A/N: Thanks to all y'all who reviewed last chapter! It made me super happy, and that usually motivates me to write faster, but I have to admit I kinda had a hard time with this chapter. Writer's block I guess. I blame it on my classes. You know, end of the semester every class seems to want a final paper, so Microsoft Word and I have spent way too many hours together over the past week or so. Oh well, if you have any suggestions or comments for the story or my writing please share, I'd love to know what I could do better. But if you don't have any suggestions or comments I'd still love to hear from you! :D

P.S. This chapter is evil. Don't hate me. It will get better I promise. :)


Chapter 9: Just a Crush

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

Bella

I watched as the look on Edward's perfect features quickly adjusted to the change in mine. He was still leaning over me on his elbow, staring deeply into my eyes trying to decipher the meaning of the fear and realization that swept over my face. He studied my expression for a couple more seconds until he pulled further back as he calculated the only thing the look on my face could mean.

His name kept echoing through my head. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. I was trying to block it out but it kept circling my mind, not allowing me to think of anything else. I closed my eyes trying to regain focus before I could speak. My lips tingled and the heat pooled around the area of my cheek where Edward's hand still rested while I tried to forget the way his lips felt against mine.

"E-Edward," I started, but lost my courage about what I was about to say due to the soft caress of his hand against my cheek. I tried to choke out an explanation before I left but the words stuck in my throat. Finally I was able to choke out four small words, but they held as much meaning as a thousand word explanation.

"Edward, I- I've gotta go," I stammered.

His expression quickly turned into one of hurt and I felt the tears pool in my eyes at the sight of the pain in his, but I quickly diverted my eyes and focused on standing. Edward quickly stood and offered his hand to me. I reached out to take it, but pulled back again as soon I felt the electricity begin to shoot between us again. He must have felt it too, because he nodded and stuffed his hands down into his pockets while I pushed myself up off the ground. Once I stood I didn't know what to say, and we stood in front of each other for an awkward moment until I gathered enough courage to look into his piercing green eyes, now full of hurt. I felt a fresh wave of guilt sweep over me as I looked into his eyes, but before I could let his beautiful face tempt me further, I mumbled a quick good-bye and spun around to run into my house. As I closed the back door behind me I turned and watched as Edward stared at the ground while he ran his hand through his glossy hair and turned to walk slowly toward his house.

I sneaked around the house to get back up to my room without Charlie hearing me come in. I knew if I had to speak to him my voice would quickly betray my actions. Charlie was usually oblivious to the drama of teenage girl emotions, but I knew this was too big to hide under a smile and a simple reassurance that I was fine. I most certainly was not fine, but I didn't want to have to explain anything to Charlie.

When I got to my room I curled my body into the thick cushions of my couch and buried my head in my knees. I had possibly just made the biggest mistake of my life. I knew I had been drifting away from Jacob for a while, but I thought it was just a phase I was going through and I would feel just as strongly for him as I did that day about a month ago when he came back from Wyoming. That day was now just a fuzzy memory, but I couldn't forget how happy I had been to see Jacob that day and how badly I had wanted him to stay with me when it had come time for him to leave. I wanted that feeling back, but did I want to have that with Jacob or with Edward?

A light switched on in the house next door- Edward's room of course. I stared out the window and into Edward's room for a long time as he paced the small floor space of his room. As he paced I took the chance to stare at him unashamedly. There was no doubt he was gorgeous. Through his thin t-shirt the subtly toned muscles were obvious in his chest with strong, tanned arms as further evidence to his perfect physique. His jaw and cheekbones were strong and chiseled, but his soft green eyes balanced out his face to make him look kind. Half the female population at Forks High School was after him but somehow he had fallen for me, an average looking girl who was already taken.

I was already taken. By your not-so-average tall, dark, and handsome boy. Jacob was just as gorgeous as Edward, but he didn't have quite the attention that Edward had from the girls at school because he and I had been dating for longer than those girl's pea-sized memories could remember. We were first introduced through our dads, way back when we were in elementary school. It had been your typical friendship slowly turning into romance our sophomore year of high school, even though later we had both admitted we had feelings for each other long before we started dating. He and I had been together through everything. All of my crazy childhood memories were with him. He had seen me during my awkward phase during middle school, and then helped me burn all the pictures from that particular time, much to my mother's dismay. He had been there for my first high school dance when I didn't have a date because mine got sick the day before, and he had been there as I slowly fell for him during that hectic freshman year and well into sophomore year. Could I really be finished with him after all this time?

