filling the whole front yard with a calming aroma as he made his way down the walk.

The street was like a frozen black pond, a full sheet of ice covering it, the street smelled like alt, the toxic smell hitting his over sensitive nose powerfully and made him gag a little, hurrying across th street as fast as he could, making sure his boots sunk into the ice so he wouldnt slip and fall and hurt the baby.

Kendall then walked up the Mitchell's drive way, the light going on when Kendall walked under it ra-dare, the sent of almonds hit him as he walked up the steps to the white house, yes it was definetly almonds, maybe with a hint of cinnamon as well?

Kendall's eyes ran over the Mitchell's yard, noticing a car he had never seen before parked by the curb.

The blonde shrugged to himself, it was probably friends of Joanna or John, Kendall knocked on the door, waiting for a second before Joanna opened the door.

"Kendall,dear, how are you?" she asked him, as he stepped into the house, the warm air making him sigh in relief.

"I'm fine,Mrs,Mitchell, how are you?" he greeted as he gave her a soft hug.

"Oh,darling,how many times have I told you to call me Joanna?" she asked him, with a teasing poke in his shoulder.

"To many times to count." he grinnend.

"Well Logans upstairs, dear, run along." she teased him, kissing his cheek before she went back to the living room.

Kendall laughed a little as he walked up the stairs, wondering what she would have done if he had told her he was pregnant, she was a very practical, kind and accepting woman so Kendall would guess she would be okay with it, that she would understand.

Plus she was a docter, one of the best in Minnesota, so maybe she had heard about this happening to other males before, he would have to ask her about it when he got the chance no matter what Logan said, he would ask her.

Kendall sighed as he walked up the stairs to the attic.

About two years ago Logan had gotten sick of his room on the second floor, clamming he hated hearing his brothers fight all the time and yell, so for his thirteenth birthday John had remodeled the whole attic for him, installing a new carpet and ceiling fan and awesome light green walls that matched Kendalls eyes.

Logan had compleltly loved it, it had been his pride and joy for the last year, well except for Kendall of course, or at least that was what Logan said.

Kendall sighed when he finally got to the door, grabbing the door handle without knocking, him and Logan had no secrets from each other, plus it wasnt like they had never seen each other naked before.

So Kendall opened the door saying-

"Logan-"

But he stopped, back falling back against the door, hand over his mouth as he gasped in pain.

Because this is what he saw-

Logan straddling some girl who was in jeans, actually it was one he reconized, Sasha Witfield, brown curly hair and tan skin and a body of a used whore, Logan was in nothing but his boxers and a tight black shirt,the females claws where down his underwear, fondling his dick, they were kissing roughly, teeth and tongue's clashing, Logans hands all over her naked breasts. (1)

They both stopped when they heard the door slam against the wall due to Kendalls body weight and the soft, pain filled gasp, they saw his painend expression. And the tears. Fuck the tears. Falling down the blondes face like rain. Falling from thoose huge, green, innocent eye.

Logan pushed her away at once, scrambling off the bed, Sasha covered herself and left, running past them like neither of them where there.

"Kendall..." Logan whispered, eyes filling with tears.

Kendall let out a choked noise, crossed with a loud sob, not able to get anything else.

"Baby..."

Kendall shook his head wildly.

"No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no." That was the only word that spilled out of thoose pouty, perfect lips, as tears fell on them, as if his mind was refusing to take in what he had just seen before him.

"Kendall,please." Logan whispered, begging for Kendall to say something, Logan's hand reached out and tried to touch Kendall put the blonde slapped his hand away.

"Dont touch me."

"Kendall-" Logan tried touch Kendall again but the blonde pushed him away as hard as he could, which wasnt much at the moment, he was to weak to destrought, Logan stumbled back about a foot, he went to grab Kendall again but Kendall pushed him away.

"Dont fucking touch me!" Kendall sobbed, he turnend to leave to just run right out of the house, but Logan came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, so his back was to Logans chest, Logan had him stuck in a strong hold, and Kendall couldnt keep back the hysterical sobs as he struggled.

