Time for another adventure of Lily Valkyrie: Remnants more adorable criminal mastermind!

And the law...

MILITARY: We've come to help! What's the situation?
(gunfire/lasers/explosions)
POLICECHIEF: That's the situation! We got a bunch of girlies armed to the teeth out there, and we're loosing ground!
MILITARY: Well what do you want us to do about it?
BURNIECOP: Help!
JOELCOP: Helping would be nice!
POLICECHIEF: Ah shaddup!
MILITARY: Seriously though what do you want us to do.
POLICECHIEF: What they said! Stop standing around like a gormless imbecile and get helping!
MILITARY: I don't know. I mean they are just a group of adorable girls. And a Giant Death Robot. We're a large organization filled to the brim with virile armed and armored men. Doesn't seem fair, yunno?
(gunfire/lasers/explosions)
LILY: Leave the fallen where they lay! These hapless fools shall all submit to be crushed by my heel of my boot!
(more gunfire/lasers/explosions)
MILITARY: On the other hand... Men! Charge!
(meanwhile)
NORA: Thankfully the Pit of Despair leads strait to the down stairs bathroom!
YANG: Plan-J was a failure.
NORA: Gotta stay positive! We cannot fail now after so many failures! We must go forward unto victory!
BLAKE: You're just saying words at this point.
NORA: Pancakes! I wonder what Lily's doing right now?
(meanwhile-meanwhile)
LILY: Hold the line my minions!
RUBY: How is everyone doing?
LILY: These fools know not who they face!
PENNY: I'm Combat-Ready!
FRECKLES: BATTERIES ARE DANGEROUSLY LOW.
LILY: Excellent! Wait, what?
FRECKLES: POWER FAILING. COMMENCING EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN PROCEDURES NOW.
PENNY: Aw... Freckles is tired.
RUBY: Freckles no! My Queen? What do we do now?
LILY: ... (sees cavalcade of weapons aimed at them) Retreat!


LILY: Alright my minions! We should be safe for the moment. Those incompetent fools will never be able to surmise a way to surpass this fortresses unconquerable defenses!
(meanwhile)
BURNIECOP: She locked it.
POLICECHIEF: How'd she do that?
JOELCOP: She put the chainy-thing on the door.
(meanwhile-meanwhile)
LILY: We must now recommence our evil scheming! We must now away to my Evil Lair!
PENNY: She has an Evil Lair?
RUBY: She's talking about her bedroom.
PENNY: Oh...
NORA: Lily!
LILY: Nora! Accursed damnation! In my plight with the law I had forgotten your meddlesome nature! Well, you shan't trouble me for longer. Every one of your plans has failed you, and you shall be swept aside by my might!
NORA: Not every plan! Plan-K was a success!
LILY: No! Not Plan-K!
PENNY: What's Plan-K?
LILY: I have no idea...
NORA: Plan-K was to avoid the Pit of Despair, end Fluffy's reign of Terror, and rescue our team!
LILY: Corporal Studmuffin, no!
JAUNE: Hi Lily.
P-Money: Hello again.
LILY: Silence you she-beast!
P-MONEY: Aw...
JAUNE: We have returned from the Closet of No Return!
LILY: Corporal Studmuffin no!
FLUFFY: Arf!
LILY: Fluffy you have failed me! Again!
FLUFFY: Arf!
NORA: It's time for you to submit Lily! Your outnumbered! And you can't defend against all of Team JNPR and WBY! And it's way past your bedtime!
LILY: Never! I still have my valued enforcers! Together with our might against your puny mettle, you can't possibly stand a chance of defeating us!
JAUNE: My mettle's not puny.
YANG: We know Jaune.
(crash-boom!)
POLICECHIEF: This is the Police!
MILITARY: And the Military!
POLICECHIEF: And we've come to arrest all of yer butts!
LILY: Ack! No need to fear my minions. This may be our last stand. But we shall tooth and nail for this land, and all shall remember when we stood against the tyranny of bed-times! When we tried with all our might to attain my rightful place as queen! When we stood for milk! Sugar! And the destruction of all who dared oppose us! History shall remember this day, and we shall-
MILITARY: Penny, is that you?
PENNY: Oh hi Dave. Whatcha doing?
LILY: Penny! That is the enemy! Don't fraternize with the enemy! Especially when I'm busy giving empowering speeches about our final stand! Not cool!
PENNY: But Lily, that's not the enemy, that's Dave. Look. Hi Dave.
MILITARY: Hi Penny.
PENNY: See?
MILITARY Penny, what are you doing here?
PENNY: Oh! This is Friend-Ruby, and Archenemy-Lily! We're having a revolution!
MILITARY: Penny, it's past way your bedtime.
PENNY: I know, but I've been having so much fun. Can't I stay here a little longer?
MILITARY: No Penny. Your father's been worried sick, come here.
(walks over, grabs Penny, walks off.)
PENNY: Bye guys! Sorry. I'll see you all later, okay?
(awkward silence)
RUBY: And so bedtimes claim another victim. My queen! What do we do?
LILY: Well Lieutenant Ruby, considering one of our trifecta of evil has been summarily vanquished... and that we our now summarily outnumbered and outgunned... I suggest we... RUN AWAY!
RUBY: Understood. RUNNING AWAY!
NORA: Everyone! After them!


