A/N: Thank you all for being so patient with me! Thank you for your amazing reviews...the have definitely been fueling the writing this week! Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for...absolutely no stress here on my part...I've only rewritten this chapter 6 times!
Seven months earlier...
"Please Casey..." Alex whispered.
The redhead laid her head against the doorframe, contemplating the blonde's question. Alex could see her own eyes were red and puffy, and it broke her heart a little further to know that she'd caused her even an ounce of pain. "Why? Why should I?" She finally managed.
"Have I given you one reason over the last two weeks not to trust me?" The blonde asked, staring directly into her green eyes.
"No, you just lied by omission. You knew if I knew that you were behind my sister almost dying that I would never have spoken to you again," she fumed.
"I wasn't even in Charleston then, Casey, and you know it deep down. Yes, I may have been behind the initial teasing, but I realized my errors and tried to stop them. I shunned those girls because of the shit they were doing to Elle and I tried to apologize countless times. I just didn't know what I was doing or why I did the things I did at the time. Remember how I told you the summer before my dad died he helped me find myself. He helped me find my words, Casey. I didn't have them before, but I do now, so please let me explain." Alex pleaded.
"Fine," Casey sighed pushing the door open and turning to walk inside.
"Actually, I need you to come with me for me to explain properly..." She admitted, biting her lip.
"Seriously? At three in the morning!" Casey huffed, walking into her apartment. Alex was prepared to plead again until she saw the redhead slip on her favorite Chaco flip-flops and grab a fleece, "Fine, lets go."
Alex quickly stepped out of the redhead's way, letting her lock up, before leading the way to her Volvo. Opening the door for Casey, she quickly got inside herself and began driving. "Thank you, Case, for giving me a chance," Alex began, only to be cut off.
"It's 3 AM, Alex, just explain..." Casey said with a yawn.
"When your sister asked me for an explanation at that time I didn't have the words, I didn't know what was wrong with me..." Alex said nervously.
"You didn't know what was wrong with you, what do you mean?" she asked perking up in her seat.
"When your sister started dating Marcus I knew it meant I would see her less, and that was seriously upsetting to me. I felt as if I could throw up at the knowledge. As that realization came true, I became very depressed. I missed my friend, but more so I couldn't channel what was going on inside of me. It was like a constant internal battle. I was so happy for Elle being with Marcus and we still got together a lot, but we just didn't really hang out as much..." Alex trailed with her story as she pulled into her shipyard.
Casey was a bit confused why they were at the shipyard, but didn't bother to ask. She was far too interested in hearing the rest of the story, "So, you slept with her boyfriend and destroyed her life because you were upset you all didn't hang out as much? But wait, you just said you all got together a lot? I don't follow."
Parking her car outside the dry dock, Alex looked over to Casey, "We are here. Let's go and I will tell you the rest on the way." As she led them inside the dry dock, Casey was amazed at the boats inside. Seeing a nicely sized sailboat in the distance, she looked to the blonde. Alex was impossible to read at this moment, having a look Casey had never seen before. The best way the redhead could describe it was fear and nervousness blended together.
Taking a deep steadying breath, she continued as they walked in the direction of the boat, "Elle always had an interest in men. She'd been with guys romantically and enjoyed it, while I couldn't even imagine kissing a guy in my head. I couldn't relate to the other girls. I was confused and that confusion escalated my junior year. When Elle started dating Marcus, I lost the one attraction I actually did have and I didn't even understand that was the problem. So when Marcus kissed me that night, I didn't want him to. I was drunk and confused. I wasn't planning on it happening, but I didn't feel what Elle always talked about feeling, which only confused me more and perpetuated it. I just continued on because I was drunk and as stupid as it sounds... I kept waiting for it to feel right. The next morning, I was crushed to realize what I had done. Elle was so upset and I hated myself, so I confessed. Her reaction was completely understandable, but it sent me into a whirlwind of self-destruction. She at the time was the person I was closest to, and I was devastated she was gone. I thought telling her what I did know, or thought I did, would only make things worse. I didn't even fully understand it myself, so why would I think she'd understand any better? By the start of the summer, I couldn't even get out of bed and I was so depressed that I wanted to die. My father ended up buying the old rundown boat for us to fix up. He knew I couldn't tell him no and while we were working on it he got me to open up."
She paused, remembering the sound of her father's voice again. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she looked into Casey's deep green ones, "He let me confess everything to him. Then he helped me to understand that what I'd been feeling was normal for me. He helped me to understand that I was a lesbian and that I didn't feel the same things Elle felt, because I wasn't attracted to men. He helped me see that it was okay to be different and to love myself for who I was and reassured me that he and my mother would love me no matter what. He helped me discover that I was in love. When we finished the boat, I knew what to say to Elle, so I went to see her. However, when I got to your parents' house, she wasn't there; just Abbie and Jane. They told me to leave, that I couldn't wait for her, that I wasn't welcome there. I left a letter for her with Abbie and she said she'd give it to her. When I got home that afternoon... I found out about my father. Nothing at that point seemed to matter anymore... I slipped back into depression, and the next year practically drifted by almost without me noticing it."
"Alex, I understand, but at the same time I don't... did you have feelings for Elle?" Casey questioned.
With that, Alex blushed slightly as a small smile fell across her lips, before pointing her finger to the boat in front of them. Following the blonde's finger, Casey saw the name of the boat...it was Casey. Her breath caught in her throat, as her heart began to flutter. Turning back to look at the blonde, she whispered, "Alex..."
