Ahh its the latest chapter! Kinda a slow one. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter as well as my latest mini-story Homo-What?! A million thanks!!
Thankies to: x.spanish.eyes.x, Gr33nJ3w3lRain, CharmedSerenity3, Endy's Girl, MegTao, Goddess of the Moonlit Sky, Usagi-Tsukino-uf06, SiLvErMoOnWiNg, supersaiyanx, sailorceb, Caytlyn Rose, v1cky84, SulliMike23, ffgirlmoonie and Gomen Nasi for reviewing the last chapter
Title: Only In My Dreams
Author: Crystal Saturn
Rated: T
Chapter: 9- What You Won't Reveal/Talk To Me
"Hi Serena." Mina cautiously sat beside her close friend at the arcade. "How are you feeling today?"
"Fine." Serena stated simply, not tearing her eyes away at the chocolate milkshake in front of her. "Just fine."
"Serena, please don't be like this." She watched as her friend and fellow scout yawned idly. "A lot of things were said last night but none of those things were intended to hurt you. We're trying to help you, Rena. Lately it seems like you've been spacing out and falling asleep a lot more. It's like it's so hard to reach you these days because your head's always in the clouds." Mina confessed. She didn't know what to do anymore. Raye's theory of tough love seemed to work at first, but now it only seemed to be running Serena into the ground more and more.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Mina." Serena yawned once more. "I'm just so tired."
"Well tell me, please, what can i do to help you?" Mina pleaded. "The girls and i spoke last night after the battle and we all came to a joint conclusion. We all want to help you, no matter what."
"Even Raye?" Serena raised a curious eyebrow.
"Yes, even Raye. She knows she was wrong to say what she did. She worries about you probably more than anyone else, she just has a funny way of showing it."
"Yeah, tell me about it." The exhausted blonde teen mumbled cynically.
"Come on, please Rena. Tell us what's wrong. We want you as our leader. You were the first and only Sailor Moon. But you've got to let us help you. We're a team, remember? But moreover, we're friends. And friends don't let other friends suffer alone."
"Friends don't rub it in their friends faces when their tiara doesn't work either." Serena quipped spitefully, but soon calmed down once more and reasoned with herself. "Look, Mina. I'm sorry about the way i've been acting lately too. I haven't been the leader everyone expects me to be. I'll try harder, i promise. But as for everything else that's happening in my life, that's my burden that i will deal with on my own. It's no one else's business but my own. I can deal with it. They're my problems. Thank you, Mina. You've been a loyal scout, but you can go tell the girls that i don't need their help. I can do this all on my own." Serena stubbornly refused to yield. "Now, if you'll please excuse me, i have urgent things to attend to." With that, Serena abruptly cut short their conversation, stood up and left, without once looking her friend in the eye.
She walked around the city for a while, before finding a seat on a wooden bench in the park on the other side of town. There she stared down the sun for a while, before turning her attention towards all the people who busily walked past. Did they know how it felt? Did they suffer day to day like she did?
"You know, you don't always have to put on a brave face."
Serena returned to watching the sun slip lower and lower in the sky. This unexpected comment hit her hard. She didn't want to, but she knew she had to. She steeled herself as he sat down on the bench beside her. She silently blinked away hot searing tears that made her eyes tingle.
"Where did you go, Serena?" He watched as she lowered her head, visibly holding back tears that threatened to spill from her ocean blue eyes. "You were never like this before. What happened to the carefree, vibrant Serena that we've all grown to know and love." She sniffled and he knew she was beginning to cry, but he charged on relentlessly. "What happened to you, Meatball Head? You've changed so much, it's like you're not even you anymore. I don't know who you are. Your friends don't know who you are. You've disappeared without a trace and you're not giving any hints as to when you've gone."
"Why are you even here, Darien?" Serena stifled back sobs. "Why do you care?"
"You know, you remind me a little of someone i know." Darien sidestepped the question. He leaned over and plucked a young rose bud from within his coat jacket. Twirling it within his fingers, he continued. "She fights so hard every night, but no one notices. She's always trying and she always gives hope to those all around her. Lately though, she's been so busy giving hope to every one else that she's barely left any for herself. She's been trying so hard to be someone she's not, someone she doesn't want or need to be. She's loved by everyone she meets, but recently, she's been pushing them all away."
"You didn't answer me." Serena tried to control herself amongst fits of tears. "Why are you telling all this to me? Why do you care?"
"Because i've watched you these past few weeks Serena. I always watch over you, to make sure you're ok. You just don't know it. I've seen you walk into the arcade every day, more and more tired. You're slowly dying day by day. You think that no one else sees it. No one else notices, but i have."
"Oh yeah? Is that right now? Well what about your friend? Why don't you go council her about her problems. I dont need this from you, thank you very much Dr. Phil."
"I would, but she's not really listening to me right now. Isn't that right, Sailor Moon?" Darien tilted his head towards the blonde beauty before him.
"Excuse me?" Serena spluttered in shock.
"You heard me."
"I don't have the slightest clue about what you're talking about but you're clearly delusional. I think you're the one that needs to go home and ta..." Serena caught a glimpse of the red rosebud being skillfully twirled between Darien's fingers. She shook her head, refusing to believe what was being implied.
"I think you understand now."
"How did you... Why are you..." A million questions whizzed through Serena's mind at once.
"You don't think i wouldn't notice when both you and Sailor Moon were slipping up royally?" Darien absentmindedly ran his fingers through his dark hair.
