CHAPTER NINE: THE PREFECT'S BALL
And suddenly it was upon them, the epitome of all Lily's nightmares. The Prefect's ball- the event she had least been looking forward to all year. The ball was to start at seven o'clock, and dinner was to be served during the event, so girls had plenty of time in which to get ready. Excitement was high in the air, that Hall was already being decorated marvelously for the occasions, and it looked to be a grand evening. Unfortunately, Evelyn was in a bad mood right from the start of the day. Lily was shaken awake by her friend at eight o'clock that morning (term had finished the day before), and she was in tears.
"Lily! Wake up! I need you!" she was sobbing.
'What? What?" Lily said blearily, trying to wake herself up quickly. 'What on earth's the matter?"
"I just got a letter from Tommy," she sobbed, 'And he…he…doesn't think it's working out! He wants to break up!"
"What?" Lily cried. "How did you get it?"
"My parents sent it by owl!" Evelyn bawled, brandishing the terrible letter in lily's face.
'Wait, wait, Eve…" Lily said, rubbing her eyes. "Are you sure? Are you sure that's what he meant?"
"Read it yourself!" Evelyn wailed. The letter did indeed state Tommy Ryan's wishes to break up with Evelyn, but it was done in a fairly courteous way at least. (of course when Ingrid, also rudely awoken, pointed that out to Evelyn she was treated to a stream of tearful abuse for her trouble.) By the time they had eaten breakfast, however, Evelyn seemed to have gotten over it, and apologised for yelling at Ingrid.
"I should never have let meself get worked up over a boy," she said in disgust at the breakfast table, "he's not worth it. None of them are!" She slammed her fist down onto the table, but it landed in a plate of kippers.
"That's right," said Lily soothingly, handing Evelyn a napkin, "Boys aren't worth anything, especially not the time and energy it takes to get angry with them." She bit back the hypocrisy as soon as the words left her mouth. She herself had wasted a lot of time and energy getting angry over a certain boy, and over a period of four years. And lately…lately she was wondering if it really was worth it, keeping up a vendetta against James Potter. Recently he had become almost…bearable? No, that wasn't the word…well, whatever it was, it still set her wondering. She regretted yelling at him for only trying to help. She really did, and it made her think if she'd actually hurt James's feelings this time. After all, he'd proved he wasn't so bad.
He's not,
Lily told herself. He…saved my life.He'd saved her life.
Oh god, I'm an idiot…
At that moment, James himself came down, flanked, as usual, by Sirius and Remus.
"Well, I hate him!" Evelyn said explosively as the boys sat down at the table. "I hate them all!" She glared at James murderously. "Boys!" she spat out, slamming her fist down again only to upturn a pitcher of orange juice.
"Yes, we are boys. Well spotted." James said, as Remus bent to pick up the pitcher.
"At least, I think?" Sirius said, scratching his head.
"Are we boys, James?' said Remus.
"Last time I checked," said James mildly. " What up with her?" he said to Ingrid, inclining his head at Evelyn, who now sat muttering darkly as she wiped orange juice off her robes.
"Tommy sent her a letter this morning, saying that he wants to break up," Ingrid said in a hushed voice. Remus dropped the now empty pitched with a clatter.
"R-really?" he said to Evelyn.
"A "Dear John" letter, eh?…" said Sirius thoughtfully. "That's pretty gutless."
"Yeah. Imagine not having the balls to break up face to face," James agreed. He turned to Evelyn. "You don't need a prat like that, Eve. You're better off without him."
"Yeah!" agreed Remus eagerly. Evelyn nodded composedly.
"Thank you boys. Lily, Ingrid- come with me to write me reply to Tommy whatsisface, will you?"
Lily and Ingrid obediently followed her up the staircase, smirking at Remus, who was barely able to control his grin
Later on, when the six Gryffindors sat in the common room, Evelyn was still expostulating about her ex-boyfriend. The letter she had sent was full of expletives and abuse about Tommy's faults.
"And another thing- he never washed his hair! It was always greasy," she said. "Spew!"
"Yuk!" agreed Ingrid. Lily caught Remus's eye, and smiled. While other groups of people from fifth year and above had been excitedly discussing the impending ball, Evelyn had done nothing all day but abuse Tommy. Ingrid and Lily still agreed with everything she said, but James and Sirius were quite open about their boredom of the subject.
"We've had that one- twice is it, Padfoot?"
"Three times, prongs."
They sniggered to themselves. Lily bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. Evelyn frowned at them, and then looked at her watch. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I forgot the time! Girls, we'd best go and get ready!" she leapt up from her chair. James looked at his own watch and let out a disbelieving cry.
"It's only three thirty! The Ball doesn't start until seven! How can you possibly take that long to get ready?"
"We're girls; we can do anything," said Evelyn haughtily. She grabbed Ingrid's arm and led her upstairs, Ingrid waving at the boys as they left.
"Lily," said Sirius, shifting seats so he was now sitting next to her. "Are you all excited about tonight?"
"Very," Lily lied, smiling at him.
"Good," said Sirius. "You should be. I'll meet you at the bottom of the marble staircase, all right?"
"Sure," said Lily, getting to her feet. "See you then."
Sirius grinned, watching her go. He leaned back in his chair with a satisfied sounding sigh. "Isn't it great when everything works out?" he said.
"Yeah," said James. "Sure."
*
At five minutes to seven, the Gryffindor students congregated in the common room. Girls were squealing over their friends' outfits, while boys looked self consciously on in their new dress robes.
James and Remus sat in their usual corner, pretending everything was normal. Remus kept tugging at the neck of his silvery, pale grey robes. "They're too tight!" he complained. "Why did we have to get dressed up for this anyway?"
"So the girls could have their fun," James answered, inclining his head towards a group of sixth years squealing and hugging each other. From where the two boys sat, their exclamations were audible.
"Oh, Keryn, that is such a nice dress! You look so beautiful."
"Oh, and so do you, Gwendolyn! That colour really, really suits you!"
"Thanks!"
"Thanks!"