I awoke with a start to the sun blinding me. I glared at the sun before trying to figure out why I was in a place where the sun could wake me up. I usually woke up in my bed, far from where the sun could reach me. Then I remembered what had happened last night. I must have fallen asleep while I was still trying to sort out my feelings for Jacob and Edward. It had been almost midnight when I came inside and my thoughts kept me awake for quite a while. I tried to stretch out the knot in my back from sleeping curled up on the small couch and tried to shake off the grogginess of my insufficient night of sleep.

All of a sudden I remembered- I hadn't set my alarm last night. I ran over to the clock and looked at the time. 9:05.

Shit. I thought to myself while I began to run across the room to my closet. I threw on the first thing I laid eyes on: a comfortable blue shirt and my favorite pair of jeans. I quickly stuffed my shoes on my feet and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb the tangles out of my hair and throw it up in a ponytail. I was already over half an hour late for school and it was probably going to closer to an hour by the time I got there.

I grabbed my backpack from where it was thrown on the floor still from yesterday afternoon and rushed downstairs. I was dreading going to school. I hated it. Especially since it meant seeing Edward and Jacob numerous times each. I stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen where I was planning on grabbing a granola bar before running to my truck. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Charlie sitting in the kitchen, slowly munching on a piece of toast with a full plate of eggs also in front of him. He should have been long gone by now. He always left before me, even on the days I was on time.

With my noisy entrance he glanced up from the paper he was holding and eyed me curiously.

"Where are you going with your backpack at 9:15 on a Saturday morning?" He asked slowly.

I slowly sorted the days out in my mind. My birthday was yesterday- a Friday. A slow smile spread across Charlie's face as he realized the mistake I had made. He let out a small chuckle and took a sip of his coffee.

"So you're going out with Jake tonight, right?" He asked, glancing at me over the rim of his coffee mug.

"Um… Yeah…" I murmured, still unsure where I stood in my relationship with Jacob. "He'll be here at six."

"Alright, well I'm going fishing with Joe and Kent so I won't be back till after dark," He told me.

"Ok, I won't be out too late with Jake," I replied.

Charlie just nodded and went back to his paper, so I took that chance to dump my backpack on the floor and step outside into the cool morning air. I leaned on the porch railing and rubbed the last bit of sleepiness out of my eyes before wandering down off of the porch and around the side of my house into the backyard. As soon as I got comfortable with my back against a tree my mind started spinning again. It was impossible to think about anything but the two boys who had both become necessary parts of my life with in the last six weeks, but I knew that all too soon one of them could not be in my life at all.

It either had to be Jake: the boy I'd grown to love over years of friendship- or Edward: the boy who had waltzed into my life and stolen my heart with one quick scoop.

The day dragged on and I was unable to make a decision. Luckily, Charlie wasn't here to witness my restlessness all day long. I had wandered in and out of the house- from the kitchen to the living room- upstairs and back down- all trying to find something that made me realize who I wanted. I was perched on the edge of my bed when I heard my watch beep a new hour. I looked down to see what time it was and started with the realization that I had spent my entire day wandering around thinking. It was now 5 o'clock- just an hour before Jacob would be here to take me on my birthday date. I had been trying to make my decision before tonight, but it now seemed inevitable that I was going on a date with a boy that I wasn't sure I was in love with anymore. I had an hour, but that seemed like a miniscule amount of time considering I didn't even know what I was supposed to wear. After studying my closet for what seemed like ages, I finally came out with a black dress I had only worn once before for a function my mother had dragged me to in Jacksonville while I was staying with her at the beginning of the summer. I quickly slipped it on and inspected my hair. It was a mess to say the least. I rolled my eyes and took the dress off again, knowing a quick shower was the only thing that could tame my flyaway curls. Once I got out of the shower, I only had a little over half an hour to get ready. I quickly blow-dried my hair and made sure the curls were all in place and frizz-less before I pulled on my dress and put a little bit more make up on than I normally did for every day events. I found a pair of black heels that went nicely with my dress and looked over my appearance in the mirror.

