A.N.- Wait! What is this? Could it be….? A CHAPTER?!?! laughs Yep, I'm back. Finally! Hopefully this chapter is the revival of my writing, 'cause I've been a total slacker on that front lately.
So, to all readers who didn't give up hope on this fic, THANK YOU for sticking with me.
And to any new readers, welcome!
Hope you all enjoy!!!
Chapter 9- One Last
Something,
a new knowledge.
You know
what you have to do.
Realization
of only that one thing
holding you back,
pulling you down.
Break down
that one final obstacle
standing in the way
of your freedom.
The two teens sat together on Lakota's bed for a while, Omi murmuring soft comforts and Lakota simply seeking relief from her fear and insecurity. Shortly after, Omi realized they both needed to eat. Lakota, after all, hadn't had anything since before she'd left the house the night before.
Omi started to rise, but Lakota's clinging grip on his arm stopped him. "It's alright, Kota-chan. I'm just going to get some food for us, okay? The others surely have something ready," he attempted to reassure her. She simply shook her head and continued clinging.
Omi sighed with some impatience. "Come on, Lakota, you've got to be hungry." She just stared at him, not releasing her grip. "Would you like to come with me, maybe?" She opened her mouth as if to reply then snapped it shut again with a click and nodded hesitantly.
Smiling reassuringly, Omi shifted to grab her hand and pull her from the bed. Her responding grip was nearly painful as she reached across her body to hold on with both hands. "Just remember that absolutely no one here will hurt you and everything will be fine, okay?" Lakota nodded up at him as Omi led her from the room.
The sound of voices emitting from the kitchen seemed to drag Lakota's feet as they got closer. Omi refused to let her go, though, refused to let her hide any longer. When the two entered the kitchen, Omi gently but insistently tugging Lakota behind him, all sound stopped.
Omi smiled as Lakota drew closer to him, nearly hiding behind him. "We decided we were hungry and hoped you four had some dinner ready." The tension that had built cracked at Omi's easy, relaxed demeanor. As everyone eased back into normal, Lakota also seemed to allow herself to settle into the comfort of the group and parted just slightly from Omi's side.
Not long after, everyone was seated at the table comfortably. Lakota again tucked herself as far into the corner as she could get with Omi not far from her side. Blade sat right next to him, wanting to discuss what exactly he'd done for Lakota in the hours they'd been alone in her room.
"I didn't really do anything special," Omi said quietly once Lakota was distracted by the other three at the table. "I just sat and talked to her about nothing in particular. That way, she could eventually realize I wouldn't hurt her, but it also made her see that I wasn't going to leave her either. You just have to re-build the trust again, on a stronger foundation this time."
Blade dropped his gaze, ashamed he'd let the situation get so far away from him. Omi smiled in understanding. "I'm not criticizing you, Blade. You were young when you took Lakota in and had never raised a child before, especially one as... damaged as Lakota was. You did the best you could with what you had."
"I have so many regrets, so much more I wish I would have done for her. But I guess looking back and wishing won't do us any good now." Blade sighed and looked over at Lakota, watching as she timidly picked at her food while attempting to ignore everyone's attention focused on her. She'd yet to make a sound.
Ken sat on Lakota's other side, being probably the least imposing presence in the room after Omi. He, as Omi had before, talked at Lakota about anything and nothing to keep her distracted from any threat she might imagine if left alone to her thoughts. Yohji turned to Aya. "Isn't there something sad about the fact that our two youngest know best how to take care of an abused child?"
Aya muttered a soft agreement and watched as Omi finished his conversation with Blade to turn back to Lakota. The whole scene, in Aya's mind, further evidenced the absolute dysfunction their team was made from. The facade of normality gave way to a picture of children with seriously disjointed psyches as the only ones able to take care of each other. Sad was an understatement.
-----
Lakota sat in her room a few days later, taking a break from the constant scrutiny. She'd finally gotten used to the group again, remembered who they were and where she was, but she needed a quick escape from Omi and Ken's mother-henning. Blade was also hovering around, though he also seemed to pull back, full of fear and regret.
