So, I found myself with some extra time in study hall and was able to whip this up. Once I started writing I couldn't stop. I hope you all enjoy and feel the feels

Chapter 9

Cas rushed into the hospital. Sam wouldn't tell him anything about what was going on and it was killing him. Cas quickly found Sam in the lobby. He was told Dean's room number and took off down the hallway. Sam didn't follow him. He had no desire to see what was about to go down.

When Cas charged through the door, Dean was finishing a conversation with his doctor. "I'm sorry, Mr. Winchester. I truly am." he said and left Dean and Cas to themselves. "Dean, what's wrong? Why is he sorry?" Cas demanded. Dean looked at Cas with watery eyes. "Come here" he said. Cas took a seat next to Dean who picked up Cas's hand.

"This... This is what I couldn't tell you" Dean started. Cas gave him a confused look. "I- I have what the doctors say is called non-hodgkin lymphoma. I was never really able to understand any of their explanation... but I do know it has something to do with my white blood cells. I was fast growing and really far along when I first came here. The doctors gave me about 6 months to live... and that was about 9 months ago.

Cas was shocked. He just sat there, not knowing what to say or do. Back in August, Cas would have been begging for an answer. But now... he wish he never had to know. That he could just get hit in the head again and it'd just go away.

Eventually, Cas crawled onto the hospital bed and huddle close to Dean. Dean put his arm around tried him to hold back tears. But when Cas started crying into his chest, Dean let the tears flow.

The idea of leaving Cas hurt more than the cancer. The idea of never seeing Sam change the world made him curse that bitch called Fate.

"Cas, I need you to know that I have something set up for you and Sam." "Don't worry about us..." Cas started. "Like hell I'm not going to worry! I love you, so much. You and Sam are the only things in my life I did right. So I'm not leaving you hanging" Dean shifted himself and Cas so they were looking at each other.

"I have 2 extra bank accounts set up. One for you and one for Sam. Sam's is for his college and don't you never EVER let him convince you otherwise. He's too smart not to go. Yours is to go toward Charlie. I know how much she means to you and you can't sell her. I'll be turning over in my grave."

Cas let out a painful chuckle. "I promise I won't, we'll never separate. And Sam's going to go to one of the best schools ever like Stanford or Harvard." Cas said as tears fell silently. Dean used his thumb to wipe them away.

"I'm so sorry Cas. Part of me wishes..."

"If you say you never met me, Dean, pray to the Lord I hold back my anger." Cas almost spat. He held Dean's face and pressed their foreheads together. "I don't regret anything, Dean Winchester. Not one damn thing." Cas said. Dean nodded and pulled Cas as close as possible.

SPNSPNSPNSPN

Sam was still in the lobby when Jess got there. Yeah, he had lots of friends he could have called but he wanted her to come. She took the seat next to him and asked "Sam, what's wrong?" "D-Dean... I was at Garth's last night and I came home and he was just..." Sam was barely able to spit out the words out. Jess wrapped her arms around him.

"Will he be ok?" Jess asked. "No... he has cancer and he's going to die any day" Sam said. His voice cracked as his tears poured from his eyes to Jess's shoulder. Not knowing what to say, Jess just held him.

"Does... Does Cas know?" she asked when Sam's crying started to cease. Sam nodded. He told her everything from Cas's accident to how exactly he got to the hospital.

"You should go talk to him" Jess told him "It wouldn't surprise me if he really wants to talk to you" "And say what to him? I'm sorry you're the one dying? I sorry Fate's a hormonal bitch and choose to kill you?" Sam exclaimed. "If that's what you have say then yes!" Jess replied

Sam looked her square in the eyes saying " "I'm not Dean. I'm not strong enough to handle this." "Strength isn't always something you just have. You sometimes need to choose it" Jess replied. Sam was shocked at his girlfriend's wise words. He looked down the hallway toward the place he had been avoiding for almost an hour. Sam got up and started walking. Jess walked next to him, holding his hand.

When they fund the room, Sam slowly (and nervously) opened the door. He saw Dean and Cas on the bed together and turned to leave. The look on Jess's face made him continue into the room.

The couple notice the high schoolers walking in and Cas whispered to Dean "I'll give you and Sam some time alone." He got up and asked Jess to come with him for a cup of coffee. Sam noticed how tears stained not only Cas's face but Dean's as well.

Once Cas and Jess were gone, Sam took a seat on a seat on the bench by the window. He faced Dean and held his knees to his chest. The brothers sat in silence for awhile. Finally Sam said "I'm so sorry Dean. I..."

"You have no reason to be wasn't your fault. I should be saying sorry because I'm leaving you" Dean quickly came back. "Just let me talk. No interruptions. Please." Sam asked. Dean nodded and motioned for him continue.

"For as long as I can remember, you've been there. When I was hungry, somehow you got food. When I was sick, you made sure I got better. I remember one time you almost got arrested for trying to steal me a Christmas present." Sam smiled at the memory. "When Dad left you stepped up without thinking twice. You gotta job at thirteen, even almost gave up on school. And you never gave up on me. It just seems that as soon as you became happy, like genuinely happy with Cas, Fate took it away. I wish I had the cancer"

Dean opened his mouth to protest against his brother but remembered his promise. "I wish I had the cancer because this world needs a man willing to give his own future for someone else. I know you think I'm this naturally smart good kid but I'm not. My whole life I didn't do one damn thing to make anyone proud but you. Because if you were proud, than the world might have a second good guy"

Sam felt the tears sliding down his face. He found finding the words to say was easier than he thought. He meant every word, every letter. The man named John Winchester might have been his biological father but Dean was always there when John wasn't. And he was dying.

"Sam... You couldn't have been a better little brother. I don't have one ounce of me that's not proud of you." dean stated. Sam ran from his seat over to his brother and hugged him. "You have to do something for me, Sammy. Get your ass somewhere. Don't end up stuck here, get out there and do something great" Dean whispered into Sam's ear. "I will, Dean. I-I'll be some big shot lawyer or something" Sam sadly smiled.

Dean looked at his brother and smiled. There was no way in hell Sam couldn't go somewhere. And it made him happy enough to die in peace.

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