The pigman leaned over, pulling Endocrine to her feet. His eyes were hidden by the sunglasses. "You alright, bro?"

Endocrine's eyebrow twitched. Is that a new name for me? Ughhhhhhh. Give me a break. I just lost my... spiders… friends...

While Endocrine mulled over her thoughts, Sliver stepped out of the portal. The skeleton stray side-stepped around Endocrine, stretching as he looked around the Nether. He seemed taller than usual.

"Dudes, today's an awesome day!" the pigman exclaimed, pushing his sunglasses onto his forehead. "Long time no see, Z!"

"Dames, meet Durf." Z waved. "We've met when he was lost in le Overworld."

"I know who he is," Sliver huffed, wiping the ashes off his gauntlets.

"Yo, Sliver, what'cha doing here, dog chow? You know you ain't allowed here like always," Durf drawled.

"I'm their new guide." Sliver avoided Durf's eye contact.

The sunglassed-pigman clicked, shaking his head. "Good luck then, dog chow, don't get caught, you know what they'll do to you."

"Yeah," Sliver muttered, descending into his hood.

While Z and Durf started catching up onto events, Endocrine glanced to her left. G.P. was standing by herself, beginning to calm down from being forced into a nightmare, although her breathing was short and shaggy. Poor idiot.

"So, who's you?" the pigman turned to Endocrine, his lazy eyes flickering around her face. Of course, Endocrine couldn't introduce herself because she was mute.

"Oi, ain't you shy?" Durf added.

"Princess's mute," Z spoke up.

"Ah, that's warm."

Endocrine's narrowed her eyebrows as she folded her arms and hunched her shoulders. Did you just… what?

Durf rolled his eyes. "That's your Overworld version of 'cool'. There's no such thing as 'cool' here in hell. There's hot and then there's hawt and then even more haaaaaawwwt."

Endocrine didn't know whether or not she was supposed to cringe or fall over with muted laughter.

"Dah! Dah! Daaaa!" a hollering baby pigman interrupted, riding its chicken towards his father, Durf. The baby pigman didn't have any flesh on his head. "Who's they?"

Durf pointed to Z. "That's your cousin, Zoan."

The baby pigman scowled. "No, he ain't pink."

The pigmen chortled, their laughter mixed with snorts.

"Whatever. I'm bored." The baby pigman huffed, "Come, Sir Squiggles. Let's leave these freaks alone."

The chicken, Sir Squiggles, clucked, masking the same attitude as its rider. Sir Squiggles "galloped" away with the baby pigman pointing the way with his miniature gold sword.

Endocrine crooked her head. Are all babies naturally bad-tempered?

"Ah, pipsqueak's gonna become an epic squad leader when he grows up," Durf sniffed, tears forming in his eyes.

"Let's get going," Sliver shook the red dust off his cape. "We're wasting precious time, and I have a certain monster I'd like to see before I hit the dust."

"Right." Durf smirked, slapping Sliver's back. Then he stepped away, clapping for attention. "Hey, pigmen!"

His squad snapped their undivided attention to Durf.

"Ain't we pigmen?!" Durf shouted, stomping his foot.

"Ya!" They yelled back.

"AIN'T WE PIGMEN?!"

"YAH!"

"AIN'T WE FORGIVING OF ALL?"

"YAH!"

"DO WE KICK MONSTERS' ASSES?"

"YAAAAAS!" The pigmen thrusted their swords to the air.

"DO WE SHAME OUR MOMMA PIGMAN?"

"HELL YAH!"

"NO!"

"Oh…" the pigmen shifted as they looked down while Durf face palmed. Zoan stifled his laughter, his shoulders shaking as he ducked his head.

Durf jumped back into his prep rally speech. "DO WE DEFEND THIS LOVELY LAND OF LAVA?!"

"YA!"

"WILL WE MAKE OUR WITHER KING PROUD?!"

"YAH!"

"AIN'T YOU SICK OF ALL THIS POINTLESS GIRLY SQUEALING?!"

"HELL YAAAAAAAAAAS!"

"THEN LET US, PRECIOUS SIBLINGS, GO!"

The pigmen jumped, roaring and snorting as they crashed into each other like boars.

Sliver punched Z since he couldn't stop snickering. The stray hissed, "Don't offend them."

"You're offending moi," Z mocked. Sliver shook his head in warning before walking away.

