Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes, I managed to finish. But right now, before I or you do anything else, you need to know: it's incredibly screwed up. It's both anticlimactic, nonsensical to the point where flying pastries of doom are hitting Zetsu, and just very…in pieces. I don't like it. I mean, it's amusing, but not my best work. So stick with me, even when I make no sense.

Speaking of making no sense, there is a point in which I became rather fed up with reality, and come in as the author and mess with the plotline. I know this isn't what you're looking for in this fanficiton, but I kept it in anyway. Hannah is a friend of mine who was over at the time, so you know. At least it's only a paragraph or so.

Also, there are a fair few inside jokes in here, I will explain them all at the end I promise. Except one, which I shall explain briefly now- the good/dead log is kind of taken from Naruto Abridged, which you should go look up right now. I mean after you read this, come back. Oh, yeah, and if you've never been, Quizno's is a sandwich place.

Alright. Read it, I don't own anything except that one checkers set that doesn't come back anyway.

I'mnotlisteninglalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

For the next few days, Itachi couldn't look Kisame in the face. Kisame had no idea why. Zetsu continued to stare at Luna, although he didn't know why.

He had confirmed that eating her was a bad idea.

Deidara had been lectured endlessly on being the boy who cried… um…. Man eating plant, even though he pleaded innocent over and over again. Which he was. But that doesn't stop Itachi anyway.

Luna remained blissfully unaware of anything odd going on, because.

Lettuce tripped over a dead log, a skateboard and two cats.

The only good log is a dead log.

"You know," Luna said suddenly, one night as she and Itachi were sitting on the loveseat again, this time reading. (Luna was reading a muggle romance novel and Itachi was reading one of Deidara's magazines. Incidentally, the romance was also Deidara's.) "You never told me. Did you find out who Kisame was seeing?"

"Well, I saw her, but I didn't get more than a name. I didn't stay long."

Luna nodded. "How did it go?" she asked, closing her book. (With a finger where she had stopped, so as not to lose it.)

Itachi shook his head. "He is a complete embarrassment. He can't talk to her coherently, and is the farthest thing from charming."

"Hmm." Luna frowned pensively.

"What?"

"Well, shouldn't we…help him or something?"

Itachi didn't particularly care whether Kisame got a girlfriend or not. "You can help him."

Luna tilted her head. "Well, you don't have to help, but at least don't mess it up."

Itachi grunted.

"Itachi?"

"Fine. I won't mess it up."

"Thank you."

Tomorrow, Kisame was supposed to meet Lettuce in the park. And he was at a thorough loss as to how he was going to survive without doing something embarrassing, or driving Lettuce off in some bizarre way.

There was a knocking sound outside his room, he turned to the doorway and saw Luna standing outside the cave entrance. "Can I come in?" she asked.

He nodded, although he had no idea what she could want.

She sat herself down on a wooden chair he'd picked up once, he didn't know why, he just liked it.

"So," Luna said. "Can you tell me anything about her?"

Kisame choked a bit.

"What are you talking about?" he said defensively, a blush creeping over his cheeks.

Luna's eyes widened. "Your girlfriend," She said as though it were nothing but a word.

Kisame had to sit down, to keep his legs from giving way. Enormous chakra reserves don't help at times like these. He didn't say anything a moment, just stared at her frustratedly. "What girlfriend." He decided on finally.

"Oh, is she not your girlfriend yet?" Luna asked apologetically. "I'm sorry, I assumed…"

Kisame continued his frustrated stare. What was this girl?

"…She's not my girlfriend." He told her.

"Yet," Luna finished for him, although he had not been intending to say it. "Does she like you, though?"

Kisame kicked the floor a bit. "I don't know. We hang out and stuff, so I guess it's not like she hates me."

"There you are, a place to start." Luna nodded encouragingly.

"How do I finish, then."

Luna shrugged. "There's only one way to find out; play the game."

Kisame gave her a funny look, but when she simply stared back at him, unblinking, he gave up. Truth was, he could use all the help he could get.

"Tell me the rules."

