And now all your love is wasted
And then who the hell was I?
And I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Skinny Love- Bon Iver
April 12th, 4020
Seymour
"Where are you travelling this time?" My wife, Lexus, asks. She narrows her eyes at me, my suitcases by the door. "Is it just that you can't stand to be around me? Our children?"
My disdain only increases with each word from her lips. She's right, of course.
"We need you at home." She says, I pull my belongings away from her.
"I'll be back soon." I touch my lips to her forehead. "I have business affairs to attend to."
"Affairs, I can only imagine." She spits, her long, blond hair falling over her shoulders as she takes her stand. She looks as if she could slap me. As if she has the nerve, the resolve.
"I'll see you in a month." I reply coldly as I motion my driver to grab the bags. "It's better this way." I say. She lets me kiss her; she still closes her eyes when I do. She grasps me, but it doesn't matter. I'll still go, I'll still pull away.
"Our kids..." She starts, as I turn my back to her, "They've grown up without you. They don't know their father..."
I don't need to slam the door, or spit a retort back at her, the point has been made. She knows how I feel, she knows about the other women, the other lives. She loves me but it's impossible. Our marriage is nothing but political convenience.
Lexus tries too hard, laughs too loud, asking too many questions. A woman should be quiet, demure...
Yuna...
I think of her soft hair, her hesitant smile and those full lips. I frown, she's made her intentions clear.
"Sir." The driver opens the door for me, my assistant Liza waits inside, her clipboard in hand, her skirt riding up, exposing a tanned, smooth thigh. She motions me to join her, before promptly reading the days schedule.
Talk bores me, her perfume however, does not. I close the screen between the two of us and our driver. She discards her clipboard.
Lenne
The airplane stutters to a stop, Shuyin grips my hand. I wince. The airplane lights blink, I sheltered my eyes from the glare, "We're home." My husband whispers, releasing my hand.
I smile at him, stretching out as he reaches for our bags stored under the seat. Outside I can see the airport employees loading luggage onto their carts. "It's nice to be back." I say, turning to him. "Although... I can't help but wonder, if Tidus has messed things up yet."
"What makes you think he's messed anything up?" Shuyin asks, following me off the plane, and down the long winding hallway to baggage claim.
I shrug, "He just has a knack. But, maybe things will be okay... I don't know. Forget I said anything." I kiss him gently, "I love you."
"Love you too..." He replies, piercing his eyebrows, "My brother isn't a bad guy, you should know that by now. It's almost Like you have no faith in him..."
"It's not that." I reply, guarding myself. "I'm just worried about Yuna."
His arms wrap around my waste as we wait for the rest of our luggage to make it's way around the carousel, "Don't be, babe. Tidus is really over his head this time. Yuna can take care of herself, she's an adult."
I smirk, "Maybe."
Our bags come around the corner; Shuyin leans forward to grab them. "Let's concentrate on each other, let Tidus worry about her."
"You're right." I say, walking beside him out towards the car waiting for us. My brother-in-law smiles at us from the front seat, waving erratically.
"Hey!" Shuyin laughs "Get your ass out here and help me load these bags."
"You just had a week of rest!" He wines, " I just got back from practice. Do it yourself."
"Just pop the trunk, Tidus." I say, yawning, "It's cold."
He complies and without enthusiasm, unlocks the trunk; I slide into the front seat as Shuyin loads our luggage. "Bring me any souvenirs?" He asks, turning down the radio.
"Nope. How's my girl? You treating her right?" I ask while searching for the heated seat button.
"I'm trying, really trying. I think she's happy, did I tell you we're living together now?" he says, obviously gloating, "No lectures needed, separate rooms. She needed a place to stay, and we'll..."
"You don't have to explain yourself." Shuyin states, as he enters the back seat, "Don't encourage her."
"Hey!" I say, wanting to smack him. The truth is, though Tidus may claim he loves her, or he's never been this happy... he's said the same thing about many, many, other women. Tidus likes to believe in love, likes to feel the nerves, and the drama of fresh romance. He likes his relationships to be high profile, and overly affectionate. Yuna, on the other hand is a romantic, she believes in love, but doesn't need the world to know to make it feel real.
"I don't mind..." Tidus smiles, "Really. I don't."
"So I can question you all I want?" I ask
"All you want."
"Do you love her? Have you told her you love her yet?"
He shifts uncomfortably, "We've been together, like... a week, Lenne."
"You told Adrianna..."
