-20-
New York City
2/23/05
(Three years ago)
At 6 a.m, the alarm clock interrupted Alex and Olivia from a peaceful sleep. They were wrapped in each other's arms, a tangle of limbs and sheets, Olivia's lips pressed into Alex's neck, Alex's back pressed into Olivia's chest.
Reaching over to the bedside table, Alex turned off the alarm and turned back to face the still-sleeping detective. I hate to wake you, she thought, studying Olivia's beautiful features for several long minutes before finally placing a tender kiss on the other woman's lips.
Olivia hadn't yet opened her eyes when her body began responding to Alex's touches. She stretched languidly, opening her mouth and granting passage to Alex's warm tongue. They stretched together, their bodies waking to the beautiful sensation of being together. Olivia's covered Alex's mouth with her own full, swollen lips, and Alex sighed as she pulled Olivia on top of her, moaned when Olivia's hips began to rock against her own.
"Do we-" Olivia started to ask.
"Yes, we have time," Alex assured her in a whisper, smiling, dreamily looking into Olivia's warm brown eyes, thinking that they were the kindest eyes she had ever seen.
Olivia smiled from above her, pressing her open mouth against Alex's throat, tracing her tongue down the younger woman's neck. Alex shuddered against Olivia's body, wrapping her arms around the detective's muscled back, pressing Olivia's body down against her own. Tiny beads of sweat formed between them, the result of their warm bodies pressed closely together, and every movement seemed slower, more sensual, as a result.
"Liv," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear as she ran her fingers through Olivia's dark hair, "I love you so much…"
Olivia moaned her response, kissing her way down Alex's body. She paused only for a moment at Alex's breasts, using her hands to cup and fondle them as her mouth made its way down Alex's flat stomach, through her glistening blond curls, and finally to the swollen lips that she parted with her tongue. Olivia felt a surge of arousal, along with something like pride at knowing that she could cause this reaction in the other woman.
Knowing this was likely to be her last time with Alex for who knew how long, Olivia fought her basest urges and tried to take her time. Placing one hand at the small of Alex's back, she lifted the other woman's hips toward her mouth. Alex bent her legs at the knee, granting Olivia better access to her core. Olivia inhaled deeply, breathing in the sweet and spicy scent that belonged only to Alex. She kissed against Alex's clit, flicking her tongue across the small nub of flesh before replacing it with her thumb, stroking softly. Olivia heard herself moan in pleasure when Alex's fingers tightened on her shoulder, a response to the single finger that she was dragging across Alex's slit, just barely dipping it into the other woman before withdrawing it again.
"Liv…" she heard Alex's voice plead. "I need you… inside me…"
Her request was heard as a command, as Olivia entered her with two fingers curled forward, rubbing at her most sensitive flesh, extending, and then curling forward again, joined by Olivia's soft tongue. Alex clutched a pillow over her mouth, biting down, afraid to scream as loud as she needed to. Her hips bucked off the bed, only encouraging Olivia to push into her harder and deeper, meeting Alex's hips thrust for thrust.
Moments later, Alex's orgasm overtook her body, sending her into a series of ecstatic convulsions that didn't cease until Olivia rose and wrapped her arms around Alex, crading her head close to her own breasts. "Shhhh," she whispered, kissing Alex's lips, letting her taste her own wetness on Olivia's lips. "It's okay."
"No it's not," Alex said, suddenly weeping. "I can't say goodbye to you again," she explained.
Olivia was silent, holding Alex still for what seemed like the shortest half hour of her life. Finally, Alex rose and silently walked to the shower. For a brief moment, Olivia considered joining her, but knew that they would never be ready for court on time if she did.
Olivia had taken a short shower when Alex finished, towel-drying her hair and using a small amount of gel to complete her just-fell-out-of-bed-this-gorgeous look. She left the bathroom to see Alex sitting on the couch, looking serious. Taking her place beside Alex, she brought the younger woman into a lingering kiss, and then was the first to break their reverie. "What time is it?"
Alex checked her watch. "Seven forty-five… Elliot will be here in fifteen minutes."
Olivia nodded, pulling Alex closer to her. "You feel okay?"
"Yeah, I'm as ready as I can be," Alex said, nodding slowly. "I just have to make sure I find my chance to say all I need to say. I'm not sure I can rely on Casey to give me the opening I need to – oh," she stopped herself, not sure if she was inadvertently offending Olivia. Maybe she and Casey were friends. "Not that I'm not sure she's perfectly competent, but…"
"Actually, you might do well to look for the chances where you find them," Olivia smirked. "I know you're going to do great."