Luna smiled. "Step one, get to know her. You are indeed(e) already on step one. Step two would be telling her how you feel. From there you wing it."

Kisame was at a loss for words.

Well, that ended quickly.

"That doesn't help me!" He groaned. "I'm not telling her anything, I act like a dork around her. Help me with that."

Luna shrugged. "Alright. Next time you see her, I'll come too."

"What?"

"With Itachi. We'll make it a double date." She swung her legs happily at the thought. "I'll stop you from acting like a dork."

"You'll stop me from acting like a dork?" Kisame snorted, his eyes straying to the odd necklace she wore, clumsily made from soda caps. (Well, butterbeer caps, but Kisame doesn't know that.")

Luna didn't seem to notice. (Well, she did, but she's very used to it.) "Yes, that way you will be more at ease."

Kisame groaned. But it didn't change the fact that now Luna and Itachi were scheduled to attend the next date.

"Shall we tag along?" finished Luna, proposing her plan to Itachi, who looked un-amused.

"Shall we not?"

"You don't want to go?" Luna frowned. "Why not?"

"Because Kisame's an embarrassment to humanity. I'm not actually sure he's human, though…"

"Please, let's go, I want to meet her, and besides, I like parks." Luna sat down beside Itachi, which was very close as he was sitting in an armchair.

"We'll go to the park anytime, just not with Kisame and his date."

"Please?"

Itachi cursed and consented.

And so, without fail, tomorrow arrived. And not a moment to soon, as Kisame was about to burst from anxiety.

He was, at the moment, pacing around, as sitting still subjected himself to Luna's comb, and she seemed to think that he should wear his hair sticking out to the sides. Because Luna just isn't the best person to ask for fashion advise. No offense, Luna, you're great, but there are times when one needs to look… normal.

Itachi was reading the romance Luna had finished determinedly, until Luna finally announced that they ought to head out.

Taking Luna's hand, Itachi followed the other two through the forest and Kisame brought them to the park that was his and Lettuce's rendezvous location.

Waiting on a park bench was a timid looking girl with long braids, playing with her handbag in a nervous fashion. Luna could tell that this was the girl they were meeting, because Kisame was blushing, and Itachi was groaning quietly.

Lettuce looked up. Kisame blushed a little more, but Luna prodded him from behind so he wouldn't stop. So he walked up to her, and cleared his throat nervously.

"Um, Hello, Lettuce."

"Hello," She said, her eyes flitting from Kisame to the two strangers behind him.

"This is Itachi, and Luna." Kisame introduced them, wishing they hadn't come after all.

"Friends of yours?" Lettuce asked shyly, (wow that's spelled weird.) and Kisame nodded hesitantly.

"Sort of."

Itachi frowned. "Luna, can't we leave."

"Later." She replied, squeezing his hand. She then approached Lettuce. "Hello," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Luna Lovegood. I hope you don't mind our intrusion, we simply wanted to meet you." She smiled her faraway smile, and Lettuce smiled back.

"It's…It's ok," she said, taking Luna's hand. "Um, pleased to meet you, Luna, I'm Lettuce Midorikawa."

"So, what should we do?" Kisame asked, once introductions were over. No one seemed to have any Ideas, except for Itachi, who suggested they leave. Luna waved that one aside.

"Well," said Lettuce finally. "We could just go somewhere for lunch."

Luna nodded. "Let's do that."

Itachi began to object, but Luna grabbed his hand and shut him up. Please use your imagination.

Lettuce seemed to think she was intruding, so she struck up a conversation with a now incredibly nervous Kisame.

"Where would you like to eat?" she asked him, trying her hardest not to pay attention to Luna and Itachi.

"I don't know, um, I don't really mind, whatever you'd like."

"Oh, no, really, I insist." Lettuce told him hurriedly.

"Let's just get sandwiches." Said Itachi, considerably better tempered now that he'd gotten what he'd come for. Not that he wouldn't mind more.

"Is that okay with you?" Kisame asked Lettuce, who nodded.

Luna smiled. "Then it's decided," She said, and still holding Itachi's hand, led the group along to the nearest…um…Quiznos. I don't know if they have Quiznos in Japan, but I don't particularly care right now. There just was one, okay?