"Ugh!" Remus rolled his eyes. "If someone said that to me, I'd hit them." he screwed up his face. "Oh god, I hope Evelyn and Lily and Ingrid don't go all squealing on each other…"
James tried to picture the mature, responsible Lily squealing at someone just because they had a nice pair of dress robes. He shook his head. "No, Lily would never do that. Dress robes aren't very important to her. She'd be more likely to…" he trailed off as he realized Remus was staring blankly at him. 'What?"
"Since when do you know so much about Lily Evans?"
"I…" James felt his face turning pink. Since when?
Since I realised there was more to her. Since I can't get her out of my head. Since I saved her life and she cried on my shoulder.
Since then, he felt like he'd been watching her every minute of the day, memorising the way she moved, the way she talked, the way her eyes sparkled when she was laughing with her friends, and the way her eyes hardened when she happened to glance his way…Since then, all he knew…was her.
Peter came nervously up to them, wearing robes of dark brown. "Hi," he said.
"All right?" James said quickly, aware that Remus was staring at him in shrewd puzzlement. Stop blushing you great prat, he told himself sternly.
'Where's Sirius?" Peter asked.
"Still getting dressed," said James, rolling his eyes. "I swear, the boy's almost as vain as those chicks over there."
Remus snorted, and picked up and unopened bottle of butterbeer.
"What on earth are Evelyn and Ingrid doing?" he sighed, uncapping it. Suddenly, a voice could be heard over the crowds of milling students.
"Move out of the way, godammit!"
"Does that answer your question?" James grinned, as Evelyn, dragging Ingrid along behind, pushed her way through the Gryffindor students. Remus choked on his mouthful of butterbeer as he saw her. Evelyn was looking beautiful. She had on a full length red satin dress with a corseted bodice and an a-line skirt. She had left her curly hair out, preferring instead to decorate it with a ring of small red and white roses. A gold choker and several bangles sparkled at her wrist and throat.
"Is this all right?" she said, holding out her hands, "You're not going to send me off to get changed, are you?"
"No…no!" Remus coughed. "Of course not, you look…you look…wow."
Evelyn grinned. "Thanks. I know."
A passing seventh year turned around. "Oh, Evelyn!" she squealed, "You look so gorgeous!" She tried to throw her arms around Evelyn, but was fended off.
"Sod off," Evelyn snapped, "What are you trying to do, molest me?."
The seventh year stalked off in search of someone nicer to compliment while James and Remus cracked up.
"Screaming banshees…Anyway, what about our girl Ingrid?" Evelyn said, plonking herself down on the arm of Remus' chair. 'She scrubs up nice, eh?"
And indeed, Ingrid was looking just as pretty as Evelyn was. She was in robes of ice blue, which brought out her eyes and fair complexion. Her long black hair was piled on the top of her head, with an ornamental butterfly pinned to it. A single silver chain was her only other accessory, and she looked all the more nicer for it. James leapt to his feet.
"Of course she does," he said, giving her a friendly kiss on the cheek, "You look great, Ing."
A blush crept up Ingrid's throat and into her cheeks as she thanked James, and accepted the arm he offered to her.
"Well, my friends, shall we depart?" he said regally.
"What about Sirius and Lily?" said Remus, tearing his eyes away from Evelyn to address his question to James.
James shrugged. "They're meeting each other later. Come on, I should be there already, McGonagall will have a coronary if I'm late."
And so they made their way downstairs, down to the Entrance Hall were students were crushed together, filing into the Great hall. Professors Mcgonagall and Dolhov were stood on either side of the doorway, chaperoning.
"Straighten that tie, Murray…Miss Ingham, pull up that dress! Lockhart, for heavens sake, do up the buttons of your shirt, no one wants to see your chest- Ah Potter!" she said, upon seeing James and Ingrid. "Has Evans arrived yet?"
"Not yet, professor," said Ingrid.
"Well, Bell, you can go inside and sit on the Prefect's table, dinner will be served directly after the prefect's procession, and then the dancing will commence. Potter, go around to the back entrance of the hall, the other Prefect's are already there and waiting. I'll direct Evans there shortly. Move along there, Lupin, O'Kelly."
James waved goodbye to Ingrid, Evelyn and Remus and did as he was told. Around the back entrance, the prefects were congregated, talking among themselves and peeking into the great hall nervously.
"I don't fancy walking out in front of all those people," Kiki Kessavat said to James nervously as he joined the group of Prefects. 'Where's Lily?"
"Not sure," James said shortly. He spotted Bilius Weasley leaning on the wall by the garden, fiddling with the cuffs of his dark red dress robes. He waved morosely at James, and beckoned him over.
"Do you know the dance yet?" he muttered surreptitiously, "'Cause I just can't get the steps."
"Don't worry about it," James grinned, "You'll be fine."
"Yeah right," Bilius muttered. 'Where's Lily?"
"I don't know," James said again. (Why should he know where Lily was? It wasn't as though it was any of his business.) (Although he wished it could have been, in his heart of hearts.) Just then, McGonangall turned up with the last of the prefect's in tow, Snape among them. James had avoided any more trouble with Snape since they both served their detention, and Snape, though no less vindictive in his demeanor towards James, had given up trying to hurt him ever since the Hurling Hex incident.
Snape's eyes slid over the assembly of Prefects, glittering with malice as they landed on James. Snape had opted for black dress robes- it seemed to be a good color for him.
"Is everyone here?" professor McGonagall said, straightening her hat.
"No, professor," said Snape in a very oily voice. "Lily Evans isn't here."
"Ah, yes, that's true…" said professor McGonagall, scanning the group of prefect's with her beady eyes. "Potter! Where is Evans?"
"I don't know, Professor…" James said exasperatedly.
"Well, go and find her!" Professor McGonagall snapped. "She's very late!"
James had no time to protest- before he knew what he as doing, he was striding back into the castle, up the marble staircase, to the Gryffindor common room.
He couldn't help wodnering what lily would look like in dress robes. Would she have bothered to doll herself up like the rest of the girls? Maybe. Or was she above all that stuff? Maybe not. She was a girl, after all.
Not just a girl, though. Not like all the rest.
