Lust, Love, and Life

DISCLAIMER - I do not own Victorious, or any of the Characters, Images, or any else that is in any way related to it.

Chapter 9 - Unlikeliest of Allies

I feel happy today, because its my sister's birthday, and my brother got married last Saturday, the 9th. So I am updating early. Do not fear, this will not mess up my regularly scheduled updating.

"Cat? Why couldn't I tell her how I feel? Why couldn't I fight for her? Why couldn't I change, make myself into someone that deserves her and someone she needs."

My mind has been going in circles since that day I told Cat to try things with Jessie. I haven't had a moment's reprise, of solidarity. My heart won't drop it. Almost like when I finally admitted it to myself, when it became apparant and necessary, my heart is saying fight while my mind is telling me to stay away.

The more I think of her, the more I realize Cat is more than perfect. The way she looks, with her dimples that highlight her smile, and her perfect tone tan body. I swear, if I ever get a chance with her again, I will do everything in my power to keep a hold of her and make sure she knows what I have been telling myself.

I think of her ability to sing. Her voice makes me quiver, makes me shake to the bone. Her register can hit the highest of notes with ease, and you can really feel what she is saying, because it resonates through her words laced with that angelic voice.

I think of her mind, which even though is a bit, well, "off", is still perfectly capable of making light of everything around her. She is a quick study, a fast learner. She has a non-chalant trust of everything around her, and that is something to be feared. But it is still a part of who she is and another piece of her perfection.

But most of all, I think about her. Just her. Her presence, her light aura that exsuthes from her like a candle in the darkest of rooms. I think of how dark my heart and soul truly are, and how I need her light to show me the correct path. A path to redemption, to finally being good enough.

That, of course, makes me think of all the things I have done in my past to those around me. I used my pain from my past to fuel my anger, and drive people away. Because, I always knew that the pain would come back, and I was trying to hold it off as long as possible. I never trusted anyone, never let anyone see me for who I really am.

But then, somehow, Cat didn't seem to mind who I am. She just cared about me. Letting me do what I pleased, letting me be myself. She would just sit and laugh at my dark humor, my evil thoughts and plans. It was like she actually did like me, and she-

"Oh my god, Cat loves me."

If Cat Valentine really loves me, and I was stupid enough not to fight for her, then I really don't deserve her. I let the best thing that has ever happened to me walk away, and I didn't even put up a fighting chance. The realization hitting hard, something in me snaps. I finally sit up from the fetal position, which I have been curled in since Wednesday night, and it hits me.

"Well, Jessie, game on. If what I know is true, then you are about to have a fight on your hands. And I assure you, I WILL WIN!"

I start thinking of ways to get Cat. I think about stalking her and Jessie. I think about just calling her and asking her to come over. I think of humiliating Jessie. But then something even more humiliating and repulsive hits me. VEGA! Just the thought of her, and trying to enlist her help, makes me want to vomit. And seriously, why wouldn't it? She steals my "boyfriend" while we are "dating", and then gets him on the rebound one day after we split. Cat knows how much I detest her, so teaming up with her should clue her in on just how bad I want her and need her.

But then again, I know that if I can get her to help me, and the fact that she knows Cat better than anyone other than me, that Cat is all mine. Because Tori "Did I actually use her first name?" can be a very powerful tool, and a great asset if I need her. I can't help it, picking up my phone and dialing the latina's number.

"Hello?" Usually, I would gag when presented with that much happiness. But right now, knowing I have a chance and am taking it, I don't care. She is the only one who can help me, so I have to suck it up and deal with it.

"Hey, Tori." I know she is just as shocked that I called her, and even more so that I used her name.

"Jade?" There is a bit of bitchy to her voice, but there is a genuine concern also. Almost like she knows its important, and her helpful nature won't let her deny someone who needs it.

"Tori, I need to talk. Can I come over?"

"Yeah, Beck is in Canada visiting relatives. Come on." I hear a slight bit of defeat in her voice, almost like she is desperate for company, like she is hiding the truth and trying to make it go away. Almost automatically, I get in my car and head toward her house. I am desperate, I need Cat back. I need to feel her in my arms, I need to shield her from the things that life will bring. I want to hold her and love her until there is no more time left to do so, and then continue doing so even through endless time.

I know I am sounding like a sentamental loon, but I assure you, this will not change who I am as a person. And it most assuredly will not change how I act. I will just be more aware of Cat and making sure she knows that I want her and need her. Because damnit, I do. It has gotten bad enough that I called my main rival and enlisted her help, if she'll give it to me. My heart is aching at the thought of my girl being with someone else.

xxxxx

Arriving at Vega's, well, Tori's, I am welcomed inside by a pair of puffy red eyes. Something about Tori wasn't right. Beck's in Canada I guess, but I can't help wondering if he had anything to do with it. Not that I care about her or him, but I would like to know that I made her cry. It would help me a little.