Zetsu was staring at the partly painted wall, lost in his own thoughts. Eating Luna didn't work. But every time he looked at her, he still felt like he wanted to eat her. Or have her, or something. But being Zetsu and extremely dense in the area of relationships, he had absolutely no idea what to do about it. And so it was that Deidara sat down next to him.

Then, random hot guy no. one popped up and Hannah went 'squeeee' and they rode off into the sunset.

Deidara stared.

"Um… what just happened?" he asked Zetsu nervously.

"Random guy no. one popped up and rode off into the sunset with Hannah." Zets1 replied in monotone.

"Who's Hannah…?"

"Don't bother. Stephanie's messing with the script again."

"…Oh."

There was silence. Stephanie got irritated, and a flaming pastry of doom hit Zetsu in the face. Well, hit Zets2. Zets1 laughed.

"What the- GAH." Zets2 swore, and Zets1 gasped mockingly.

Deidara was doubled over with laughter. Then a croquet mallet fell from the sky and hit him.

Deidara threw clay at Stephanie who shut up all quick-like.

"So…" Deidara began the scripted dialogue. "Zetsu."

"Yeah?" Zets2 spat, still disgruntled form the whole flying pastry of doom thing. Zets1 was still giggling.

"You know, Itachi is still breathing down my neck about telling him you were eating Luna." Deidara glared at him a little bit, despite how stupid he looked with the burning pastry stuck to half his face.
"I thought you didn't want me to eat her." Zets1 said.

"Why didn't you just stop me yourself?" Zets2 added, now attempting to eat said flaming pastry of doom.

"Um…I was out of clay." Deidara improvised, although he kept a store in his room at all times for emergencies.

Zetsu shrugged.

"So you aren't going to eat her, right?" Deidara asked.

"Not gonna eat her." Zets2 said.

"…Maybe." Zets1 said.

"Wait, come on, we weren't going to eat her, right?" Zets2 told him.

"Yeah, but…"

"Don't eat her, okay?" Deidara said, picking up the croquet mallet that had fallen on the floor.

"…"

"Okay?" Deidara fingered the mallet ominously, and Stephanie wondered if she oughtn't to have left it lying around.

"Okay." Zetsu confirmed, mostly to himself. "…"

"Yea?" Deidara asked, picking up on the dot dot dot.

"Then what do I do?"

"Huh?"

"If I don't eat her, what do I do?"

"I don't know, eat someone else, or do us all a favor and starve."

Zetsu scowled and flicked some flaky remnants of a certain flaming pastry in Deidara's direction. He was ignored.

"What do you mean," Deidara said after a minute. "What do you do?"

Zetsu looked over at him. "Well, what do I do if I don't eat her?"

"You said that. I still don't get it."

"…I still feel like eating her. So why can't I eat her?"

"Because you don't want her eaten?"

"Don't be silly, people exist to be eaten."

Deidara was silenced by that remark.

"Besides," Zets2 continued. "It's not exactly the same hunger."

"…The same hunger as what?"

"You know, the usual hunger. It's…different."

Deidara thought for a minute, looked back over at Zetsu. "Are you sure you don't like her?"

"I never said I didn't like her. Well, I've never tasted her, so I don't actually know, but…"

"No, no," Deidara interrupted impatiently. "Like like her."

Zetsu stared at her blankly. Deidara groaned. "Please tell me you know what I'm talking about."

"Lacking the slightest clue."

Deidara considered this for a minute, lips pursed. Zets1 watched as Deidara tried to find words, and zets2 got distracted by a fly. Which once again looks really weird, because it's like he's got the evil eye. Although I think Itachi's eyes might be the evilest.

"Well…" Deidara began. "It's like… an attraction between two people…"

"Like you and Sasori?"

Deidara fell off the couch.

"No! Nothing like that!" he protested furiously as he got back up. "That was completely different!"

"But-"

"I respected him! Respected him! That's different!!!!" Deidara finalized heatedly. Zetsu shrugged. "Anyhow," Deidara continued. "It's more than that. Love is…" He searched for a word, and Zetsu supplied

"Irritating? Time consuming? Completely useless?"

