Spoiler Alerts for "Exile" and "Azati Prime!"

This story explores one of the most mystifying questions in Enterprise: Why would T'Pol experiment with Trellium-D, which is a known psychotropic toxin for her species?

She tells Phlox, "I wanted more." But what if there was more to it than that - or at least, if she told herself there was? It might have gone something like this (which also explains an incontinuity - the crate was originally stored in Cargo Bay One, but she finds it in Cargo Bay Two.

The Story A Day prompt for today was a character in conflict.

As always, I profit nothing - I just love them.

Critiques and comments always gratefully accepted - they make me a better writer.


You stare at the crate that holds the trellium-D. It's marked clearly, for your benefit alone.

"Bio-Hazard."

If not for your presence among them, they would be able to insulate this fragile craft against the spatial anomalies that have made this already highly improbable mission more challenging.

You move nearer. If you could find a way to inure yourself to its effects –

"T'Pol! What are you doing in here?"

You spin, clamping down your compromised control. You don't need to be told he won't accept your logic. Nor do you want him to know that he affects you in ways both physical and emotional.

"I've come to gather components for a personal research project." Fortunately, you have anticipated his tendency to appear where and when you least expect him, generally complicating your life in the process. There are times when you find those complications – stimulating.

"I'll get them for you. Whatever you need. Send me a list from the Bridge or your quarters, or anywhere that's not here. You see that container over there?" He gestured expansively.

"There's nothing wrong with my eyesight, Commander Tucker." Tonight, he's an obstacle between you and your objective.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, anyway. That Bio-Hazard marking is no joke for you. That's where we're keeping the Trellium-D we collected while you were off getting poisoned on the Seleya. So whatever you need from this Cargo Bay, ask someone else to get it for you."

"I often work on personal experiments during times when that would be inconvenient." You realize that you remain here simply to be in his company.

"Well – do you need things from all three cargo bays at odd hours, or just this one?"

"Cargo Bay Two holds primarily Engineering components, as you know, and Cargo Bay Three non-perishable quartermaster supplies and personal storage. I don't anticipate needing to access either of those bays regularly." But, if he moves the crate, you will need to know which bay he has stored it in. "However, I do have several personal effects in Cargo Bay Three."

"Then Cargo Bay Two is our lucky winner. And now you need to get out of here, because I don't want to be taking any crazy chances with you. You're my only surefire path to a decent night's sleep." He gives you the tipped-head smile that you have seldom seen, since the Xindi attack on his homeworld. Illogical, that you have missed it.

"As you say, Commander. Be in my quarters at 2230 hours. Don't be late this time."

You leave without looking back – at the human whom you find so stimulating, or at the crate that holds perhaps the only possible route to this mission's success, and the survival of his world and his species.

If you look back, he will know at once that there is more that you haven't told him. He was disconcertingly able to discern your emotional state even prior to the commencement of our neuropressure sessions. Since –

Perhaps he doesn't know the full scope of what you share during his treatment. However, you doknow. You knew when you agreed to perform neuropressure upon him that an intimate connection would be formed, and that there was the possibility of significant harmonic attunement.

However, once you've left the bay, you go to your quarters and send him the list you prepared. There is nothing on it that indicates the purpose for which you intend to use the items, and fulfilling the list will take a minimum of twenty-two minutes.

However, he will be in your quarters in two hours and thirteen minutes. Your fingertips quiver slightly; you yearn to feel as you did, the first time you touched him after your exposure –

No. This isn't about experiencing emotions. You simply wish to desensitize yourself to the psychotropic compound; to protect this ship and its crew. That alone is your purpose – to ensure that Enterprise is optimally equipped to succeed in its mission. It's not to explore emotions with Commander Charles Tucker the Third.

You have no time to delay, if you are to begin tonight. You're off-duty tomorrow; if there are consequences of your experiment, you will be able to purge the trellium in your system prior to reporting for duty – but you must act quickly.

There is one other place you can potentially find the compound without being observed. You go to the launch bay, where Shuttlepod One awaits trellium stripping. This may be why Commander Tucker had come to the cargo bay – but his pattern of past behavior indicates he will see to your requisitions first; he won't want you to have cause to make a further attempt to do so yourself.

You must move with alacrity. Your scanner indicates an area on the underside of the port exhaust vent that will not be easily noticed, and which contains a sufficient quantity of the compound. You remove the small collection device from the scanner's handle, take several samples, and attempt to suppress the slight tingle of awareness and emotional imbalance. Perhaps you are merely imagining it. You return the device to the handle, and go to your quarters, where you remove it once again, and spend a moment staring at the blue-tinted powder. Aesthetically, it is appealing.

But you have no interest in its aesthetics; they are of no relevance to your purpose. You record the mass of the sample, and ingest it. Taste and texture are also unimportant. You didn't expect it to be pleasant; you are essentially eating raw ore.

You feel the flush of the synaptic damage, but it isn't as severe as you had anticipated. Perhaps your exposure aboard Seleya carried some benefit.

And Commander Tucker will soon be here.