Had it happened? Had he come to identify Lily as a breath of fresh air in comparison to all those other girls? It was their fifth year, after all. His mere presence seemed to send girls into fits of giggles these days. James knew he was popular and talented and smart; he knew that as they grew up even more he'd be targeted by the vain sort of girls that would only go out with him because of his status. But that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted someone he could look at him for who he was and not what he did. He wanted someone who liked him for what he decided to do and not what he could do. Lily could definitely look further than his jock reputation. She would like him for who he was, wasn't she?…if she actually liked him at all.
A sigh escaped James as he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. He didn't know what he wanted anymore…so why did he so much want Lily to be a part of whatever he wanted. It was too much for even his brain to handle. Couldn't something happen that would just make him decide?
"Don't we look handsome!" trilled the portrait of the Fat Lady, as James reached it.
"Thanks," he said dully, "Gillyweed." (That's the new password, by the way.)
She swung open, and James stepped inside. He scanned the common room- and there she was.
James felt his breath catch in his throat. Later, if someone asked James if he could pinpoint the exact moment that he knew he loved Lily, that would be the moment.
She was leaning on the banister of the girls' staircase facing the window, the flickering lights of the torches dancing across her face. And she was looking absolutely beautiful- a simple white dress that reached her ankles, splaying out gently at the knee. Her long red hair, slightly curled for the occasion, was flowing around her shoulders. She was gazing out the window at the stars, looking as though she could fly away at any moment. And, as he looked at her, James felt all the dormant feelings he had for her surface, all the admiration and passion and jealousy, all the hidden smiles at the thought of her, all the awe he had for her beauty all culminated into one feeling- love. And, he realised, he did love her, and had for quite a while. So why was he realising it right now? Why had it taken him so long?
He took a step towards her and banged his knee on the desk.
"Ow!"
Lily, clearly thinking that he was Sirius, smiled. "You're late," she said, as she turned to face him. "Oh…"
"You're…stunning." James blurted out. Lily stared at him, and almost at once she blushed.
"Hello," she said. 'What are you doing here?"
"Professor McGonagall sent you, I mean, she sent me, um, to, um, fetch you," James stammered, feeling his own cheeks redden. He felt like a total idiot. Why was she staring at him like that?
She hesitated, then gave him an awkward smile. James's heart tuned over.
"I'm waiting for Sirius," she said, almost apologetically. Where was this niceness coming from all of a sudden?
"I know, only you've got to...we've got to, um…you know, the procession?" James said, cursing his incoherence.
"Oh, are we late?" she said anxiously.
"No, no!" he assured her, taking a few more steps towards her, "But, er, Professor McGonagall wants us to, umm, like, be ready." ("Like"? Where the hell did that come from? He felt like a character out of those stupid muggle novels Sirius read. Sweet Valley something? Aaaargh!)
"Oh…" she looked up the staircase, "Maybe we should just go then."
"Maybe…" James said, but just then Sirius, clad in white dress robes with a top hat perched on his head, slid down the banister.
"I'm here!" he cried, nearly falling off the end. 'Whoops!" he grabbed James for support and swung him around. "Hey, Jamesy-Jiminy cricket! Where is everyone?"
"They're already downstairs, you prat!" James said, extricating himself from Sirius' grip. "Don't you know what time it is? The ball started years ago!"
"Holy shit!" Sirius exclaimed staring at him. "Seriously?"
"Yes!" James snapped. Sirius looked at his watch, and then caught sight of Lily. His mouth fell open.
"Holy shit!" he said again. "Lily, you look brilliant!"
Lily smiled. "Really?"
"Yeah!" Sirius cried. He winked at James, "Almost as good as me! No wait- better!"
James rolled his eyes but Lily laughed. "That doesn't say much Sirius. Should we go then?" she said, looking at James.
"Yes," James said resignedly. Sirius offered Lily his arm, and she took it, smiling at him. He took out his wand, flicked it, and conjured up a single red rose, which he handed to her. She laughed again as James led the way back down to the entrance Hall. Sirius talking non stop- "I reckon this'll be great don't you? Hey I wish Dumbledore could've go the Beatles to come and play, they're a muggle band you know James, but it still would have been cool because they kick arse. The Monkees too- they kick arse. Lily, did I tell you you're bloody gorgeous?"
"I think so," Lily said shyly. "Thanks, though."
James wanted to tell Lily she was gorgeous too. But he couldn't. They got back down to the entrance Hall where the rest of the prefects were waiting. Sirius left them there, though he didn't seem to want to let go of Lily, and went to take his place on the prefect's table.
James and Lily hurried over to the back entrance of the hall. Professor McGonagall was very snappish with them as she bustled them into their place in the line of prefects. Everyone was nervously adjusting hair or buttonholes, or doing last minute dance practice. James glanced at Lily. He head was bowed, and she was counting under her breath- "one, two, three; one, two, three…"
James had a sudden insuppressible desire to take her hand. He clenched his fist to stop himself doing so. "It'll be all right," he said quietly. Lily look up at him in surprise. "What did you say?' she whispered.
"It'll be fine," he said, turning his had towards her. "The dance." Lily regarded him for a moment and then nodded gratefully.
"Shhh!" Professor McGonagall hushed them all, and the murmurs died away. From inside the hall they could hear Dumbledore.
"…the work they have done throughout the year. It has taken a lot of time from their own personal schedules and their determination and dedication to effort has been outstanding. I ask you all to stand, as, without further ado, I announce this years Prefect's!" There was a flurry of noise as with much scraping of chairs and hushed whispers, the entire student body inside got to their feet.
"Fifth year Hufflepuff prefects," Dumbledore announced, "Liam Hedgewhistle and Kiki Kessavat."
Liam and Kiki went in amid the subsequent applause, and the line of Prefects shuffled forwards.
"Sixth year Hufflepuff prefects…" Dumbledore went on. The Hufflepuff Prefects went in two by two, then it was the Ravenclaw perfects. A little way behind James and Lily stood Bilius Weasley, cussing under his breath.
"I don't know the sodding dance and I'm going to stuff up!"
"You're not!" hissed his partner, a seventh year by the name of Kildene Swank.
