And the winner of the Rubber Ducky Boxer Auction is...hawk without wings! With a bid of.....10 Bajillion dollars!

My only question...How much is a 'bajillion'?

Fang: Is that even a number?

Me: -shrugs- Is now...

Fang: I can't believe you auctioned off my freaking boxers.

Me: Well, Justin needs the money!

Fang: Justin doesn't exist!

Me: -facepalm- You're so cruel, Fang...

Fang: -rolls eyes- Right, I'm cruel to the nonexistent child...

Me: I hope you're not this cruel to our children.

Fang: -jumps- What children?!

Me: Kara has a point. We fight and act like a married couple. So, maybe we should!

Fang: Maybe we should gouge our eyes out with sporks, too, but you don't see us doing it.

Me: But Kara had a point!

Fang: Yeah, well, Dt2009 with Dark Blue Wings had a point, too, that it's rude to steal a guy's underwear, but it didn't stop you, did it?

Me: Nope!

Fang: -sigh-

Me: So, I was thinking a Summer wedding would be nice...

Fang: -headdesk-

Dedication: A dedication to Kara a.k.a Karecitay. You may know her from FlockUpdates. Why does she get a dedication? Let's just say, t has something to do with her tweeting 'sexily'.....


Fang's POV

You know, you'd think when Iggy drags me out of bed a five in the morning and starts begging me to go somewhere with him, I should be smart enough to just grumble 'No' and go back to sleep.

But, unfortunately, my intelligence quotient obviously isn't that high.

Iggy practically dragged me out of bed, begging me to fly somewhere with him and rushing me to get dressed. When I asked him where we were going, he just said, "I'll tell you on the way. Come on, hurry up!"

I should've just said no. Should've just went back to bed. But, by pulling myself up and grabbing a pair of jeans, I sealed both our fates for the day.

We snuck out of the house before the others woke up. I knew Ella was taking Max, Nudge, and Angel with her shopping today, so they'd probably leave early without even checking to see if we were there. They were also leaving Gazzy off at his new 'girl' friend's house on the way. Dr. Martinez would be home, but she had the day off, so she'd probably sleep in, just like Iggy and I should be doing.

So, basically, no one was going to now where we were, or that we were even gone.

Great....

As we flew, Iggy filled me in on what his plans were. "So, I spent all of last night working on my latest 'explosive masterpiece'..."

"So, shouldn't you be tired?" I asked, yawning.

Iggy shook his head. "Nah, I had coffee this morning. Anyway, I wanted to test it out, but I couldn't bring Gazzy because of his play 'date'." He said, grinning. "Besides, for some reason, he hates it when I wake him up this early."

"I wonder why..." I grumbled. "Why do you have to blow things up this early, anyway?"

"Because, if I waited 'till later, either Dr. Martinez or one of the girls would tell me it's 'too dangerous' or something like that."

"Don't know why they'd think that!" I said sarcastically.

Iggy rolled his eyes, but mostly ignored my comment, just as he usually does when someone dares to spew common sense at him. Instead, he asked me to describe the scenery below.

"Mostly empty space." I answered. "Some plants, no houses."

"Perfect." Iggy said. "Let's land."

As soon as we landed on a small, clear patch of land, Iggy got to work setting up his newest 'masterpiece', while I took the free time to take in our surroundings from a new angle. It was typical Arizona desert area. Hot, dry, and littered with cacti. That's right, cacti. As in, the multiple form of cactus. In my opinion, Arizona had to many of the prickly plants. Heck, one of these plants was too many for me. I guess, after growing up in a lab, anything with needles set me on edge.

"Ok, ready!" Iggy said, kneeling next to his creation.

I took one look at it and grimaced. This thing made Big Boy look like a sparkler. "Are you sure that thing's safe?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine." Iggy said, pressing some buttons on a makeshift timer he'd made. That timer looked strangely like Nudge's missing clock radio.... "It's set not to pack as big of a punch, because it's just a test run. When I work on the next one, it'll be full of fire power." Iggy stood up and started backing away. I heard the timer start to beep and followed his move. When we were back about fifteen paces, Iggy stopped. "Ok, we should be far enough. Now, just to wait for it..." Iggy looked way to excited about this. I just wanted to be back in bed.

