Chapter Nine: The Wishbone

Mr. Burns sat at his desk, stunned by what he had just read. "An arousing chapter? No! I did not just think that!"

It was almost as if he'd forgotten the gender of the two people involved as he'd read. He only wished he could get the images provoked by the story out of his head. They would certainly prove to be a distraction from work for the rest of the day and perhaps even days to come.

Though, when he stopped and thought about the story objectively, it had taken quite an unexpected turn. Wallace would often go on and on about how much he wanted Baines and then the two were suddenly thrust together with no real explanation. It seemed sort of unrealistic. Love rarely ever turned out like that, especially when it was unrequited. The cold hard truth was that many people, especially when the love was so unconventional as in the story, never end up with the one they truly desire. Maybe Baines' lust for Wallace's blood played a factor in it. He picked up the last few pages, wondering what the outcome would be as he read.


It was morning and the vampire and his apprentice lie tangled beneath the sheets of the ornate canopy bed. The sun was casting an uncomfortable light into the room and Wallace knew it was only a matter of time before Baines awoke from the irritating sting of the sun. Contrary to popular belief, the sun wouldn't instantly kill him, but it was definitely harsh on his sensitive skin given prolonged contact.

Wallace pretended to be asleep as he felt movement next to him. Mr. Baines climbed out from under the sheets and sat up on the edge of the bed. He wondered what was going on in the man's head, whether or not Baines was just as nervous as himself. He was so cold and detached most of the time, that being nervous just didn't seem in his nature. The bed felt suddenly empty as Baines stood and walked over to pick up his discarded clothes from the floor. Wallace dared to take a peek as he had never seen him in such a state of undress, pale skin and tall lanky features even more gorgeous unfettered by clothing. Even last night, everything had happened so fast he had barely even gotten the chance to look at that slim, strong physique.

Mr. Baines normally dressed so formal and he'd rarely ever seen him without his perfectly groomed appearance and immaculately tied cravat. He was a regular Beau Brummell, only his taste in clothes were a bit dated by modern standards of the day since he hadn't completely gotten out of the lace and frills of the previous century.

He watched through squinted eyes as Baines quickly slipped on his white undershirt and then crossed the room to draw the curtains closed, effectively darkening the room to a comfortable level, just enough to see.

He closed his eyes and remained motionless as he sensed Baines approach him. He felt the edge of the bed depress from Baines' weight and felt the warmth of Baines kissing his forehead briefly, most likely assuming Wallace was still asleep. As he felt Baines moving away he impulsively gripped his shirt, preventing him from leaving. Baines stared at him apparently surprised by Wallace's sudden wakefulness.

"I-I didn't mean to... wake you." Baines muttered, his voice uncharacteristically faltering. Wallace's hands still clutched the ruffles of Baines' shirt. He was practically half way on the bed, leaning over Wallace. After a long silence, Baines pulled away from his grasp apologetically.

"I have to get to work. It would be for the best to forget last night, I'm sorry." said Baines as he took a few steps back. Wallace felt horrible for making him so regretful. He just knew the whole thing was his fault since there was one particular secret he had been keeping from Baines for the past few weeks; a secret that most likely fueled his loss of inhibitions. Wallace had secretly changed a few of the key ingredients in the bloodlust serum rendering it useless. In effect, Baines had been taking the concoction for the past two weeks but it had done nothing for him. Wallace, on the other hand, had been showered with attention, almost to the point that Baines refused to let him out of his sight and had become overly possessive. Even at the vampire meeting, he'd become dangerously jealous when anyone paid even the slightest attention to him.

He knew Baines would be infuriated if he found out, but the guilt of Baines blaming himself for his lack of control made Wallace want to come clean.

"I'm the one that should be sorry." confessed Wallace against his better judgment. He sat up on the bed, the sheets pooled around his bare waist and he suddenly felt even more naked now that Baines stood across the room slipping the rest of his clothes on. He swallowed nervously as he prepared for the oncoming outrage he knew was to come.

"Hmm?" asked Baines confusedly as he tucked the shirttails into his trousers. He inched closer to Wallace and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Well... ah...apparently the serum has lost effectiveness. Have not you noticed?" Wallace hung his head, unable to meet his gaze, "Twasn't your fault..."