"I am! What the hell am I going to do? Godammit, I had ages to practise. Why didn't I practise?"
"I don't know!" Kildene snapped sounding frazzled. James glanced at Lily, who smiled to herself and gave a little shake of her head.
"…Lily?" he whispered. She turned to him, eyebrows raised. "…You really do look…nice."
It was too dark to see her face, but James was sure Lily was blushing. She smiled at him, and honest smile of genuine gratitude.
"Thank you James…that's really, um, nice of you," she said.
"Fifth year Slytherin prefects…Severus Snape and Samantha Avery."
Snape and Samantha walked into the Great Hall arm in arm. James glared at the back of Snape's head.
"James," said Lily suddenly. "About last week…"
"Sixth year Slytherin Prefects, Graham Goyle and Freya Mulroney."
"What about it?"
"In the Astronomy tower," Lily said. "What happened to the werewolf? How did you get rid of it?"
"Seventh year Slytherin prefects, Jospeh Nott and Ariana Zabini."
"It's us next," James said quickly. How could he tell her the truth? And yet she would have to find out, sooner or later. It wasn't fair if she never knew the truth.
"Last, but not least," Dumbledore said. "The Prefects of Gryffindor. For fifth year- James Potter and Lily Evans."
The applause for James and Lily was by far the most enthusiastic. James and Lily walked in side by side. The Hall was decorated with purple satin drapes and glowing silver stars. The entire floor was covered in a silvery mist that floated around everyone's ankles. The entire Great Hall was covered in small round tables but at the head of the hall was a very large table, at which the teachers and most of the prefects were already seated. James spotted Remus and Evelyn applauding- Evelyn was clapping so hard she accidentally hit someone on the neighbouring table with her elbow. (Luckily it was just a Slytherin so nobody cared. MWAHA!) James touched Lily lightly on her arm to guide her to the prefect's table. She looked at him and smiled nervously. "Don't worry," he whispered. "You're going to be fine. If you fall, I will too."
Lily gave him an unreadable look before taking her place next to Sirius at the Prefect's table. Sirius immediately took her hand and kissed it enthusiastically. "Just so everyone knows you're mine for tonight," James heard him say as he went and stood next to Ingrid. "All right?" he asked her.
"Yes," Ingrid said, beaming at him. "Isn't Lily beautiful?"
James smiled as he looked past Ingrid to where Lily was standing. "Yes," he said softly. 'Yes, she is."
*
Dumbledore had finished announcing the prefects and head Boy and Girl. Dinner was about to be served but Lily's stomach was churning too much to eat. She had got through the procession okay, but next was the dance. The dreaded dance…
"…you all right?" Ingrid was saying something, but Lily had missed it.
'What?" Lily said. She was seated next to her friend, thankfully, with Sirius on her other side.
"I said are you all right? You look pale?" Ingrid repeated, looking concerned.
"Oh, yes, I'm fine," Lily said, "Just a bit worried about…"
'The dance?" Ingrid supplied. Lily nodded glumly. "Oh, you'll be fine. You've been practising that dance non-stop. I think I could probably get up and dance it just from watching you."
Lily laughed. James cast a glance at her. Lily had to admit her stomach had fluttered a little when he had come to her in the common room. The navy blue of his dress robes brought out the blue in his eyes, and the colour suited him anyway. He looked almost dashing. His hair looked like he had attempted to tame it…but Lily liked it how it usually was anyway. Dark and unruly. When they had walked in, together…Lily had to admit it felt good, standing next to him. She almost felt safe. She had been aware of his presence, his height, and the way he had gently touched her arm a couple of times. On reflection, James was quite a gentleman. Actually, he was just gentle full stop.
She was glad to have Ingrid's company during dinner. She felt that Sirius had read too much into her acceptance of his invitation. Certainly, she found his hand touched her knee a few times and he was constantly commenting on how beautiful she looked this evening. It was quite embarrassing.
Too soon, Dumbledore stood up and announced the prefect's dance. Lily's stomach jolted. She looked over at James His jaw was set squarely, but as he felt her gaze and looked over at her, he smiled. (Lily's heart turned over.)
"I now ask the Prefect's to make their way onto the floor," Dumbledore said. As Lily stood up, Dumbledore caught her eye, very briefly, and smiled. Lily felt slightly calmer. Dumbledore had that familiar, reassuring way about him. But, Lily realised, as she walked onto the floor, so did James. James followed her onto the floor. They faced each other. James put his hand on her waist and took her free hand. Why was he giving her that look, such a longing look?
Dumbledore nodded to the band, and an eerie waltz started up.
And as one, the Prefect's moved- forward, back, side, together, side- just as Dumbledore had taught them. Lily could feel the eyes of everyone in the hall concentrating on her and James and the rest of the prefects- every single pair of eyes. Her stomach fluttered but it wasn't so bad. She wasn't falling over her own feet or tripping up or doing nay of the things she had envisioned- in fact, she was performing the dance faultlessly. She concentrated very hard in her feet, in her expensive shoes, so as to get the steps right.
"One, two, three, one, two three…" Lily heard James counting softly. It was so hard to concentrate, knowing that she was dancing in the arms of James Potter, and knowing that everyone in the school was watching.
"One, two, three, one two, three…"
Suddenly she realised that James' eyes were fixed firmly on her. She looked up, hesitantly, and her eyes immediately met his. His gaze was so intense, so…what was it? What was in those eyes, and why did she feel so compelled to look into them?
"You're doing fine," he whispered to her.
"Am I?" Lily said back. "I feel as though I could fall over at any moment."
James smiled. "I doubt it."
They passed Bilus and Kildene. He was dancing so erratically they nearly bumped into him, and they could hear his curses as Kildene swept him away across the hall. James grinned, and Lily did too.
"I…" Lily said.
"Yes?"
"I never…thanked you properly." Lily couldn't believe these words were making their way out of her mouth. What was she thinking? "For…you know. Saving me. Twice. First form the window ledge and then…from the wolf."
James smiled. He didn't say anything, just gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I should've said something before…" Lily said, shaking her head. "It's really, um…inexcusable isn't it? You saved my life and…I couldn't thank you because…I don't know."