(Meanwhile at the Evil Lair)
LILY: It's just you and me now Lieutenant Ruby. You and I to stand against the domineering authority that refuses to acknowledge my might. Corporal Studmuffin has been turned, allured by that shapely warrior under the sway of my sister. Minion Penny has been abducted by the military, who are likely performing all kinds of ungodly experiments on her exotic machinery.
(meanwhile)
PENNY: Hey Dave, are you going to watch that new Spruce Willis Movie? Can I come?
MILITARY: Sure Penny.
PENNY: Yay!
(meanwhile-meanwhile)
LILY: And General Fluffy has failed me. That irascible hound is more trouble than he's worth.
RUBY: And we're out of milk too...
LILY: But we shall not despair. We are safe here in my domain. Never shall our enemies penetrate this sacred threshold.
POLICE: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR!
NORA: Screw the Police! (grabs megaphone) THIS IS NORA! LILY YOU ARE UP WAY TOO LATE! YOUR BUT IS GOING IN BED EVEN IF I NEED TO TIE YOU TO IT!
RUBY: Oh no, it's the fuzz!
LILY: Relax my dear minion, there's no way they could ever breach this threshold.
POLICE: If you do not open the door by the count of five, we will be forced to burst down the door. 5.
JOELCOP: She's not responding.
YANG: Bust down the door!
NORA: Guys, I have a key.
LILY: Oh no! They have the means to enter my domicile! Ruby we can't let them in here! They'll learn too much! My super-secret diary is in here!
RUBY: What do we do my Queen?
POLICE: 4.
LILY: Do you think we can take them? I ran out of ammo like 3 plans ago. You?
RUBY: Four or five by this point.
LILY: Of course this is something our enemies are completely unaware of.
WEISS: They're totally out of ammo aren't they?
BLAKE: Yup.
POLICE: 3.
LILY: Wait, I have an idea! Halt! You shall not enter! You are not in a position to bargain, nor to threaten! If you dare lay one foot inside my lair I shall have you all obliterated!
WEISS: Yeah? And how are you going to do that?
LILY: Plan-G!
BLAKE: No! Not Plan-G!
POLICE: What's Plan-G?
NORA: I may, or may not have encased the bedrock of the mansion with TNT in an attempt to coerce my sister out of her room after one too many sugary treats.
YANG: Boy did that plan not work out the way we hoped.
JAUNE: How in the world did you think that would be a good idea?
P-MONEY: I tried to talk them down and tell them that it was a bad idea, but they didn't listen to me Jaune.
JAUNE: Of course you did P-Money. That's your thing.
LILY: And I'll use Plan-G if any of you lesser beings dare enters my Bedroom. I mean Evil Lair! Except you Corporal Studmuffin, you can come in if you want.
RUBY: You have Plan-G?
LILY: (whispers) No! I'm lying my darn butt off here!
(awkward silence)
POLICE: We appear to be at an impasse here.
LILY: You should surrender! All of you should bow before me!
WEISS: I never bow!
BLAKE: What she said!
YANG: Yeah!
POLICE: We have you surrounded and outgunned. How about you girlies go to bed and we call it a night?
LILY: But we have Plan-G!
RUBY: Yeah! How about you admit that you suck!
(awkward silence)
NORA: How about that we admit that one of us sucks?
(later)
REN: (sigh) I would just like to say... that I suck. And I'm a girl. And I put pretty ribbons in my hair. And that I want to kiss all the boys.
POLICE: This may be the best surrender of all time.