"Wait, You are not at fault. Why should you feel sorry?" asked Baines.

"The serum, with it's distinctiveness to mimic the dynamic and varying chemical releases into the blood of any individual, controls the brain's addiction to any one human's blood, thereby nullifying the dependency, does it not?"

"Impressive. When, may I ask, did you accumulate such knowledge? I have no books on the particular subject of the Sanguis Cupidas serum, seeing as I am the inventor. Perhaps you've read about it in my notes?"

"Er, well I guess..." he mumbled. He knew how the man was about his lab. He was only allowed in there when Baines was around to supervise what he was doing; he didn't trust anyone when it came to his laboratory.

"Wallace, please tell me you haven't been meddling around in my lab again!" said Baines, his voice raised in anger as he stood up next to the bed. "Did you tamper with any of the vials or chemicals I had set up?"

"I'm sorry..." said Wallace.

"Alas! It's all so clear now!" yelled Baines as he paced the floor. "It seems that for the past fortnight, my voracious craving for you had returned, this time it wasn't your blood that I wanted."

"I'm sorry!" said Wallace. He stood up from the bed, drawing the sheets up around his waist, ever the modest fellow. "I had no idea..."

"Had no idea? Of the dangers, I have warned you countless times! Becoming too close... too intimate with a vampire without the wherewithal of learning the consequences! The dangers of fooling around in my lab?" Baines voice was becoming louder and more fueled by rage the more he spoke. "You knew I could potentially kill you without that potion, yet you fool around with your life so carelessly!"

"Well... when I see you with Loraine or anyone else for that matter, even one of your victims, you always give them so much attention. It seemed that blasted potion was keeping you from me. I desired things back the way they were, back before you invented the serum."

"But things aren't back to the way they were are they? What we did last night was nothing but the withdrawal effects of the potion! Is that what you wanted? Lust driven, meaningless fornication? You've only made things worse! I can't even bare the sight of you!"

Before Wallace knew what had hit him, he felt a sharp sting of Baines' hand across the side of his face. He then found himself alone in the room as Baines had bolted out and left him there. He brought a hand to his face, skin still burning from the impact.


A sudden jarring noise interrupted Burns from his reading; it was Ms. Naegle. Burns inconspicuously stuffed the story in the top drawer of his desk and quickly propped his elbows on the desktop, tapping his fingers together innocently as Lindsey stalked up to his desk.

"Ms. Naegle? I didn't hear my intercom announce your arrival." said Burns. He had been so engrossed within the story that he'd been startled by her sudden appearance, bursting through his doors. "Just out of curiosity, how did you get past the security?" questioned Burns.

"You call that scrawny excuse for a doorman security? Anyway, I have something in my hand that you'll just die from excitement when you see!" He really supposed he should be angry or at least a little concerned over her blatant breach of security, but at the moment she had piqued his curiosity as he eyed the black folder held in her hand.

"What is it?" he asked.

She slapped the folder down on the desktop in front of him. Burns looked up at her as she grinned mischievously and he wondered just what all of this was about. He took the folder and flipped it open. It looked suspiciously like some official, safety commission issued, inspection papers that the inspectors would normally fill out when they gave the plant a standardized grade. He scanned over the area where he suspected to find the passing scores that she had promised only to find that all of the fields were empty. It looked like she hadn't filled in any of the sections.

"I don't get it." he stated flatly, setting the papers back on the desk. "Why give me a blank inspection report?"

"Why, so you could fill it out of course! Haven't you always wanted to get your hands on one of these blank reports give your plant a passing grade?" she asked, seeming to know just how to suck up to the boss; almost at a level that could rival Smithers' ability. Burns stared at the papers, stunned that she would even present him with such an opportunity. How much was this woman willing to bend the laws just for Burns to hire her? She already had the job as far as he was concerned, but he had to admit that the opportunity to grade his own plant sounded too good to pass up. Was this a trick?

"Ms. Naegle, I could just kiss you!" said Burns excitedly.

"Well, don't you think we should at least be on a first name basis then?" she said, her voice laden with the usual flirtatious tone she always used with Burns, despite the normal business voice she always put on for everyone else.

"Yes, that would make sense... Please, feel free to call me Monty!" said Burns, leaning forward in his seat slightly as he rested his elbows on the desk. Always a suspicious one, Burns didn't quite know what she was playing at, but he could play this game as well until he figured out her true motives.

