LizzieLovesLife: Thanks for the review and the good luck at school, really needed it today. And yeah sorry for the gossiping nurses but it has to well lead to what I want it to lead to, it's quite confusing to me right now, so sorry.

Right Hand Blue: Lol glad you liked my line and thnx for the review, Here's your update, so hope you enjoy.

Picric Drea: Lol well yeah my plan would be Thatcher killing Mer since I dislike; hate is such a mean word…; them both. Glad you liked it and Addie and Derek will have to deal with some issues sorry.

Addekislove: Oh, you hate Mer in my fic? Is she like different here? Anyway, not that I mind, my plan was making her… well like this –insert evil laugh here-

Liz: Should I have not told you? If that makes any sense, like grammatically seen… But if you wanna know more about the rest of my plans pm me or come on msn lol.

Lu78: Well, she is really unhappy but it'll get better. Not soon but soon enough I think.

Hubby: Take what personally? Desperate review there but I already told ya what's gonna happen.

Mclionmuch: Thanks a lot! And Mer IS a spoiled brat, I could go on and on about what I hate about her but that would take way too long. So, thanks for the review.

A/N: Sooo, bleh finally updated. Had a talk with McCutie which was quite depressing for the both of us, next one tuesday, wish me luck

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, even almost lost my pride... crying in front of a tutor, not so good...

Decisions, Fears and Friendship

The other day Derek awoke, feeling guilty. Addison surely was blaming him for the fact that the entire hospital knew about their night together. And he had to admit it was a bit his mistake. Derek didn't know why he didn't give her earrings back to her and just left them where she had put them. Maybe it was subconsciously or he just didn't see them. He didn't know.

He didn't know why he slept with Addison, or why he didn't regret it. Derek had no regrets, except from abandoning her back in New York and then in Seattle. But breaking up with Meredith or getting drunk and have sex with his ex wife, he didn't regret. Not at all, which seemed quite strange and highly confusing to him. After all it was him who ignored her. Him who left her and him who cheated on her when she was just in the other room.

So why doing this now? He had asked himself that very question a lot in the last couple of days, weeks actually and he had never found an answer to it. Derek had never actually considered him as a person who has weaknesses but ever since he had met Addison he found out that she was his weakness. Whenever she cried, he felt like crying, when she laughed he laughed along. They just fit. The golden couple. The one no one could ever tear apart no matter how complicated it would get. He had told himself that she maybe just wasn't the love of his life, the only woman that was meant for him. But he found himself proved wrong. By himself. Derek had been lying awake for hours now and couldn't close his eyes without seeing Addison in front of him. Seeing the times they were still happy. But all of this was gone now, his world was all in flames and ruins, but how was he going to tell her that?

Addison felt nauseas. She hadn't felt like this in forever. Well, actually she had just a few months ago, but she felt like she was all alone. All by herself. She felt 

insecure after all everyone was looking at her, talking about her and what a slut she was behind her back. But they didn't expect her to care, after all she was the ice queen, with a heart made out of stone, if she even had one.

Addison wanted to cry, to yell and to throw things but she couldn't. She felt broken. Like something was missing. There was no way out of this.

She couldn't regret sleeping with Derek more, or well she didn't actually regret it, it was the consequences that bothered her. Addison wasn't used to this. She just wasn't used to needing someone by her side, but she did. Addison needed Derek. As much as she wanted to deny it, trying not to let him notice, every fiber within her was missing him and craving for his touch. But she wanted to fight this feeling, she needed to. For both of their sake.

"Doctor Montgomery!" Addison heard Alex Karev's voice behind her, but she didn't even bother to turn around to see what he wanted. Addison just kept on walking, she didn't care where she was going, as long as she was just getting away from everything. Everything that had hurt her. Once she had reached an empty on call room Addison sank down on the bed, letting her tears fall freely as her body began to shudder in response to her sobs. Why did this always, always, always have to happen to her? Why her? Was this still payback for sleeping with her husband's best friend? No, it couldn't be that, other women would've been punished a lot harder than her then and she didn't see any of them crying in an on call room during work.

Addison had to get away, far away from Seattle, from the slutty intern that had been throwing Derek flirty glances ever since she had arrived and far away from Derek, the love of her life, but she just couldn't handle being around him and seeing him every day. Especially not seeing him with her.

An hour later after endless floats of tears and then fixing her makeup Addison walked out of the on call room she had been hiding in. Her shaky voice and red eyes betraying the perfectionism she was holding onto so desperately.

"Addison? Are you okay?" Callie asked her friend in a concerned and pitiful tone. A tone Addison despised. She hated it when people were feeling sorry for her, it made her feel weak.

"I'm fine." Oh god she sounded like Grey.

"No you're not. I'm your friend. I know you Addison and I can tell you're not fine." Callie said down next to her.

Addison let a heavy sigh escape her chest. "Alright. I can't do this anymore Callie. Seriously, it's just getting to much and I can't keep up. I don't wanna be all by myself anymore. Everyone here hates me, except for you and Miranda." Her shoulders began to shake again as the sobs overwhelmed her.

Callie wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her into a hug. "Hey, it's gonna be fine." She tried to soothe her.

"No it's not. I'm serious Callie, I have to get away from here."

"But you'll be alone there too."

"I don't care, it's the only thing I can do, move far away and leave this mess behind." Addison sighed, she knew she had to move away from Seattle, and Callie knew this too.

"I know." Callie sighed sadly. She didn't want her to leave. Addison was the only one she still had after the divorce.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Soooo, did ya like it?

GIMME