"SPLINTER!"
"Ash?"
"OHEMGEE! SPLINTER!"
"Ashley!"
"SON OF A…"
"ASHLEY!"
"*ahem* Yes, dear?"
"Uh, are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"But…weren't you just screaming? About a splinter?"
"Oh? Was I?"
"Yes, babe. I heard you from the living room."
"Oh. Well, no biggie."
"It hurts doesn't it?"
"YES! OHMYGOD! Pull it out, Spencer! PLEASE!"
"Okay, stop playing with the table saw and those two by fours, and I'll be right back"
"Gotcha."
"Seriously Ashley, don't touch anything in this garage. Okay?"
"I heard you, woman! Get the flippin tweezers!"
"Don't make me slap you."
"…please?"
"Hold tight."
"Okay!"
THIRTY SECONDS LATER
"SLIVER!"
Shit. "Ashley?"
"PAPER CUT!"
"ASH!"
"COMPASS WOUND!"
"ASHLEY MARIE!"
"*ahem* Yes, dear?"
"Did you really just give yourself a sliver, paper cut, AND a compass wound?"
"…yes."
"And just HOW did you manage THAT?"
"Well, I tried to get the splinter out…"
"Yeah?"
"By rubbing it on the two by four…"
"And that seemed like a good idea?"
"And then when I gave myself the sliver, which is next to my splinter…"
"Oh, Lord."
"I tried to get it out by using that sheet of paper…"
"Where'd you learn first aid? From cavemen?"
"And so when I got the paper cut…"
"It was the cat. Chunkit taught you first aid, didn't he?"
"I used my orienteering compass, the pointy end, to dig out the splinter and the sliver…"
"Or possibly your mother…"
"And ended up stabbing said finger."
"Maybe from Glen? Naw, I'm blaming the cat on this one."
"Spence?"
"Yep, definitely Chunkit's fault, cause there's NO WAY that MY wife learned that from ME."
"I'm done explaining. Can we go to the ER now?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure babe."
"Did you hear anything I said?"
"Of course!"
"You didn't hear a word, huh?"
"*scoff* Yes I did!"
"What'd I say?"
"Uh…something about an elephant. Yes. I'm sure Babar was in there somewhere…"
"You suck."
"*jingles the car keys* What was that, Ash?"
"You're a fucking angel!"
"Thought so."
"I love you, Spence."
"I love you too, Ash."
"Hey Spencer?"
"Yes, love?"
"…my finger is turning blue…"
"Ah, right."
"ER?"
"Of course."
"Awesome."
"So, did you get that splinter out?"
"…what splinter?"
~END~