"A life for a life," said James softly, as they spun around. "You saved me, remember?"
"But you thanked me, at least!" Lily whispered. "But I couldn't…swallow my pride."
"Well, you just did," said James. The music was reaching a height. He spun Lily under his arm and back again. She laughed. The whole situation was so ridiculous. Here she was, dancing in front of the whole school and Dumbledore, with James Potter, her nemesis of four years. And she was enjoying it. No- she was enjoying James' company. But that didn't make any sense. She'd always hated James, hadn't she? And didn't she hate him still?
No…
Lily thought, feeling a little giddy as the realisation hit her. I don't and…I didn't ever. I don't hate him…far from it.The music was slowing down now, returning to its original tempo.
"James…" Lily whispered. He looked at her.
"Yes Lily?" he said softly.
"I'm…I feel…kind of dizzy…"
"…So do I…"
"Maybe we should…stop…" The music was drawing gently to a close. "The song's ending…"
"Do you want to stop?" His voice was so quiet.
"…No…."
His gaze never left hers, but his expression seemed to change. Something flickered in his eyes. "Lily," he said, "I-"
But his words were drowned out by the applause of the rest of the school. Everyone was back on their feet- all of them were clapping and cheering. James looked wretched as he tore his gaze away from Lily's face to look. Lily looked too. Her heart was beating very fast, but she spotted Evelyn I the crowd. She and Remus both had the same expression on their faces. They were both clapping, but both of them looked grim. What was wrong, Lily wondered?
With a jolt she suddenly realized she was still holding James' hand. She tore it away, panicked that anyone would see. It was hard to miss the reproachful look James gave her.
The rest of the Prefect's, none of them looking as relieved as Bilius Weasley, departed form the floor and went to sit back down in their seats. Dumbledore stood and announced that the rest of the ball now commenced. Partner made their way onto the floor as the band struck up a jazzy piece of music. Lily just wanted to sit down, to calm her shaking knees and wonder about what had just happened- but Sirius was already on his feet.
"My God, you looked good out there," he cried seizing her around the waist.
"Sirius, I'm feeling bit-" Lily tried to say, but he interrupted.
"Come on, I've gotta dance!" He dragged her onto the floor, where everyone moving and enjoying the music. Sirius was actually a very good dancer, but Lily could only put in half of her effort. Sirius didn't seem to notice, and insisted on keeping her there for another song. James Potter watched them the whole time.
And so the night wore on To Lily's consternation, Sirius became increasingly romantic as the ball went on. Lily found it very disturbing and it made her very uncomfortable. It was a relief when Evelyn announced, "Girl's room, now! Chop, chop." Lily gratefully followed Ingrid and Evelyn to the bathroom, leaving James, Sirius and Remus sitting at the table. Sirius watched Lily go.
"Well, I think I can safely say that I've got the most gorgeous girl here!" he said in satisfaction.
"I disagree," said Remus, who was looking thoughtfully at James.
"You're only saying that because you're hot for Evelyn," sniggered Sirius. "So are you being all sensitive and consoling her? She's probably deranged with grief, right? That's the way to get in her good books."
Remus frowned at Sirius. "Sod off. Actually, Evelyn's having a great time. She hasn't mentioned that bastard Tommy once."
"Oh?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows. "Think she into you, then?"
"Remus blushed. "I don't' know," he said through gritted teeth.
"Shut up, Padfoot," said James warningly. Sirius closed his mouth, but only for a second. The band, who had been having a break, started up again.
"Oh, wicked! This is my song!" Sirius cried. "I'm off!" he leapt to his feet and ran onto the dance floor. Remus snorted.
"He's insane!"
"Yeah," agreed James. They watched Sirius gyrate on the floor for a while.
"James?" said Remus.
"Yes?" said James.
"Er…" he looked embarrassed. James turned and looked at him.
"What is it, Moony?"
"Um, it's about you and Lily, actually…What's going on with you two?"
James blinked. "I…what do you men?"
"It's just that…when you were dancing…you both were like…." He trailed off. Then he tried again, "James, I've never seen you look at anyone the way you were looking at her." His pale green eyes locked with James's. "If you don't think it's my business, then you don't have to say anything, but I'm going to ask you now- what do you feel about her now?"
James hesitated. Suddenly he realised he was dying to tell someone. "Remus…I think I…I think I love her." he said softly. It made his feelings true, saying it aloud like that. He felt it more strongly than ever.
Remus raised his eyebrows very high, his eyes widening. But then he smiled. "I thought so," he said, nodding. "It was inevitable, wasn't it?"
"I don't know about that," laughed James breathlessly, relieved to have gotten it out in the open. "But…it seems so weird, and yet, kind of…right. Does that makes sense?"
Remus nodded slowly. "And have you told her?"
James looked at his hands. "Of course I haven't…" he muttered.
"Well, see you do by the end of night," Remus said.
*
It was another hour or so before Lily couldn't take it any more. She needed to get outside to think. While Sirius was off in the bathroom, Lily murmured discreetly in Evelyn's ear.
"Tell Sirius I'm gone for a walk outside, okay?"
"Sure," said Evelyn. She turned around and gave her friend a piercing look. 'Hey, Lil…Sirius isn't as thick-skinned as he looks. You should tell him how you feel before anything happens, all right?"
"What do you mean?" said Lily.
"Figure it out, okay?"
Lily left the Great hall in a very confused state, but she felt very glad to get out. The cool breeze blew against her face, and it was the first cloudless night for quite some time. For the occasion of the prefect's ball the garden had been decorated with dozens and dozens of fairies and glowing stars just like the ones inside. It must have been about ten o'clock but Lily could see perfectly. She walked for some time, the night breeze cooling down her burning cheeks, breathing in fresh air and just calming herself down before she could really think about James Potter and what on earth the feelings for him meant. For she did have feelings for him, she knew that now. But what did they mean? It was all so very confusing, Lily reflected as she leant on a statue of Godric Gryffindor, one of the founders of the school. So very confusing….