"Of course Monty! Now hurry and fill out those reports so you can think of where we'll be going on our date tonight!"

"Date?"

"Already have plans? I'm sure a man such as yourself has tons dates lined up, don't you?" she purred, leaning closer over his desk.

"Oh, I think I can fit you in somewhere. Why, it just so happens that I am free tonight!" Of course he was free tonight, he hadn't been on a date for months if he discounted his occasional outings with Smithers. Of course he would discount those, but a little embellishments when it came to his social calendar never hurt.

"Great! Uh, you know Monty, Just to make it look a bit more authentic, don't make your scores too high or else they'll get suspicious!" said Ms, Naegle, gesturing towards the paper. "I mean, no plant can have that drastic of an improvement in just one year!"

"Right, good thinking. You know, Smithers would have suggested the same once he'd overcome the moral implications of breaking a couple of little, insignificant laws." said Burns as he filled in the inspection report, doing his best to disguise his handwriting.

"Smithers... isn't he the annoying little fellow that follows you around all the time like a puppy?"

"Yes, that would be him." Burns answered, laughing quietly at her description of his assistant.

"Hmm, I have to remember to get one of those suck up types. My assistant isn't nearly as dedicated to her job! How did you train him so well?" asked Neagle.

"Uh..."

Before he could answer, Smithers came walking in; the lovely yet annoying raven haired inspector clutching his arm and chatting incessantly about an extra toe she'd had removed as a teenager.

"Ever since then I can wear any shoe I want. Pumps, Stilettos, open-toed shoes galore! I've been an avid shoe collector ever since! You should see my closet!" Stella boasted as she held onto Smithers' arm. "They chopped that sucker right off my foot and they even let me take it home in a jar!"

"Ugh... I think I'm going to be nauseous." Smithers muttered.

"I got some pepto in my bag, works wonders for nausea, my mother swears by it." said Stella, rummaging through her designer handbag. By the looks of it, Smithers seemed rather irritated by the overly affectionate woman and for some reason, Burns found this as a bit of a relief, as well as amusing to watch. Could it possibly be that he was becoming jealous of the strange lady's amorous behavior toward his assistant?

Whether or not he was becoming jealous didn't concern Burns as much as the look of envy Smithers was shooting in his direction upon spotting him still chatting with Ms. Naegle. It didn't take long before Smithers was by his side, standing next to his desk as always. Apparently his assistant had his own jealousy issues and he couldn't deny that it felt a little gratifying.

"Here, let me sign the bottom! You don't want your signature there!" Ms. Naegle quickly grabbed the pen from Mr. Burns and jotted her name down at the bottom of the document. "You'd practically be incriminating us both!" she muttered below her breath.

"Oh, right. Sounds like you've forged your share of documents in the past, eh Lindsey?" asked Burns jovially.

"Well, let's just say I've walked a fine line with the law a few times!" said Lindsey speaking in hushed tones as shy eyed his assistant suspiciously. It appeared that she preferred to keep the whole deal under wraps.

This woman, no matter what sort of game she was playing with him, was intriging. She was just the kind of likeminded individual that he was sure the two of them could potentially make a formidable pair, whether in a business partnership or something more. He'd always had a thing for blonds as well.

Lindsey seemed the perfect person to invite to the banquet since she was well connected in the business world, well spoken, charming, not to mention beautiful. All of the guys would definitely be jealous when they saw him walking in with her on his arm. Burns stood up from his seat and walked over to Ms. Naegle, contemplating what he was about to ask.

"You know Lindsey, if I may be so bold, there is this charity banquet Saturday night. Would you like to accompany me?" Burns asked hopefully, leaning closer and nudging her with his arm.

"Charity huh? Sure, sounds like fun!" she chimed excitedly.

"But sir? I thought you were going with me?" Smithers spoke, breaking into the conversation and boldly grabbing onto Burns' arm. An action that seemed almost possessive, as if he were trying to physically distance Burns from the blond inspector.

"I'm sorry Mr. Smithers, but he invited me!" stated Naegle defiantly as she grabbed onto Burns' other arm. Burns felt almost like the wishbone between two young children, both fighting over who would get the largest piece. He hadn't felt so wanted in quite a while and it felt pretty gratifying, he only hoped that they wouldn't end up snapping him in half in true wishbone tradition!