"Z?" G.P. whimpered.

"Oui?" Z adjusted his vest.

"You look greener than usual," she whispered.

"I've always been green!" Z moaned, slamming his palms onto his face.

"No, you were aqua."

"That's because le sky's bleu, so I look bleu-er," the zombie explained, "But here, there's non bleu, so it casts green shadows, hmm?"

"So, shouldn't you appear redder?" G.P. crooked her head. "You know, like, the lights? The ceiling's red, too."

I'm confused. Endocrine placed her hands on her hips, crooking her head and squinting at them. Z stared at G.P., baffled.

"Overworld mobs! We're leaving!" a pigman shouted, stomping his feet.

"Better continue our adventure," the stray sang, already ahead. Endocrine teleported to him, beginning her walk next to Sliver. He did seemed a lot taller than before he entered the portal. He was almost a head taller than her human form was. How the hell are you getting so tall?

They began their adventure through the Nether. The pigmen were grunting among themselves in pig-latin, and Sliver didn't seem to be in the mood to speak to anyone. When Endocrine glanced back, she noticed that G.P. and Z were huddled close together and arguing over the silliest things, such as the colours. Endocrine sighed, hungrier than ever. Deciding to distract herself from the ache, she busied herself on observing the hellish place.

It was the world's biggest cave. Uneven ceilings towered over their heads, with batches of glowstones dangling like broken chandeliers. Along with the glowstones, there were several holes in the ceiling where lava poured out, giving the Nether a soft golden look against the sharp maroon. Lusty fires dotted the floor, dancing seductively for eternity until someone will suffocate it. The walls were twisted and turning, with smaller caves leading down or up the Nether. Occasionally, soul sands were blanketed over the floor, whispering the eternal screams of unfortunate creatures as dark magic sucked them into the sand.

Other tribes of pigmen were wandering about, grunting and flashing golden swords. They had the skin, head, and limbs of a pig; the body of a man, and the cells and scent of a zombie. Their fleshy skin had edges which were decaying, the red blood transformed into icky, green mucus. The mucus was a successful attempt to preserve the skin from fading too quickly in the warmer climate. Their dark grey bones were showing in random places, while the parts of the flesh were scabbing and an ugly red. Unlike the Overworld monsters whom wore full clothes to stay warm, the pigmen fashioned a leather breechcloth.

A few pigmen fenced, out of the way of the traveling group's directions. Endocrine watched a pigman fall but then quickly rolled back to its feet. Baby pigmen were scattered about, watching the adults go about their business. They didn't have any flesh on their grey skull. Endocrine assumed that the older they are, the more pig-like they became. They are, after all, pigman.

Durf fell back, walking next to the stray. "Hey, Princess, you know what's the warmest things about Hell and Overworld?"

Endocrine shrugged.

"Time in Hell slows down. Like hell yah, it's probably faster than teleporting. I've heard y'all Endies use the Nether to teleport though. That's swell." Durf put his sunglasses back over his eyes.

Endocrine shrugged once again. It used to be true in the Overworld. When an enderman didn't complete their teleportation magic correctly, they would land in the Nether where time almost stops compared to the Overworld. There, they could catch their breath and teleport back into the Overworld if they needed. But ever since the Nether magic had denied most of the Ender's access, the Enders began to travel through the End.


As the minutes passed, Endocrine grew aware of the uncomfortable heat as her hair slowly fizzed and her throat parched. The question was… would the pigmen kill her if she transformed into her Enderman form, which would help her to cool down? She tapped on Sliver's shoulder bone.

Sliver startled. "What?"

Endocrine tapped to herself, and then she held out two hands, moving the right hand behind her left hand, and then her left hand taking the previous place of the right's hand.

"You want to talk about yourself?" Sliver asked.

She rolled her eye. No!

"Uhh… is there something wrong with your heart? Is it broken?"

No. Endocrine shook her head.

"Ooh, charades!" Durf joined in. "Let me guess, Alex stole an organ?"

Do I look dead to you? Endocrine held out her hands again and switched them around.

"Uhh… you like the outer space?" Sliver said.

"You're looking for a treasure map?" Durf rubbed his chin.

Nooooo. Endocrine had to stop walking so she could stomp her foot and shake her head.

Sliver patted Durf's head. "Not even close, pig."

"Hey, that's racist!" Durf complained.

"You call me 'dog chow'," Sliver pointed out.