"A splendid evening, wouldn't you say, my dear?"
Lily jumped about a foot in the air and spun around. Albus Dumbledore was standing on the other side of the stature, staring out over the moon reflecting waters of the lake.
"P-Professor!" she gasped, putting a hand to her chest. He smiled at her kindly.
"I'm sorry, did I startle you? I apologise, but I'm glad to have some company, I was just thinking of returning inside, myself."
"Y-Yes, of course." Lily said, feeling her heart slow down gradually. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt or anything."
"Interrupt? Of course not," he chuckled. "In fact, I was hoping I would have the chance to congratulate you."
"Congratulate me?"
"Yes, of course- you and Mr. Potter danced most divinely. Ion fact, I would say you were the most coordinated couple out there. With the exception of Mr. Weasley. Of course."
Lily smiled. "Thank you Professor, that's very kind."
"It's the truth," said Professor Dumbledore firmly, "You must be proud of yourself. You've done very well. Do you, by any chance, remember that I once said that we expect great things from you?"
"Yes," said Lily, "At the start of the year."
He smiled at her again, his eyes twinkling. "I'd say that you have performed marvellously."
"I don't' know what you mean, Professor," said Lily, shaking her head, "I haven't changed at all. I only did what the teachers asked me to as a Prefect. How can that be considered an accomplishment?"
There was silence. Finally Dumbledore said, 'Lily, do you know why I chose you to become a prefect?"
"Because I get good marks." Lily said. "And that's no accomplishment either, that's only because I work hard."
"No, it was not because of your grade, though they are most admirable. Prefects are chosen because of their innate desire to lead. All those who have the qualities of a leader and are willing to help others, even if it means certain self sacrifices." He paused and Lily could hear a chuckle in his voice as he continued. "I think the incident earlier this year is an example of that, when you saved Mr. Potter's life, and the chances of the Gryffindor Quidditch team's chances to be in the finals." He chuckled, "I guarantee that if Mr. Weasley knew of your aid to the team he would be infinitely grateful. As it happens, we can be sure that Mr. Potter is infinitely grateful."
"Professor…that was just chance. I only happened to overhear Sn- I mean, it was only an accident that I knew about it. And, even when I did hear it, it…it actually crossed my mind just to…let him fall." She felt a fresh wave of shame as she said this. However, Dumbledore merely touched her shoulder lightly.
"But you didn't. You chose to save his life instead. It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." He smiled once again, and this time it was a warm, reassuring smile. 'And you, Miss Evans, are a true Gryffindor prefect." He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "I must return to the ball. Please think about what I have told you."
He ambled off. After he left Lily stared out at the waters of the lake with deep concentration for a little while longer. Surely Dumbledore wouldn't lie to her- was that the reason why she had been chosen? Was she truly as special as Dumbledore said?
Suddenly, she could hear footsteps coming towards her. She turned to see who it was.
Snape, walking towards her with a smirk plastered across his face. Lily frowned warily. She had avoided any more trouble with Snape, and he seemed to have lost his fondness for insulting her any chance he could get…so what did he want now?
"Evening, Lily," he said silkily. Lily's frown deepened. Since when had Snape addressed her by her first name?
"Hello," she said carefully. "What do you want?"
"Nothing," said Snape, shrugging. "Just wanted to have a chat to you…you really do look lovely tonight."
His eyes flicked up and down her body. Lily cringed.
"Thanks," she said.
"And you did look nice dancing up there, you know," he continued. "I didn't know you could look so good."
"Thanks," Lily said again. She edged a little bit away from him, but, to her irritation, Snape moved closer.
"Hell," he said softly, "I didn't even know any Muggles could look so good."
"I'm a witch!" Lily snapped her temper flaring in an instant. Snape held up his hand.
"I'm sorry. But you are proud of your parentage, aren't you?"
"Of course I am!" she said, 'you're proud of yours- why should I be of mine?"
"Precisely," said Snape. "We're all proud of hour parents…" The hand he had help up dropped onto her shoulder. "And we're all proud of you. You've come a long way, this year…"
"How would you know?" said Lily uncomfortably, shrugging him off. Snape promptly replaced his hand.
"Oh, I've been watching you this year," he said carelessly. "You fascinate me, Lily Evans…you're very intriguing…."
The hand travelled down her back and slipped around her waist.
Lily laughed mirthlessly, 'Well, that's very flattering but I really would prefer it if you would go away…" She tried to remove his arm- but he was holding onto her tightly, now. She struggled, but his other arm came and encircled her.
"Get off me!" she cried, panicked.
"Don't fight me…there's no point," he said, grinning. He had pinned her arms to her sides, and Godric Gryffindor's stone shoe was digging in the back of her neck. Her struggles were useless- she couldn't do anything but scream…
*
James meanwhile, was still inside the Great Hall, and getting more frustrated by the second., he was now sitting most dances out, though the rest of his friends continued to dance ion the floor. The dance didn't finish until midnight- there were still two more hours to go. James yawned and took another sip of his Butterbeer. He was suddenly wishing Lily were sitting next to him.
"A splendid evening, wouldn't you say, Mr. Potter?"
Dumbledore had taken the empty chair next to James which, somehow, he hadn't noticed. He choked on his butterbeer in his surprise, and Dumbledore had to bang him on the back a couple of times.
"Y-yes, of course professor," James coughed. "I'm having a great time!"
"Yes, of course, though some people are enjoying it more than others." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "I had a rather interesting conversation with Miss Evans outside, just then."
"Lily?' said James, looking at Dumbledore quickly. "Oh, I mean…I see."
Dumbledore chuckled again. "I was just telling her then that it is our choices that make us who we are, not our abilities. Whether the choices seem the best option at the time, if it feels instinctively right, one can assume that it really is the right thing to do."
"Of course, professor," said James, wondering what on earth Dumbledore was talking about.
"One must live for the moment, James, for we never know if that moment will come by again, regardless of whether or not we know our feelings will never change."
"Oh…" said James. Could the Professor be telling him…? But how on earth could he know?
"Just as Lily chose to help you when your broomstick threatened your life, so must you take the right choice to unleash your true feelings." He paused. "D'you see what I mean, James?"
