After her conversation with Lucilla, Livia did her best to push it to the back of her mind. She didn't want to feel as though Lucilla was urging her to turn against Commodus, but it felt like it. Of course, she knew that Lucilla was only looking out for her. They both knew what Commodus could be like and his behaviour recently worried Livia. He seemed too protective and controlling. He had told Livia how he adored her and loved her, but Lucilla seemed to think that Commodus had love mixed up with lust and possessiveness.
Livia could see why she would think that, but a part of her didn't want to doubt Commodus. She never wanted to doubt him. She adored him. She loved him. She wanted to be with him. Once Lucilla had gone, Livia pushed herself to her feet and moved out of her chamber and down towards Commodus's chamber. She didn't bother to knock. She let herself into the room and saw him perched at the end of his bed.
Moving to his feet, he looked to her and saw some concern in her gaze. He walked towards her, his hands going to hold her shoulders as he took them into his grip. Livia moved her hands on top of his, her fingers knotting into his as she looked down. Commodus moved, his forehead brushing against hers as he urged her to look upwards and into his eyes.
"What is it?" he asked from her.
"You do love me, do you not?" she asked from him, unable to stop herself as Lucilla's words echoed around in her mind.
Commodus's brow furrowed at hearing her and he moved one hand down her arm, running it to her cheek to hold it tenderly in his grip. Looking to her, he moved to brush his lips to hers for a moment.
"Of course I do," Commodus whispered, his voice slightly hoarse as Livia looked him in the eye. "Livia, I adore you."
"I just need to know," Livia said and Commodus found himself concerned as he cradled both her cheeks in his fingertips then, watching as she clung onto his upper arms, her fingers holding tightly onto them. "I know what you said earlier about the soldier, but he does not matter. I love you, Commodus, and I do not want you to be jealous of anyone. I never want you to feel inadequate, but I never want that feeling either, Commodus. I never want to doubt you."
"What have I done to make you doubt me?" he worried from her as she felt tears in the corner of her eye. "Livia, has someone said something to you?"
"No," Livia lied, shaking her head back and forth, refusing to tell Commodus what Lucilla had said to her. "It is in my mind, Commodus. I just…I have reassured you so often that I need it sometimes. I need you to tell me that everything shall be fine. Nothing will change when you come back from Germania…that…you will not abandon me…"
"Livia," Commodus said in a gentle sigh, wondering when she had become so insecure. His Livia was usually a little ball of fire. She was always the one who was full of passion. She was confident. This woman in front of him was not the Livia he knew. "Nothing will change. I will come back from Germania and I will always want you. That will never change."
Moving with haste, Livia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, the force of the kiss enough to make his moan against her mouth as he moved slowly, turning her around and guiding her towards the end of his bed. He moved gently, making sure he didn't collapse on top of her as the two of them fell onto the bed. Commodus reached for the end of her stola, tugging it up her legs as his hands ran along her bare skin.
There was an urgency to his movements as Livia reciprocated, trying to rid him of his toga as she finally got there, her hands feeling the panes of his stomach as he groaned at the feelings of her hands. Reaching for the wide straps of her stola, he tugged at them, along with her tunic. He moved with haste, ridding himself of his remaining clothes before he was sat up on the end of the bed, Livia balanced in his lap, the straps to her tunic down her shoulder and threatening to reveal her chest as the material gathered at her waist and she straddled his legs.
Both of them parted for a moment, panting for breath as sweaty foreheads pressed against each other. Livia moved once again, biting down on his bottom lip before she heard him moan loudly, his hand cupping the back of her head.
"I love you," Commodus panted as soon as he pulled back from her. "Livia, I do love you."
Livia nodded her head. "I love you too, Commodus," Livia said before making the next move and tugging her tunic down, baring herself to him as his eyes widened. "I do not care what anyone says," she whispered. "I just want you."
Commodus tried to be respectful and keep his gaze on her, but it was difficult when she pulled her clothes from herself. He managed and nodded his head, gulping as he seemed to understand what she was saying. Pulling her back to him until her front was pressed against his, he kissed her quickly and nodded.
"I want you too," he whispered and held onto her tightly for a few more moments before kissing her once again.
…
Lucilla wondered where her brother was the following morning when she was breaking her fast. She knew that they were due to leave soon for Germania. She sighed before moving to her feet, running her hand over Lucius's head and walked towards his chamber. She stood by the door, poised to knock, before she heard something that shocked her. Furrowing her brow, the loud noise came from the room once more.