"But that would mean that you're..." Serena pointed at the rose in Darien's possession accusingly. "You must be..." She couldn't bring herself to say it.
"Tuxedo Mask." He confirmed for her.
"Oh god." Serena struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. "Why are you telling me this?"
"It's only fair, since i found out your identity Meatball Head, that you know mine. And besides, i know how it feels to be under so much pressure. To have people expect so much from you."
"You do?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, no. Not really. But i do know what it feels like to be alone. Which i bet is how you've been feeling lately. Like no one understands what you're going through. No one sees that you're trying your best. You feel insignificant and unappreciated. Serena didn't respond for a while. She sat quietly on the wooden park bench, her head bowed and her gaze lowered.
"I hate you." She shuddered slightly.
"What?" Darien turned swiftly towards the girl.
"You're such a jerk to me. You're always teasing me. You're always making fun of me. You're the last person i'd ever want to talk to about my problems. I hate you because you're the one and only person in the world that understands me the most. I hate you because you're the only person that has always had faith in me unconditionally, even if you didnt know it was me. Most of all, I hate you, Darien, because i feel like i can talk to about anything and everything, and i don't know why."
"Strange huh?" A comforting smile spread upon Darien's lips as he placed a hand on Serena's shoulders. She glanced up at him and burst into tears. Darien looked down at the distraught girl and panicked. He had no idea what to do next. She was clearly upset, and he had no idea how to make her happy again. Hesitating slightly, he placed an arm gingerly around Serena's shoulders and brought her closer to him. He tensed slightly at the feeling of her arms slipping around his body as she held onto him closely, crying openly onto his chest. Her body trembled gently with every sob. Darien slowly began to relax as he raised a hand and started to comfort the young girl by brushing her hair away from her face.
"So, these dreams of yours, they feel real?" Darien inquired.
"Yes they do. It's almost like i'm really there." Serena sat on the bench next to the ebony haired man.
"And you've been having them every night now for a while, right?"
"Every night except for two nights ago. When i painted those pictures. Call it coincidence but those pictured came alive. We were fighting them. The dragon, the fireballs the pixies... they all came alive." Serena was fully aware of how crazy she sounded at the moment, and hoped to whatever supreme being in the heavens above that Darien did not judge her as cruelly as she imagined he would.
"Yeah that's a really strange coincidence." Darien agreed as he listened to the young blonde. He wasn't sure what to think at that moment. It sounded like a huge elaborate fictional story, but it did explain why all the monsters lately had been targeting Sailor Moon in particular. Serena didn't seem like the type of person to simply make up a story to gain pity and/or attention. She was a truthful person and innocent by nature. She had no motive to fabricate such a story.
"You don't believe me, do you?" Serena eagerly watched Darien's face, trying to read and decipher the expressions that presented themselves.
"I do!" Darien defended almost immediately. "It's just... It's very peculiar. It's a very difficult story to swallow."
"I...I'm not telling you to swallow anything." Serena blinked a few times, blankly staring at the man before her. "Why would you be trying to eat my story?" Serena frowned and scratched her head, feeling rather confused. Darien turned his head down to the girl next to him. She returned the gaze with her innocent blue eyes and he knew she was being serious. He let out a wholehearted laugh.
"It's just an expression, Sere." His laughter died down into a few chuckled between words. "It's not literal."
"Oh." Serena stated simply, her cheeks flushing a bright crimson colour from embarrassment. Darien laughed once more. Serena watched as his eyes lit up, turning a lighter shade of blue. His lips curved into a crooked smile. Everything about him seemed to come alive when he laughed, and she couldn't help but smile and giggle as well.
"It's good to see you smiling again, Meatball head." Darien noted. "You're much more fun to tease when you're happy."
"Hey!" Serena pouted. "You know, you're not exactly the poster boy for happiness yourself Mr. Mask."
"I know, but that's different. I'm being mysterious." He tilted his chin up and posed, causing Serena to smile once more.
"Sure." Serena rolled her eyes, her voice dripping with sarcasm. The conversation died down once more and the two of them sat there, silently on the park bench, watching as the street lights fluttered on.
"You know..." Darien spoke up once more, choosing his words carefully. "No matter what form you're in, or who you are, i'll be looking out for you. You don't have to go through this all alone." Tears formed once more in Serena's eyes. "I'm sure Raye and the rest of the Scouts are worried about you too. They want to try to help you through whatever you're going through, if you'd just let them. You don't have to hold the weight of the world upon your shoulders. We'll help you carry the load." Serena sat still and silent, listening to the words of the man she once called a jerk and an idiot. She nodded in understanding.
"I know. But sometimes i just feel like there are some things that i don't want to tell the scouts about. I know they're my friends and they want to help me, but there are some things that i just want to be able to do on my own. As a leader, as a friend and just as myself, i want to know that i can do this on my own. I can hold up and i don't need to rely on everyone to do everything for me."
"I know you're strong. I know you can do anything you set your mind to. But if you need any help, Meatball head... Just ask."
"Thank you, Jerkazoid." Serena smiled warmly and flung her arms around Darien once more. "Thank you for everything... again."
"Don't mention it." Darien smiled to himself as he returned the embrace.
Umm i hope you guys like the gradual transition from jerk Darien to supportive Darien. If you think it's going too fast then tell me. If not, then enjoy! Please review, and i'll see you all next week! Add me to your myspaces! The link is my homepage on my profile.
Crystal Saturn