And was completely ignored.

Deidara gave up. I mean, can you describe love? I don't know if Deidara can, but I can't.

"I don't know, it's…nice, I guess." He ended up saying.

"Okay…" Zets2 said.

"What then?" Zets1 interrupted.

"What when…?"

"You know, what do you do about it?" Zetsu said.

Deidara kind of choked, before realizing he didn't have to go that far into this. So he shrugged. "That's up to you. Most people get to know who they have feelings for, then get into stuff like holding hands or kissing."

Zetsu contemplated this a minute, and Deidara thought maybe he was in the clear, before Zetsu said, "What's kissing?"

Deidara gaped at him. He couldn't deal with this. Zetsu was the most ignorant git on the surface of this earth. At his age, he had no idea what kissing was? (I have no idea how old Zetsu is. But he's old enough, I should think.) "You are unbelievable." He told Zetsu.

Zetsu seemed to realize he was being insulted, but didn't respond. "Well, you know, don't you?" he said instead.

"Course I know!" Deidara nearly shouted. "There's not a blubbering idiot on the planet who doesn't know!"

Zetsu grabbed the mallet from Deidara's startled grip and whacked him on the back of his head. Which made Deidara respond in such a way that Zetsu had a large bruise on him flytrap the rest of the week.

"You're not going to tell me, are you," Muttered a sulky Zetsu.

"Hell no."

"Well then I'm never going to know." Zetsu made a pouty face. Deidara argued with himself, because he could either keep silent as a punishment for Zetsu not knowing already, or fix the fact that he didn't know already. Deidara was more used to punishing things, but if he kept quiet then I'd be stuck so he threw a DVD at Zetsu, which, rather non-coincidentally, hit his large bruise.

"Oww! What was that for!!?" Zetsu cursed, picking up the DVD from where it had fallen.

"Watch the DVD. There's kissing on that." Deidara did, however, fail to mention why he had such a thing. (Well, it's really the same as why he has romance novels.)

And so, because conveniently enough for me and the plot the room was once again unusually bare, Zetsu put the DVD into the suddenly there DVD player, and played the televised version of a romance novel Deidara had read at least five times.

Deidara lost patience with Zetsu asking when the kissing started about five minutes in and fast-forwarded.

"Look! Look!!!" Zetsu pointed triumphantly. "They do eat each other!!"

which earned him a pillow in the face. "They're not eating each other, it's called kissing."

Zetsu looked back and forth from Deidara and the couple on the screen. "But they're eating each other."

"No, they're not."

"See, look, he bit her lip."

"That's…urgh. It's kissing, okay?"

"…" Zetsu studied the screen. "You might be right."

"I am."

"So kissing is just mushing your mouths together?" Zetsu wrinkled his nose.

"Um…well, yeah, when you put it that way…"

"That's kind of disturbing."

"It's not really."

"What, how would you know?"

"I'll have you know I've kissed plenty of girls."

"What, no boys?"

Deidara threw the pillow at him so hard that even the pillow had a bruise for the next month. (Note- it is a pillow, meaning you have to throw it pretty darn hard just to get it to sting a bit.) (okay, I would like to point out now that in this fanficiton, Deidara has fallen for Luna and is therefore not gay. Don't get your hopes up, it was just teasing. Dianna.)

"You've got something, just there," Itachi said fondly, (O.o) gesturing towards Luna's nose. Which was at the moment topped with whipped cream from the sundae she had ordered. Yes, they had finished their sandwiches and had moved on to ice cream.

Luna blushed a bit, and reached up to wipe it off, but Itachi stopped her. He reached over and licked it off himself. (Yeah. Cliché if you wish, but it was too good a chance to pass up.)

Kisame sat, watching frustratedly and wondering why he couldn't be that smooth. (lol smooth Itachi.) Lettuce was watching as well, although out of the corner of her eye, she would never admit to intruding on such a personal moment. And her lack of attention explains why her spoon slipped and the ice cream stained her blouse.

