Couples Therapy.
I Can Be Annoying You Know?
EPOV
"Well?" Carlisle looked at me expectantly. "How did it go?"
"How do you think?" my voice strained.
After returning from my very brief chat with Bella nothing had improved, and I simply felt sorrier for myself.
"Did it go as expected?" Carlisle asked. "Better? Worse?"
As I thought about his question I was able to see a positive side to this morning. I had gone to see her against her wishes and whereas it hadn't gone as well as I had hoped, it certainly could have gone a lot worse. She hadn't yelled profanities at me or hit me, which I would have deserved either, so maybe that in itself was a good thing.
"It could've gone worse," I replied honestly.
Carlisle nodded. "Well that's good isn't it?"
"Yeah I guess."
"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Not much," I shrugged. "She told me I make her feel sick along with some home truths and then she told me to leave. I didn't make it past the doorstep."
"Well you can try again tomorrow," Carlisle said.
"I don't whether that's such a good idea."
"And whys that?"
"She said she needs time."
Carlisle shook his head. "And I told you that you must fight, to which you agreed. This morning was merely an ice breaker. You go back tomorrow and if the result is the same you go back the next day, and the next day, and the day after that to make her understand that you won't give up."
"Carlisle, I know what you're trying to say and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to fix this," I said strongly. "But I also don't want to piss her off anymore than I have already."
"Edward, this situation is very complex and I know that you're scared of making things worse, but really, what do you have to lose?"
"Everything Carlisle," I replied. "Everything."
I sulked in my bedroom for the rest of the day. If lying flat on the bed and staring at the ceiling was a sport, I'd be champion. I'd stayed in the same position for hours ragging my brain in a hope to come up with something that could make this whole mess better. I wasn't getting very far. But then, how were you supposed to make a thing like this better?
Seeing Bella this morning for the first time in three of the longest weeks in my life, had just reiterated how bad I had screwed things up between us. She looked tired, lost and fed up, and knowing I was the cause of that only made me feel worse about things.
Carlisle was right; I had to fight for her.
I had to make her see how important she is to me and always will be to me. The only thing was I had no fucking clue where to start.
APOV
It was Sunday which meant dinner at Carlisle and Esme's. I used to love Sunday's. Spending time with the family at dinner and engaging in general chit chat, I was a sucker for it.
But, the last few Sunday's hadn't been all that great. A member of our family was missing from our ritual get together on those occasions, as they were today. What was worse than that was that another member of the family was at fault for her absence. And he knew it too.
I believe that everyone in life makes mistakes.
I also believe that you suffer more when the people whom you love the most do the fucking up. It's hard to take but that's just the way it is.
When someone makes a mistake I think it's fair to say that they usually end up paying for it in some way or another. I'll admit that I'm soft at times, but is it really so alien that I don't believe that said people should continually be punished for the same mistake over and over again?
My sister apparently thinks so.
We were in the kitchen making sure dinner didn't burn while Carlisle and Esme tried coaxing Edward out of his room.
"You know I can't believe you," Rosalie said disapprovingly. "I thought she was your best friend!"
"She is my best friend," I said calmly. "But Edward is still my brother."
I understood why Rosalie was pissed off, so was I when I found out what Edward had done. Seeing the effect his actions had had on Bella was heartbreaking, but ultimately, this was down to Edward and Bella to sort out. The only thing that we could do was be supportive, and that included being there for Edward too.
"You're not the slightest bit pissed at what he's done?" she asked me.
"Of course I am," I replied honestly. "But we can't keep flogging him for it. Rosalie, he knows what he's done and he's paying for it."
"Yeah right," Rosalie folded her arms like a petulant child.
"You know as well as I do that he's miserable."
"But he bought it on himself," she argued.
"I agree."
"So we're just to forget that he's an adulterer?"
Jasper came into the kitchen and reached over for some peanuts that were on the table. "Christ Rosalie, all he did was got his dick sucked a few times because he thought his wife was cheating on him." He threw some peanuts in his mouth and looked very pleased with his own insightfulness. "It wasn't like he had a full on affair."
Rosalie looked at him in disgust. "Who asked you?" Jasper just shrugged and then left the kitchen. "You're fiancé's gross."
"Yeah I know," I sighed. "But I love him anyway."
"I still can't believe you're getting married," she said with a shake of the head.
"Why?"
"Well Bella and Edward haven't made it look like much fun."
"No marriage is perfect Rose," I told her. "Every couple has problems. They're having problems right now and we need to make sure that we're supportive of whatever they decide."
"But Edward-"
"Whatever they decide," I cut her off.
EPOV
The following day I went to work feeling livelier than I had in weeks. I had spent the whole day in my old room yesterday not even going downstairs for dinner. I was thinking about everything that was going on in my life, not just between Bella and I, but also work. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I had let my job interfere with my marriage up to a point that it never should have got to.
I had let it become my life which was the fundamental mistake which led to all of this in the first place.
I was so determined to succeed and become the best architect that I'd totally disregarded my first goal in life; to become the best husband.
My priorities had gotten mixed up along the years and I knew that they had to change if I was going to start piecing my life back together again.
