Sword Art Online - Reforged
Ch. 9 – Peaks and Valleys
"And it's killin' me when you're away. I wanna leave and I wanna stay. And I'm so confused, so hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain… I'm not strong enough to stay away." Not Strong Enough – Apocalyptica
~~~Asuna~~~
I messed up, plain and simple. Admitting it didn't help me at all, but it made me rationalize things. I kept my promise, I stayed away from Brandon, focused on the guild. To be honest, I felt like I was falling apart, no one respected me, they feared me, or hated me. I hurt the people I cared about here, the only two people I called friends. I wanted to make it better, but I didn't know how I could, I was stuck. The only positive from all this was the pace we were beating the game at.
I'd see Brandon quite often while working, and it was impossible to not interact with him on regular days. When we talked, our conversations were short and concise, only exchanging the words we needed to. He was calm and businesslike as always, that didn't seem to change. I would often catch myself watching him throughout the day, on occasion I'd see him watching me, chewing on his cheek as though he wanted to say something, but he never did.
I barely saw Avery at all anymore, maybe a couple times a week. She didn't work under me, so I never gave her any orders or anything like that. She always smiled and waved whenever we saw each other, but never spoke. I wonder if she knew, maybe she thought everything was because of how focused everyone was on racing through the game.
It was a lonely and long few weeks after Christmas. Most of my days I would go do guild work all day, then come home and sleep. I didn't take any time off, didn't spend time with anyone, and didn't focus on anything other than my own mistakes and becoming as strong as I could. Sometimes I felt I couldn't even do the latter very well, as Brandon and Heathcliff pulled away from me and the rest of the pack in terms of level and skill, even other officers started to close the gap on me.
It was the same as any day today, I woke up right at six in the morning and got dressed and quickly ate. I stepped outside, and as normal, Aincrad appeared as its usual dreamy place. The gentle warmth of the new sun spilled out into the city, illuminating my surroundings with an iridescent golden glow. I wished that occasionally, it could be cloudy and dreary, instead of the world pretending like everything was perfect, or even that everything was okay. The sun warmed my cold skin, sending a soothing wave of comfort up my back and relaxing my tense muscles.
It didn't do much to lift my mood, however, I covered my eyes as I hurried through the streets, looking down at the smooth, symmetrical stones interlocked with each other at my feet. The city around me was silent, the sound of my footsteps echoing off the cobblestones and the tall walls of the ornate buildings that surrounded me. As beautiful as this city was, hardly anyone lived in the huge stone homes. The frontlines were becoming stretched thin as more and more of us decided to stay behind in the relative safety of the cities and towns below, content to live out their lives inside this prison of a world.
I fidgeted with the pommel of my sword as I walked through the empty streets. The blue jewels inlaid on the pommel and handguard glinted in the sun. I stopped on a bridge near the unused harbor. Many ships were docked here on the lake, none of them had ever been used and would most likely never be used. The lake water was unmoving, not a single ripple on its glass-like surface. There was no wind, not even the slightest of breezes to disturb my reflection in the deep blue-green waters.
It was the first time I had looked at myself for any substantial amount of time in a while. I could make out my features perfectly in the placid waters. I saw that my once soft, delicate features were strained with the signs of weariness and tension. My eyes were cold and indifferent, my brow furrowed slightly. I noticed slight, dark circles beginning to form under my eyes. For just a slight second, I allowed myself to completely relax, and I looked like my old self for that moment. I thought I saw the light come back to my eyes as I turned away from the water, but figured it was the water glistening in the morning sun.
I let out a deep sigh as I continued on my way. I arrived at our guild hall, pushing open the heavy front door and entering the huge, empty hall. The main hall was barren for the most part, an ornate red carpet led up to the stairs which split off and curled up the walls to the balcony where higher ups made announcements and council room behind there. Red and white tapestries hung from the ceilings, covering the tall windows that would have helped illuminate the hall had they not been almost completely covered. As you travel further into the hall, the windows disappear, and the tapestries end right above doors that are flanked by marble sculptures of decorated Knights and lead to many more hallways and rooms of similar spaciousness and extravagance.
I made my way up the stairs, the handrail was cold to the touch, up to the balcony. I walked towards the doors to the council chamber, pushing open the heavy wooden doors which slammed shut behind me. I made a quick right, taking in the details of the familiar council room. A long, tall table ran the length of the wide room, a set of 9 chairs of varying heights and décor were set up behind the table. Behind the chairs, a set of floor to ceiling windows allowed the sun to brighten the room. In the very center, a low, dark table stood with a map upon it. That table was where most of the meetings took place. There was a small assortment of metal sculptures that vaguely resembled the higher ups on the entrance's side, mine was on the far left side of the room, opposite of the Commanders office all the way at the far right of the room.
