Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, it's just a really great thing to do. Here's another chapter. That's three in a month I'm honestly shocked at myself.

Please review, it makes my day x


You're not alone in anything,

you're not alone in trying to be.

-Lorde, "Ladder Song".

Tonks groaned and squeezed her eyes shut as Andromeda held another baby onesie up against her protruding belly. 'Mum, doing that is not actually achieving anything.'

Behind her she could hear Lena laugh. Tonks sighed and cracked one eye open, critically inspecting the tiny garment of clothing that Andromeda was still holding against her stomach. The onesie was yellow, with a tiny duck stitched into the left corner of the chest. Though she hated to do so, Tonks had to admit that it was actually really cute.

'This one is warm' Andromeda explained, and rubbed the soft fabric between her fingers. 'It would be more suited to winter, I think, so we would need to go a size or two bigger. Did you like this one?'

'Yea, I suppose' Tonks muttered, not wanting to sound too keen and let her mother know that she had finally picked something decent. She looked around at the racks of clothing and sighed, folding her arms over the top of her belly. 'Girls clothes suck.'

'I quite enjoyed dressing you' Andromeda murmured, taking a pink dress off the rack and holding it out to Tonks.

'There's more variety for girls' Lena commented. Her basket was already full with light blues and greens, colours that Tonks found much more appealing than pink. 'I've already brought so much, but after a while it all starts to look the same.'

'Boys are easy' Tonks stressed. She felt the baby kick her side and automatically moved her hand down to rub the place where it had been. 'Girls are hard work.'

Doctor Gemma had almost laughed when she had told Tonks that the little boy that she had thought she was having was actually a little girl. Andromeda actually had laughed, much to Tonks' chagrin. She was happy that the baby was still healthy, but she couldn't help but feel disappointed too. She had so desperately wanted a boy that she hadn't even thought about the possibility of having a girl.

It had been a whole month since the ultrasound and the surprise gender reveal. Christmas had passed Tonks' by in a blur; between visiting her parents and having dinner with the Weasley's, she hadn't even had time to set her own tree up in her new house. She had barely managed to finish unpacking, but with help from her dad the only empty room that remained in the house now was the nursery.

Andromeda had been thrilled at the prospect of a shopping trip, so Tonks had dragged Lena along for support.

'If she's anything like you were as a child, then you're going to have your work cut out for you' Andromeda commented smugly.

Tonks groaned again and turned away from her mother, walking over to inspect the cots on display. There were so many to choose from, and Tonks felt momentarily overwhelmed by the decision she now faced. Her whole life was moving too quickly for her to even comprehend what was happening half the time.

Lena stopped beside her and placed one hand on the cot for support. 'Your mum seems pretty excited.'

Tonks rolled her eyes. 'She's thrilled. Dad was worse, though. He cried when I told him it was a girl.'

'He's proud' Lena laughed. 'She's going to be spoilt rotten with those two as grandparents.'

'I haven't even told anyone else yet, not even Sirius or Charlie' Tonks admitted. 'Just you, and mum and dad. I don't know why. I'm happy, honestly.'

Lena shrugged and moved on to look at another cot. 'You'll tell them eventually. I only told my friends I was having a boy at Christmas, and we talk nearly every other week.'

Tonks ran her hand over the smooth wood of the cot that Lena had stopped at. It was beautiful, with solid wood instead of rails for the two ends and an adjustable mattress. Tonks gently brushed against the pink comforter that had been laid over the railed side of the cot. She could picture her little girl sleeping here, one day.

'I want this cot' she declared, keeping one hand firmly planted on it. There was no way she was leaving the store without it.

Andromeda made her way over and checked the price tag dangling from the end. 'It's in your price range. And it's very beautiful.'

'I'm getting it' Tonks affirmed, and looked around for a worker to help her. 'Ugh, where is everyone?'

'We still have to look at changing tables, a dresser for her clothes, plus bottles and things for yourself' Andromeda began, thrusting the basket at Tonks. 'It won't go anywhere.'

Tonks heaved a deep sigh but begrudgingly accepted the shopping basket and followed her mother towards the bottle section of the store. She was thankful that her mum was willing to take her shopping for these kinds of things, as she had no idea what she was supposed to be looking for. She was also thankful that Lena had come, because she was sure that she would have strangled her mother by now if they were alone together.