"I was fourteen when me and Adrianna first got together. This is different."
"So you're being smart then?" I ask.
"I'm trying."
Shuyin leans towards the front, turning up the volume on the radio. We listen in a sweltering silence to the jazz. The sky around us is dark, and only getting darker as Tidus turns onto our street. "Wanna come in for a beer?"
"Thought you'd never ask." He parks the car and turns off the engine before following Shuyin around to the trunk. This time he helps with the luggage.
"Our lights are on..." I remark, walking up the stone pathway to our door, the curtains are closed, but it's evident that someone is inside.
"Shit..." Tidus mumbles, "Just open the door, Lenne."
Warily, I do as he tells me and am greeted by our friends and a few dozen bottles of wine. "Holy shit you guys!" I gasp, clutching my chest, "You shouldn't have."
"How was the honey moon? Yevon, I missed you!" Yuna smiles as I pull her into a tight hug, "I have a lot to tell you." she whispers, pulling me aside.
"I know..." I smile, squeezing her arm, "Tell all."
She shrugs her head in the direction of the patio, I follow her outside and we sit down on the wicker furniture, "So, it happened?"
"Yeah..." I can't help but smile as I watch her cheeks flush a bright pink, "I said I'd give him a chance, but it's more like he's giving me one, you know? I'm afraid I'll mess up, or he'll change his mind... I just want to know that he's... he's serious about me."
"Your scared because you care so much for him." I smile. "I remember feeling the same way."
"I'm terrified." She says. "We should go hot tubbing. It's nice out tonight."
"Let's get drunk first?" I laugh, pulling her back inside the house, ignoring the vigorous shake of her head.
"Gippal's already past his limit, if you watch carefully, I believe that's a plant he's talking too..."
"Poor Gippal." I smirk while grabbing a couple coolers from the fridge, "Where's his wife when he needs discipline?"
"I hope him and Rikku don't end up fighting tonight." Yuna frowns, "She left him at the club alone a while ago. Then got mad at him for coming home late, he said he was looking for her..."
"Right." Lenne shrugs, "He was looking for a good time."
Yuna laughs softly, before taking the drink from my hands. "I gave up drinking, but tonight, I'll celebrate with you."
I laugh, clinking my bottle against hers. We lean against the living room wall, observing the other guests in action. "Look at our boys."
Yuna sighs, sipping tentatively from her bottle. "I have a... question for you. It's kind of embarrassing..."
"Yes?" I say, becoming increasingly interested in the conversation, "What is it?"
"I... never mind." She blushes, "Lets get into the hot tub."
"Will you tell me when we're out there?" I smile, pinching her arm.
"Who said hot tub?" I hear Gippal perk up, "Am I invited?" he asks, stumbling across the room, nearly tripping over the glass coffee table. Rikku grabs his arm just in time.
"Really, Gippal?" She hisses, pulling him down beside her.
"He'll we're all invited." Says Shuyin, "Hopefully you brought your trunks."
Tidus looks over to us, his eyes traveling over Yuna, a small smile on his attractive features. "You in, babe?" He asks while approaching us, grabbing her hand.
Yuna just nods, taking another sip of her cooler, I fail to mention drinking that in the hot tub will get her wasted, mostly because I like Yuna when she's drunk.
I make eye contact with Tidus, who also, conveniently forgets to mention this. He kisses her briefly before tearing off his shirt, "I'll meet you out there!"
I chuckle, watching Yuna as she attempts to hide her lingering gaze. "He's your boyfriend now, you're allowed to look."
"Lenne..." she smiles, "Give me a break."
I take a lingering sip of my drink, "Tidus is use to really forward women, you know?"
"No, I wouldn't know...'" she replies, "I guess Addrianna was…"
"Who cares about Adrianna? Let's never speak of her again."
I can feel Yuna's gaze on the side of my face as I finish off the contents of my bottle. I don't like talking about that woman, hearing about her, well... it hits a sore spot for me. Tidus wasn't the only one she'd hurt, we had been friends.
I pause, looking at Yuna again; I have always liked Yuna. I know she doesn't have the heart hurt him. Her attraction to Tidus has always worried me, if things don't work out between them, and I've had this talk with Tidus before; I just don't know how well she'd handle it.
I can tell, just looking at her, that she didn't want to put all her hope into this relationship and that she is trying not to let it show. It's obvious that she's scared.
I am scared for her.
"Hey..." I say, grabbing her arm, "Go get changed and meet us out there."
