summary: replacement sequel. baby sitting is a pain in the aft -- even when your charge is being disturbingly well behaved.

disclaimer: i doubt i'll get transformers for christmas. i definitely don't own them now. and my favorite running joke means i'm back to disclaiming christmas music.

warnings: transformer and human swearing (still)

Replacement: Roads -- Directions

Ironhide did not so much as twitch when something tapped gently against his hubcap. He'd known Scorponok was there, expected him to show up. In fact the Decepticon -- former Decepticon, he reminded himself -- was the reason he was here and not at the Lennoxs'.

So he was expecting the tap, was in fact expecting more than a tap -- Scorponok usually didn't care what form his victim was in and his usual method of greeting another transformer was to climb on him. "Timid" was not a term Ironhide had ever associated with Scorponok, either in the vorns that they'd been enemies or the four months since he'd "adopted" Optimus. But "timid" was an accurate description for the Decepticon drone now -- after the tap he'd scuttled away from the truck and Ironhide could see his back sets of legs were dug into the dry grass and soil. Scorponok was ready to flee.

Which confused Ironhide, but he chose not to make an issue of it. It was a slagging good thing the 'Con feared him as far as he was concerned. So he just dropped his tailgate and said, "What in the Pit are you waiting for, bug?"

Scorponok crept toward the big black truck and timidly -- timid still -- climbed into Ironhide's truck bed, careful not to so much as scratch his paint -- another consideration very out of character for the 'Con. Once settled, he crouched into a defensive pose making himself as small as possible. Grumbling, Ironhide stared his engine, switched his sound system to the CD he'd borrowed fro Will, and headed back to the Lennoxs' -- about an hour and a half drive from his current location. Scorponok just sat there in his little defensive huddle.

Three days ago he'd gotten a transmission from Optimus. Ratchet had picked up an Autobot signal, approaching Earth, broadcasting his identi-code. His trajectory put him landing in eastern Canada, well away from California and Nevada, where the Autobots had settled in. Prime had been closest -- on his way back from a meeting with Defense Secretary Keller -- as well as Dr. Jackson and Scorponok.

Prime'd thought it better to postpone the meeting between the new Autobot and the Decepticon defector until more controlled circumstances, and sent the drone to Ironhide while he and Dr. Jackson went and met the newcomer. He'd very specifically told Ironhide, "He knows he has to behave. You will not threaten or harm him unless he threatens you or Captain Lennox and his family. And you will both be in one piece when I get there or you had better have a good reason why not.

So he'd borrowed a couple of CDs full of "Christmas music" -- it being the beginning of April and no where near Christmas -- in the hopes that the music would keep the -- usually rambunctious -- little fragger quiet for the drive. After that he wasn't sure what the was going to do with the bug. He wanted to just drop Scorponok someplace out of his way and hope they could ignore each other until Prime came, but he had a responsibility, as an Autobot and because Prime'd said the fragging little defector would be protected, to make sure the 'Con was supervised.

Which meant putting up with the slagging bug's antics. Without shooting him.

Scorponok hadn't moved from his defensive huddle the entire time and made no noise, meaningful or otherwise. Ironhide wasn't sure whether it was the music or his newly developed fear that kept the drone quiet. He wasn't sure he cared.

Will was waiting in front of the house with the garage door open when he pulled up. Ironhide was pleased to note that his bonded and their sparkling were no where in range of his sensors. And that Will had an anti-tank gun slung over his shoulder. He pulled into the garage and once Will had closed the door, he dropped his tailgate.

"Down bug."

Still displaying that out of character timidness, Scorponok climbed down and hunkered into that same defensive pose.

"Hey, 'Hide." Will strode from the garage door controls, around Ironhide, giving him a pat on the hood in greeting. "Glad you're back. I sent Sarah and Anna out to dinner. Figured if we were going to have a problem, it'd be better if they weren't here. Are we going to have a problem?" The question was had, cold, and directed at Scorponok.

Who pulled himself lower to the concrete floor, almost cowering away from the human, optics on Ironhide, and scraped to armor plates together to make the sound Will himself had established as a negative answer when talking to Scorponok. Will's brow furrowed a bit.

"Christ, 'Hide. What did you say to him?"

"Nothing." Why did Lennox assume it was his fault? Besides it wasn't like it was a slagging bad thing if the 'Con was a bit scared.

"Not sure I believe you." Will stepped closer to run a gentle hand over a cool claw-cannon, obviously trying to sooth the bug. It was too close and Ironhide tensed on his axles. Scorponok flinched.