Lena waddled up beside her and laughed. 'Bottles aren't even bad. Just wait until you get to the nipple cream.'

Tonks screwed her face up at the thought and placed both hands on either side of her belly, rubbing slow circles over her shirt. 'You hear what you're doing to me, kid?'

Lena winced and suddenly reached out, gripping Tonks' arm for support. Tonks felt her heart rate speed up as she froze, trying to figure out what was wrong. Lena stood still, breathing hard through her nose, before she seemingly relaxed again and let go of Tonks' arm.

'Braxton Hicks' she elaborated when Tonks continued to stare at her. 'Fake contractions. They started about two weeks ago.'

'Holy shit' Tonks said. 'That was… intense.'

Lena shrugged and they hurried to catch up to Andromeda. 'It's just practise. It doesn't happen a lot at the moment.'

'God, I don't know anything' Tonks whined. 'I've never even heard of this stuff.'

'You've got plenty of time to learn' Lena murmured. She flipped her hair over one shoulder and swapped her basket to her other arm. 'I don't think anyone knows it all the first time. Hell, even the second time. It's always going to be different.'

'Well, I haven't stuffed up yet, surprisingly' Tonks said dryly. 'So I guess I'm doing something right.'

They entered the bottle section, expecting to see Andromeda impatiently waiting, but she was nowhere to be found. Tonks frowned whilst Lena perused the shelves, and then shrugged and picked up the bottle closest to her. 'This one looks good.'

Lena glanced over at the bottle that Tonks was holding and nodded. 'I bought those ones. They're not too expensive and heaps of people online rave about them.'

Tonks grabbed three off the shelf, unsure of how many she would actually need. She would need to research breastfeeding before she bought a pump so that she actually had some idea of what she was doing. Lena was so poised and so sure of herself that Tonks couldn't help but feel jealous. She wasn't sure if she would ever feel confident about her parenting abilities.

'I need to redo my nails' Lena groaned, holding her hands up to inspect in the light.

'I need to redo my hair' Tonks said. She felt boring and bland with her natural hair, and it was in desperate need of a trim. After Remus had left she had let it grow out and the colour fade, too busy feeling sorry for herself and then dealing with her sudden pregnancy to really care. 'After we finish here we should go and get a makeover.'

Lena beamed. 'Yes, oh my god, yes! But first we need to find your mum.'

Tonks frowned again, unsure of where her mother would have gone. They set off at their slow pace, scanning the aisles and occasionally stopping to drop more things into their baskets. They found Andromeda at the back of the store, hastily shoving a wrapped box into her handbag. She looked more flustered than Tonks had ever seen her before, and it instantly made her nervous.

'You picked the bottles okay?' Andromeda asked, recovering quickly.

Tonks nodded hesitantly and indicated the basket that was laden with new baby things. 'What are you doing?'

'Window shopping,' Andromeda commented smoothly. 'I wish they had these things when you were a baby.'

Tonks glanced briefly at the frilly clothes and soft teddies on the shelves and shrugged. 'Oh. Well. Are we done now? Lena and I are gonna get a makeover.'

Andromeda narrowed her eyes but nodded curtly. 'You still need to pick your dresser and changing table. Once we have your cot and everything loaded in the car, then you can go and do whatever you want.'

Tonks was surprised by her mother's complacency but didn't question it. Ever since Tonks had first dyed her hair Andromeda had vehemently protested against it. She had screamed at Tonks and grounded her the first time it had happened, and ever since had screwed her nose up at the ever-changing colour.

Lena found an abandoned trolley in one of the aisles and they dumped the contents of their baskets in it, rubbing their arms where the circulation had cut off. 'This kid has more clothes than me and she's not even born yet' Tonks exclaimed as they made their way to the front of the store, throwing necessary items into the trolley as they passed them.

'You'll be surprised at how many you go through.' Andromeda dropped a tub of nappy rash cream into the trolley as Tonks chose a set of dummies. 'Especially if she's anything like you.'

'So everyone keeps saying' Tonks muttered. 'You never know, she could be like Remus.'

As soon as his name left her mouth Tonks froze, suddenly unable to breathe. Lately she had been thinking of the baby as hers and only hers; she had completely forgotten about Remus and the fact that her daughter did have a father. She had moved out of their apartment for the baby. She was going to decorate the nursery and pick a name and give birth and Remus wasn't even here.