"I- oh!" she blushed apologetically, and Kisame looked over. "Do you have a napkin or something?"

"Yeah- one minute-"

He reached over to the deserted table next to theirs and grabbed a small stack from the dispenser. Luna had stopped to watch as well, much to the dismay of Itachi, who had been working his way down to her lips. (If this were his world, he'd be there already.)

Try as they might, Lettuce and Kisame could not take all of the stain out with napkins and water. (Well, I mean, come on. Have you ever tried?)

Now, we all know Luna could have waved her wand and presto there'd be nothing on Lettuce's blouse, but she had other plans.

"I'm so sorry," Lettuce apologized. "But I really should get home and soak this in something." She stood up to leave, and Luna got up to whisper in Kisame's ear. You know, I always thought of Kisame as just having little holes in his head for ears… I honestly can't remember if he actually has ears.

"You ought to accompany her," Luna told him. (No reference intended, although…) "That way you can tell her you like her."

"But…" Kisame whispered back. "She can't like me, what's the point any way?"

"No, she likes you," Luna assured him. "You can see it in the way she looks about you."

Kisame hesitated a moment. "You sure?"

"Positive."

Luna sat back down, and Itachi raised an eyebrow to indicate he wanted to know what she'd said. Luna took his hand and didn't say anything.

Kisame, however, spoke up. "Ah, I could walk you, if you like," he offered, and Lettuce looked up from where she had been taking her bag off the corner of the chair. She seemed to argue with herself, and if you must know, she was arguing between saying no so as not to trouble him or take him up on the offer. And because it's no fun if she says no, she said

"I'd like that."

And blushed.

Luna watched as Kisame escorted Lettuce outside.

"What was the point of that?" Itachi asked.

"Alone time."

"Them or us?"

"Both, Itachi, both."

Kisame and Lettuce, having a hard time coming up with a topic, walked in an uncomfortable silence down the road, and Kisame found himself watching the way she moved. Every once and a while she'd look up at him, and he'd look away quickly.

And when Kisame could no longer take the awkward silence, he asked, "So… do you live in town?"

She nodded. "Yes, it's actually not far from here, no more than three blocks. You?"

"It's…a little ways off the beaten path." He replied.

And sure enough, they came across a quaint sort of cottage (she lives on her own by now) into the gate of which Lettuce guided them. Instead of departing at her door, as both had anticipated, Lettuce ended up inviting him in.

Kisame sat on a couch as Lettuce disappeared into her bedroom to change. He let his eyes wander around her living room, which had a few old newspaper clippings pinned to a corkboard, a small television, plenty of windows, and a coffee table.

Lettuce came out from down the hall, wearing a sea green long-sleeve shirt instead of the light pink blouse she had been sporting. Kisame thought it looked quite becoming, but then again, he thought that about her entire wardrobe. She walked over to sit on the couch alongside him.

"Er…you look nice." Kisame commented awkwardly.

"Thanks…" Lettuce seemed unsure how to react, and Kisame didn't have a clue either. So they sat, fidgeting quietly, until they both started at the same time.

"Um-"

"You go first."

"No, go ahead, it's not-"

"No, really, I insist..!"

Lettuce hesitated, and looked down. "It's just…um…"

"Hm?" Kisame prompted.

Lettuce mumbled something unintelligibly.

"I'm sorry," Kisame told her. "I didn't hear."

"I…like you."

Kisame didn't say anything a minute.

"…A lot."

Kisame stayed silent, just taking it in.

Lettuce stuttered. "I mean, it- it's okay, if you don't, you know, like me back, but-"

She was cut off, as Kisame had reached over and hugged her. "S'okay." He mumbled. "I like you too."

Can I take a moment, please, to say that I apologize for the lack-of-adorable in the last scene. But I simply refuse to make Kisame and Lettuce's scene anywhere near as cute as Luna and Itachi's, because this is still their fanficiton. I like to keep my main characters where they are. So, that's why it's not as good as it could have been.

Itachi and Luna ended up walking back towards the park, stopping because Luna liked the swings. And, because surely we can't pass up the chance, Itachi stationed himself behind her and proceeded to push her. (I can find no elegant way to put that.)