"Oh, that's true." Durf had to stop walking to bow dramatically; placing his sunglasses back onto his forehead. "Dog chow, you shall call me Bacon."

"You're a delicious and forgiving bacon in a searing-hot furnace," Sliver joked, also coming to a stop.

Durf ignored Sliver, returning his attention to Endocrine. "How about… you want to become part of the family of rolling rocks?"

Endocrine dramatically collapsed, giving up.

"Oooh, she's swooning," Durf shook the stray's arm.

"Nah," Sliver commented.

"Princess, this is non times for games," Z scolded as he walked pass them.

I wish you'd go fall into a lava pool full of dead idiots. Endocrine glowered, chucking a piece of dirt from her inventory at Zoan.

"She hates you, Z," Sliver stated.

"Everyone hates tu," Z snapped.

G.P. cut in, "Um, isn't 'everyone's' a bit of an exaggeration?" But the pigmen ooohing's drowned her out. G.P.'s reasoning didn't go unnoticed by Z, so he sent a scowl in Sliver's direction and marched on ahead.

Endocrine rose to her feet, brushing the ashes and red dust off her jacket. Sliver and Durf had returned to their walk, leaving her behind. Endocrine rubbed her forehead, her headache slowly turning into a migraine. She decided that she'll stay as a human for a while longer. She could stand the heat until it's unbearable, because anything could kill them here if they made a wrong move. That included offending the entire Nether and sending them on an another war against the Enders, which won't end up well for anyone. But for now, she has to keep moving.


After three hours of seemingly never-changing landscape and the endless bickering of the zombie and stray, Endocrine had enough. She wanted to nuke the entire Nether. But what could she do in the mist of her worsening brain condition and waxing hunger? And since no one was talking to her, she slowly grew into a pit of despair as she worried about the spiders. At this rate, the other voice in her head will return to torment her...

The monsters were trekking through a small cave with curving pillars of Netherrack. When they were about halfway to another large section of the Nether, a large Magma Cube fell from a hole in a ceiling. G.P. screamed, affecting Z to jump.

"Hey, hey, breathe," Z patted G.P.'s upper back while her scream fell short. "See? In, and out. In, and out…"

The cube twisted to look down at the group. It had red, intimating eyes with golden irises; its body's a deep crimson and burgundy cube. If Endocrine squinted hard enough, she could see magma inside the slime.

"Behold," one of the pigmen grunted, "The magma cube. Let it pass. No rash movements."

G.P. trembled, her body leaning away from the lava slime yet her feet were planted onto the ground. The creeper's breathing was shallow as she bit down on her scarf. Hard.

The magma cube took one look at the creeper. It meowed. G.P. paled.

"Dudes! It's a cat-cube!" Durf gasped.

G.P. bolted. The Magma cube's eyes were locked on her, leaping. The monsters had to throw their bodies against the wall to avoid getting crushed or burnt by the large slime.

Once the danger had passed by, Z roared out, "Oh, non tu don't!" He ran after the cat-cube.

Idiots. Endocrine's inner thoughts groaned.

Sliver took after the running monsters. Endocrine did her best to keep up by teleporting and lightly skimming over the ground despite her low hunger bar. In contrast, the pigmen sat down, bragging about their possessions and comparing golden swords.

"Get the demon away from me!" G.P. screeched, transforming into her human from so she could escape the bouncing and meowing magma cube.

"I'm trying!" Z wheezed.

"Stop running after the Cube, you fool!" Sliver barked, his cape surfing on the hot wind.

Endocrine gave up chasing after them as nausea threatened to overwhelm her. You're encouraging the Magma cube, idiot.

"Listen to me, you're making this worse!" Sliver growled.

"Why should I… listen to tu… if you're so smart?!" Z gasped.

Sliver's voice dropped an octave. "You will see."

The temperature seemed to get hotter and wetter around them, the air quivering. It didn't seem to bother the now-standing stray and the cat-cube.

G.P. Creen ran over the soul sands, the souls clasping onto G.P.'s feet and pleaded to save them from damnation. The Magma cube jumped and landed. It narrowly missed crushing G.P.'s body as she struggled to escape the begging of the soul sand. She broke free onto the glitching, floating gravels. The cube slammed onto the gravel, the flames flying from its body. Gravity and order was restored onto the gravel.