"NO!NO! Dont touch me! Dont touch me!" Kendall screamend, bending his body but Logan followed, the brunette's tears falling in his hair.

"Kendall please, I'm sorry-"

Kendall turnend around and slapped Logan right across the face, the older hissing at the stinge, but he didnt bounder at that, he just needed to get Kendall to listen, but Kendall was not in a state to do such a thing, Kendall pushed him vilently, sobbing.

"How could you!" Kendall sobbed out, hands covering his eyes as he sobbed into them.

"Kendall I'm sorry-" Logan tried again, lips trembling sliglty at Kendalls words.

"How could you! How could you do this to me!" Kendall sobbed, backing away from Logan going for the door but Logan grabbed him and pulled him close, Kendall struggling viloently against him, wiggling and whimpering.

"Let me go! Let me fucking go! Dont touch me!" Kendall screamend.

"Please please baby,Kendall,I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please please..." Logan whimpered, Kendall went limp into his arms, punching Logans body weakly.

"Why? Why would you do this to me?" Kendall sobbed.

He couldnt believe this, this wasnt supposed to be like this, this wasnt supposed to be happening, breaking up with Logan at fourteen because the love of his life cheated on him with some two bit whore.

No, no,no,no,no, this couldnt be happening, him and Logan where supposed to in love forever, they were supposed to date all threw high school and then go to the college, Kendall was supposed to go to school for journalism and Logan would go to college and then go to med school and then Logan was supposed to purpose to him at twenty three and then they were supposed to have three kids they adopted and then live a happy life together.

This WAS no supposed to happen.

He wasnt supposed to be pregnant at fourteen and then find his boyfriend cheating on him with the school slut in the bed they had made love countless times on together.

Kendall pushed Logan away as hard as he could, his anger powering him as he made Logan fall flat on his ass, but before he could really move, Logan was picking him up chest to back, the blonde thrashing wildly in his arms.

"LET ME GO! DONT TOUCH ME!" Kendall swung around and punched Logan in the face.

Logan almost dropped him, his hands lossening and Kendall scrambled away, Logan cought him on the second floor right before he could get down to the door to leave the house, Logan grabbed his shoulders.

"Please Kendall please, fuck please dont leave me, I love you,I love you!" Logan sobbed, tears falling on Kendalls face as well as his own.

Kendall shook his head as fast as he could, whole body trembling, his stomach curling, the baby upset he could just tell, his stomach hurt, the baby was feeling the strees and hurt, loud sobs falling from his mouth.

"Please,I made a mistake, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again, please dont leave me,please,Kendall,please, I love you so much, please dont leave me." Logan begged.

Kendall shook his head.

"Were over,Logan." Kendall whispered, refusing to let his voice crack.

He pushed Logan away easily, the boys body almost going limp but some how able to keep his body up, his eyes were huge and tear filled and hurt...he looked lost.

"No,no,please Kendall,please." Logan whispered, tears falling slowly, a whimper escaping the olders mouth.

Kendall shook his head.

"No,Logan. I cant. You hurt me so bad. You promised you would never cheat. You lied to me. How could you do that?"

"I'm sorry, please Kendall,please dont leave me,please done, I'll do anything, I promise,I swear, I'll never do it again, I love you Kendall,I love you." Logan sobbed.

"I love you too,but I cant, I just cant,Logan." Kendall sobbed

Kendall walked down the stairs, leaving Logan behind, who looked so lost and hurt, and pathetic.

End Of Flashback

Kendall's eye's fluttered open as he took in his dark bedroom, remembering how many times he and Logan had sat in here and laughed and kissed and shared 'I love you's' with one another.

He's eyes then drifted over to his baby girl that was laying in her crib, fast asleep, her dark brown hair sprowled out on her pillow.

He wished that had never happened, that he and Logan had never broken up, that they could still be together, he wished Logan could have been there when he had gaven birth to Ariana, he wished Logan could have been there when he couldnt figure out the perfect name.

Ariana Kassandra Mitchell.

He wondered if Logan would have liked her name, Mitchell was her last name on all her paper work and stuff but as far as other people knew she was a Knight.

Kendall closed his eyes, and then he finally admitted it to himself.