Epilogue.

PAPAVALKYRIE: Ah if it isn't the Police Force! You fine civic workers, doing your best to protect our fine city with your tireless efforts. May I inquire as to your presence here at my family home?
POLICECHIEF: We received a distress call from masked crime fighters, X-Ray and Vav about a disturbance regarding several well armed teenagers, and illegally required military hardware.
PAPAVALKYRIE: Oh I see! However it seems to me perhaps my second-born daughters sleepover may have perhaps become a little raucous, but all seems to be sorted out now.
WEISS: Say goodbye to the peasants Ruby.
RUBY: Bye Lily! Same time next week?
YANG: Homework time Ruby.
BLAKE: Remember that I'm your Queen.
NORA: Buy guys! See you tomorrow! Try not to go on any undercover investigations while I'm not there!
PAPAVALKYRIE: And I see no sign of my Paladin Mech, of which I obtained through completely legitimate and legal means.
(meanwhile)
MILITARY: This is the good bit!
SPRUCEWILLIS: Yippee Kay Yay Rapscallion.
PENNY: So cool! Don't you think Freckles?
FRECKLES: AFFIRMATIVE.
(meanwhile-meanwhile)
PAPAVALKYRIE: However I am glad that such tireless workers of the people are here to ensure the safety of my home and children. After all, I am a tireless family man myself. Family means everything after all. Don't you agree Mr. Chief of Police? After all, I am given to the understanding that use the salary given to you by the city that is in part funded by massively legally obtained wealth. I find it so heartwarming to see you here working hard to provide for your family. I hope to see your continued presence in the Police Force. You know... for your family's sake.
POLICECHIEF: I wonder if X-Ray and Vav have to deal with this stuff.
PAPAVALKYRIE: And on that note, where are those irascible crusaders of crime? I have a few things that I've always wished to discuss with them.
JOELCOP: I got their autographs!
POLICECHIEF: Shut up son.
BURNIECOP: Yeah, they left a while ago. Either of you two see them?
SODAKINGMAGNATE: No, I have no clue. What about you?
ELPIZZABANDIDO: Don't look at me, you can't have my clue.
PAPAVALKYRIE: Ah! The Soda-King-Magnate of People-Like-Grapes Brand Soda! What a pleasant surprise seeing you here! And if isn't your companion El-Pizza-Bandido of Just Blaze Pizza! What are the two of you doing here?
SODAKINGMAGNATE: Oh you know. Just popping for a, uh, a quick pop.
POLICECHIEF: His words are so stupid, yet his accent makes it sound intelligent and interesting.
ELPIZZABANDIDO: Yeah. We were just going to go for something to eat. Hey you guys want to join us? Come on, it'll be great!
PAPAVALKYRIE: Ooh! A new high-score, and a free meal from a compatriot of a valued friend! My day keeps getting better.
ELPIZZABANDIDO: Great! I know a place nearby. I own it! My face is on the box! Come on, let's go.
SODAKINGMAGNATE: That sounds top.
BURNIECOP: You're right, the accent makes such a difference.
JOELCOP: I love Pizza!
POLICECHIEF: I need a raise.
(meanwhile)
NORA: Okay! Bye Jaune! Bye P-Money!
JAUNE: Bye Nora. Bye Lily. Better luck next-time I guess.
P-MONEY: Did you know Weiss has a sister?
JAUNE: Really? Do you think she'd be interested.
LILY: You will live on in the place that my blood is pumped forever Corporal Studmuffin.
NORA: Bye Ren!
REN: ... Do I want to know what this stuff is?
LILY: Probably not.
NORA: Now Lily! Time for bed!
LILY: Never!
NORA: Come on you!
LILY: No!
(gets dragged to bed)
LILY: Sister, what are you doing? This is your bed.
NORA: I know. I just didn't want you to be lonely.
LILY: I'm not lonely.
NORA: I think I can recognize a desperate bid for attention when I see one.
LILY: Cunning sister.
NORA: Come on, let's snuggle!
(Nora Hug)
(awkward silence)
LILY: Sister, will you sing me a lullaby?
NORA: Of course Lily.
(sings Queen of the Castle)
(nods off to dreamland)