Chapter 9
James Fraser
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Brianna rode between my horse and Mackenzie's horse while she spoke animatedly to Mr. Mackenzie.
"How are you in your studies, lass?" He wondered with a smile that almost convinced me he was truly curious. As if the answer would somehow be special or exciting, but I guess it would be to a... man of lesser means in the 1700's discussing the schooling of a young girl.
"I'm one of the smartest kids in my class!" She bragged proudly.
My breath was taken away by the wide toothed smile that stretched across his face.
"Brianna is also a very talented artist." I included. This seemed to intrigue Mackenzie.
"Is that so, Sassanach?" He wondered with the same excited, beaming smile. He turned his attention back to Brie and nudged her softly in the arm. "What kind of art do you fancy, lassie?"
"I'm a good drawer." She answered proudly.
"Aye, I'm sure you are." He acknowledged swiftly. "You know, my sister, and my mother, they were both fine artists."
"Really?"
"Aye, they were." He nodded with a smile still lingering on his lips.
"Do you have children, Mr. Mackenzie?" Brie wondered.
"I do." He smiled, his eyes looking almost longingly on Brianna.
"Can I meet them?" She wondered.
He laughed at that with an obvious note of awkwardness, and I felt almost guilty so I interrupted, "What part of Scotland are you from?"
He appeared slightly surprised by the question, then a little relieved. "A place called Lallybroch."
"Is it nice there?" Brie wondered.
"Quite nice, lass." He seemed like he might say more but he stopped himself.
This line of questioning continued for a while. It only stopped after we returned to the stable where Dunsany and Frank were waiting.
"How was your ride?" Dunsany wondered cheerfully.
"It was excellent." I answered, smiling at Frank who was too busy giving Mackenzie and Brie strange stares of concentration and curiosity. "Frank? Are you alright?"
I dismounted and approached him carefully. He didn't look away from Mackenzie until I touched his arm lightly.
"What was that, dear?" He asked in the same way he did when he was focused on his studies and was forced to split his focus for the moment.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, o-of course."
"Are you sure?"
"I am living a dream come true. Plus, I have with me the two most important people in my life." He kissed my cheek but his eyes turned back to the red haired man who had gently pulled Brianna from her horse and was untacking the horses. "Come, my darling. They invited us to tea in one of the great rooms."
He placed a hand lightly on my back, called Brie, and began leading us back to the house.
Our time at tea brought in another revelation.
"Our passage has been booked." Frank informed a English minister visiting from London. "We leave in about two days."
"I am sure the Dunsany's will be sorry to see you go." The minister thought.
"They have been excellent guests." Dunsany nodded. "But I am sure they will visit often."
Frank offered a happy but unhopeful smile. "Yes, I am sure we will."
A servant entered then, and spoke quietly to Dunsany.
"Excellent!" Dunsany cheered. "I have a surprise for you, Captain Randall. Please bring him in."
I turned my head with all the others in the room after Dunsany put the attention on the entrance.
I felt as though I could feel every particle in the room. Every slight change of temperature, every texture around me...
Mackenzie entered the room looking almost hesitant. He glanced around until his eyes fell on me and livened moderately. He lifted his head, offered me a slight nod, before returning his stare to Lord Dunsany.
Lady Dunsany and her friends appeared intrigued but otherwise indifferent to his arrival while Isobel was friendly and Geneva looked like her spirits had been perked by his arrival.
"Mackenzie." Dunsany welcomed. "I was thinking you might join us."
This clearly surprised Mackenzie who shuffled from one foot to another and glanced once more uncomfortably around the room.
Dunsany must have understood his discomfort because he added, "I assumed, since you and Captain Johnathon Randall were once close, you might want to visit before he and his family leave."
"Leave." The word sounded strained and I felt a pang of curiosity of the meaning behind the struggle to comprehend our leaving as anything more than a success.
"Lord Grey is quite fond of Mackenzie, also." Lady Dunsany announced to the room. "They spend many hours together on all his visits."