Lucilla pushed the door open and her eyes widened at the sight she saw in front of her. She kept the door only slightly open, but the sight she saw was one that worried her. Sat up on the bed was her brother, but he was not alone. Livia was balanced in his lap, moaning loudly as Commodus kissed her neck, the motion unrelenting as the two of them groaned loudly. They were both naked, their fronts pressed against each other as Livia continued to move up and down on his lap.
It was another second before Lucilla backed away from the room and the noise of moans. She placed her hands to her head, wondering how Livia could do this. After everything they had discussed the previous night, livia was acting as though the conversation had never happened. It took a moment before she inhaled a sharp breath and realised she had to do something. But it was too late. She was too late.
She went to wait in Livia's chambers again. It didn't take long before she came skulking in, clutching her tunic to her chest considering she hadn't dressed properly. Livia startled and gulped, seeing that Lucilla had a look of thunder on her face. Lucilla moved to her face, shaking her head as she looked to Livia.
"I know where you have been so do not even attempt to lie to me," Lucilla snapped. "You…Livia…I always thought that you never wanted to be his mistress. I thought that you had more sense than this…ruining yourself."
"I never planned for it to happen," Livia defended herself, brushing by Lucilla to perch on the stool at her dresser. "I went to speak with him after our conversation last night and he made me realise that I should have nothing to fear. We love each other, Lucilla. We can be happy and…what happened simply just happened."
"Livia, how foolish can you be!" Lucilla hissed at the young woman, moving to stand in front of her, hands flailing by her sides. "And what if my father refuses this union? You have been ruined for another man."
"I do not want another man!" Livia said firmly. "I want Commodus."
"And I thought that once before about someone," Lucilla said, "but life is not easy, Livia. You will recognise that one day. I do not want to see you regret what you have done. You…after what you have done…I just worry, Livia."
"There is no need to worry," Livia said, trying to remain calm. "We will both be fine, Lucilla."
"I do not know if that is true," Lucilla said. "But I am worried, Livia. I am worried about what might happen."
"What is the worst that could happen?" Livia wondered from her. "You ride for Germania and your father does not give us his blessing…Commodus told me that he would never abandon me. I believe him and I would do the same in his position. It is not what we want, but I love him. I just love him and he loves me."
Lucilla said nothing further, knowing that she had to keep her eye on the situation. She had to make certain that her brother and Livia did not get hurt.
…
Livia watched as Commodus prepared to leave Rome for Germania. The Senate had already begun their journey and the siblings were following them. Livia had told Lucilla that she would take care of Lucius before embracing her tightly and kissing her tenderly on the cheek. Looking to Commodus, Livia was well aware how people were watching, the guard ready to travel and leave for Germania.
Moving to kiss him on the cheek, she felt his hand run down her back as he whispered in her ear.
"I will dream about last night while I am apart from you," he said and Livia tried not to blush as he pulled back and managed a sly smirk in her direction before moving his hand from her back.
Livia remained stood where she was before seeing both of them climb into the cart they were travelling in. Livia saw Commodus looked to her before the door closed and he smiled as the door closed and he took a seat on his bed, ready for two weeks of travel. Lucilla sat across from him, knowing that they were in private and she had to speak with him.
"You took her virtue from her," Lucilla said and Commodus arched a brow.
"Excuse me?" he said.
"I know that you bedded, Livia, Commodus. I saw both of you when I cam to wake you this morning," Lucilla said. "What were you thinking, Commodus?"
"I will not discuss this," Commodus said firmly with a shake of his head.
"I want you to be careful," Lucilla said. "You should have waited for marriage, Commodus. If…if you cannot be together then I worry what shall happen for her."
"Nothing shall happen for no man will have her," Commodus declared, his tone harsh and low as he spoke to her. He was not going to discuss this with her and listen to her question what was going to happen in his relationship with Livia. "Livia is mine, Lucilla, and father shall either give us his blessing or I shall marry her anyway."
"Commodus, you cannot mean that," Lucilla shook her head. "You do not wish to go against father."
"For Livia, I would go against anyone," Commodus said.
Lucilla was about to argue with him, but she kept her thoughts to herself. She would not spend two weeks arguing with her brother about his relationship with Livia. She would speak with her father and try to make certain that he would permit Livia to marry Commodus. She worried what her brother might do if her father refused their union.
….
A/N: Do let me know what you think!