I walked up to the table that stood in the middle of the room, on it were several manila envelopes, one with my name on it, my orders for the week. I looked to the left end of the room, a large wooden door stood in the wall, this room was Brandon's office. Only him and the Commander had offices here, the rest of the council had offices elsewhere in the guild hall, mine had a window that opened up to the yard, where people trained, and we did evaluations on members. I saw Brandon out there almost every day doing evaluations, he was so calm and willing to spend time on developing players in our guild.
I sighed and started to head over to my office to read my orders. I was sure they were the same as usual, a bunch of boring reports to check over, a level quota to set, probably reassigning members, but work kept my mind from wandering too far away, kept me from overthinking things for most of the day.
I entered my office, closing the door behind me and plopping down in the plush chair behind my desk. I dropped the smooth, manila envelope on my desk and looked out to the training yard. There were already quite a few people outside training, I didn't know any by name, but I recognized most of them as people I had fought alongside. I thought I should get out there today, I had stuck myself in my office for a while, hadn't even fought a trash mob in about a week and a half.
I had just motivated myself enough to get out of my chair and ask to spar with someone when I took another look out my window and froze. Brandon was out there, probably evaluating some new recruits, or testing them for promotions. It didn't matter what he was out there for, I couldn't bring myself to be out there with him. I didn't realize I was still staring at him, and when I noticed this, I saw him looking back at me through the window. I quickly looked down at my desk, not wanting to gain his attention.
I shook my head aggressively and finally got to work.
~~~Brandon~~~
I could feel eyes on me, burning a hole through my back as I was giving instruction to some newer guild members. I looked over my shoulder at the glass that obscured her office, I couldn't see her through this side of the glass, but I knew she was watching me, and that made my stomach knot up.
I was lost in this whole situation, I didn't know how to handle Asuna. She wasn't open about things like Avery was, it took digging to find out what needed to be fixed. I knew what happened that day wasn't my fault, and for her sake it wasn't her fault either, but I knew how Asuna could be. She would be digging herself in a hole, one so deep she couldn't claw her way out of with her willpower alone once she figured it all out. I doubted anyone else in the guild besides Avery could even tell something was a little off with her, Asuna hid herself behind well under the veil of her steely attitude and perfectionist work habits. Only the little things she did gave her away. When things were smooth in her world, she liked to fold her hands behind her back when she was standing, she always tilted her head to the side when she was talked, except for during serious guild discussions, and she never touched the jewels on the pommel and hand guard of her sword.
I haven't told Avery what happened on Christmas Eve with Asuna, I pretended to be as stumped as her on the issue of what was breaking Asuna. Lying to her made me feel terrible, but I wasn't sure how she'd handle it, and I didn't want everything to fall apart because of one mistake. I felt this was my own issue to deal with, since I was the root of it all, but I had to fix it soon before our relationship starts to fall apart as she starts to get more and more suspicious.
"Alright, that's enough for this morning. We'll meet up here again after patrols this evening." I told the members I was training.
"Yessir!" They answered in unison.
I looked up at the cloudless sky, arms crossed and my fingers tapping the cuffs of my guantlets.
"Everything okay, Commander?" Someone asked me, snapping me out of my quick trance.
"Hm? Oh, Tatsumi. Yes, everything is fine." I told the Knight.
Tatsumi was a relatively new member, joining in the last few months. I had taken quite a liking to his style of swordsmanship and given him a few 1-on-1 lessons. I saw a lot of potential in him, he had very good fundamentals and a knack for knowing what his opponent is going to do.
"I've been working on levelling up my strength and focusing on unarmed combat like you said." Tatsumi told me.
"I'm glad. I can't stress how important it is to fight using your whole body if you aren't going to use a shield or a two-handed weapon."
"Say, Commander, you fight without a shield and with a one-handed sword, don't you? Why is that?" He questioned.
"Well this is actually both a one-handed, and two-handed sword, and with my gauntlets, I essentially have a shield, or at least something to parry blows with. I find shields are too bulky and interfere with my fighting style. For me, it's about power and mobility, so a solid sword and my body are all I need to beat an opponent. You'll find most people here will be thrown off if you hit them with a shoulder charge or a kick." I explained.
"Well I appreciate you taking time out of your days to help me." Tatsumi thanked me, bowing slightly.
"It's not big deal really, I just want my guildmates to be the best they can. I can see you getting up there." I told him.