He was still in love with Hortense Logan Phillip Mitchell.

If only Kendall knew he wasnt the only one thinking about that night.

Right now Logan was staring at the ceiling over his second floored bedroom, the one that used to be his parents, but they had switched rooms with Logan after 'It' had happened they had had to remodel the whole room because it had been completly fucked.

Flashback

Logan watched Kendall leave from the top of the stairs, his breaths coming out in gasps and tears rolling down his face.

"Logan..."

Logan looked down to see the rest of his family staring at him, looking concernend, they had heard everything, and Joanna had been ready to give Logan the kick ass of his life time but she had stop when she saw the look on her sons face.

It was beyond heartbroken, it was absolutely destroyed, tears rolling down his pale face, his lips trembling, his eyes looking dead, his breath coming out in gasps as thought he couldnt breath at all.

"Logan..."

Logan's whole body began to shake from head to toe, his mouth opened and he let out a heart splittering scream of agony that was crossed with a sob, he turnend and he stompted to his room, screaming and sobbing until he got to his room.

He looked around the room, all the perfect wood and the glass windows to one of his dressers, Logan grabbed one of the side table and psuhed it to the ground with a scream, and before he knew it he as tarrying the room apart, screaming and sobbing uncontrollably.

His mattress fell to the floor, pillows flying every were, sheets ripped from it and blanleks covering the carpet.

All the furniture was being tumbled over, screaming as he did so, wood was cracking off and flying in randome directions, his clothes falling out and falling onto the floor, he pushed over his other bed table, lamp crashing and glass falling everywhere.

He hated himself, he hated every inch of his body, he wanted to murder himself, he hated who he was that much.

Kendall was the love of his life, the only person he had ever loved and he had done that to him, how could he? how could he? Every tear that had fallen down Kendalls face re-played in his mind, making him hate himself even more.

It was all his fault, it was all his fault, he was a horrible person, a monster.

He needed his Kendall, his baby, his love, he loved Kendall more than anything.

Logan grabbed the edge of the dresser that had the glass doors and threw it to the floor, glass flying everywhere, even at his legs and his ankles, but he couldnt think about that as he stompted over everything, destroying everything in his path.

Picture frames were thrown at walls, light bulbs were busted and broken, books were ripped at the seams, randome knick knacks were in peices on the floor of his room, the few toys he had keeped from his childhood werent broken but they layed oddly and abused from being tumbled over.

His curtains were ripped from the window as he screamend out Kendalls name.

He fell to the floor then, falling onto broken things that peirced his skin but his mind didnt rejaster them. All that was going threw his mind was-

Kendall Kendall Kendall Kendall Kendall

Logan was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, legs to his chest as he sobbed into his knees, splitters of wood trapped him where he was, shattered glass covering every inch of the floor, trickles of blood running down his legs from some cuts and the bottom on his feet were cut up and they stung in pain, blood smering the green carpet.

But he didnt care about that, he didnt care about anything anymore.

Logan was there, curled up in a ball, sobbing Kendalls name over and over again.

Kendall Kendall Kendall Kendall.

Because that was what he wanted.

All he wanted was Kendall.

End of flashback

Logan closed his eyes as small tears running down his face.

He was thinking about the fight he and Kendall had had, the terrible things he had said, and he was filled with self loathing.

If someone had asked him how he felt about Kendall from that day that they broke up to this day, it would have been the same.

Logan loved Kendall Benjamin Francis Knight...and he always would.

(1) *Strangling Logan to dealth*...also...EWWWW FUCKIN EWWWWWW!

I wrote that...and I'm so fucking depressed, and crying...am I the only one who's crying?
I hope this little last flashback made some of you guys hate Logan a little less...and if it didnt change your mind...well Logan really has his work cut out for him, and oh guys...I know everyone is impatient for Logan to find out about Ariane but it's not gonna happen until after they start dating again, okay? Usually I do whatever you guys want, but I'm putting my foot down on this one, I already feel like shit that you guys have to wait, dont make me feel worse!
Anyways...please review and tell me what you thought, and if you still hate Logan or not.
Lots of Love,
Sarah