I could easily keep lying to myself and say that our problems started when I saw her and Jake, in what I now know was a one sided kiss, but it would be bullshit. It had started long before that. It had started when I kept working and coming home late, and it continued when I started taking her for granted. It's piss poor when you look back and can't remember the last time you and your wife fell asleep or woke up together, or the last time you took her out for no other reason but to spoil her because of how important she is to you. It's even worse when you forget the last time you made love because you wanted to, not just because of guilt or a sense of duty.
I had woken up today resolutely. I was determined to make Bella know that she is the most important thing in my life, that I had fucked royally up but was worth another shot, regardless of whether she believed me at first or not. One thing was for certain, I would not lose her without a fight.
If Bella was going to believe me the tiniest little bit, I had to act instead of making empty promises. Though I had made them with good intentions, I had rarely stuck to them.
When I told her that the long hours at work to start with would be worth it in the end, I had genuinely believed it, only the hours never got shorter but longer. My job had become a thorn in my side and because of that, the first thing I needed to do was have a chat with my boss.
"Edward, what can I do for you?" he asked as I entered his office, he didn't even look up.
"Mr. Forelli, I really need to speak to you about my hours."
"What about them?" he asked still looking at the drawings in front of him.
"I can't keep working the amount of hours I have, or as late as I have."
He finally looked up and slowly leant back in his chair. "Can't handle the pressure?"
Fuck you. "I can handle the pressure. I just can't handle the affect it's having on my marriage and my wife."
My boss looked as though he was mulling things over in his head. "It would be a shame to see all of your hard work go to waste."
"Sir, I'm simply asking that I be allowed to do the hours that I'm contracted to. Nine to Five. I will be willing to work overtime when it's absolutely imperative, but I have to be honest with you and say that there are more important things in my life than my job."
"I understand Edward; I was like you once myself you know. So hungry and determined for success, that I forgot about the things that were important, namely my ex-wife."
That's just fucking great. Is that what fate had in store for me, an ex-wife? "So you understand that my responsibilities lie at home."
"I you're having problems at home Edward, then of course I understand that you need to see to them if you're to be of any use to me here."
"So what? No threats?" I couldn't believe he was being so understanding.
"Edward, you're a far too important prospect for this company, I'd be a fool to give you an ultimatum."
I felt braver. "In that case would I be pushing my luck to ask for some of the vacation time that I'm owed?"
"Well, it is December and the holidays are upon us, so I don't see why not."
"Starting tomorrow?"
He raised his eyebrows. "What's the rush?"
"I have a lot to make up for."
After leaving his office I was surprised that it had gone as smoothly as it had. He had agreed that taking some time off was exactly what I needed, as my work was slowly beginning to decline over the past few weeks. Usually I would have taken it as a huge insult having my work criticised, but strangely enough, I found that I didn't really care that much at the moment.
The only thing that mattered to me right now was Bella, and it was time to start making her see that. No matter how long it took.
I left work that day with a little spring in my step as I walked over the lot to my car. Even though my life was still a complete fucking mess, I had to be able to see the positive side; it was the only way I keep going.
As I took the well-known route, I recognised that this was another part of my marriage that I had taken for granted and was missing dearly, the part where I got home after a long day's work. Our home. I was beginning to notice the little things that had gone missing form our lives when I started working my ass off, before Bella and I separated, the things that had meant so much had started to fade away only I didn't realise it until now. For the first three years that Bella and I were married, the second I got home from work her arms wrapped around me. I missed the instant comfort she gave me after a stressful day. I simply missed coming home to her.
I eventually pulled into the familiar driveway and took a few deep breaths before shutting off the engine. I got out of the car and quickly went to the door where I knocked firmly. I had no idea how this was going to go but I hoped to actually get through the door this time.
There was no answer so I knocked again. Christ it's fucking freezing, but I'm sure that has something to do with the blizzard. Moments later the door opened.
The face was not happy but I didn't expect it to be. "God, not again. What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you."
She shook her head at me. "Yeah, well I don't want to talk to you. So go."
"Fine," I said simply, relieved when she didn't close the door on me. "Then I'll come back tomorrow, and then the next day, and then the day after that and then the day after that."
"Edward-"
"I can be really annoying you know?" I tried to joke.
"Don't you respect anything that I want anymore?" she asked quietly.
I wasn't trying to be clever or sarcastic with my comment before, I was just trying to…I don't know what the fuck I was trying to do. "Bella…please…just let me in so we can talk about things. Come on it's freezing out here."
"Edward, I'm going to make this as clear for you as I can," she said with a fake smile. "If you don't leave right now, I'm going to call my father and have you arrested."
Fight for her. "I'm not leaving."
"You're not leaving?" She repeated hotly.
"Bella, and I say this knowing there is a strong possibility I'll piss you off even more but it's not intentional, your father can't arrest me. It's my house too and I'm not doing anything wrong being here."
"So you breaking my heart even more isn't doing anything wrong in your eyes?"
That got me.
I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but sadness there, I hated doing this but I had to show her that there was not a chance on this earth of me giving up on us. The longer you left things, the worse they got. I had given her over three weeks and that had been enough time for her to think surely. If things were going to be sorted out then we had to do it together, no matter how painful it could be.
"I'm sorry but I'm not leaving," I told her as gently as I could. "I'll stay on this porch in the freezing cold all night if I have to, if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me."
She snorted and shook her head at me again. "Enjoy hypothermia," she said snidely before closing the door in my face.
This was going to be a long fucking night.