Lennox sighed. "Hey, look at me." He tapped a panel of the 'Con's armor. Six red optics shifted minutely to focus on the human rather than the big, black Topkick. "You can't stay where you are -- when Sarah gets home she'd gonna want to park her car in that spot -- so we can either put a tarp up in the backyard, or we can park 'Hide in the driveway."

Ironhide growled at the thought of giving up his comfortable spot to a Decepticon and didn't even notice the way Scorponok scuttled a few feet further away from him. Or the way Will glowered at him.

Skirr-click, was bug's timid answer.

"Backyard it is." He went and opened the garage door enough for Scorponok to crawl out -- which he did fragging fast -- but not enough for Ironhide to follow. Not that that could stop him if he decided to follow. Ironhide was perfectly capable of transmitting the short radio code to open the door himself. Without a word he closed the big door and went in the human-sized door to the house.

Alone, Ironhide got the distinct impression Will was mad at him. Which confused him. Fraggit, he hadn't done anything. He kept sensor on both Scorponok and Will as Will set up the tarp to keep Scorponok hidden and protected from the elements. Nothing happened, but no way was Ironhide going to relax.

He heard Will talking, instructing the 'Con on how to use an old CD player. He also said very firmly that the player was old, the only reason they still had it was because it worked well enough but no one else would want it, and the CDs were all copies, so no one would be mad at him if he accidentally broke anything. Then a human male's voice started chanting some song about a boy and a drum, pa-rum-pa-pum-pum, laced with static from the old speakers. A human wouldn't have been able to hear the song through the garage wall, but Ironhide wasn't limited to a human's hearing.

The garage door whirred to life behind him and Sarah Lennox's little Civic took its spot next to him. The engine shut off and driver's door clicked open.

"Hey, Ironhide." She pulled Annabelle out of the car seat. No way, no how was one of those things ever being put inside him.

"Hello, Sarah Lennox. Your bonded has set Scorponok up in the backyard, so don't let your sparkling play out there."

"Gotcha. And how many times do I have to tell you? 'Husband' not 'bonded', and 'child' not 'sparkling'."

"Sarking!" was Annabelle's comment.

"A sparkling's a sparkling." He ignored the part about 'husband and 'bonded'. Humans just made the entire concept too complicated, as far as he was concerned. And he did not want to start another tirade about gender roles he didn't understand.

"I could argue that until the sun burns out and you'd still say that. Say 'hi' to Ironhide, honey."

"Hi Ian-hi!" The sparkling waved from her creator's arms.

"Hello, Annabelle Lennox."

"Hey, ladies." Will sauntered into the garage from the house.

"Da-ii!"

He grinned and gave them each a kiss. "I'll be in in a minute, Sweetie. Ironhide and I need to have a man-to-truck talk."

"And I'm not invited. Don't be too long." She and her sparkling retreated into the house.

The door clicked shut, and "Seriously, 'Hide. What did you say to Scorponok?"

"I haven't said more than twelve words to the 'Con. Prime was very explicit on the subject of threatening him."

"Well some thing's wrong. He's terrified -- no way it's of me. He took half a dozen hits from air-to-ground ordinance in Qatar. My little shooter can't do that much damage, sabot rounds or no sabot rounds. Which means he's scared of you." He poked Ironhide's hood.

"So what?"

"You're kidding? I've tagged along with you guys enough in the last four months to know he's not afraid of you. So why's he acting like this now?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

Ironhide had enough familiarity with Will to know that look was faintly disgusted. "Well then, I think he can stay in the yard and you can stay here -- with a wall between you."

"He's a slagging 'Con!"

"Was, Ironhide. Was a slagging 'Con. With no choice in the matter, before or after he was built, until he was almost literally the last Decepticon on the damn planet." The vehemence in Will's voice mane Ironhide jerk back on his wheels. "If he wanted to stay a Decepticon he could have stayed hidden until one showed up -- we certainly weren't having any luck finding him. Hell, we thought he was still in the Middle East right up until he climbed into Optimus."

"He's killed Autobots. He tried to kill you."

"What part of 'didn't have a choice' don't you understand?"

"The part where I should feel bad about him being slagging scared of me."

Will gifted him with another disgusted look and stalked into the house, slamming the door behind him.

He listened to the humans moving around and talking. Sarah was insisting that she meet Scorponok, saying she had a right to meet anyone staying at their house. Will was cautioning her that, while he didn't think the drone'd attack, it could still be dangerous -- he wasn't used to humans, and the Decepticons didn't exactly teach him how to be gentle. Sarah countered that she was going out to meet their guest. If she did it now, Will could come with her. Ironhide ran his scanners over them as they left the house. Will had his anti-tank gun.