"Hey, Tori, everything okay? You look, well, off." I was concerned a bit, because if she were like this if talking to Cat, then the wrong message might come out, and we don't need that happening.

"I'll be fine. Beck just broke up with me." Oh, well I didn't see that coming. I guess I can help her so that she'll be more willing to help me.

"Are you okay? Seriously?" I let my gentle side come through, enough to hug her and rub her back. Fighting every repsonse in my body, like wanting to crush her in a bear hug or throw up on her, I hold her for a few minutes while she cries it out. "You're not doing this for her. You don't care about her. You just need her to help with Cat." Battling the urges inside that keep telling me that we might actually be friends, I finally get her cognitive enough.

"I'm fine. Promise. What's up?" I can't believe I am about to say this out loud, especially to her. But it needs to be said, and be out in the open. I need her help. Taking a deep breath, I sigh before talking.

"Got any coffee?"

"Huh?"

"Coffee, Vega. Ya know, black, strong, caffine. Got any?" I see her laugh lightly, giving me a wink and slightly patting my knee. Walking to the kitchen, she puts a pot on. I can almost hear her cursing herself for not having it ready when I got her, but I shrug it off. She doesn't do that. She's too good for that. "But then again, you did tell yourself that Cat didn't love you. And you didn't love her. Maybe I should pay more attention. ... ... ... Nah."

Walking back over to me, she places my feet on her lap as she again asks why I was there.

"Tori, I need your help." I can feel my palms getting sweaty, and my gut wrenching in knots.

"With?" She looks up, concern in her eyes. Almost like I am going to talk about illegal activities or something. I give her a soft look, hoping to calm her down. It only makes things worse.

"Cat."

"Yeah, her and Jessica really hit it off, right!" She is beaming at this moment, and I can't help feeling I came to the wrong person.

"Uggh, Tori. I don't care about them. But I do care about Cat."

"Yeah, she told me. All those "visits" and things." She air quotes the word visit, making sure that I know what she means. "I knew you liked her, and that Jessie would too. So I relished the thought of you two going at it for her. And sorry about rubbing it in earlier. I-"

"Tori, please. That's why I'm here. You wanna make it up to me? Wanna help me?"

"What's in it for me?" Really, Tori. Maybe you are more clever than I give you credit for.

"I will walk into that school, deck Beck in the jaw, finally admit we are friends, and even take you and Cat out for ice cream if you help me get her. And I will get Andre to fall for you." Her jaw dropping at the mention of us being friends, and face beaming at the thought of ice cream, she takes in what I said. "I am so in love with Cat that I am willing to go to extreme measures to get her back. And if requesting your help isn't enough, please, let me know what I need to do. Please." I have a tear in my eye as I say the final few words, but her face softens into a smile.

"Fine, I'm in. But don't worry about Beck, I'll deal with him myself. How did you know about Andre?"

"I can read people. But with Beck, I was saying that for my own benefit. Get your revenge, hell, if you want help with that, cool. I was just alluding to him and you, well, you know. Why exactly did you go for Beck if you liked Andre?"

"Wanted someone to fuck. And Andre was oblivious to me wanting him. Beck, on the other hand, just, well, came at me. I guess it was bad of me to hurt you when I wanted us to be friends, but-"

"Don't, Tori. We're friends, I guess. So I can put it behind me."

The rest of the evening are spent talking, just being "friends". School, our plans, our friends at Hollywood, etc. We eventually start planning our attack on Beck and Jessie. We arrive at two possibilities.

A. We get Beck and Jessie together. They would back off of Cat, and blah blah. We scratch that rather quickly because we know they might actually end up happy. And we don't want that. We want them to suffer and be miserable.

So plan B. Humilation. Not just to the school. Not just friends and family. But all of Hollywood, Broadway, record companies, anywhere they might end up being happy. Anything that might make them successful.

I am glad Tori and I talked. I realized that maybe we aren't that different. We both have pain from past losses. We both regret Beck. We both love Cat, even if in different ways. And we both have certain parts of our families we hate, and those we love. She even has a nice bitchy side to her I never knew about.

I leave Tori's around 11, telling her we will pick up things for our plan the next day. Tomorrow being Saturday, we can utilize our time to the fullest, and completely plan everything out. There is a small part of me that is thankful for Tori Vega. "God, never thought I'd say that."

xxxxx

I am still mulling over everything from the last few days, contemplating wether I am doing the right thing or not. If Cat does love me, really love me, then I will get my answer. It shouldn't be that hard for her. And if she doesn't then I'll find that out too. It would just be another heartbreak for me to deal with, and another secret to keep.

