I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters mentioned in this story, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi, except: Inari

It had been weeks since the joining ceremony and the short cold days of winter were beckoning. The ceremony had been a successful one and had gone smoothly without any major problems. Everyone was relieved it was over and done with, specially the young Lord as he did not wish the past bad blood between the clans to ignite in another war. This joining was a another step towards lasting peace between them.

Palace life resumed its normal course and everyone returned to their former duties, but there was one among the Yōkai who tossed and turned at night. There was one who's thoughts and dreams were tumultuous of late.

Sesshōmaru was constantly in a bad mood, although this was only noticed by those who knew him the longest. Jaken feared he had reverted back to the old days. He had all the flowers in the castle and in the garden removed, because they reminded him of Rin's absence from his life.

It seamed like he felt what was like a huge knot inside himself and wasn't handling it very well...nothing had worked out the way he had expected. The way they parted was just...but he justified it to himself by recalling the conversation with the old Miko. At the time, he had understood very well what she had said, and in fact, agreed with her.

Then Sesshōmaru did what had been suggested, thinking that it was the Best for Rin. He believed that humans and Yōkai belonged apart. But now he couldn't understand, now that it was done, why it wasn't sitting well with him.

His feelings about the last time he was with the girls constantly alternated between anger and pain, but the reasons had evolved over the weeks. They were running deeper and digging out other feelings within himself...he felt plagued with questions. That night started a chain reaction in his heart that he struggled to stop...

One of the worst things for him about the whole situation now was the fact he hadn't thought his intentions out properly at the time. This was a first for Sesshōmaru... he never acted on a whim, thinking that that was the way of humans...and not respectable Yōkai like himself.

And the main thing that was bothering him most of all was the reason Why...

Why did he bring her here? Why did he act the way he did when she was here? Why did he react so coldly to her that night? Why did seeing her in pain make him suffer?Why did the thought of not seeing her anymore send him into a sea of agony?

This girl had always exerted unexpected reactions and behaviours from him. She had in fact changed him in many ways he thought he would never change. But he came to realize that in recent months, the natural changes of her growing nature had affected him in even more unusual ways.

Mortal's notion of time, was a concept he thought little of, as for Yōkai who mature over centuries don't notice or consider these changes, and therefore do not experience life the same way as humans do. Even more so for the stoic Sesshōmaru.

But ever since he met Rin, and going through the many experiences she provided him in both her life and death, that had most of all been entirely new to him, he had found a new meaning to Time.

However, the answersstill eluded him. Or better,

he still denied them.

He refused to accept his true feelings...but, no matter how much he tried, her image would constantly be present in his mind and he began to experience new feelings all together...

feelings of regret, guilt, loss and emptiness... but, still he denied his feelings.

The TaiYōkai found himself going to the castle's kitchen a lot, not because he was trying to fill this emptiness with food, but there the girl's faint scent still lingered...

Inari would observe the young lord from the corner of his eye, never saying anything to him, but fully aware that his presence there had nothing to do with food. But today there was something different about him. Normally the great lord was always expressionless, but this morning he wasn't. It looked like he was...well ... depressed!

The chef decided to gather some ingredients and began to prepare something, all the while, Sesshōmaru remained quiet paying no attention to the old Yōkai. When Inari had finished baking, he pulled the tray out of the oven and laid the cookies out to cool down. He then gathered them up and placed them on a large plate. He then brought it over to were his lord was sitting and lay the plate before him.

Inari: Here! Try some of these! - he said, rather abruptly in fact. Sesshōmaru glared at him. How dare he tell him what to do! - He thought ...

Sesshōmaru: I'm not hungry, besides... you know I don't eat human food...

Inari: Ah, come now! I'm told they are good for comforthing the heart! Something to do with the sweetness of them...! - He said cutting him off. Sesshōmaru choked a bit at the chef's insinuation.

Sesshōmaru: My heart needs not comfort! - he retorted after a brief pause.

Inari: Well stop moping about then! - He yelled. Everyone in the kitchen froze wide eyed in fear. Had Inari gone mad? Shouting at Sesshōmaru like that? Surely he would kill them all!

Sesshōmaru: You forget your place! - he snapped standing up in anger and clenching his fists. The kitchen servants were now beside themselves with fear. Inari narrowed his eyes.

Inari: humf! - he sneered – Leave us! - he instructed the servants, who scattered leaving the two Yōkai alone.

Inari: You may be the powerful ruler of these lands now, but you forget I have been around since before you were even born, Sesshōmaru-chan!

Sesshōmaru: ...

Inari: The last time I saw you even remotely like this was when you learned your father had fallen in love with a human female! - his comment hit home with Sesshōmaru who now was starting to shake.

Sesshōmaru: Don't speak to me about my father! ...and about that!

Inari grinned at him with a devious look

Inari: Oh? And why is that?

Sesshōmaru: ...Because...! Consorting with humans is... - he stalled – ...was... what made him weak!

Inari: keh! You still believe that? - he said closing his eyes and shaking his head - Having experienced the same thing now, surely I thought you didn't anymore...

Sesshōmaru: What are you implying old man? I am not weak like him! to allow something like love for a mortal destroy him...

Inari: he! ... Weak..? You are more like your father than you care to accept...

Sesshōmaru: I am nothing like my father!