"Sit!" Dunsany ordered. "Join us!"
Mackenzie followed this order and took a careful seat across from Frank. A servant offered him a small glass of liquor, which he shot back instantly. Frank also appeared completely uncomfortable, but I imagined it was for a much different reason.
The room was silent then, as if it were made to pause until one of the men made a move towards the other. Clearly, neither wanted to, but it was Frank who bravely took the first step.
"I am sorry to say it has been a while." Frank appeared confident in his words, as a man who'd once worked for the British Intelligence during World War II probably should. Even in a potentially compromising position. "I know that my reappearance after my-er-death must be somewhat of a surprise also."
"Oh, aye, I have had many surprises recently." Mackenzie responded over the rim of his glass. "A very many."
"You will have to forgive my pardon." Frank continued, "If I don't have the freshest memory of our relationship."
"It t'is no bother of mine, Randall." Mackenzie almost said it as if it were a dirty word. A slanderous, pornographic word never to be used in decent society. I think Frank noted this, too, but he regained his composure almost instantly. The rest of the room seemed to be brought back into existence now that the pair spoke. "T'is not me you would be so likely to remember as some others."
"Oh?" Frank asked.
"Aye. I am sure you would be much better acquainted with... or that may be, you may have a better memory of a man named James Fraser." Mackenzie's cat-like smile grew slightly as the name replayed in Franks head. Franks response to this was instant, undeniable, and dramatic. There was no pretending that the name didn't mean something to him. Personally, I liked it. It had a nice ring to it. James Fraser. It felt calm. Safe, almost. "Aye, you two were much better acquainted than you and I."
"You..." Frank breathed. I instantly wanted to know what this name meant to Frank. Possibly a discovery made by Frank during the time I couldn't remember. Maybe this Mackenzie, and James Fraser had shared a connection and a history to Jack Randall.
"Do you remember Fraser's wife at all, Randall?" Mackenzie continued, looking pleasantly amused with himself, but also focused like a cat playing with an injured bird. "I do remember you two did not always get along. She was a healer, no?"
Frank sputtered out an answer, "I... I suppose you must be right." He struggled intensely to maintain his unhinged expression. I felt a shuttering fear at the pained expression that crossed his face as he carefully glanced at me. Could this man know Frank wasn't the real John Randall? How would he have figured it out? "Is James Fraser... nearby?"
"Unfortunately, no." Mackenzie decided, leaning back slightly in his chair while offering me a curious sideways glance. "He has not been seen in sometime."
"Mackenzie sure seems much more lively with you around, Captain." Dunsany commented, reminding us that we had company.
"How well were you and M-Mr. Fraser... did you visit often?" Frank wondered, trying to maintain the conversation.
"Oh, aye." Mackenzie nodded. "Before the war. I was quite fond of that wife of his. She patched me up more times than I could count. But she also had quite the temper, don't you remember?"
He glanced at us both as he asked, and Frank responded by taking my hand harder than necessary.
"I believe I do." Frank responded. When Frank spoke next, though, he spoke through a locked jaw. "But as I also seem to recall, he had a tendency to take things that didn't belong to him."
I suddenly feared that Frank was growing to confident in his knowledge of history. Surely, he wouldn't truly pretend to know this man, and their third friend.
"I seem to recall you taking a lot more from me than he ever took from you." Mackenzie responded harshly.
"How is it you work so well with horses?" I wondered, hoping to break the tension between the two.
Mackenzie's eyes were hard and unhappy when they met mine, but slowly melted as he spoke, despite an obvious attempt to remain angry.
"I grew up on a farm." He answered. "And I have many years of experience."
"Could you please tell me more about that?"
The rest of the tea was tense, and I felt the pressure both in my hand which Frank continued to squeeze as if loosening his grip would result in my vanishing into an oblivion, and I felt it in the painfully hesitant conversation being forcefully created by Mackenzie and Frank. I was pleased to return to our chambers later that night because it meant I could interrogate Franks apparent loathing of the man James Fraser.