I pick the phone up, texting Tori again to let her know I will be to her place around 10 AM in the morning. "I hate damn mornings. I can't stand to not sleep til noon if I can. Weekends are my time, just relaxing and forgetting the dumb fucks around me and focusing on the things I want."

Hey, Tor, be there around 10 tomorrow, okay?

Sure, Jade. I'll be ready when you get here.

Thanks again, Tori. You really are one of the few people I know to be one of my friends

Thank you, Jade. I know we had our differences, but it means alot that you could consider us friends

See you tomorrow.

Bye!

Its already past midnight, and I will have to wake up around eight to get to her place on time. Knowing her, she'll probably be ready around nine, and pouting by them time I get there. She values our friendship, as new as it is. But I guess I always knew it was there, but never acknowledged it. Just another thing my messed up past wouldn't allow me accept, or focus on. I find myself telling myself to focus more on things, but again chastise myself for thinking to do so.

I call Andre, who has avoided me like the plauge since he tried to kiss me. I had insulted him and embarassed him, and really didn't know how to approach him afterward. But now, its neccessary.

"Hello?" The voice was obviously asleep when I called, but I don't care. This will help me get Cat.

"Andre." Click. He hung up? "That stupid fucker hung up on me?"

Calling again, I can tell he doesn't want to talk, but I get his focus.

"Andre, listen. I'm sorry about the other day. But I need your help."

"With?" The wariness in his voice, thick and true, lets me know his apprehension.

"Cat. I love her. I am IN LOVE with her. I want and need her so bad. Will you help me, please?"

"What's in it for me?" I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Maybe I'm not the only one who gets what they want first agree to something.

"I'll get Tori to go out with you."

"What?"

"Don't act surprised that I know. I see the way you look at her. Its the way you looked at me before you sang "365 Days"."

"Oh, well-"

"Don't worry. I'm over it. Please help me?"

"And you'll set me up with Tori?"

"Promise. You in?"

"Sure, Jade. And sorry about the closet. I didn't know what to do seeing you that way. I thought I was consoling a friend, but I crossed a line."

"Its okay, Andre. Now, I'm meeting Tori tomorrow to plan how to get Cat. Be at my place around nine thirty?" Its more of a demand, but I make sure to ask rather than force.

"Sure."

xxxxx

The next morning comes too early, and I reluctantly climb out of bed. Walking to the bathroom, I turn the shower on and wait for the steam to start rising. I climb in, the heat pulsating across my body. Like the fire in my heart for Cat, I embrace it, waking up under the welcomeing streams. I shower up, and get out rather quickly.

I walk downstairs, seeing my mother in the kitchen. She is shocked to see me this early, evident by the choking sounds from her food caught in her throat. I grab a cup of coffee, swallowing the sweltering liquid and relish the anguish of pain in my mouth and throat.

"Hey mom."

"Hey. Why you up so early?"

"Seeing some friends. Need to talk and figure some things out." I need to hide everything we are planning, knowing that my mother will not approve.

"Does this have to do with Cat and Jessie?"

"How the hell did she figure out?" "Yeah. I, uh, well-"

"Are in love with Cat? I know. Mother's instincts. Don't worry, I won't complain. But I will say that if you really love her, that you should let her figure things out on her own, and not ruin things for her."

"Mom, thanks, but I think she loves me too, and I can't be apart from her if that's the truth. I need her."

"I know, baby. But just try and let her, hmm."

"Sorry, mama, I can't. I want to be with Cat myself, and can't stand to see her with anyone else."

As if summoning her like Beatleguese by saying her name three times, Cat appeared at my door, a tear in her eye. Not even caring why she is crying, I run to her and grab her, kissing her head and wiping the tears from her eyes. She looks up to me, kissing me harder and more ferviously than she ever had before.

I pick up my phone, sending a text to Andre and Tori.

Change of plans. Cat is at my house, crying. Don't know why yet, but get over here, please. I think she needs all of us. Maybe even Robbie.

Fuck Beck and Jessie at this point. If Cat is crying, and here with me, then I want to help her. And I want our friends here to help. There is something definately distressing Cat, and I am getting to the bottom of it.

Be there in a moment - Andre

On my way - Tori. Told you she'd be ready when I got there. I didn't tell Andre or Tori that the other would be here, but I plan on keeping my promise to both of them. If they help me with this, then I owe them that much. Looking back down to Cat, I kiss her again.

"Hey, Jade. I missed you and the flavor of coffee." There is a serious hint of defeat in her voice, and I am about ready to kill whatever the cause is.

Okay, so chap nine! Any guesses on what happened to Cat? Any comments on Jade's change of personality. She is definately still a bitch and controlling, manipulative, dark and broody gank. But her heart is starting to over ride her brain and everything that she knows. Anyone wondering if she will keep her promises? Please, R/E/R!