And yet, despite re-integrating herself with the group, Lakota could not force a sound from herself. She'd tried, more forcefully then she'd ever tried anything before. It hadn't worked. At that point, Lakota assumed her voice was gone, possibly permanently.
The longer she sat there, the more Lakota thought about why she couldn't --wouldn't--speak. She knew that as soon as she did, Omi would without a doubt sit her down and make her confront all the fears and worries she'd kept hidden for so long. And so, just like those fears, she repressed her ability to voice them.
Knowing the reason, however, wasn't exactly getting her any closer to results. A sudden knock on her bedroom door interrupted Lakota's musings. She jumped up from her seat as Omi peeked into the room. "Hey, Kota-chan. Just letting you know dinner's ready."
Smiling up at him, Lakota motioned for him to lead the way. Activity swarmed the kitchen as the other four attempted to get dinner on the table and all places properly set. Lakota grinned at the homely hustle and bustle taking place before her. Blade looked up, caught her eye, and smiled in return.
No one paid attention to the approaching sounds of rolling thunder and pounding rain. No one bothered to notice the flicker of lightning through the windows. They settled into the routine that had become so familiar and easy in the previous months.
And as they ate, Lakota contemplated the decision she had come to while in her room just before the dinner rush. She had to reveal that final secret, had to push past the barriers holding in both her secrets and her ability to speak. She was done being silent.
Something must have shone in her face. Some determination must have bled into her eyes. Without noticing that she had somehow captured the attention of the others, she finished the last of her food then headed into the living room area. She paced the floor, nearly heedless of the others in the room.
Omi was the first to break the uncertain quiet. "Lakota? What's going on?" And that something came up again, tightening into lines around her eyes and creasing her forehead. The rain chose that moment to pound the windows as thunder crashed around them. "Does this have something to do with what happened to you?"
Lakota attempted to force the words she so desperately needed to say. If she could only tell them what she was so afraid for them to know, she knew she could break the hold on her voice. The longer her silence rolled on, however, the louder the thunder rolled through the night. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, lightning flashed closer than ever, and the lights stuttered out.
Lakota found her voice in the dark. "He raped me!" Silence dropped as heavily as the darkness. Another flash of lightning illuminated the shocked, angry, saddened expressions evident on every face. Drawing in a shuddering breath, Lakota let both the physical and mental shocks of speech after so much silence wash over her. "It's what I couldn't tell you, what I never told anyone. I'm sorry."
Warm arms surrounded her, and Lakota cuddled into Omi's familiar embrace as her tears finally flowed. "I'm so sorry," she cried quietly. "I'm sorry I never told you. And I'm sorry I couldn't... couldn't do anything." Omi rocked her back and forth, attempting to calm the girl who was slowly working herself into hysterics.
Lakota sobbed as she clung to Omi, releasing all the pent up frustration and anger and sadness holding onto her secret had caused. Omi held her tightly while at the same time leading them towards the couch. Once they were seated, Lakota curled as far as she could into Omi's warmth as if hoping to block out the confrontation she knew was coming.
Blade sank into the nearest chair, apparently having difficulty figuring which question he wanted answered first. Drawing a deep breath, he quietly voiced the most pressing question. "When? I mean, was this the first time? Or..."
A choked sob escaped Lakota's mouth as she shook her head. "The first time... I was... It was the reason I started sneaking out in the first place. Everything else I could deal with. I could make myself believe I didn't know it was wrong. But that? I couldn't-- I couldn't ignore that, Blade, couldn't rationalize it into being okay." She looked towards him, silent tears streaking her cheeks. "I just wanted everything to be okay again."
He stared at her for a few long moments. The tension practically hummed through his body as he attempted to accept that she'd been carrying this with her for so long now. Unable to process what he'd heard, Blade broke their stare as he stood and walked from the room.