Before I could speak, though, Frank turned and said, "I do not want you to spend anymore time with Alexander Mackenzie."
"I beg your pardon?" I asked in surprise.
"Alexander Mackenzie. I cannot believe he is a good man with our family's benefits in mind."
"Well, I am very sure he doesn't care what benefits our family." I replied breathlessly. "But he is an excellent coach for Brianna and a fine person to talk to."
"Do... Do you remember the name James Fraser?" He was somehow both angry and hopeful at the same time.
"Yes." I answered. I had only heard it thirty minutes before.
"You do." Frank breathed looking suddenly almost defeated.
"Of course." I snapped. "Mackenzie mentioned him less than an hour ago. I actually meant to ask you about that."
"Well you have no need to ask." Frank spat. "He was a conman, a bandit. He stole from the desperate, and when they had nothing more to lose, he would steal their wives and their virtues."
"That..." I meant to say sounded ridiculous considering he'd apparently been a friend of Black Jack Randall, but then I remembered that Randall had been considered a bit of a villain the same. This didn't transfer to Mackenzie, though. Mackenzie didn't even like Randall. "Well, it has nothing to do with Mackenzie."
"Still, I do not want my wife or child to be exposed to such a man." Frank determined. "We leave soon anyways."
"Yes, and about that, when exactly did you plan on telling me that?"
"I didn't think it made much of a difference when I told you."
"It wouldn't make a difference!?"
As one might imagine, this argument went on for a while. We tried to remain quiet so we didn't wake Bree, but did not stop until the candles were out. He slept that night on the couch in our private sitting area while I took the bed.
I didn't have the best sleep that night. Perhaps it was due to the fight I'd had with Frank the night before, or the pornographic dreams that seduced me with guilt.
I continued to dream I was in bed with Mackenzie, only the few times I spoke I called him James Fraser, or sometimes just James or Jamie, then I would wake up sweating, feeling guilty because, if I were being honest, I don't think I wanted them to stop. One of the dreams, though, had him stealing me away from Frank in the middle of the day, and the worst part was how willingly I went with him. I woke up after that dream and found I couldn't sleep again. So I lay in the dark watching my ceiling and quietly debating my options.
Perhaps Frank was correct. I should stay away from Mackenzie, even if only to ward away and deny the dreams. We would not be here much longer anyways. I could easily avoid him if I decided to remain inside.
Breakfast with Lady Dunsany, Isobel, and Brianna was very pleasant. Until Geneva arrived. She spoke animatedly to her sister and my daughter about a boy she was infatuated with. She never used a name, and told us all it was a surprise, but her mother would occasionally bring her back to earth with the reminder that she was to marry another.
"I must go then." Geneva sighed dramatically as she rose from the table. Her mother had already left to greet a few guests. "I have a lesson waiting for me."
"With Mackenzie?" Isobel wondered, looking slightly concerned.
"Who else?" The way Gevena said this made my stomach turn uneasily. "Perhaps today is the day."
I could tell from the conflicted worry in Isobels face that whatever day today was, it was not a very good one for Mackenzie.
"Does she intend to...?" I asked Isobel.
She did not speak but she offered me a small, mournful nod.
"Do you mind watching Bree today?" I asked Isobel a few moments after Geneva disappeared into the manor.
"Oh.. of course." She was surely about to ask more, but I had already stood and was racing down the back patio stairs towards the stables.
The ground was softer than usually, perhaps due to rain during the night. But I didn't let this slow me. Gevena was already likely there, and Mackenzie would need a witness after dealing with her.
After having learned more about Mr. Mackenzie and his history, I found it difficult to believe he was perusing Geneva, or her sister. It must have been nothing more than a young girls unrequited infatuation. And it was one that could get an innocent man in a lot of trouble. I simply couldn't allow her to put him through anymore than he'd already suffered.
I burst through the barn doors calling, "Mackenzie!"
He was alone brushing a horse. Both were clearly startled by my sudden appearance and outburst.