"Thank you, sir. I'll see you around, I've got some levelling to do today."
"Stay safe." I said as he walked into the guild hall.
I drew my sword and began pacing around a nearby training dummy. I started going through my routine practice, slowly walking through each motion and feeling exactly how each of my sword skills landed on the dummy. While sword skills always behaved the same whenever you used one, I always found it helpful to keep the motions and behaviors fresh in my mind all while thinking of better ways to use certain ones or chain combos together.
"Care to spar?" I heard from behind me.
I turned to see Asuna standing behind me, arms clasped behind her back, head tilted to the side and a slight smile on her tired face. I felt my heart jump into my throat as I faced her, unsure how to act.
"Uh, sure." I told her.
We said nothing as we stepped into one of the many chalked off areas used for dueling. I accepted Asuna's request to duel and readied myself as she drew her rapier. If things were normal, I would have already been thinking of several different strategies to employ to beat her, but I couldn't think, my mind was fuzzy, and I was worried about what would happen next. Asuna looked afraid as we stared each other down.
The timer hit zero and there was an audible ding as the duel started. Asuna sped towards me, stabbing at my chest with her blade. I spun to my left and brought my sword down in an arc over my head, but Asuna was already rolling around to my backside. I was turning as she prepared to run me through, but I caught her off guard by turning my turn into a kick, hitting her arm and knocking her off target and making her stumble. I quickly faced her and grabbed her sword arm as she struggled to regain her footing.
I pulled Asuna up to her feet as the system announced my victory. I could see tears running down her cheeks, catching the sunlight and shimmering slightly against her pale skin. I let go of her arm as she turned and looked up at me, dropping her sword on the ground.
"Asuna, can we not do this here?"
I instantly regretted my words the moment they left my mouth. I saw Asuna's entire body tense up in anger.
"You're an asshole Brandon. I'm sorry I don't know how to handle myself." Asuna cried, slapping her hand against my chest.
"No, Asuna, that's not…"
"Just leave me alone if you're just gonna act like I'm okay." Asuna interrupted, wiping tears off her cheeks and storming off into the guild hall.
"Damn it. You're such a fucking idiot!" I shouted at myself, then realizing there were several sets of eyes watching everything that just happened.
I noticed Asuna left her sword on the ground where she dropped it. I picked it up gently, looking around and then teleporting home, not willing to finish my day at the guild.
~~~Avery~~~
I looked everywhere around the guild hall, unable to find Brandon anywhere. He wasn't in his office and he wasn't out in the yard. Asuna was nowhere to be found as well, I thought I'd ask her if she knew were Brandon was, but all I found was her office which looked like it had been hit by a hurricane. Something had been brewing these past few weeks, I had felt it, but had no idea what it was or how it started, or between who. Brandon seemed on edge and Asuna was always working, never able to spend time with us anymore. Maybe something going on with the council was stressing them out.
I decided that was what it was a while ago and counted myself lucky to not be sitting around that desk upstairs. What I did know was that I had a lunch date today and no one had seen my date since this morning and his location wasn't available on my friend list.
"Something wrong, Captain?" I heard a voice say as I searched the halls.
"Not at all. Just looking for Brandon." I answered one of my subordinates.
"I saw him this morning. Him and Asuna were sparring and then she started yelling at him and he teleported off somewhere after she went storming off. Not sure what it was about." He told me.
"Thanks for letting me know."
"No problem, ma'am." He said with a slight salute before walking away.
Whatever this thing was that was going on with Brandon and Asuna must've been pitting one against the other. I was glad I wasn't involved with the council's affairs, but I wished whatever they were trying to do would get sorted out soon. I decided to head off to the boss room on floor 25, I knew if Brandon was upset that he would be there, it was his thinking place.
I appeared on the top of the mountain, the air pleasantly cool, a slight breeze tousled my hair as I looked around the peak. It was always beautiful on this mountaintop, the sky was always clear and bluer than any sky in the real world, the temperature was always perfect, not hot but not cold either. The surroundings were spectacular as well from the open, dark green meadow at the base to the towering evergreen forest that reached the bases of the unreachable mountains that made up the rest of the range. At the base of one of the accessible ones there was even a mountain spring with water so clean and pure it was like looking through a pane of glass.
I spotted Brandon near the edge of a cliff on the western face of the mountain, sitting on a large rock, his hands planted behind him as he leaned back slightly. One of his legs was folded under his body and his other was drawn up close to his body and he was watching two finches chase each other through the air. He heard my approaching footsteps and turned to look at me. He smiled softly at me when our eyes met, and I smiled back.