'Is Remus the dad?' Lena asked, her back turned to Tonks so that she failed to see her reaction.

Andromeda opened her mouth but Tonks shook her head, trying to regain control of her thoughts. 'Um. Yes.'

Lena glanced over her shoulder and frowned. 'You never talk about him.'

'He moved to Russia and he doesn't know and I'd like to keep it that way' Tonks said in a rush. Her heart beat erratically in her chest. 'It's okay. I don't need him anymore.'

It physically hurt Tonks to say it aloud, but she knew that she needed to. She wanted to scream and cry and throw a tantrum. She wanted to book a flight to Russia and press her face into Remus' chest. She wanted him to be by her side, buying nappies for their daughter.

More than anything, though, she wanted him to come back because he loved her.

Andromeda placed a hand on Tonks' lower back and gently began to guide her out of the aisle. Lena fell into step beside them and squeezed Tonks' arm, her smile soft and understanding.

'You're secrets safe with me' she whispered, winking, and Tonks couldn't help but smile back at her.

They found an employee to help with the cot and picked a new set of drawers and an easily adjusted changing table before making their way to the register. Tonks winced when she had to hand over her money but resigned herself to the fact that having a child on her own was going to cost a lot more than this shopping trip. Andromeda offered to pay for the cot but Tonks refused, feeling her cheeks warm.

She appreciated the gesture, and despite what she told herself she really wanted to accept it, but she was going to be a mother soon, and she wanted to buy these things even if it left her with no money in her account. She felt like she needed to buy this, even if it was just so that she could sit her daughter down one day and tell her that she had picked everything out herself.

They loaded Andromeda's car with what they could and left her to deliver it to Tonks' house. It was time for Tonks to treat herself, finally, and she could hardly contain the excitement she felt when she stepped into the store behind Lena. She sat heavily in the salon chair, leant her head back against the headrest and sighed, smiling over at Lena.

They were growing tiny little people inside of them. They deserved a goddamned break.


Sirius greeted Charlie with a hug, patting him on the back roughly. 'Weasley. You come back home after years of chasing lizards across the globe, invite me over for dinner and then leave me in the dark. What gives, man?'

Charlie laughed and moved forward to press a kiss to the top of Tonks' electric blue hair. 'You idiot. I only invite you because you're Tonksie's cousin.'

Sirius held a hand to his heart and scowled. 'You wound me, Weasley.' He glanced at Tonks lying spread across her couch and grinned cheekily. 'Blue hair equals boy, right?'

Tonks rolled her eyes but didn't avert her gaze from the TV. 'No. Blue hair means I fucking wanted blue hair.'

'So, no Sirius Junior then?'

'No way' Tonks answered. 'It's a girl. She's a girl.'

Charlie looked thoughtful. 'You could name her after me instead. Charlie is a unisex name.'

'Please' Tonks muttered. 'Like I'd name her after either of you.'

The baby began kicking and Tonks spread her fingers over the top of her stomach so that the baby could feel the palms of her hands. She hadn't given much thought to a name yet, only that she knew she would never name her something as horrendous as Nymphadora. She had considered including some part of her mother's name, but couldn't decided whether or not she actually liked it.

'Are you okay?' Sirius asked, sitting on the edge of the couch at her feet. 'You know. You were pretty keen for a boy.'

'It was a shock' Tonks admitted. 'But it doesn't mean I love her any less.'

'I can't believe it's a girl' Charlie exclaimed, his face alight. 'I mean, she'll be a little shit. But this is so exciting! Congratulations my love.'

Tonks laughed, deciding not to repeat her comment from earlier about how the baby could be exactly like Remus. It hurt too much to think that her daughter could look like him.

'It's Harry's birthday soon' Sirius said, changing the subject. 'The Dursley's are actually letting him stay with me. Probably because they don't want anything to do with his birthday. Also because they'd know I'd come to their house.'

Charlie scoffed. 'Why don't they just give you custody?'

'Petunia wouldn't give me the pleasure' Sirius spat. 'Plus, the courts don't generally agree to teenagers living with a murderer.'

'You were acquitted' Tonks sighed, feeling as though she had had this conversation with him a thousand times. 'It wasn't you, everyone knows that.'

'But people thought it was me' Sirius argued. 'It leaves a mark.'

