Chapter 9 :

Withdrawn :

The next morning Maura woke up around 10 only to discover Jane wasn't next to her anymore. Hearing noises in the kitchen Maura immediately understood that Jane was preparing breakfast. As she was painfully trying to get out of bed Jane suddenly walked into the bedroom carrying their breakfast.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Jane said walking towards the bed.

"My entire body is hurting, those bump cars should be illegal, it could cause serious spine damages you know." Maura groaned trying to sit up in Jane's bed.

"I'm sure your spine will be just fine, here eat some pancakes, they're still hot."

"Home made pancakes in bed?What have I done to deserve that?"

"You came and I just wanted to thank you, I had a great time yesterday."

"So did I, it was an unusual experience but I'm willing to do it again, well except for the bumps car obviously."

"Alright, Come on take a bite they won't stay warm for ever." Jane said cutting a piece of one of the pancake and gently approaching Maura's mouth with it.

"Mmmm, they're delicious." Maura replied swallowing the delicious pancakes Jane had made for her.

"My mother's recipe. So you kinda fell asleep on me last night…"

"I'm sorry about that, I remember coming in your bedroom to make that phone call and I must have fallen asleep right after hanging up." Maura replied looking down noticing that she was still wearing her clothes.

"Who did you call?"

"I called Bass's care taker, he doesn't like when I leave him alone like that."

"I can understand that, God knows I don't want you to leave..." Jane pouted, a bit embarrassed to admit she didn't want Maura to leave her after two perfect days together.

"I know and believe me when I say I don't want to leave too, but I'm testifying in court early tomorrow morning. How about you visit me in New York soon? I will show you the city the way I know and love it."

"I would love that Maura, but you know I'm going back to work in a few days and I honestly don't know when I'll be able to take a week end off."

"I'm sure we'll find a way, don't worry."

As the two women were having breakfast in bed the atmosphere wasn't as comfortable as yesterday, it was actually pretty tensed and neither women knew why they suddenly didn't feel comfortable with each other anymore.

A few hours later Maura was on a plane back to New York. Looking at the sky and the clouds through the window she couldn't help but questioning herself, trying to put words on how she felt. Looking at the bear Jane had won for her Maura felt so empty, and knew she was going to miss Jane, more she actually should. That night lying in bed alone Maura realized that what was happening between her and Jane was more than simple friendship, that their connection, the way they felt when they were together was much deeper than that and she had no idea how to talk to Jane about it or if she even felt the same way.

Back in Boston Jane spent the rest of day working out, trying to get back in shape for her return to duty. Doing sit ups in her living room, listening to music, the only thing she could think was how complete and safe she felt when Maura was here and how miserable she felt right now. No matter how loud the music played and how hard she tried, she couldn't get rid of the image of Maura sleeping next to her, her perfume, the way she looked at her, her smile. Obviously Jane knew that letting Maura go would be hard but she didn't expect it to be so excruciating both physically and emotionally, just like an addict she physically needed to feel Maura close to her, to smell a perfume, to hear her voice. Showing all the sign of withdrawn Jane was hoping that going back to work would help her focus on something else and that the way she suddenly felt for Maura would fade away with time.

About two days later Jane finally went back to work and caught a double murder that seemed to be drug related, while Maura on top of having to testify in court also caught a difficult murder case. So for the next week the two friends didn't call each other or even chatted online, but simply emailed a couple of time. Obviously both women were extremely busy at work but they also needed time to think and try to make sense of what was happening between them.

One night after finally closing her case Maura was having a glass of wine while watching a documentary her laptop on her knees when she suddenly saw that Jane was online.

[7:40 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Jane are you there?

[7:42 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Yes, how are you?

[7:44 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Good, I have been extremely busy and so were you apparently :(

[7:47 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Yes I have, I'm sorry you know first days back at work are always tricky, not to mention we caught a double homicide on the first day.

[7:50 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : I understand, how are things going?Do you feel comfortable at work again?"

[7:53 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Yes everyone has been very supportive. I even got a new partner.

[7:55 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Really?How is he or she?

[7:58 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : He's great, look I'm actually still working on that double murder case right now and I'm kinda busy, do you mind if we talk later?