"Oh, yeah." She says, handing me her drink. "I'll be right out."
I watch her, my nerves tickling. I wish I could be happy for them, I really do. But I can't help feeling that Tidus may not be ready.
Tidus
I watch Yuna sleep, lately it has become a ritual of sorts for me.,I didn't realize Lenne was watching me, "What should I do, Lenne?"
"She looks pretty tired, Tidus." Lenne says, beginning to clear the bottles, "Think you can get her up to your apartment?"
I sigh, pushing a few strands of hair off her face, "No, probably not. I'll just move her to the guest room, if you'll open the door for me?"
"Sure." She replies as I take Yuna into my arms, holding her head against my shoulder. I like the feeling of her weight. Her hair is damp against my neck as she tucks her forehead into its nape. I lay her down onto the bright yellow comforter in the spare room, and remove her damp towel before spreading the covers.
"Tidus, can I talk to you for a second...?" My brother whispers from the hall, his head leaning against the oak door frame.
"Sure." I kiss Yuna's forehead before meeting him out in the hall. He slumps, back against the wall, looking up at me, his dark eyes burning through mine. He runs a rough hand through his still-damp hair, "Look, Lenne wanted me to say something else to you about this thing with Yuna..."
I play with the towel still hanging 'round my neck and pretend to listen. I can hear Yuna turning in the other room, I wonder if she'd mind waking up beside me. I suppose her and Lenne could share the room, and I could bunk with Shuyin or go home.
"Are you even listening to me, Tidus?" Shuyin asks, snapping his fingers, "Look I know I shouldn't have to tell you this, you're a grown man, she's a grown woman, you can make your own decisions." He pauses, "Be careful, take things slow, and try not to disappoint her. Even more importantly, don't do anything stupid and let her hurt you."
"What do you mean stupid?"
"Adrianna's been popping around." Shuyin remarks, glaring at me, "Don't tell me you haven't noticed?"
"Yeah at you're wedding..." I shrug, "Wasn't she invited?"
"I'm talking about your games, Ti." He nudges my shoulders, "Haven't you noticed, she sat right smack behind Luca's goalie last match."
"I like to focus on the game?" I shrug, "Look Shu, me and her are over. She's always been a blitzball fan."
"She hates blitzball, she likes watching you." Shuyin smirks, "I caught that on the other end of the line a few years ago, her and Lenne both. Didn't want to break your heart."
"Don't worry about it." I say, "She's not on my mind anymore."
I settle in for the night on a sofa in the guest room. I don't want to intimidate her by crawling into the bed, I don't want to seem too forward, and I don't want to rush things. Yes, I want to wake up beside her, I want our relationship to progress, but I don't want to scare her.
Adrianna
Our wine supply consisted of cheap, half empty bottles. I could use a glass, something to calm me down.
I could hear John's voice pounding as he argues within the thin walls of his office. My son, Issac, is asleep on the couch. I worry that the arguing will wake him. I continue cooking, downing my glass of cheap wine in the process. I hear the door to my husband's den slam as he makes his entrance into the kitchen. I notice he's still wearing his shoes with no respect to me, to the work I've put into scrubbing the floor. Was it only yesterday he'd witnessed me, on my knees?
"Shoes." I say, turning away from him, lending my attention to the continuous grating of cheese.
"What is the big deal, they're clean."
No...they're not, I think angrily. I slam my open palms down on the counter. "Just take them off, John."
"I've had a hard day at the office, and the last thing I need is to..."
"You... you've had a hard day? Is that right?"
"Yes, that is right! And what have you been doing, Adrianna?"
I shake my head, I look at him, and then at the child on our sofa, "Your right, John, I've done nothing. I am nothing."
I set the table, plates, food, condiments, drinks, and utensils. John retreats to the back entrance and returns without his shoes. A victory, small yet rewarding. We sit down and we eat. Our marriage is a well-oiled machine. Some might consider this a rut, or the road to divorce, but for me it's comfort. With John I can be certain, secure in a future, as unhappy as it may seem. So what if it wasn't love... so what if we'd based our home, our lives around a lie? What part of marriage requires love? We were a system, a plan, a deadlock. I couldn't have this with Tidus.
Tidus was naive, immature... he wasn't ready to get married, he had his whole life ahead of him, who was I to stand in the way, to tie him down? Every day, I attempt to convince myself that it was for the best, for the good of everyone involved.
I carry Issac to bed, lay him down and smooth back the golden hair inherited from his father.
