A/N: Man I am bad at emotional scenes, I apologize. Also I probs fucked with the canon-verse a lot but well, what can you do. Hope you enjoy regardless! On a side note, Finland is kicking ass in IIHF World Championships, I am so very happy we won Russia (if ur russian i'm sorry).
Chapter warning; mentions of self-harm/suicide attempt
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Instead of looking horrified, like Leo had expected, Nico frowned. "What do you mean you killed your mother?"
"Well, uh, remember how I told you about how I used to live with my mom in Spain?"
Technically he hadn't told Nico as much as vaguely mentioned it, trying to avoid the subject. He didn't expect the other boy to actually remember it – he knew he probably wouldn't. And yet Nico nodded, saying, "Yeah, you said it a few weeks ago."
Leo restrained the surprised look and turned his eyes away from Nico to the floor. It was hard enough to talk about this, he didn't need to see Nico's reaction too.
"... Right. Well, anyway," he continued, "we had this small apartment that mostly served as a workshop. My mom was into that, and I guess I got that from her, you know? My dad wasn't around, he left when I was little. My mom never complained about it, though, so I guess I didn't lose too much. So we lived there, alone, and it was all cool. Mom was really nice, the best person I've ever known. She just... yeah."
Leo paused, considering his next words. Nico hadn't interrupted yet, which was a good thing. If Leo stopped now, he would never finish. And when he knows, the voice whispered, he'll leave for sure. Who could love a miserable, pointless human like you? He carried on, pointedly ignoring the voice.
"One day, she went to work on something. I can't remember what it was, I was about eight at the time. It doesn't matter. The door leading to her working room was always open, because she liked to be able to hear me if I was in any trouble. Except, that day the door was closed. Locked. I dunno why, maybe it was the wind or I accidentally pushed it shut while running around, who knows. The point is that the door was not open. I was drawing in the living room, and... My mom, she loved candles. It didn't matter what time of the year it was, chances were there was at least one candle burning somewhere. And there was one on the living room table. You can probably guess where this is going, but..."
"The house burned, didn't it?" Nico asked softly, and when Leo lifted his head he was standing up and crossing the small room. The bed dipped under Nico's weight next to Leo. "Leo, I'm sor–"
"You don't get it," Leo interrupted and Nico fell silent. "I didn't like my drawing. That day, I didn't like whatever the hell I drew, and I decided to burn it. It's all my fucking fault that the flames spread and my mom got trapped inside. I could've saved her, I could've prevented the whole thing but I just... I didn't. And so it's my fault."
Leo had told this to himself for as long as he remembered. The firemen who'd eventually cooled the remains of their house down had asked him what had happened, and the police had asked him, and the woman at his first foster home had asked him. I killed her, he'd replied. It was my fault. No one else had blamed him, though – it had been put down as an accident on the official records, and after that Leo had never told anyone about it except Piper. And now Nico.
The silence following his words was painful. Leo didn't dare to look at Nico, fearing his reaction. He kept still, eyes on the floor, doing his best to not run away. Then a pair of hands sneaked around his shoulders, and Nico pulled Leo into a hug, turning slightly so his head ended up resting on the side of Leo's neck, nose pressing to his skin. Leo, if possible, froze even more.
"Listen to me," Nico started, mumbling quietly next to Leo's ear. "I don't care what you think, but it wasn't your fault. And don't even start arguing, just hear me out," he added as if sensing that Leo was about to open his mouth to protest. Leo pressed his lips into a tight line, eyeing Nico from the corner of his vision. All he could see was a mop of black hair, a few strands tickling Leo's skin. He tried to ignore the way his heart sped up.
"You were only eight, Leo. There was no possible way that you could've known that the door was shut, or even if you did, that it would've made a difference. You didn't kill your mom, the fire did, right? Even if it was your drawing that started it all, how could you have known? Eight year old's don't necessarily think all that rationally. You just wanted to get rid of the drawing," Nico spoke and Leo could feel his breath with every word. "So if you thought that you could scare me away with that, you were wrong. I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere."
And then Leo broke. Something snapped in his head, like a channel been turned on a television, and he realized that there was actual sense behind Nico's words. Maybe Leo hadn't, after all, been guilty. Maybe... maybe there was a chance he could get over the whole event one day and stop blaming himself. He turned, wrapping himself around Nico and letting all of the pent up feelings from the past years out. If Nico minded the tears on his shirt, he didn't mention it. "Thank you," Leo whispered to Nico after he'd calmed down, still resting his head against Nico's shoulder. "For what?" Nico whispered back. "I just told you the truth." "Exactly."
They broke apart, but still sitting close enough for Leo to be aware of Nico's every move. "So, now it's your turn to share something. Honesty hour, right?" Leo sniffed after a while, offering Nico a small smile. And so they went back and forth, telling pieces of their lives to each other.
'My sister is dead and I keep having nightmares about it.'
'I saw a therapist for a year after I started to burn myself on purpose.'
'I cut myself.'
'I was in a mentally abusive relationship.'
'I once almost died after hitting a too large vein on my arm.'
'I tried to kill myself.'
The clock slowly made it's way towards night, and around three am they were both on the floor, lying next to each other and staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars Leo had put up. Not those crappy lights you get from a shop with two dollars, but rather real looking ones that he'd, apparently, spend a lot of time on. "I feel like after opening up about all that, you should probably also know that I'm... I'm gay," Nico mumbled and Leo felt his heart do a happy dance. He felt much lighter otherwise, too, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders no matter how cliche it sounded. A smile broke on his face, tugging the corners of his mouth. "'s cool," he replied. "I don't like labels, I just... go with the flow. But yeah, I've dated guys too. Don't worry about it."
"Oh, that's... great," Nico said and Leo could've sworn he heard something like relief in his voice. He might have imagined it.
"So, we're all fair and square now? No more secrets?" Nico asked, tilting his head to look at Leo who looked back at him with a smile.
"No more secrets," he confirmed.
Except that I am quiet possible very much in love with you.
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