Inari: You are EXACTLY like your father! - he shouted - Many years ago he stood in the very same spot you are in right now, thinking and saying the very same things as you are right now!

Sesshōmaru stared at Inari in disbelief, he was shocked.

Inari sihed and sat down taking off his chefs hat...

Inari: You think you knew your father? Think again!... Have you ever thought about what it was like for him? To be torn between two very different worlds and going against centuries of the Inu clan's tradition?

Sesshōmaru: My father disgraced himself and sealed his faith by choosing to go down that path!

Inari: You believe that loving that woman brought about his destruction? No My Lord, the reality is that it was loving her that gave him the strenght to vanquish all of his enemies at long last! You must have figured this out by now!

Sesshōmaru: What are you talking about? What I saw was the once most powerful Yōkai slain by mortals because of that love...! He betrayed his caln and forsaked it...!

Sesshōmaru: Enough of this! - he roarded turning his back and walking away.

Inari: I take back what I said earlier!You are nothing like him! You are even moooore stuborn! And also unlike him, you lack the courage to admit you have now in the very same position he was in! What are you afraid of?

Sesshōmaru stopped in his tracks...in a flash he flew across the room and grabbed Inari by the throath...

Sesshōmaru: What did you say? - he said with burning eyes and silver locs flaring behind him - I am afraid of nothing!

Inari: … Then tell me, Sesshōmaru-Sama, if what you so adamantly deny isn't true, why did you bring Rin here and then pushed her away? - Sesshōmaru tightened his grasp around Inari's neck.

Inari gasped for air but still managed to speak a few more words...

Inari: If you really felt nothing for that girl you wouldn't have fought so intently that time and you would not possess this ...- he struggled somewhat in his Lord's powerful grasp, but Sesshōmaru then noticed that Inari was touching Bakusaiga. He then, unknowingly, loosened his grip from the chef's neck and let go. His Father's words from long ago once more flashed in his mind...

«Sesshōmaru, is there something you want to protect?»

Inari gasped for air.

Sesshōmaru: This is pointless... - he said in a low tone and started to walk off again.

Inari: It isn't pointless my Lord! - he said calling to Sesshōmaru who was now several meters away - I suggest you start to accept the reason why you are feeling the way you are now... - he continued, but knew he probably couldn't hear him anymore and Sesshōmaru was now at the far end of the long hallway.

But nothing escaped Sesshōmaru's sharp ears. He had heard him and was cursing him, for that was the excruciating endless question disturbing him day after day...

That night, once more a sleepless, Sesshōmaru made his way to the chamber where Rin had stayed in.

He entered the room and looked around. The walls were silent as if holding their breath. Sesshōmaru sat down at the foot of the bed facing the large windows opposite it. He floped back onto it and stared at the ceilling bringing his hands up to his forehead and pushing his silver bangs back.

He sihed... «what am I doing here?»

He had avoided coming to this place when Rin was staying here, and had avoided it even more since she had left. But the chef's words echoed in his head...

After a few moments he turned over and crawled up the bed. He burried his face in the pillows where once his girl had slept. Her scent here was faint, but stonger than in the castle's kitchen...

He took deep breaths trying to feel what was left of her essence... Rin...he wispered.

Here, in the darkness of the room, he indulged in thoughts he had gone to great lenghts to avoid.

«Father...you went through this too?...I find that impossible to believe!...why did you chose the mortal in the end?»

Many memories sliped in and out of his mind. He recalled the days when his father was still alive and realized something about him that he never had considered before. Perhaps his actions hadn't been as pointless and empty as he believed?

He thought about Rin, and about what she really meant to him. Sesshōmaru had never really admitted to himself that she held an important place in his heart and that she was worthy somehow of the so called "protection" his father used to talk about.

Sesshōmaru's indiference towards humans was no secret and he never missed an oportunity to state that fact. But it was different with Rin. There had allways been something about her... he had always been greatly surprised by this little human child that pledged him unwavering loyalty and a great passion in her resolve to stay by him. And the fact that she did it, not out of fear or obligation, but out of kindness, care and recently...love.

He thought about her confession and that was tearing at him too. The more he thought about it, the more it made him feel both pleased and apreensive. Aside from everything else, was the fact she was too young! Even for Human years...

He kept trying to dismiss her confession as a young girl's delusion and something more of a passing crush. However, the thought of her forgetting him and being in another man's arms was making him suffer, as he slowly faced the fact that he had started to fall in love with her himself...

Some hours later...

The sun shone through the curtains of the bedroom waking him.

At long last he slept.

Sesshōmaru was still lying face down on the bed. As he began to move off them, pushing himself up with his arms into a seated position, he noticed the pillows had shifted a bit during the night. He then spoted something … it was a ribbon... the one she wore in her hair the day he brought her to the castle.

Sesshōmaru pulled it out from under the pillow and held it before him. He observed it for a while and then clasped it tightly. In a flash he was up and left the chamber.

As he descended the stair case he recognized a familiar scent, then he saw Jaken walking by at the bottom and called out to him.

Sesshōmaru: Jaken!

Jaken:Ah! Sesshōmaru-Sama! I was just looking for you! You have a visitor My Lord.

Sesshōmaru acknowlaged and made his way to the great hall to greet this visitor.