Zoan skidded to a stop on the edge of the soul sands, horror mapped on his face as the creeper and slime fell. A few seconds later, a loud boom shook the area as the heat hissed.

"G.P.!" Z wailed, faltering.

Endocrine and Sliver hurried over the soul sands and onto the remaining gravels supported by Netherracks. They peered over the edge with Z. The magma cube was swimming in the lava, which was sweeping into the crater-hole. G.P.'s gone. Dead.

Zoan trembled, tears filling his eyes. Endocrine bowed her head in respect while the stray shook his head.

"First rule of the Nether," Sliver huffed, slamming his fist against Z's shoulder. "Stay calm. Second, understand that everything's out to kill us."

Endocrine nodded. Everything's always out to kill something.

"Well, I'm sorry we didn't know!" Z growled, shoving Sliver. "Not like anyone told us!"

"Oh, they've tried." Sliver turned his back on him. "But you were too busy picking fights with me." He walked away.

Z stared at the stray pushing through the soul sands. Then Z ran, leaped, and then punched the back of his skull. "Tu need to shut up!"

"Shut up?" Sliver chuckled as he straightened, his right hand summoning a bow. "A terrible insult, really."

Endocrine could sense a brawl thickening like smoke. This is going to be fun. Endocrine chose a safe spot to sit on. Now if I had some chorus fruit to go along with this… Endocrine's stomach growled.

"Here's a warning, coward." Sliver turned to Z, popping his joints. "Back down now if you value your life, unlike your friend who had acted foolishly in terror. And for everyone's sake, don't mess up again."

Z's eyes narrowed, reeling in for a second punch.

Silver staggered as his ribcage slightly bent inwards. However, he recovered and then he shot Z with a slowness arrow. A pick materialized into the zombie's hand. Z swung the stone pick towards the skeleton.

The stray side-stepped, shooting the arrow. Z deflected it at the last moment with his pick axe.

"Huh. Not bad. You're fast even when you're slow." Sliver complimented.

"Shut up!" Z yelled, tears flowing as his hands shook. Sliver stepped back. Z slowly charged. Sliver shot Z with another slowness arrow. Z cried out, throwing his pick. Sliver's abrupt movement to avoid the pick had tossed his hood back. Cracks and patches of black were decorated on his rough skull.

They panted, glaring at each other. Sliver's sudden height boost began to make sense to Endocrine. She recalled his words: "I've seen mutations before."

Sliver was a mutated wither skeleton. Being in the Nether must have restored his original height. The Nether magic must had made Sliver short in the Overworld to help him to blend in better.

Z made the next move once his slowness wore off. He summoned another pick as he ducked Sliver's arrow. Z swung it around, the air swooshing as they skimmed past each other.

"Pretty good for a coward," Sliver taunted, ducking an overhead swing. Sliver nocked his bow, but then he had to step aside to avoid another attack. Sliver accidentally dropped his arrow.

"Why didn't tu finish moi off while I waited for the effects to wear off? I know you're no fool," Z growled. He attempted to knock Sliver off his feet but Sliver simply jumped over his attack.

"I'm a knight, not a savage." Sliver punched Z. Then the Wither-stray pulled him down. "I take my turns."

Z managed to break one of Sliver's ribs. The broken rib bone flew back into place, although not mending. The zombie was so close to escaping, but the Wither-stray refused to release him.

"Pathetic you couldn't protect your play things." Sliver gasped, using his foot to hold Z down. He placed the arrow onto his bowstring. "Given up?"

Z yelled in pain.

"Huh, I thought so." Sliver snorted, thumbing the feather. "Anger and grief are pathetic reasons to start a joust. You'll get over it, won't you?"

"Jamais," Z hissed.

"Shame." Sliver rolled his shoulders. "I've heard the head is the weakest spot of the body. Want to see what colour you'll bleed from your tiny brains, hmm? Any last moment begging? I might spare-"

"You're an obvious mistake," Z spat.

Sliver yanked the string back, conflict written all over his face.


Author's Note: Jamais= Never

I'm delighted to see people caring for Kristy the cave spider… I'm sorry I had to kill her off, the plot requires it. D: Poor Skylos… RIP Kristy 2017.

Remember, time in the Nether goes much slowly, so I believe General Dryan is still laughing over by the lava pool.

Endertainment!

Why do Endermen enjoy visiting the Nether?

Because they've nether see water there!

~Rosie