[8:02 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Alright :( If I didn't know you better I would think you're avoiding me :(

[8:05 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : What would I be avoiding you?

[8:08 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : I don't know, it's been week since I came back to NYC and we haven't talked on the phone once and we only exchanged a couple of emails. Have I done anything to offend you?

[8:10 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Of course not sweetheart, I'm just swamped at work.

[08:15 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : But you promised you would make time for me :(

[08:08 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : I know, I just need to get back on my feet, just give me a little time to adjust alright?

[08:12 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Alright, good night.

[08:14 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : No wait…

[08:16 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Yes?

[08:22 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Look I'm sorry, I just…I feel a bit weird and I need time to think about some stuff.

[08:25 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : What kind of stuff?

[08:27 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Oh Maura, you know what I'm talking about please don't make me say it.

[08:30PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Alright I won't but for what it's worth I feel the same way…

[08:32PM] : Jane Rizzoli : You do?

[08:35 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Yes :)

[08:38 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : How long have been feeling like this?

[08:42 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : It was a long process but I think It became very clear when we were sitting in your couch after coming back from the fair and you had your hand on my stomach and told me I was beautiful… I felt something I never experienced before and I doubt I'll ever feel anything that intense again.

[08:45 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Why didn't you say something before ?

[08:47 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Because I didn't want to scare you off and I wanted to be sure, I needed to meet you and collect more evidences before making a definitive assessment.

[08:50 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Which is?

[08:53 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Do you really need to hear it?

[08:57 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : You're right, don't say it, I'm not ready to either hear to say it myself.

[09:00 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : I know you're not ready for this and I'll wait until you are don't worry:)

[09:02 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Come on Maura I can't ask you to do that. I'm…I'm fucked up and you deserve better.

[09:05PM] : Dr Maura Isles : What I deserve is someone who respects me, who makes me laugh and who surprises me and who couldn't care less about my money or my power and who doesn't judge me when I google talk. That person is you Jane, it's always been you.

[09:10 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : I don't know what to say Maura..I just…

[09:14 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : Then don't say anything . I told you I'm not going anywhere."

[09:16 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : Thank you.

[09: 18 PM] : Dr Maura Isles : You're welcome darling, how about we get some sleep and we talk about this later, when we're both ready?

[09:20 PM] : Jane Rizzoli : I don't know how long that's gonna take Maura.

[09:24PM] : Dr Maura Isles : It's alright darling, I need time to figure things out too.

That night both women went to bed feeling relieved but also scared. They were relieved because they now knew that they both felt the same way and that it wasn't their imagination, but scared because they had no idea how to deal with this situation. Maura and Jane were both strong women who usually knew what they wanted in life and who always worked really hard to achieve their goals and who never let anything go between them and what they really wanted. Unfortunately when it came to romantic relationships neither of them knew how to behave, the only thing they knew is that what they feel was real but had no idea how do deal with it. On one hand Jane had still so many things to work on and didn't want to expose Maura to her personal dramas. On the other hand Maura, even if she was more confident about them succeeding in engaging in a more serious relationship didn't want to pressure Jane and take the risk to push her away. Unfortunately Maura knew that if she didn't take control over the situation and shake her a little bit that Jane might never be ready to face and accept her feelings. Yes Maura knew that trying to convince her that she wasn't as screwed up as she thought and was actually good enough for her and that they could make this work would be a challenge, but what was she supposed to do?Go back to her miserable life knowing that she might have missed her only chance to happiness?No, that wasn't something Maura was willing to consider. She couldn't, wouldn't let Jane's fears and insecurities get in the way of something that was so powerful and rare. She was going to fight, harder than she ever did to make things work, no matter what that might imply. Jane was worth it, she was sure of it.

So guys, I know my writing on this chapter kinda sucks, I don't know what happened...I re read it 50 times and didn't managed to improve the quality of the writing, I'm sorry:(

What I can tell you is that I wrote their conversation vague on purpose, I didn't want them to say the magic words just yet...they don't even really know how to qualify what is happening between them and I wanted their chat to reflect that and to be ...shy :)

Next chapter is gonna rock you world, I can promise you that!I think Maura will show strength and determination that you never thought she had!