One Way to Say I LOVE YOU

Chapter 8: Too Much Quiet

"Ohh," Brad cooed to me when I walked back out to them. He was carrying some grocery bags and I offered to take one from him.

"What? There was nothing there." I took a bag from him and continued walking.

"Oh yes there was. You like him." I heard the little voice behind me. Jacob had made a funny face to me and I just rolled my eyes. He started to sing a little kid love song, "Miley and Lucas sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then-"

"Jacob. Please stop. It was nothing. I just helped him with some boxes!" I turned around and barked at him. His face went from laughing and happy to scared and in shock. I didn't like seeing that face of him, "Sorry about that. I didn't mean it." I turned back around and kept walking. Once we got back to the truck, I put mine and Jacob's groceries in the bed of it. Everything was quiet now. We all got into the truck and the ride home was quiet.


Once we got home, we put away all the groceries and I went to my room. It was still quiet and neither Jacob nor Brad had been talking to me. When I yelled at Jacob, did that just ruin everything? I didn't mean it. He was just getting me mad. I grabbed my journal, the picture of Nick, and my ring and walked out of the house.

Brad had caught me, "Where you going?"

"Beach. I need some air." I lied at the end and I think he didn't even hear the ending. I walked the mile and found it. I sat down on the dunes and laid my journal in the sand next to me. I took my engagement ring, from Nick, out of the box and let the sun hit it while I was in awe of it. It was still so beautiful. I have only had it on once, a few days after he died when his parents and my dad gave it to me. Since then I have just had it tucked away in my suitcases and bags.

Suddenly my journal flew open towards the end of it. The wind was still flipping through pages of it. It stopped on one of my last entries. I read it over and thought. The words didn't sound like me right away but I continued.

"I feel like the blame, the reason, or the situation. Can I fix this? Somehow? Someway? I don't know any more. I know I have tried to cope, but I can't get over it. Now I'm here because of my actions. I'm horrible and my dad just wanted me gone. He just wanted me to stay away or just fill my mind full of fantasies across the country. I won't. I can't. I hate him, how could he think that. I want my Nick. I need him. That is the only him I need."

Towards the end, in the last three sentences sounded like me, but the rest didn't. I wrote this just a few days ago. I felt so horrible reading that. How could I think like that? I would never say that about my dad. He has been wonderful and he cares about me. All of a sudden the question played in my head, "Do you feel like this, really?" I froze my thoughts. The question sounded like it was said by Nick.

"No, I would never." I sat back up and brushed the sand off my legs.

"Well then why did you write that?"

"Nick, I didn't mean it. That doesn't even sound like me." I put my journal down and looked at my ring. Now I know I was going crazy when you're talking to the wind. It's only my third day here and I'm already crazy! My journal was going bizarre again with its pages flying everywhere. All of a sudden my pictures of Nick flew out of it, flying across the beach. "No!" I got up quickly and started running after them. I almost forgot to grab the jewelry box and my journal.

I kept chasing it down most of the beach. I was getting exhausted. It just wouldn't slow down at all. My pictures finally stopped at a pair of legs. The legs had a torso attached to it too. He bent over and grabbed them. "These yours?"

"Yes, thank you." I grabbed them from him. When I looked up at him, he had a confused look on his face, "May I help you?"

"Well…," I think he was still trying to put the words in the correct way. "Aren't you Miley? From the store earlier?"

Busted. "Yeah. It's me. I ran into you." I laughed towards the end.

"Well Hi again." He laughed. "So who are those of?"

"What?"

"Who are those pictures of? A secret crush or what?" He laughed again towards the end.

"No. Just someone." I pulled back out my journal and stuck them in there.

"Who?" I know he was having fun with me, but I didn't want to pour out on him.

"No one. Just someone that I know." I was sterner with him.

"Okay. It's okay." He stopped laughing. I was silent. "So what you doing out here?"

"Oh you didn't see me just there earlier." He had a confused face on, "I just wanted to let some pictures go with the wind and have myself chase them. It's the best way I get a workout." I was joking around and laughed through it all.

He went along with it, "Oh really, I'll have to try it sometime." We both ended up laughing so hard that we were both crying when we were walking back to the dune I was sitting at.

When I sat down I actually realized that Brad probably had supper ready. "Oh I should go for supper."

"I'll walk you. It's not a big deal." He had that cute little puppy dog face on. He really wanted to.

I smiled, "Okay. I would like that." We got up and started walking back. It was only a mile so it wasn't that long. Brad heard us coming up the porch.

"Hey Lucas." It was Brad. Great. I could hear him through the screen door.

"Hey Mr. Henders."

"Still a Lady's Man?" Brad came outside.

Lucas laughed but never fully answered.

"Hey how about you join us for supper. You're Dad won't mind."

"Yeah sure." He started walking towards the door. I was not so excited. I hit my head with my hand with a sigh that they didn't hear. I was the last one to go inside and sit down.


After supper Lucas said bye, left and walked home. I helped Brad and Jacob clear the table then walked back up to my room. I sat in window trying to think about everything that had happened today. I wasn't doing so well about that. I was drawing blanks. Dumb brain. I suddenly realized that I still had on my ring. I wondered if Lucas noticed.

The night went on slowly and I kept going downstairs to grab some water then scurried back up the stairs to get to my room. Even though I was bored and wanted something to do, I didn't go downstairs. Brad never came up and got me or bothered me. I decided to crash early that night. I sick of the time so I covered every clock in my room and drifted off to sleep. It was peaceful and relaxed. I liked it very much.


The next morning I woke up by 10:30 and was surprised no one was around. I looked in every room and still no one. I finally saw a note Brad had left me:

Went to Church. Didn't think you needed/wanted to.

If you wanted to, Sorry. Just remind us next week. See you around 11:30-12

-Brad

I just grabbed my cereal and went back up to my room. I just ate and got ready for the day. When I was done with that, I went out to the barn to see the horses. I did the chores and spent some extra time with Hanley. After awhile I heard the truck pull into the farm. Brad was home.