"I thought I'd find you up here." I told him as I climbed up the rock.
"How'd you know I was gone?" He asked.
"We had a lunch date today, remember?"
"Shit." I heard him mutter. "I'm sorry, I got distracted and forgot."
"Distracted by whatever is going on?" I asked him, sitting next to him.
"Yeah, I guess."
"What's the matter anyway? Some council disagreements? Someone told me you and Asuna were yelling at each other this morning." I said to him, laying down with my head in his lap, looking up at him.
"It's complicated." He answered as he twirled a lock of my hair between his fingers.
I was looking up at Brandon's cool, grey eyes. They were usually full of fire and life, he would always wear a slight smile on his face, ready to tackle any challenge head on. His eyes usually held storms in them that captivated and inspired me, I wondered how someone could be so full of so much passion and energy. Lately, however, his eyes seemed different. They reminded me of the dark rain clouds we so often encountered back home in the US, cold and heavy, he looked so tired, so drained.
"Brandon," I started. "something has been bothering me lately, I feel like something is wrong, like whatever is happening with… whatever, is really bringing you down. Neither you or Asuna have been acting like yourselves lately, and someone today told me you were fighting, like fighting fighting out in the yard today. I want to know what's happening between you two. What on the council could be this stressful and divisive?"
"Well… it's a long story." Brandon said, shifting uncomfortably.
I could feel his legs tense up and he looked away from me when I answered me, I needed to know what was wrong.
"I've got time, we're supposed to be out on a date right now anyway." I told him.
I watched and felt Brandon let out a deep sigh and look off to his left, staring into emptiness for a moment before turning to look back at me.
"Alright, I probably should have told you a while ago, but I didn't know how to do it or if you'd be mad." Brandon explained.
"Mad…? Brandon, what did you do?" I demanded, sitting straight up and looking at him eye to eye.
"Remember on Christmas Eve when we all went out to help Kirito not get himself killed?"
"Yeah, I remember that."
"Well, Asuna and I were out together looking for him, she hit me with a snowball and we started playing around in the snow. We chased each other around and she tackled me. I got lost in the moment and… and I let her kiss me while we laid there in the snow." Brandon admitted, folding his hands nervously.
I stared at him blankly as he paused, most likely waiting for me to explode, but I said nothing, I couldn't say anything. I stared at him and it felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I felt my stomach do flips and my heart hurt. Brandon continued on before I could react at all.
"The moment she broke away I felt awful, I knew I let you down in a way I can't imagine, and then Asuna realized too. I don't remember what I said to her, but I remember Asuna saying she should stay away from us and she ran off crying before I could do anything. I should've dealt with this earlier, before everything exploded in my face, but I couldn't find any courage to tell you or try to help Asuna. In the end, I just let everyone down." Brandon finished, staring down at his hands.
"You're right." I choked, trying to control myself. "You let a lot of people down."
"Avery…" Brandon started.
"At least you finally told me, now I know why everything feels so wrong." I told him, hopping off the rock and starting to walk away from him, my eyes welling up with tears.
Brandon said something else to me, but I ignored him, blinded by my emotions. Perhaps I was being to harsh on Brandon. I thought more about the whole situation as I headed back to my house, trying to not lose my composure in public. I knew that Asuna was vulnerable, I knew about all her insecurities and worries, about how she wanted some stability I couldn't give her.
I couldn't put all the blame on Brandon, but at the same time I didn't want to put it on Asuna who I knew was struggling and just wanted a connection she didn't have. I knew Brandon wouldn't actively try and hurt me, he never had before, in all our years of knowing each other. He always stood up for me and defended me and I knew he cared about Asuna as much as I did, and if it really did happen the way he said it did, Asuna instigated and he broke it up.
As much as I rationalized the situation, it didn't help me hurt less. Brandon still lied to me and ruined my trust in him. I had no idea what to do, without either him or Asuna I had no one. Perhaps I should've seen this coming or tried more with Asuna, but just like Brandon, I didn't know how to help her with her struggles. I was stuck, and I reached my house, I entered and slid down my door and drew my knees up to my chest and cried.
I was mad at everyone, Brandon, Asuna, myself. Now we were all hurting and uncertain what tomorrow held. All I knew was that if things didn't get fixed soon, then they would never get fixed.
A/N Once again I apologize for the unreasonable wait for this chapter. Life is rough and busy but I hope I'm on a better schedule for writing now. This chapter in particular took me a while to get down as I just couldn't seem to get it the way I wanted so I have about 5 drafts of it. It is my own fault because I didn't prewrite for this part of the series as well as I should've. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think!