"Makes you remember, doesn't it." Luna sighed.

"What does?"

"Kisame and Lettuce. All through lunch I kept remembering when we used to have coffee together." Luna stared off into the distance, her hair flying out behind her.

"Mmmm." Itachi had, of course, been remembering the same, although he didn't say.

"Do you think it will work out between them?" she asked, as she came back towards him.

Itachi shrugged. "It might."

"Well, surely they have more chance than we did, and look where we are now," Luna laughed a bit, remembering the ever-present scowl she had gotten used to so long ago.

"I don't know," Itachi sighed. He caught her, swing and all, in his arms. "Lettuce isn't half as pretty as you."

"Hi, Luna!"

"Hello, Tobi," Luna greeted the excitable Tobi. "How are you?"

"Spiffing! You?" (Yes, I know Tobi probably wouldn't say 'spiffing' but I really, really, really wanted to make him say it.)

"Never better." Luna replied contentedly. "How's the spore toad?"

Low and behold, a few weeks ago, Tobi had indeed(e) found himself and African spore toad. It was half the size of a pinky nail, and the exact shade of lucency sported by a species of mushroom Tobi had found months ago, infact, it was back in part 2. (That's right, go back and read it… vous ha ha ha!) (vous ha ha is my very evil laugh. The kind of evil laugh is moi ha ha.)

"Holding out well, I put it in a larger jar because it looked so cramped in the other one." Tobi told her, although if you ask me he was being silly as the previous jar had a diameter of 8" anyhow for just one small spore toad.

"Have you decided what to feed it?"

"No, but it responds to Darjeeling tea."

"Hmm, really? I heard they prefer a soft jasmine…"

"We'll have a tea party for the spore toad!" Tobi suggested happily.

"I don't think it would be able to tell we were having a party," Luna said thoughtfully. "I haven't ever known one to notice it's surroundings extensively."

"Yes, then, we could have a tea party anyway."

"But we just had one the other day!"

"And it was fun!"

"It was," Luna agreed.

Nobody said anything for a bit, until Tobi said something.

"How did you get Zetsu and Deidara to have a tea party with you anyway?" he asked.

Luna thought back. "Well, I was drinking tea, and Zetsu came in, and I asked him if he wanted any, and then Itachi showed up and joined us, and then Deidara did too."

Tobi was quiet a minute. (Which never happens. Kind of like Itachi beaming… lol part 6.)

"Why was Zetsu in you room?"

"What?"

"Why was Zetsu in your room?" Tobi repeated, being the good spy he is.

Luna opened her mouth to answer, but found she did not know. "I'm sure I don't know," She said in an airily surprised tone.

"Zetsu has been acting suspicious lately." Tobi mentioned, having noticed, because ever since part one he decided he was a spy and therefore had to watch the Akatsuki more closely. He misses loads of stuff but somehow ends up with important stuff, I guess that's part of being a good spy. 'Sides. It helps the plot.

"Suspicious?" Luna asked. "How?"

"He stares at you greedily."

Luna didn't answer right away. "Oh," was all she said.

Later that evening, Luna was contemplating what Tobi had said. She thought it a bit far-fetched that Zetsu had any attraction to her, or anyone, for that matter, but she supposed it was worth keeping an eye on him.

Speaking of which, at the moment he was reading one of Deidara's magazines. Which was unusual for Zetsu, who was usually reading two of them. Deidara was glaring at him, having still not gotten over Zetsu's poking fun at him. Konan was flipping through a magazine of… gasp her own, being the only Akatsuki member besides Deidara to bother with them. Although she only got once a month subscriptions and threw them away right after she read them, instead of collecting them like Deidara. In case you are wondering, the mailman does not come up to the cave and drop of the magazine, that would be pretty dumb because then everyone could find you. They had a mailbox in the middle of the woods with a path running towards it so the mailman could find it. It was a pain getting to, but safer. Now I forget what I was talking about. Let's see…ok.