I watched the counter on the former clock radio count back.

7...

6...

5...

Iggy was practically bouncing with excitement...

4...

3...

We really needed to put Iggy in therapy...

2...

1...

And then, all Hell broke loose.

I guess Iggy gave that bomb of his a little more 'fire power' than he thought he had. That thing had exploded so loudly, I was sure people in Russia were ducking for cover, convinced of a terrorist attack or something. The explosion sent us both flying backward. I landed in the dirt with enough force to knock the wind out of me. I lay there, trying to catch my breath and watching the dust settle. When I finally was able to breathe, I spent another minute coughing up the dirt I'd just inhaled. I swear, I had half of Arizona in my lungs for a minute.

As soon as the dust was settled enough that I could see, I began madly looking around for Iggy. It took me a little while to find the guy. I was beginning to become convinced that I'd somehow have to explain to the Flock that Iggy had was lying in pieces, scattered across that Arizona landscape, when I heard a noise to my left.

I turned around, hoping Iggy wasn't too badly hurt. Maybe some scrapes, some burns, but please no missing limbs! What I saw definetely was bad, but not exactly what I expected...

No missing limbs, thank God, maybe some scrapes and burns, but, as if to add insult to injury, Iggy's bomb had thrown him straight into...

A cactus.

No, scratch that. Cacti.

A whole bunch of little cacti, clustered together, as if they'd just been waiting for some poor sucker to be blown straight into them. And today, Iggy was that poor sucker.

For a minute, I just stood there, staring, not knowing exactly what to say or do. Iggy had the most pained look on his face I'd ever seen. I could tell he was on the verge of either screaming or crying, not quite sure which one to do. Finally, he just let out a small whimper.

I snapped out of my shocked trance. "Come on, Ig. Let's get you home.


I won't go through all the literally painful details of trying to get Iggy home. I mean, I tried to get some of the needles out, but he was covered in them! It hurt him to move, but I couldn't carry him, either. Not also did me touching him hurt as well, but I, personally, didn't want to get stuck with those things myself. So, we flew slow home, Iggy whimpering the whole way.

And I couldn't blame him.

Obviously, we still had a bit of luck left. Dr. Martinez was up when we got home. When we walked in the door, she took one look at Iggy from where she was sitting at the kitchen table, then demanded we go get in her car while she got changed out of her pajamas. She rushed us down to her workplace, which was closed today, and got us in with her key. She brought Iggy into one of the larger offices and got him up on a table.

On the way over, I'd told her the story of what happened, and she was already lecturing Iggy as she examined him.

"Well, I guess this shall be a not-so-friendly reminder for you about what happens when you play with explosives, huh?"

Iggy just whimpered again in response. He was trying so hard not to move.

Dr. Martinez sighed. "We're just going to have to pull all these out. I think I can get some of the little ones with duct tape, but the bigger ones I'm going to need tweezers for."

Iggy's face looked absolutely horrified at the idea of sitting there while Dr. M yanked little needles out of his skin. Once again, I couldn't blame him. Ouch.

Dr. Martinez walked over to one of the cabinets and started getting things out of it. I walked over to see what she was grabbing and noticed a very different kind of needle than the ones we'd been dealing with sitting there.

"Does Iggy need a shot or something?" I asked. Like the guy didn't have enough needle problems...

"Besides the fact that he probably needs a tetanus shot?" She asked. "Anyway, this is for a little dose of yours and Max's favorite drug, Valium."

"Valium?" The horror...The horror... "Why?"

"It should help ease the pain. Trust me, he's going to need it."

So that's how I found myself, once again, in a vet's office sitting next to one of my fellow Flock members while they were on a Valium high. After I swore I never wanted to be in that position again. I mean, talk about awkward...