'Wankers' Charlie muttered, hands on his hips. 'At least Harry will have a real birthday this year. He'll like spending time with you.'

'He can meet Siri' Sirius grinned. He poked Tonks' belly with one finger and then pulled it back as though he had been burnt. 'I don't reckon he's ever held a baby before.'

'She won't be named Siri, for starters,' Tonks said. 'Secondly, Harry barely even knows me. It might be a bit much, at first, to throw a baby at him.'

Tonks had only met Harry once, when she was a teenager. He'd been a little kid then, and Sirius had brought him around to show off. Tonks had given him a chocolate bar when Sirius wasn't looking and the three of them had spent the afternoon watching cartoons before he had to be taken home.

Sirius' face fell. 'Oh. Well, next time then. So you gonna give us a tour of this joint or just lay around in front of the telly all day?'

Tonks stuck her tongue out at Sirius and accepted Charlie's hand to help haul herself into an upright position. The baby wasn't too big yet, and she certainly wasn't as large as Lena, but her centre of balance was so off that she sometimes walked on a lean.

'Lounge' Tonks said, sweeping her hand around the room they were standing in. She pointed to the kitchen, which was directly ahead and easily seen because of the house's open floor plan. Tonks had easily fallen in love with the idea of a joint lounge and kitchen, believing that the lack of walls between the two rooms created good energy. 'Kitchen.'

She led them down the hallway, briefly showed them her messy bedroom before taking them to the nursery. The room she had picked was at the end of the hall, with a huge window facing the backyard and plenty of room for toys. The two bedrooms were close together, so Tonks would be able to hear the baby even if she didn't have a monitor.

'Nice' Sirius complimented as they stepped inside. 'Wow, mate. This looks great.'

The room was nowhere near complete, but Tonks adored it. Her dad had stopped by after lunch to set up the cot, and together they had pushed it against the longest wall. The changing table had gone next to it, and the set of drawers was placed on the wall facing the window, which Tonks planned to also hang with photos.

The carpet was charcoal and contrasted nicely against the white furniture. After she had washed them, Tonks had made the cot with the pink sheets and soft comforters she had picked up that morning. A single stuffed teddy sat in the corner, a gift from her parents.

'This is great' Charlie said, draping an arm over Tonks' shoulders. 'Hey, mum has an old rocking chair you could probably have. That would look nice by the window.'

'That would be amazing' Tonks gushed, trying to picture the room as finished. 'I'm gonna buy a small bookcase for her, too. So we can't sit and read in the sun.'

Charlie gave her shoulders a squeeze and then pulled back. 'Where's your loo?'

Tonks took Charlie back down the hall and showed him where the bathroom and toilet was. She heard her phone buzz from the lounge and went to find it, trying to be as quick as possible. She found it behind the cushions and just missed a call from Lena in all of her fumbling.

The toilet flushed and she heard the tap run. She unlocked her phone to call Lena back, but before she could dial the number a new message came through. Tonks felt her heart stop as she read, and didn't realise that Sirius and Charlie were back until Sirius touched her shoulder.

'Tonks?' he asked softly, pulling his hand away as she jumped in surprise. 'Everything okay?'

'Um, that was Lena' Tonks whispered, the air leaving her lungs in a rush. 'She tried to call but I missed it and so she sent me a text and now… and now….'

'Lena?" Charlie said. 'Who's Lena?'

'My friend' Tonks explained. Her hands were shaking as she clutched her phone to her chest. 'She just went into labour.'

'Oh wow' Sirius said, grinning. 'That's awesome. Tell her congrats.'

'No' Tonks said, shaking her head. She could feel cold dread settle in her stomach as she met Sirius' gaze. 'No. She's only 32 weeks.'

She felt like her world was spinning. Lena had been fine when they were shopping, despite the fake contraction, and had been even more energised after her manicure than Tonks had been with her new hair. Unless the fake contraction hadn't been fake at all, and they had laughed off a potentially serious incident. Tonks' stomach churned and the baby kicked as though it could feel her distress.

Charlie paused, his brow furrowed. Sirius lifted a shoulder in question, not entirely sure what she was getting at. Tonks redialled Lena and brought the phone to her ear, not breaking eye contact with Sirius to try and calm herself down.

'You give birth at 40 weeks, Sirius. Her baby isn't ready to come out yet.'