At least whatever weird ideas that were turning him against Ironhide weren't completely blinding him.

"He doesn't talk, like Ironhide does." He was telling her. "We've tried teaching him Morse code, but things keep getting scrambled -- some sort of programing block, Ratchet says."

"Poor thing," she said. "He's being quiet."

"He's usually not. Normally he's pretty rambunctious. And a bit demanding -- he likes being petted."

Sarah's sensor profile moved closer to Scorponok's. The Decepticon's didn't move. Ironhide heard a metallic shivering sound from the 'Con.

"What does that mean, Will?"

"That he's scared, I think."

"Of me?"

"It's not impossible to hurt him, Sarah, and if you did, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it without Ironhide retaliating." Slagging right.

The shivering quieted as Sarah's hand must have actually come in contact with the bug. "Hello Scorponok. My name is Sarah."

Krr-click?

"What..."

"That's a question -- not a specific one, just curiosity."

Alright. I'm Will's wife -- his 'bonded', I guess. A female bonded...I don't know what else to say. Do you really like being petted?"

Chirr.

"Yes." Will translated without prompting.

"Are you sure? I mean...how do you know?"

"If the answer was 'no', I probably wouldn't need to translate, would I Scorponok?"

Whirr.

"Smart-ass."

"What?"

"Means he doesn't know."

That sounded like it was getting way too cozy. Unfortunately there wasn't anything he could do about it without disobeying Prime's very explicit orders. So he just sat there and fumed. Slagging stupid 'Con -- the sensor profile didn't so much a twitch. If it had...but no. So his temper just got worse.

And certainly didn't abate over the next few days. Will was still mad at him and took the Civic whenever he needed to go anywhere -- even waiting for his bonded to get home before leaving. that could have been so Ironhide didn't have to let Scorponok out of sensor range, except he wouldn't talk to him. He talked to slagging Scorponok instead.

The good news was that after just a few days he got a transmission from Optimus -- the Autobot had landed and crossed the US border without a hitch. He'd only be babysitting the 'Con for another week at most.

Scorponok...hadn't moved, except to adjust the ancient CD player.

That realization, after Prime's message, finally jolted Ironhide. Scorponok was never, as far as he knew, still for that long. Even if he wouldn't move from underneath the tarp, he should be practically pacing by now. The bug was terrified -- not just scared or wary of an Autobot, honestly terrified of -- of...

Of Ironhide. When he never had been before, not even in battle.

"I didn't say anything to him, Will," he spoke up as Will got out of the Civic. "But he hasn't moved. Slaggit -- I've heard Prime complaining that the fragger can't sit still and he hasn't moved. In days."

Will looked at him as though considering the pros and cons of continuing his silent treatment, then sighed. "No he hasn't. I think...if you decided to shoot him -- or kick him or anything really -- Optimus isn't here to stop you."

"Optimus's orders..."

"Think about it, Ironhide. Without a true link to Optimus, you are essentially his master at the moment. I don't know about Decepticons, but humans were rarely very kind to their slaves. He's got Optimus pegged as a softie, but you -- you don't like him at all."

"I'm not a slagging 'Con."

"And who would have taught him there's a difference?"

Not the Decepticons, Ironhide concluded an hour later. And after a week, when Prime messaged that he was back in the area and wanted everyone to meet with the newcomer, Ironhide was more than ready to dump the disturbingly quiet 'Con back on Optimus and try and forget about it.

fini

notes: yeah i hate the ending too. the problem is i can't see his realization changing his behavior just yet. what it does do though is pave the way for the abrupt 180 in attitude ironhide does in about two months when optimus is attacked (as described in "perceptions").

and yes, ironhide and will are fighting when it comes to scorponok. ironhide just thinks of scorponok as a decepticon, an enemy. will also thinks scorponok could be dangerous -- he's military and scorponok tried to kill him -- but the first time someone described scorponok as a "slave" it triggered a bunch of anti-slavery american acculturation, which is making him (and probably every other human who knows) reflexively think of him as a victim. they're butting heads over it.

slightly random -- i was thinking about the way transformers use the words 'spark' and 'sparkling'. a 'spark' is a cybertronian soul and the suffix '-ling' is a diminutive meaning 'little' or 'young'. so 'sparkling' is literally 'little soul' or 'young soul' rather than 'child' which is 'a person of either sex between infancy and youth'. which makes more sense if transformers are brought online as adults who just lack experience than if they're born then grow up. because if their life cycle was anything like a human's they'd just use the human words instead of coming up with something my spellcheck hates.

really random -- the other day i sent a slinky down the main stairwell of my dorm building. it was fun for all of ten minutes until the ra caught me and told me to stop.