Luna relieved her glance from the Akatsuki members lingering in the lounge, and back to the fire. She really ought to head back to her room, chances were she'd be late for when Itachi came to visit her like he had done so many nights before.

Zets2, deeply engrossed in an article on a war in wheretheheckistan, was roused at long last.

"Psst!" Zets1 hissed at him. "She's leaving!"

"Yeah, one minute…" Zets2 mumbled, not really paying attention even though I described him as roused a paragraph or two ago.

"No, now." Zets1 batted the magazine out of Zets2's hand, which probably looked really funny. Take a moment to think about that- heheh.

"What? Oh, yes."

Zetsu got up, and being all quiet and attracting no attention, as Konan didn't care and Deidara was now looking pointedly away from him.

Or that's what he thought.

Itachi reached up to knock on the familiar door that led to Luna and the night ahead to share, but it fell open at his touch. She usually kept it locked when she was in, so maybe she wasn't there. He let himself in anyway. Confirmed, she was out. He thought maybe he'd wait, or possibly go find her. She was probably in the Lounge, if not in that ridiculous cave (that once saved her from being found fatally, Itachi.) or out on a walk. Thinking of how much trouble it would be if she was out on a walk and got lost, he noticed her wand lying on the bedside stand that held a moving photograph of her father and the familiar chess-rook castle they had lived in. if she got lost without her wand, then he really would have to go find her. He supposed he had better go see if she was just in the lounge after all.

He turned to leave. On second thought, he turned and brought her wand. If she was going to take a walk, she might as well bring it. (Even though she wasn't. Itachi is simply getting caught up in thoughts. He's so protective, isn't he. Awww.)

Rounding a bend on the (oh yes,) long and winding road that lead from the lounge to Luna's door, Itachi stopped. He had to do a quick double take, because what he was seeing didn't make all that much sense. Luna was cornered by a…planty-looking Zetsu (that's where I usually insert an adjective but I couldn't think of one.), who was, apparently, attempting to...

No one kisses Luna but Itachi. (And possibly her father. But that's a different sort of kiss.) And that was all that was running through Itachi's head.

Wand, wand, where was her wand? Duh, she'd left it back on her bedstand. How could she be so dumb? She'd gotten so accustomed to the Akatsuki that she had forgotten she was living with a bunch of murderers. Or molesters, as the case seemed to be.

Wait, there was her wand, but oddly enough it was being hurled through the air, knocking Zetsu over. (A stick of wood.) Ducking over a dazed Zetsu, she bent down and picked up her wand. She looked over at who had thrown it, all though she had a notion she knew who it was. She was not disappointed, as Itachi stood seething in the hallway. She had seen him this angry on the rare occasion, the most memorable of which being the time those long months ago when Kisame had tried to kill her. And, if you as the good readers who don't read chapters out of order remember properly, Itachi is incredibly angry. (Well, come on.)

Just then, to outline how incredibly weak this climax is, a few butterflies fluttered by, landing on Zetsu. Because he is a large plant and butterflies land on plants. I think. But no, they landed on him because they weren't really butterflies.

"Katsu!" Came a voice from around a corner in the opposite direction from where Itachi had come.

"Crap." Muttered Zetsu, shutting his flytrap with a snap, his curse lost in the clamor of the explosion. Itachi, utterly bewildered, was joined quickly by a rather stunned Luna. (Well you would be too.) Itachi clasped protective arms around her, which she gratefully received.

And they stood back to watch as Zetsu, burned but not fatally wounded, not really wounded much at all, they were small butterflies and his flytrap is awesome and protective-like, got really annoyed at my incredibly stupid run on sentence. And so I simply shot another flaming pastry of doom at him. He dodged it, the ass.

"What were you doing!" Deidara howled at him.

"You said I should!"

"Did not!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow accusingly at Deidara. "You planned this little adventure?"

"I didn't!" Deidara spat frustratedly. "Zestu's the idiot!"

"Dunno about that." Zetsu muttered. Deidara pretended not to hear.

"Luna, could you please…?"

"I'm on it."

In about the time it takes to utter a few words a wave a stick, Deidara and Zetsu both had been silenced and body binded.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're both to blame." Itachi frowned. "Deidara, what am I going to do with you, this is the second time."

