Disclaimer: I make absolutely no claim to any of this.
A/n: Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying these.
This one is for StylishCandy, who asked for a season three fic about Carlos and Edie. I hope you like it.
I'm still gladly accepting requests. Thank you so much to everyone who has already asked for something. This wouldn't be possible without you.
-Ryeloza
A Second Collection
By Ryeloza
Nine: The End of the Story
Edie prides herself on being self-aware.
She's sitting on a bench inside of the penguin habitat, taking a minute to enjoy the fact that it's cool in here despite the fact that there are so many people milling around. Travers is balanced precariously the bars separating the crowd from the penguins, Carlos standing behind him with a firm grip on his shoulder. It makes her smile in an appreciative way, like a stranger watching a father with his son. It's distant, the way she remains outside of them, the same way she always felt around Travers and his father, but it doesn't bother her. She's glad Travers has this. She takes pleasure in it.
It's the ability to recognize something like this that makes her feel comfortable in her own skin. She has no illusions that she's a perfect mother. There's no guilt about not living up to some impossible ideal. When she'd found out she was pregnant, she'd stood in front of her husband and told the truth: "I don't want to do this." Not that she couldn't, not that she was scared or worried or unsure, just the simple fact that she bore no innate desire to mother a child. But he'd wanted the baby—he had made it no secret that he wouldn't stay if she got rid of it—and at the time, she'd compromised.
It was the beginning of the end for them. Looking back on it now, she thinks she knew that even then, but there's nothing she can do to change it. She doesn't believe in regrets any way, and she does love Travers. It's just a simple fact that, like everything about her, that love defies social convention. And she has never cared about social convention.
Carlos looks back at her and grins, jerking his head in a "come here" gesture that she politely declines. But her heart beats at the sight of it, butterflies fluttering like mad in her stomach, and she can't deny that she's falling head-over-heels for him.
Self-awareness.
It comes with a price.
She wonders why Carlos is drawn to women who are never meant to be mothers when he so badly wants to be a father. She and Gaby aren't so different in that way—hell, children seem to be what tore her and Carlos apart—but Edie doesn't want things to end the same way for her. It's not going to be easy; Carlos looks most lovingly at her when she's a mother, and she knows it's on his mind. But she already made that mistake once, and she won't make it again.
It scares her. She's not sure Carlos will settle for being a part-time stepfather, even though she's sure her ex would give her more time with Travers if she just said the word. He's always trying to convince her that she could be a great mother if she'd just try. It's ridiculous how he looks at things with rose-colored glasses, though in her experience, most men do. Carlos certainly does.
Yes, the price of self-awareness is sometimes high. She can't hide in naiveté—not that she'd ever want to—and she can't pretend she doesn't know herself. Sometimes, though, it's hard to see that she's going to cost herself the things she wants most in the world, and she wonders what it would be like to be oblivious until those things smack her straight in the face. She imagines it would be akin to being Susan, a thought horrifying enough to remind her never to doubt herself.
She's not a victim. She'll face things head on, even if she knows it will end in chaos, and she won't weep at any point along the way.
Yes, she's proud of being self-aware.
"Edie," calls Carlos. He waves her over again, and this time Travers turns and calls for her as well. The pair of them is impossible to resist, and she finds herself pushing through the crowd until she's by Carlos' side.
"Mom, look at the penguins!"
"Yeah." She watches them, swimming some beautiful dance; watches Travers, beaming like he's never seen anything more satisfying. Without thinking, she ruffles his hair and then drops her hand, finding Carlos' and entwining their fingers.
"They're great," breathes Travers in awe.
Carlos nods and squeezes her hand. His eyes are on her, sparkling with a look she hasn't seen in years, one that makes her feel like a kid again.
This could be their life. This could be everything she's ever wanted. The only problem is, this isn't what she wants, and she can't compromise again. Not when the truth laughs at her, taunting her mercilessly, just as it always has.
She already knows the end of this story, and it isn't happily ever after.
The best she can do is enjoy it while it lasts.