"Yes. Yes, I think so….you're…you're absolutely right, professor!" James said, jumping to his feet.
"I know," said the professor, getting to his feet also. "I'm seldom not,. Enjoy the rest of your evening Mr. Potter. I do hope you get the chance to see Miss Evans again- she does look most lovely, doesn't she?"
"Lovely?' James laughed as he turned to exit the hall, 'Professor, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life!"
He jogged out of the hall, apologising as he stepped on a few people in his hurry. He knew this was the right course of action, regardless of Sirius- even if she affirmed her love for his best friend James knew he couldn't let the night pass without telling her. He ran out into the garden, breathing in the cool night air, breathing in the scent of roses. He jogged along the path through the gardens, towards the lake.
"Lily?" he called, slowing down a bit. "Lily, are you out here?"
Suddenly, a piercing scream rent the air- a girls' voice, he knew. Horrified, James sprinted towards the sound- more cries, ensued, another scream, and the sound of something ripping- he ran around a corner and stopped dead. Lily was the one scramming- she was pinned against a statue- by Snape!!!
It was one of those moments when there's no time to think. Suddenly, James' heart was beating a tattoo against his ribs, suddenly his feet had left the ground, and he had hurled himself at Snape, tackled him around the waist. Snape gasped as the full force of James hit him around the middle- both the boys were suddenly on the ground. James pinned Snape down and proceeded to let fly with his fists- he caught Snape square in his hooked nose, and then again in his left eye. Snape yelled in pain. Behind him he could hear Lily crying. This only made James' blood boil with rage even more. He attempted another shot at Snape but this time Snape caught the fist and pushed backwoods, sending James into the wall. He lashed out with his right foot- caught James squarely in the jaw. James' head rattled like it had never done before- his glasses flew off and fell to the ground. James heaved himself up and threw himself at Snape, grabbing him by the front of his robes, and then, slamming him to the ground. Snape was a mess- James had obviously hit him harder than her thought.
Both boys were breathing hard, raggedly. Snape was coughing, but staring up at James with the utmost hatred in his eyes. He put up a hand to his bruised nose, which was bleeding profusely, and wiped the blood away. Suddenly to James' utmost bewilderment, he laughed, softly.
"ha, ha, ha…" he choked out. "My god. You actually think...that protecting a…a. mudblood like her…is worth it?" he laughed again. "She's not, you know. No Mudblood is worth…anything, really…. And you…protecting them like you do…God, you're a fool. No, you're just a pathetic excuse for a wizard!"
There was suddenly a ringing in James' ears. He jumped to his feet and dragged Snape up with his pressing him against the wall.
"Listen to me VERY – CAREFULLY, you greasy, stupid git" he snarled. "That is the last time you will EVER call Lily or Sirius that, you hear me? The last time. And if you know what's good for you, you'll stop using that word altogether and ACCEPT the fact that muggleborns have just as much worth as the rest of us!" He stopped and raised his eyebrows, as if daring Snape to retort. "If not more. And certainly more than you/. And if I ever hear about you hassling ANY muggle born again, you'll be sorry. So very sorry.' He loosened his grip for one moment. Snape's featured relaxed a millimetre, then James tightened his grip again. "Oh yes…don't touch my broomstick again. For your information, Lily the "worthless mudblood" here was the one who stopped your idiotic prank. What does that say to you. Huh?" he slammed Snape's head against the wall, "What does that say. I'll tell you. The only pathetic excuse for a wizard around here is YOU."
And, so saying, he let Snape drop tot he floor as if he were a particularly disgusting piece of fungus.
Snape picked himself up slowly. James expected him to attack, or at least retort. But all he did was give James the most murderous glare of his life and hurry off. James waited until he went before dropping to his knees. He had never done anything like that to anyone before…and no one deserved it. Not even Snape. He had done worse than use physical violence on another person, he had threatened him…
Suddenly, Lily' sobs reminded him of just what Snape he done. He swivelled around. Lily was crouched at the bottom of the statue, her hands over her face. James crawled over to her.
"Lily?" he said urgently. 'Lily, are you…?"
He didn't fish his sentence. Lily looked up, got to her knees and threw her arms around him. Once again, she was trembling; once again James hugged her tightly as she cried into his shoulder.
"Lily, Lily…" he cried. 'You're okay? You're alright?"
"Yes, I'm okay…" she sobbed, but still wouldn't let go of him.
"you're alright!" James cried in sheer relief. "oh, thank god…you're okay Lily, you're okay. I've got you."
"I know… oh James, thank you so much…" a fresh wave of tears. "I was so frightened!"
"M-Me too!" James exclaimed. "I-I just saw Snape attacking you and I, I didn't think! I couldn't think, I just…oh Lily, I was so worried he'd hurt you."
"N-no, he just ripped my dress." Lily was calming down a little now. She was taking great gulps of air, and wiping her eyes. "Oh, God…he came and started talking to me, and I tried to fight him away but he wouldn't stop…"
"But…you're okay now…" James said softly. He gently caressed the side of her face, and she looked up at him. there were still tears on her face. He wiped them away.
"Please don't cry any more…" he said. "It's painful…"
"Oh, god," she suddenly got to her feet. 'You're right- oh, James I am so sorry. I didn't mean to grab you like that…" she looked very embarrassed. "Oh…" she fiddled with the strap of her dress where it had been ripped. "I'm a mess. I'm going to go and…clean myself up. Thank you again, James, I'll find some way to repay you. " James got to his feet as well, slowly realising he'd said the wrong thing.
"Lily, I didn't mean…" he started, but she was already walking away, leaving James staring after her, alone.
*
the first thing Lily did when she got back to the great hall was find Sirius.
"We need to talk," she said, grabbing him by the arm.
"So there you are!" Sirius said, grinning. His grin faded a little as he looked at her torn clothes, rumpled hair and tear stained face. 'What happened to you? Jeez, you look terrible! Are you all right?"