"Liv, there's so much I want to say to you," Alex said, her voice wearing the heavy weight brought on by two years of longing. "Things I can't really say in front of Elliot…"
"I know, Sweetheart," Olivia said, kissing Alex's lips sweetly. "Me, too. This isn't enough time, one night… We said a lot of things, I think, even if we didn't do much talking."
Alex chuckled. "You're right. Still, I'm sad that we haven't had a chance to, you know… have an actual relationship. Yet." She added the last word quickly, afraid that leaving it unspoken would reveal the doubt she still felt, despite not wanting to.
"We've had dinner," Olivia pointed out. "We've gone out for drinks…"
"Drinks with the guys, and dinners to talk about work and ignore the lesbian elephant in the room," Alex said, smiling brightly. "After which we'd shake hands or – maybe, if we felt especially daring – give each other a quick hug – and then go back to our respective apartments."
Olivia smiled. Alex had just uttered the word. Lesbian. The first time either of them had acknowledged the preeminent reason their feelings for one another had gone unacknowledged for so long. "Are you a lesbian, Alex?" she asked, her voice a whisper.
Alex looked at Olivia a long moment before shrugging. "For the time you knew me, I wasn't much of anything," she said. "I had a couple of girlfriends as a teenager and in college. In law school, I didn't date much at all, and when I did, it was only because a nice-looking man with a bright future was a needed accessory. I don't think I've ever been in love before. I thought something was wrong with me, like I was missing a gene or something. So, no, last night wasn't the first time I've ever been with a woman. " Olivia couldn't help feeling jealous, even though these mystery Other Women had obviously entered and left the picture years before. "But Olivia…" Alex said, bringing the detective's hand to her lips and kissing each slender finger, "last night was the first time I was with the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."
"Alex," Olivia breathed, tearing up at Alex's admission. "Are you sure?"
"I've never been more sure," the blonde responded, in closer to Olivia on the sofa. "These two years without you – knowing how you felt – or rather, not knowing, but having reason to hope… they're the only reason I'm still here, Liv. When I found out that my mother died…"
"You read it in the paper," Olivia recalled Alex's words.
"Yeah. Hammond still lets me have the Times. He brings me a copy every now and then, and he told me to read the Obits. I didn't know what I'd see. My first thought was that something had happened to you." Alex's lip trembled. "And I didn't see your name, and I was relieved. And then I saw the headline. 'Philanthropist Socialite Dies at 67.' Then I realized the woman in the picture was my mother."
Olivia squeezed Alex's shoulders, trying to be comforting in their last moments together.
"The obit was lovely. Talked about her charity work, about her friends and her foundations," Alex sniffed. "It mentioned Father and his work, and said that, 'Mrs. Cabot's only child, daughter Alexandra, was shot and killed in 2005.' And there it was. My mother died thinking that she'd outlived me. God knows… if she knew I was alive, maybe she'd have held on." Alex looked away from Olivia, not wanting to break into tears minutes before her court appearance.
Olivia stroked Alex's back lovingly, letting her be still. "I met your mother at your funeral," she said quietly. "She was a beautiful, dignified woman. I couldn't help thinking about how much you favor her; about how you'll look so much like her in thirty years or so," Olivia smiled softly. "Alex, she was so proud of you. You have to know that. She was so proud of how you spent your life…"
Alex nodded. "I know."
"She gave me your necklace," Olivia confided.
"I wondered where that came from," Alex laughed, glad for the reason to smile.
"I haven't taken it off. I hope that's okay. It helps me feel like you're always with me."
"I think that's beautiful, Baby," Alex said, pressing her lips against Olivia's again.
Olivia was quiet for a moment, and then confessed, "Alex? I've found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, too."
Alex feigned shock. "Does… does she know about us?"
Olivia laughed out loud, so hard that her own tears pooled. Alex joined her, and they were both glad for this brief moment of levity. It wasn't until they heard a knock on the door, interrupting their laughter, that their faces again grew serious.
"It's Elliot," came the low voice. "Everyone up?"
Olivia looked at the clock beside the bed. 8:02. Elliot had probably been outside the door for a few minutes, giving them a little extra time.
"Be there in a second," Alex called. She turned back to Olivia. "Ready?"
"Will I see you after court?"
Alex nodded. "Sure, I don't see why Hammond won't let me stop by to say goodbye. I don't know if we'll get much time alone, but…"
Olivia shrugged. "We'll find a few minutes. There's something I still have to tell you."
"Can't you tell me now?" Alex mock-whined.
"No," Olivia insisted. "You have to come see me to find out. But just… Alex? When you get lonely, and when you need something to hold onto… know that when you finally come back to me, I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know that all of this was worth it."
"Oh, Babe," Alex said, standing before Olivia, holding her hands. "I already know you will." With a final look in Olivia's direction, Alex walked over to the door and let Elliot into the room.