"Is there something I can help you with?" Mackenzie wondered, then calmed himself and asked, "Are you alright, Madam Fras- Madam Randall?"
"I uh-um... No, thank you." I blinked trying to catch my breath.
"Are you sure?" He wondered, forgetting his task for the moment so he could direct his attention towards me. "You seem a bit..."
"I am alright." I assured him, "Is Geneva here?"
His face altered to one of irritation and almost repulsion, but it was not directed towards myself.
"Ech, thank goodness but no." He shook his head. I let out a relieved laugh but I could not be sure if it was due to my pointless panicking and exertion, or my relief at having been correct in my most recent assumption that he did not reciprocate the young girls affections. Brianna had grown very fond of Mr. Mackenzie and I could not be a proper mother if I allowed her to spend her time with a predator of young women. "Were you looking for the lass?"
"No, I wasn't, I just..." I sucked in a deep breath and thanked my lucky stars that it was only us... because I wasn't sure how to explain my sudden intrusion to Geneva... "She said she was on her way."
"I should thank you for the warning." He said, grabbing his coat from one of the paddock doors where it lazily hang. Then he glanced at me wiry and asked, "Will you come with me, then?"
"Come with you?" I wasn't sure why I was so surprised or so conflicted by the possibilities that question offered.
"Aye." He nodded with a smirk itching on his lips. His eyes were pleading. "I canna very well get away on my own without the lord having my head for not working. But if I were accompanying a lady on a ride,"
"Ah, so I am to help you escape your admirer." I realized with a grin.
"And you had better hurry." He warned, "My skin's starting to crawl. That's how I can always tell when she is near."
I couldn't stop the small burst of anxious laughter. At first, he eyed me curiously but he relaxed and laughed lightly.
"We better hurry, though, Sassanach." He pressed, taking my arm lightly and leading me through the barn doors.
I could see Geneva marching down the slight hill towards the barn as we settled on our horses. She'd changed her outfit which was likely why we had such a head start. Mackenzie glanced back and saw her also. When she noticed what we were doing, she appeared to speed up her step as she noticed us preparing to depart.
"We'd better hurry." Mackenzie noted with a tone of discomfort in his voice. "We dinna want her to catch up."
"It's not as if she doesn't know all the riding paths." I reminded.
"Aye." He agreed, nodding once and watching me with consideration. Then a large smile crossed his face. "So we best not stay on the normal paths."
And off he went. Like a loyal follower, my horse raced after his and into the thick bushes of the surrounding forest.
I held on for dear life as the horses bounded away from the main trails and deeper into the un-ventured wilderness. I wanted to say that I trusted his guidance and my own ability to ride, but I could not do so honestly.
I was therefore relieved when the horses finally slowed.
"I don't think they will follow us this far." I informed him.
"No." He agreed, relaxing a bit. "But it is better to be safe than to be sorry about it later."
"My husband said the same thing last night." I muttered, not thinking about the words before they carelessly came out.
"Oh?" He raised an interested eyebrow and I felt I simply couldn't lie to him.
"He believes I should stay away from you," I informed him carefully, but he didn't appear upset about it.
"And ya dinna listen to him. Good to know." He meant something by this statement, but I couldn't imagine what. "Did he say why?"
"He believes you are dangerous." I explained, slightly more confident due to his composure. "That any association to the bandit James Fraser."
He laughed at this. "Is James Fraser a bandit now? He went to prison along with the other Jacobite's, sure, but I wouldna call him a bandit."
"My husband knows differently. He said Fraser was a thief- of both land and virtue. Apparently he is known to steal men's wives and defile them."
He laughed more, but there was a painful edge to his voice. "I can assure you, madam, Fraser has only taken one wife and that was his own. I assume he defiled her plenty, but I cannot say she was an unwilling participant."
"Which you know so well."
"Alas I do. I have met them, if you do not remember."