"Always," Alex whispered back as tears fell from her eyes.
Wiping her tears away, Casey pulled the blonde to her. "Why didn't you say something back then?"
"I was so unsure of myself. I mean, what if I said something and you all thought I was crazy? What if you didn't feel the same? What if I was wrong about myself? It took losing almost everything to help me gain perspective. Although, at that point, I needed to earn Elle's forgiveness first. I didn't want to hurt her anymore." She explained, looking to the floor.
Tilting Alex's chin up, so she could look in her eyes, "And now?" The redhead questioned, searching Alex's eyes for answers she desperately needed.
"You are standing before me and I couldn't go on without you any longer. I had to take the chance," Alex explained, searching for the answer she needed.
"Kiss me," Casey whispered.
Brushing their noses together, the blonde breathed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, please. I need you so much closer."
Smiling against Casey's lips, Alex kissed her softly over and over, relishing in the feeling of the redhead's lips against hers again. Sliding a hand at the back of her neck, pulling her as close as possible at the waist, she made a point to memorize the taste of Casey's strawberry lip balm and the smell of her lavender scented skin. This was everything she'd wanted and she finally had it. She finally felt like she may be worth loving, worth of being loved by Casey Novak.
As they broke apart, just enough to speak, foreheads pressed together, noses brushing, Alex whispered, "I love you, I always have... give me a chance Casey. I promise I will never hurt you. I will always work my hardest to make you happy and show you how much I love you."
Casey nodded yes, feeling tears spring back to her eyes, "I know you will." Placing a hand to Alex's heart, "I know you, Alex, I do. And I love you too."
"You don't have to say it back if you think that it's too soon," Alex said softly before kissing Casey again. The feeling of the redhead wrapping her arms around her neck, caused her heart rate to double.
Feeling Casey pull back a little, Alex felt her breath catch. "I said it because I meant it. Why do you think I used to hang out with you and Elle so much?"
"What are you saying?" Alex asked a bit dumbfounded, as Casey smiled and kissed her again.
"I'm saying that I had feelings for you then too. I didn't think you shared them though. I thought I was just Elle's silly little sister to you."
"Never... You've always been amazing and perfect to me," Alex sighed, running her fingertips along Casey's cheek, taking in the smell that was her, before kissing her again.
When they finally parted again for air, Casey whispered against her lips, "I need more of you, Alex."
Feeling as if her heart might explode, she nodded her head in understanding and led Casey to the ladder to the sailboat's deck. She knew it would probably be more romantic to go home, but she didn't think they'd make it there and the car seemed way less appealing. Getting to the boat's deck, Casey grinned at the blonde. Watching as Alex opened the hatch of the cabin, before leading them below deck, Casey felt nothing but an overwhelming sense of butterflies in her stomach. As the blonde quickly flicked on some soft lights and turned to face the redhead, Casey knew Alex Cabot was all she wanted.
Taking Casey's hands and leading her toward the bed in the back, Alex slowly pushed her fleece from her shoulders, before softly kissing the newly exposed skin, followed by Casey pulling her sweater over her head. The sight of the topless blonde caused Casey to gasp and bite her lip, as her fingertips danced along the blonde's milky skin. Drawing in a sharp breath at the sensations the redhead was sending through her, Alex pulled her in for yet another heated kiss, as she slipped her fingers under Casey's tank, only breaking apart to free it from her body. As their breaths, pants, and sighs filled the small cabin, they kicked their pants off and fell onto the bed.
Slow, passionate kisses soon turned into exploring mouths and breathy moans. Alex couldn't help but be fascinated by how incredibly sensitive Casey's nipples were as her tongue danced over them. After a little more exploration of fingertips, they found themselves sliding into wet heat, panting against each other's lips at the feeling of being filled by the one they loved.
Both finding each other's spots and working them as they rocked against each other, it didn't take long for Alex to reach the edge, clamping down on Casey's fingers as she panted, "I love you, Casey," over and over until she finally shook and cried out as her orgasm washed over her. The intensity of it, coupled with Alex's own frantically moving fingers and bucking hips, helped to send Casey right over after her, crying out Alex's name. As they lay in each other's arms, Casey snuggled into the blonde's side, breathing out, "I love you. I love you so much."
Alex could only kiss her and nod, as she took Casey's hand in her own and placed it to her heart. "You've always been here and you always will be. Always."
The couple spent the rest of the night and some of the morning making love, exploring each other as if making up for lost time. They only managed to fall asleep when they both couldn't keep their eyes open any longer. When they finally did wake up, it was to the sounds of footsteps on the deck.
Casey clutched a blanket around herself as the sound of a man's voice traveled down into the cabin, "It's just Philip Don't worry, ladies. I have some muffins, fruit and coffee waiting up here for you, but you might want to hurry and get dressed. The guys will be getting started in the next thirty minutes."
"Thanks, Philip!" Alex called out with a laugh. As she snuggled into Casey's side, "I can't believe it's almost noon. I could so use a nice long hot bath..."
"Me too," Casey sighed with her head on Alex's shoulder.
"Want to join me?" Alex chuckled.
"Always," she grinned. Never in a million years, would Casey have ever guessed she would end up in the arms of her first crush. Kissing Alex again, she was quite certain the blonde would be the last person she ever kissed...