"You'll just have to find some other entertainment that night." said Ms. Naegle dismissively.

'Oh! That's right! I did ask him first! This is going to be really awkward...' thought Burns. Before, he would have just told Smithers to man-up and get over it. Now, he surprised himself to think that he would actually feel sorry for Smithers. Ever since reading the story, he had sort of formed a new perspective on the hardworking, dedicated assistant of his and his whole view on their relationship had somehow become all muddled up to the point where he didn't know how he truly felt anymore.

He was in a real predicament this time! Now he had two dates for the banquet and he would have to come to a decision and fast. Both stood staring at Mr. Burns, waiting for a response. He was at a loss for words and simply couldn't find his voice enough to speak. Why did Smithers feelings have to come into account? He could just tell Lindsey that he that he had a prior commitment and be done with it, but how could he turn down a beautiful woman just to go out with Smithers? What would people think? Besides, he went out with Smithers all the time; what difference would one silly banquet make?

"I'm sorry Smithers," Burns offered, sympathetically, "but you and I can always go to some other event. You understand don't you?"

"Of course, I always step aside when it comes to you and your countless girlfriends don't I?" Smithers replied, clearly crestfallen as he let go of Burns and crossed his arms dejectedly. Lindsey triumphantly clutched onto Burn's arm tighter as if she had won some prize, a boastful grin across her face. She had ultimately gotten the biggest half of the wishbone and had won this round.

He simply couldn't turn Lindsey down; there was just too much riding on it. They both had practically broken the law and she knew too much incriminating information about him now that he didn't dare turn her down. She had the upper hand and he just hated it when others controlled his actions. Yet somewhere in his mind, he had the feeling that he would have preferred to have gone to the banquet with Smithers despite his obvious attraction to Lindsey Naegle.

"Great," Lindsey interrupted, "I can't wait! Say, Monty, have you decided where you want to go on our date tonight? I'm up for a night of fine dinning and dancing!"

Burns winced at Naegle's sudden comment. He just remembered that he and Smithers already had plans that night to go shopping for some formal-wear for the banquet. Most likely Smithers wouldn't even be able to go to the event now since he was only just coming as Burns' guest. Even though it was just another charity event to Burns, Smithers had seemed very enthusiastic about the whole evening. It was a pity that he had to turn him down twice in one day. Talk about adding insult to injury!

"So... you two have made plans for tonight too?" asked Smithers.

"Smithers, I know what you're thinking... but we still have two days before the banquet. We can go shopping tomorrow can't we?"

"Well, since I'm not going to the banquet anymore then I don't really need a new suit do I?" snapped Smithers, The poison in his voice stinging quite painfully for for someone not so accustomed to expeariencing sympathy for his assistant. It was quite uncharacteristic of Smithers to snap back at him like that, but Burns supposed he deserved as much and he let it slide. It wasn't in Burn's nature to feel remorse, but Smithers had somehow been drawing it from him on a regular basis lately.

Stella cleared her throat to speak, causing everyone to look in her direction as she sat on the edge of the desk.

"Well I don't have a date now either," said Stella. "Lindsey was going to take me until Mr. Burns asked her. Why don't you just go to the banquet with me Waylon? Problem solved!"

"You mean have an invite?" asked Smithers in disbelief.

"Oh, for sure! Don't look so surprised!" Stella replied, "I'm pretty well connected myself, surprisingly enough." Most of those sorts of events were pretty exclusive. Normally they were just an excuse for the local business tycoons and affluent citizens of Springfield to get together to socialize and network. It really was somewhat surprising that Stella had an invite; someone who was practically a nobody from Shelbyville with manners and sensibilities Burns considered along the lines of the nouveax riche that certainly didn't seem to mesh well the stuffy, high-class circles Burns ran with. Smithers must be feeling pretty insignificant if someone like her got an invitation and not himself.

Then again, the people that arranged the event probably assumed that he'd bring Smithers along like always. It made him wonder what people really thought about the true nature of their relationship. People might have already assumed they were together in a romantic relationship for years. Whenever anyone mentioned Burns' name, Smithers' name went right along with it. It was like everyone already thought they were a packaged deal and it was a little uncomfortable to think of all the rumors that might be floating around that he'd been so blissfully unaware of.