"I'm fine- I just…tripped over," lily said dismissively. "Look, Sirius…" she took a deep breath. He grinned expectantly. "i…you…Sirius you're...one of my very best friends, and I…don't wan tho hurt your feelings." Sirius' grin was fading again. "I love you to pieces, but…not in that way. Please don't hate me," she added desperately, "I want to be friends with you forever and ever, and I…I feel like I'm leading you on."
Sirius was now looking severely disappointed. "Oh, jeez. Well, i…I guess...if you don't want to then, then you don't have to."
"And…can we still be friends?" she said. Sirius' grin returned, though it was a sad smile this time.
"Sure. We always will be Lil. I can't deny that I'm disappointed but I'd rather be friends with you than…well, like you and James are." He laughed, and lily managed to force a laugh too. She had to say, his reaction surprised her. She had expected him to deny ever having feelings for her, or asking her to "give him a chance"…. Evelyn was right. Sirius obviously was more sensitive than he made out.
"Hey, Lily," Sirius said as she flashed him a final smile and turned to leave the hall. "If you ever change your mind…"
She nodded. 'Of course Sirius. Thank you."
"No, thank you," said Sirius. They both laughed.
Lily had only one thought in her mind: escape! She needed to get out of the hall…be alone with her thoughts. Scared of going outside in fear of running into Snape or another Slytherin that would try to molest her, she just wanted to go upstairs to the common room and think.
She did not see James on her way out of the hall. She felt hugely embarrassed over the scene she had made outside in the garden. No wonder he asked her to "stop crying"…he must have thought she was a raving lunatic. And throwing herself at him like that…really, she didn't know how she could face him again.
But she did want to face him again, Lily realised, as she climbed that stairs to the common room. She couldn't bear for him to be alive and well and thinking badly of her…
She reached the common room, gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed inside.
"Lily?"
She turned. Her heart gave a leap. There was James Potter, sitting on the end of the banister that led to the boys' dorms. His face slowly stretched into a smile.
'So you couldn't take any more either?"
"No," said Lily, turning to face him.
"What about Sirius?"
"Sirius has agreed to be friends."
James jumped off the end of the banister. "That surprises me."
"Me too." Lily was surprised at how calm her answers were sounding, with her stomach lurching and her heart beating so fast against her ribs. "I don't think I like Prefect Balls much," she said slowly. "Too many things happen at once."
"The dancing's all right, though," said James, moving towards her. He looked around the room. "But I assume you're all danced out for the night?"
"Well, I actually didn't do much…"
"Ah," he grinned, 'Well, in that case…" he bowed low. "May I have this dance?"
Lily smiled. "We don't have any music."
"You don't need music to dance," James said. Lily stepped forward and put her had on James' shoulder. He put his hand around her waist. She smiled at him, and he smiled back as he took her remaining hand.
"I still don't' see how we can dance without music," she said. James hesitated. Then, very softly, under his breath, he began to hum the same tune of the waltz they had danced to earlier. They moved around the common room with the step they both knew so well by now. Lily intertwined her fingers through his, gave his hand a squeeze. James winced. It was then that Lily noticed how bruised his knuckles were. "Oh!" she cried, "Was this when…?" James nodded and continued humming. Lily said nothing, just moved closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder as they danced. He leaned his head on hers. Eventually his other hand slipped around her waist and her other hand slipped around his neck. James' humming got quieter and quieter until it stoped. Their feet stooped moving. Lily felt James press his lips against her hair. "Lily…" he whispered. "You look so beautiful tonight."
"Even after Snape's attacked me?" she asked.
James laughed and kissed her head again, "even after Snape's attacked you," he said. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek, then-
"James," said Lily, moving back a little. "What…what are we doing?"
He looked at her, his large blue eyes questioning. " I don't understand?"
"Well, I mean, we've hated each other's guts for four years now, I think we should…talk about this," she said. He was still looking at her with a bewildered expression. She exhaled. 'I know that…for a while now I've been having…feelings…for you, but I didn't know what they meant…until tonight."
James smiled. He looked very happy. "Oh, Lily," he said, and moved towards her again. She dodged his kiss.
"But James, what about you? You've saved my life twice now. You don't…hate me?"
James dropped his hand from around her waist, looking upset.
"Lily, my feelings for you are worse than that," he said, "I think…I think I love you."
Lily's mouth dropped open, "You do?" She had never felt more surprised in her life. James Potter, confessing his love to her?
"Yes," he said. "I don't really know…how it happened but I do, and…. It's been so confusing, I mean, one minute you look at me with your eyes like I'm someone you can trust, and the next minute you've got your hands around my neck, yelling at me because I stand up for you…" He shrugged helplessly. "But I still love you." He stretched out his hand and ran it gently down her face. 'Of course, then there was Sirius…I had to convince myself not to look at you, not to think about you…and still I couldn't. I still love you." Once again he leaned forward and tried to kiss her, but Lily stepped backwards quickly.
"James- what if I don't feel the same way?"
James opened his eyes and shook his head. "That won't make a difference. I can't help loving you, so obviously if you don't feel the same way that's not going to stop me. Nothing can stop from loving you." He sighed, and stepped backwards. "…But, if you don't want me to, I can…pretend I don't."
Lily was feeling breathless, "Oh, James," she said, smiling, "I could never ask you to do that!"
His own face split into a smile again.
'You're right," she said, "I think we just can't help…loving each other. I tried not to think about you too. I really did, but I…can't. but, knowing that you love me…can you accept that? Are you ready?"
James's grin was ear to ear. "It's not a question of being ready," he said, almost as breathless as Lily, "it's a question of wanting to."
"And…do you want to?"
"Lily!" James laughed, 'I thought you were supposed to be the intelligent one! Of course I do!" he held out his arms, Come here!"
Lily threw her arms around him and kissed him, feeling as though her heart would burst if she didn't. James kissed her back for all he was worth. She loved him- she really did. It had been all mixed up with the anger at the frustration, but really, it was love. And, oh god, it was such a relief, such warm, reassuring relief that he loved her too, and she wouldn't have to worry about anything any more now that she was safe in his arms, and that there was no way they could be separated now, but most of all because the arguing, the fights and the hate, that four year war- it was finally over.