Not bad for being so rushed, I thought, right as I heard a knock on the door downstairs.

My stomach filled with butterflies at the thought of spending the evening with him when I was in such doubt about our relationship, but I couldn't cancel now. I put a smile on my face and walked downstairs to the front door where Jacob waited. I opened the door and stepped back to admire his appearance. He wore a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath with the top button undone, hinting at his more relaxed personality. It was rare for me to ever see him this dressed up and I had to say I didn't mind it.

"Well don't you clean up nice!" I smiled as I opened the door wider for him to walk through.

He chuckled before letting his eyes freely roam over my outfit. "I could say the same for you, but you're always gorgeous." He said, leaning in to kiss me before stepping further into the foyer.

I tried to hide the cringe that went through my body when he kissed me. All I could think about was Edward's lips on mine the night before.

"Do you need to grab anything before we go?" He asked.

"No, I think I've got everything," I told him, taking my purse off the table behind me.

"Good. Shall we?" He asked holding his hand out for me to take.

I smiled back at him and took his hand as he led me out to his car. He opened the door for me while I slid into the old car and then went around to the driver's side to let himself in. Polite Jacob was entertaining. He was always nice, but never quite so refined as he was tonight.

I realized we were going to Port Angeles not long after Jacob started driving, but I still wanted to know exactly where we were going.

"Jake, please tell me where we're going," I begged. "We're already in the car, obviously on our way to Port Angeles, so why not just tell me where we're going?"

He laughed and sighed. "Bella, why won't you just let me surprise you?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. This caused him to finally give in.

"We're going to a nice French restaurant. It's called C'est Si Bon or something like that," He said, laughing at his attempt at the French name. "It's where my dad proposed to my mom," He added with a sad smile.

His confession prompted a genuine smile and I realized how special this place probably was to him. We sat in comfortable silence for most of the way there, my hand rested gently in his while he rubbed my hand with his thumb.

We finally pulled up in front of a small, obviously fancy restaurant with the name he had told me in big fancy letters over the door. I unfastened my seat belt and reached for the door handle but Jacob shot me a look and quickly came around to my side to open my door for me.

We walked hand in hand inside the restaurant where Jacob gave the hostess his name and she immediately seated us. We fell into easy conversation while our waiter brought us drinks and took our order, discussing everything from our dads to our school work. Our food came quickly and we stopped talking again, Jacob obviously more interested in his food than anything else at the moment. As I watched him eat while also enjoying my food, my mind once again traveled to the decision I had to make. This time, though, my head didn't start spinning when I thought about it. Instead, my decision seemed easy. I had loved Jacob forever. I couldn't just stop loving him one day. My feelings for Edward were just a crush, a way to distract myself from the monotony of life.

A huge smiled took over my face at that moment, and Jacob looked up at me.

"What?" He asked, shoving another huge bite of steak into his mouth.

"I love you," I told him, feeling my smile grow even bigger.

His stuffed mouth tried to form a smile in response, but instead it just showed me half-chewed steak.

He just laughed and returned to his food, oblivious to the gravity of my words.

"So was this my birthday present?" I asked him as the waiter cleared our plates away.

He chuckled and pulled a small wrapped box out of his pocket.

"You think that's all I did for your birthday?" He asked me, handing me the box.

I blushed and started to pick open the box. A couple seconds later my eyes grew wide at the sight of my present in front of me. It was a small silver ring with two stones in it, one sapphire and one emerald. I slipped it onto my right ring finger and admired how the stones reflected in the light.

"It's our birthstones," He told me, "Sapphire for you and emerald for me. Do you like it?"

I hopped out of my seat and went around to the other side of the table to throw my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek.

"I love it," I told him. "I love you."


A/N: So I hoped you liked it, even though it probably didn't go the direction you wanted it to go. Like I said, I promise it will get better. Hint: take the quote at the top of the story for example :)

A/N 2: I had an idea for another story yesterday. I really want to write it but I don't want it to get in the way of this story, so I'm going to hold off on it for a little bit. :(

A/N 3: Reviews are always appreciated and encouraged :)