"I'm not sure, Stella. I mean we practically just met and..." Smithers hesitated. He was trying to find a polite way to turn her down.

"Oh, its just for fun anyway. Besides, you'll just be sitting home alone anyway. Why not come with me and join in on the fun. You like to dance?" Stella asked.

"Well, I'm not as good as Mr. Burns at dancing but-"

"Great! So we'll go together then?" she asked excitedly, not even waiting to hear his reply. She certainly seemed like one that wasn't accustomed to being turned down.

"Mm... sure. Why not?" answered Smithers halfheartedly. Burns wondered just how someone could be so accommodating and polite that he'd go out of his comfort zone to go with Stella when it was clear that he didn't want to.

"Awesome! I'm going to really show up that snobby Alice from accounting when she see's my date!" Stella cheered excitedly pumping her fist in triumph. Smithers laughed unenthusiastically. After a moment, Burns spoke up, deciding that they'd all had enough idle chat.

"Now, back to business." said Burns, "What would you say if I hired you on as the new budget efficiency advisor? You seem to have a lot of knowledge in that area." Burns complemented Ms. Naegle, playing the safe route and not mentioning in front of Smithers, any illegal activities that may have occurred earlier.

"I'd say that title has a nice ring to it!" Naegle said.

"Then you're hired! When can you start?"

"Tomorrow? I think that can be arranged. The safety commission can't wait to get rid of me anyway, so screw them!"

"Excellent." said Burns. "I can't get an honest advisor since all the others I've hired are all just lame yes-men, afraid to challenge my ideas."

"Don't worry; I'm one that really believes that a business runs on the synergy of great minds such as ours." stated Ms. Naegle.

Both Smithers and Stella looked irritated as Naegle prattled on with one of her impromptu motivational speeches. Honestly, the women must have attended one too many seminars.

"I've got lots of good ideas for this place." she continued, "I can have this place running at peak efficiency in no time!

Smithers seemed to take Naegle's speech as his cue to leave; Stella followed closely behind leaving Burns and Ms. Naegle once again alone in the office. Burns felt slightly nervous and decided to walk across to the other side of the room, his desk between them both, giving him a little security and distance from her. He was normally so confident around women, but something about her straight forward assertiveness unnerved him a bit. She was a bit too much like himself and with they way she was staring at him from across the room, he decided to keep a safe distance.

Ms. Naegle smoothly sidled closer, climbing over the desk, her knees on the desktop. She reached out and without saying a word, grabbed the front of Burns' navy blue jacket and forcefully pulled him closer and kissed him eagerly and with such passion that he hadn't seen in a while. In his mind, flashes of the other night when he had kissed Smithers raced through his thoughts and he was taken aback! He wasn't supposed to be picturing Smithers! This moment was suppose to be all Lindsey and there he was shamefully picturing Smithers as the one draped over the desk and clutching on to him desperately. Burns was sure that he seriously needed psychiatric help.

Finally, she released him and stepped off of the desk, straightening her white coat. Burns fell back into his seat, clutching his chest as he tried to catch his breath. Just who did she think wore the pants in this relationship?

"Well then, I guess I'll see you tonight? You've got my number." said Naegle rather confidently.

"I do?" asked Burns unsteadily, still gripping his chest.

"Yeah, I slipped it into your pocket. I gotta go, bye Monty!"

She left the room and as the double doors slammed shut, Burns stood there behind his desk, certain that he must be insane to be thinking of kissing Smithers again. Those thoughts should have already been put behind him tried and tried to rationalize it the best he could. It was natural to have unwanted images invade the thoughts sometimes right?


A.N. - It seems Mr. Baines has a penchant for wearing lace trimmed shirts. I guess real men can get away with wearing lace. At least in those days. I suppose some still do...

This story seems to be stretching out longer than I'd thought. Just my writing style I guess. Either that or I go into way too much detail... I blame it on my English teachers constantly drilling into my mind to, as they say, "Now say it with me boys and girls... ELABORATE! Show the story, don't just tell what happens." I guess too much elaboration isn't good either though. xD I'll try to keep it balanced!

Thanks for all the reviews! Really means a lot! You guys rock. :)

To be continued.