I trusted Mackenzie's words, but Frank was a historian. Regardless of whether he'd lied to me about our relationship, he would never disrespect history. But perhaps one of them could be mistaken. Frank could easily have formed his opinion of the testimony of one unhappy man while Mackenzie could very well have misinterpreted the relationship. Did any of this matter to me, though? No. Of course not. So why would I did deeper into it.
"Are they still together?" I wondered.
"No." He answered harshly. "She died."
"I'm sorry."
"It was a tragedy. One the man never got over. She loved him, and loved him well. And so did he. He was no longer the same man without her. I cannot imagine how he could be, after losing such a woman. A piece of his soul, really." I couldn't understand the heartbroken tone to his voice, as if it had been his loss rather than a colleague.
"It sounds as if you possibly loved her also." I suggested, hoping it was not too formal.
"Aye. Everyone loved her."
"What was she like?"
"Stubborn." He answered almost instantly, but it created a small half smile that melted my heart. "And strong. Wise. Beautiful. More beautiful than anything else my eyes have seen. And funny. Bold and brave. And she cared for people more than anyone should ever need to."
"Did you know them well?"
"I did." He answered. "I knew them both well. Loved them. I was devastated that they needed to depart."
"I am sorry." I repeated putting my hand on his shoulder while trying to dismiss the racing of my heart.
He glanced at me for a moment, then down at my hand with a look that suggested maybe he thought I should move it. He didn't make the request, though. Instead, he took a deep breath and stared forwards.
"He was a laird." He finally said smirking and leaning towards me almost as if this were a status symbol he wanted me to be impressed by. "Laird Broch Tuarach of Lallybroch."
"That is where you are from." I realized.
"Aye." He smiled fondly of the memory. "He was a good Laird. Cared for his land and his people. You would have liked him."
"You sound very sure."
"I am." He was proud for a moment but then that was driven away by whatever dark thought plagued him.
"You miss home quite a lot." I assumed.
"Aye." He sighed. Then a small, hesitant smile crossed his face. "But no worry, lass. There is no need to fesh yourself over something you canna change."
I took a deep breath and decided to better enjoy the peacefulness of the woods. We would leave soon, a thought I found almost dismaying. I didn't really want to return to a home and time I couldn't remember. To a husband who'd been unhappy and unfaithful. Although I knew it was completely irrational, this felt like a new start, where we had an equal absence of memories and no ex-lovers or mistresses to worry about. Of course, I couldn't tell any of this to Frank. And Mackenzie wouldn't understand. Brianna was too young to bother with all of this. So I supposed I would keep it inside.
The rest of the ride was much more enjoyable than I would have expected. I didn't feel like I was trapped in the past when I spoke to him. He somehow seemed to know every right word to say and when and where. He never questioned a single slip up I had, no matter how strange. And I felt comfortable with him.
"Thank you for being such a good friend to me." I praised as we touring back towards the stables.
"It is truly an honour." he replied.
At the gate to the stable stood a patient but unhappy Geneva, noticeable in the distance due to her brightly coloured dress and her dark hair.
"I am glad you disobeyed your husband so you could save me from the child." He smirked.
"I never disobeyed my husband!"
"So that man knows you are with me?" The idea almost excited him.
"I am not his property." I reminded.
"Aye, my wife always said similar." He noted.
"A wise woman." I acknowledged.
"A wise woman who almost got her herself killed on multiple occasions."
"One bad decision made." I mused, smiling at the unpleasant Geneva as I entered the stone gates. She made eye contact hut her eyes were stone cold and calculating.
Mackenzie offered her a nod before returning his attention to me.
"You know," I started once she was behind us, only because I felt truly confident due to his avoidance of her, "I do believe she may fancy you."
He made a sound I could only describe as "Scottish" before adding to it, "I dinna need to add more difficulties to my life."
I smiled to myself, unsure exactly why his disinterest in her would make me happy. Then we both dismounted and he walked forward to take the reins of my horse for me.
"Mistress Randall." He looked down slightly for a moment as he tried to find his words. Once he had, he glanced back up to me. "Did your husband no tell you of his and your relation to James Fraser?"