Deidara mouthed furiously what looked like words inappropriate for this fanficiton, while Zetsu struggled in vain to close his flytrap.

And because this plot has really gone to the dogs, kind of like question 69 on the evil questionnaire, at this point Kisame walked in, whistling.
He stopped, and stared at the odd scene. "Um…what?" He said.

Nobody answered, so he shrugged. "Kay then. Guess I don't want to know anyway."

"How'd it go?" Luna asked suddenly, as there was nothing Zetsu or Deidara could do anyhow and she might as well ask.

Kisame simply grinned and walked away.

"That's good," Luna said happily. "I'm glad he made it."

"It didn't say anything," Itachi said, rather charly-the-unicorn-esque, because as far as he's concerned Kisame and magical leopluradons have about the same brain capacity.

"That's okay," Luna assured him. "You can tell by how he looks."

Itachi shook his head. "How is there a difference?"

"Well," Luna said, smiling at him, "you look different than back when I had just met you."

Itachi grinned. "You're jut as beautiful as when I met you."

Luna blushed.

The two walked off happily, the two gagged and bound prisoners slipping from their mind.

They ended up sitting there, glaring at each other in silence, until Konan found them and dragged them into the lounge so everyone could laugh at them. Which had nothing to do with revenge, she just thought they looked funny.

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And that's where I end it because I can't think of a better ending. Now I swear I'm going to explain every inside joke there is in there.

'lol, smooth Itachi' is a joke between Dianna and I because back in part three, Itachi suddenly becomes all smooth right before he kisses Luna, with the confident pick up lines and such. So yes that's what it is.

'no reference intended' refers too (that sounds funny) the song 'you'll accomp'ny me' that Dianna enjoys (I like it too) by Bob Segar.

Wheretheheckistan is taken from Jim Benton, producer of Just Jimmy, Franny K. Stein, the most well known 'happy bunny' and my favorite, 'Dear Dumb Diary.' Taken actually from Dear Dumb Diary. I always thought it sounded funny. Anyhow, it's his, not mine, and that's where I got it from. Go read the books, they're hilarious.

Let it be known to the world that I didn't come up with the brilliant boomful butterflies. I read about them (lol Hermione) in Rockcrab's fan fiction, Deidara and Tobi. I was told I could use them, so I did. I like them.

The evil questionnaire, yes yes. Very evil indeede. Actually it's incredibly amusing, but still. A friend of mine, sophie, wrote it, (I helped a little, but I don't like to take credit for it because the stuff she wrote is pretty perverted.) it consists of questions that range from nonsensical, my favorite being (No. 27- what is your answer?) to incredibly perverted, I refuse to copy any of them down. but I have made many a friend take the quiz, so I havea out six or seven answers under each of the fifty questions. It's awesome yet EVIL.

Charly the unicorn? If you don't know who charly the unicorn is, I beg of thee to visit youtube and look it up. It's the only way. (It's short.)

Incase it sounded suspicious, Zetsu didn't actually manage to kiss Luna. And I know there was much lack of detail on position and emotion with Luna and Zetsu, but I was blanking and didn't want to deal with it. please just imagine what you think the scene would have been like, because I can't think right now.

And yes, finally the topic that I'm sure you're on tiptoes about, 'lol part six.'

Why did I put that there, huh? Didn't I say this would be the end?

I LIED!!!!!!!!

Part six is already written. All the way. It's much better than this, it's got a thought-out plot, plenty of adorable, and it's illustrated… although you won't really get to see those unless you know Dianna. It was her birthday present, I'll get into that more when I post.

But that means there's one more.

But that one really will be the last, it was designed to wrap up the series happily. And it did. I am insanely proud of it, and I always feel like I'm boasting about it. which I really am. Forgive me…

Anyway, please review, I may not post part six if I don't think anybody read this… (empty threat)

If Dianna says post it I'll post it. it's hers. She told me I could, but I thought maybe since it'll be the last I could persuade some reflections out of you people.

Anyway, bye for now. You haven't heard the last of me…