And if I thought Max on Valium was awkward, Iggy was a whole new adventure...

"Why is it so dark?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're blind, Iggy, remember?"

"Oh...yeah!" He twitched as Dr. Martinez pulled out another couple needles. "What's poking me?"

"Dr. M. She's taking needles out of you."

"Why?"

"Well, do you want needles in you?"

"If they don't have anywhere else to live! Can you imagine being a homeless needle?"

The only thing I could imagine right now was duct taping Iggy's mouth shut, so I decided to just stay silent.

Wish Iggy had made that same decision...

"You know what the funniest word is?" Iggy asked after a couple minutes.

"What?"

"Sexily." Iggy said. "It's so weird to say, but so fun to use..."

"Ehh...huh..." I didn't have much of a response for that. Sexily?

"I should use that word more often. Sexily." Iggy mused. "It's a cool word..."

"Yeah..." Maybe he'd eventually shut up if I didn't show much interest.

"The girl sexily walked down the hall." Iggy said, using his new favorite word in a sentence.

"I'll be right back." Dr. Martinez said. "Need some better tweezers. Watch him, ok?"

"Sure." Like I had a choice. When did my morning come to this?

"The girl walked sexily down the hall." Iggy continued when Dr. Martinez left. "Ella walked sexily down the hall!"

Oh, crap. "Iggy, shush. Dr. M doesn't need to hear that."

"Ella walked sexily down the hall." Iggy said, laughing. "I'd say I'd sexily watch her walk sexily down the hall, but I sexily can't because I'm sexily blind! Sexily!" Iggy was laughing almost hysterically at that point.

"Iggy, chill..." I told him, trying to steady him on the table without pushing any needles farther into him.

He just kept laughing. "Fang, you should chill! Why don't you go, like, sexily make out with Max or something?"

Ok, that was uncalled for. "Iggy, come on! Since when do I 'make out' with Max?"

"In your dreams!" Iggy almost yelled, laughing harder.

"What?"

"You talk about her when you sleep." Iggy stated. "Max! Max!" He said, making a poor attempt at mocking my voice. He wrapped his arms around like he was giving someone a hug. "I heard you bite your pillow once. What were you doing to poor Maxy?!" He burst into laughter again.

God, I hoped that was the Valium talking...

"Iggy, don't make stuff up."

"I don't lie! Ever!" He yelled into my face. "Hey, I can see! Sexily!! Sike!!!" He started laughing again.

Ok...

Luckily, Dr. Martinez came back in and finished pulling the needles out before I snapped. We drove him home and practically had to drag him to bed. Fortunately, he didn't say anything else embarrassing. He just went through the two hundred ways Taco Bell was sexily better than KFC. Though not embarrassing, still irritating.

We didn't say too much to the others about exactly what happened to Iggy, except that he got in a fight with some cacti and lost, and was now recovering from the experience. Dr. Martinez and I had decided Iggy'd been through enough torture without Max yelling at him for setting off a near-lethal bomb.

As we were going to bed that night, I decided to get a certain nagging suspicion off my chest. "Hey, Gazzy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do I ever, uhh...Talk in my sleep?"

Gazzy shrugged. "Not too much..."

I decided that answer was good enough. "Ok, just wondering."

As I started to walk off, I heard Gazzy say behind me, "Well, there was that one time where you mumbled something about Max and bit your pillow. That was weird."

I went to bed that night after tossing my pillow on the floor.

Between Iggy and I, the Flock was harboring some pretty sick guys.

Or, as Iggy would say, sexily sick guys.

Oh, forget it...


Me: Well, that chapter's finally done.

Fang: Good. Can I go on Twitter now?

Me: No, you tweet whore! Gosh, Fang, you went over my tweeting limit last time!

Fang: But...

Me: So, Fang's addicted to Twitter...

Fang: Am not.

Me: Are too. Shut up. I have a new poll up asking if I should let Fang get his own Twitter. Please say no.

Fang: Please say yes.

Me: -headdesk-

Sexily R&R?