I felt an almost paralyzing shock in the moment. Why would he believe me or my husband had any interest in a man we'd never met, beyond curiosity of course? Then I remembered, as if somehow our predicament had slipped my mind, that he thought Frank had met this James Fraser. And it was not a far stretch to assume I would have either.
"I must have forgotten." I smiled bashfully.
"Among many things." He mused in a sorry tone.
"There you both are!" Geneva marched dominantly into the stable we'd entered. "Mackenzie, you are late for my ride."
"I apologize, mistress," Mackenzie offered her a small bow. "I was accompanying..."
"I know every well what you were doing!" She hissed, giving me a dirty glare. "It is all very well. You can take me now."
He made a face when she said this, and she offered him a seductive glance before returning another glare to me as if to question my continued presence. I wasn't sure why I was still there either.
"Unfortunately, I must feed the horses now." He apologized. "Maybe Williams or Duncan can accompany you."
"Hm." She seemed to accept this, though. "I suppose I will have to speak to my father about assigned riding times." I think it was meant to be a threat. "And perhaps also to your husband."
I felt a little guilt when she said that but reminded myself I had done nothing wrong. If he worried I had, maybe it was due to his inability to remain loyal which he was reflecting onto me.
"May I speak to you in private, Mr. Mackenzie?" Geneva continued.
Mackenzie looked uninterested, but smiled slightly at her. "Unfortunately I can no. I must put the horses away quickly so that I am not late to feed them."
This was clearly not the answer the girl had been looking for but her confidence remained unwavering.
"I must go, m'lady." He said, taking my hand and kissing it softly. Then he turned to Geneva, bowed formally, and made his escape.
When it was only us two, Geneva walked past me, shoving me out of her way with the jolt of her shoulder.
"Excuse me?" I asked, partially annoyed simply because I was standing in her presence.
"What?" She asked.
"Did you mean to walk into me like that?"
"Of course not." She started. "But I do find it strange, mistress, that you would be so determined to claim a man- -not even a man of wealth, when you already have a husband at home. Are you dissatisfied, Mrs. Randall?" Geneva wondered.
"Of course not." I hissed. "What a preposterous thing to suggest?"
"It is just..." She swayed with a calculated casualness. "Interesting that you are so determined to keep Mackenzie to yourself. Wouldn't you agree?"
"No. I would not."
"I suppose I shouldn't expect you to. A woman such as yourself."
"What does that mean?" It was difficult to maintain my emotional stability. There was a level of anger in me that I couldn't understand. What was I so angry about, though? That she was suggesting I was unfaithful? That she could possibly suggest I could be unhappy with Frank. But I was unhappy with Frank. Extremely unhappy with him. Maybe that was what was making me so angry. She was suggesting I could hurt him as much as he'd hurt me- -but I wouldn't. I had already proven that I wouldn't. I let him roll over his betrayal and, although I tried to convince myself I was alright with it, I wasn't. I tried to pretend I could ignore the pain until this crisis was over, but I couldn't. And Mackenzie was an escape from that.
He was a fantasy. One I was enchanted with. But how could I not want to play with the idea of having a husband who would love me eternally... the way I once thought Frank did.
"You know what?" I decided. "I don't think I care very much what a desperately unhappy child thinks of me. But I should thank you for offering me an excellent example of what I hope my daughter never becomes."
"How dare you speak to me in such a way?"
"It is about time somebody does!"
I turned on my heel and exited the barn, kicking myself for not keeping a better control over my emotions. As I slammed the barn door behind myself, I wondered internally whether I had just lost us our stay. It was alright, though, I determined, since Frank had already secured us our travel. It might only mean moving to a tavern for another night or two. Maybe camping.
Thank you so much for reading! Sorry this update has taken so long! Please let me know if there are any inconsistencies to this chapter (I did most of it when I uploaded my last chapter, then totally forgot to continue (LOL right)) I couldn't find any when I glanced through but I could also be blind to my own writing and story.
Thanks again!
