Chapter 8: Be Our Guests

Later that night, White Duck opened the door to her room and looked out. Horton poked his head out and quickly scanned the hall for Gray Wolf. When there was no sign of him, he quickly nodded to White Duck and they all walked out of the room past a curtain where two voices were heard.

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes, yes, yes!"

Both SpongeBob and Sandy, who had been having a lover's tryst behind the curtain, came out.

"Alright, SpongeBob, but be careful," Sandy said, as SpongeBob wrapped his arms around her. "You've hurt me more than once."

Before SpongeBob could kiss her, he suddenly dropped her when he saw White Duck, Horton, Kangaroo, Rudy, the Lorax, Garfield, Odie, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Barbaloots, Swomee Swans, and Humming Fishes out in the hall, heading downstairs to the kitchen.

"Barnacles!" SpongeBob exclaimed. "They have emerged!"


In the kitchen, Applejack was putting the CMC in cradles for baby foals near full ones with other baby foals. With her were two ponies. One was a Pegasus with blue fur, a rainbow mane and tail, pink eyes and a marking of a cloud and a rainbow shaped lightning bolt on her flank. Her name is Rainbow Dash. The other pony was another Pegasus that had light yellow fur, a pink mane and tail, teal eyes, and three butterflies on her flank. Her name is Fluttershy. The Earth Pony said, "All right, all o' yew, 'inta bed wit' 'de other baby ponies."

"But we ain't sleepy." Apple Bloom protests to Applejack with a bit of a yawn.

"Sure yew are..."

"No we ain't..." Sweetie said tiredly but eventually she, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo fell asleep. Applejack giggles and smiles. Her sister and her friends are just angels when they're sleeping.

"Oh, all this hard work; I kept my eye out on the latest fashion and make the best reviews, especially on Rarity's; I even do some cooking on the side and slave all day to work on this meal. And what happened?" A voice complains. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy turn to see a young greenish bluish gray colt foal with a mixture of light gray and light greenish bluish gray mane, blue eyes, purple sunglasses and a paper fan cutie mark named Hoity-Toity, the castle's chef, groaning over the meal that he made for dinner. "I've made an amazing masterpiece and it's going to be wasted!"

"Aww, shucks, don't be like 'dat, Hoity Toity." Applejack said with a sigh as she put a teapot away. "It has been a long night fer all o' us. We all were disappointed by what happened."

"Well, if you ask me," Squidward said, "she was just being stubborn. After all, the master did say 'please.'"

"But if the master doesn't learn to control his temper," Fluttershy said, while failing to notice White Duck and her friends coming in, "he'll never break the-"

Squidward quickly cut Fluttershy off, as he said to White Duck, "Splendid to see you and your friends out and about, ma'am! I am Squidward Tentacles, head of the household." He leaned down to kiss her wing, until SpongeBob and Patrick butted in front of him, and Squidward said in annoyance, "And this is SpongeBob and Patrick."

"Pleasure to meet you," SpongeBob said, as he and Patrick began kissing White Duck's wing.

Squidward pushed them aside and said, "If there's anything…stop that…that we can…please…" Squidward finally succeeded pushing SpongeBob and Patrick out of the way, as he said, "To make your stay more comfortable."

SpongeBob kicked Squidward, who yelped in pain.

"Well, we are a little hungry," White Duck said and her friends nodded in agreement. Lou smiled when White Duck said that. "Yeah. We haven't eaten anything in a while." said Garfield.

"Wait, yew are; Yeehaw," Applejack exclaims excitedly. Forget Gray Wolf's orders, time to feed her new friends now! Turning to the other servants, she exclaims eagerly, "Yew ponies hear 'dat; 'Dey are honest! Come on, everyone, get dinner ready!" The kitchen staff eagerly gets to work as Hoity turns the stove on while smiling. His masterpiece is going to be served. "Yeah, git 'ta work! Come on!"

"Remember what the master said," Squidward whispered under his breath to Applejack.

"Awww, horsefeathers," Applejack snaps to Squidward in defiance. "I ain't leaving about to let those fellas go hungry!"

"Oh, alright," Squidward said, thinking he was giving into an ultimate demand. "Glasses of water, crusts of bread, and then-"

"Squidward, you should be ashamed of yourself," SpongeBob said. "They're not prisoners, they're our guests! We must make them feel welcome here." He and Patrick then guided White Duck, Horton, Kangaroo, Rudy, the Lorax, Garfield, Odie, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Barbaloots, Swomee Swans, and Humming Fishes over to the dining room, as he said, "Right this way."

"Well, keep it down," Squidward said. "If the master finds out about this, it will be our necks!"

"Of course, of course," SpongeBob said. "But what is dinner without a little music?"

Patrick nodded cheerfully and said, "Yeah! Music is fun!"

They closed the door and it hit Squidward, sending him flying into a bowl of pudding, as the squid shouted, "MUSIC?"

In the dining room, White Duck, Horton, Kangaroo, Rudy, the Lorax, Garfield, Odie, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Barbaloots, Swomee Swans, and Humming Fishes stood at a table, as SpongeBob and Patrick got onto the table and a spotlight appeared on them, as SpongeBob said, "Good evening, my friends. It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now, we invite you to relax. Let us pull up a chair…" White Duck and her friends sat down at their chairs, as SpongeBob continued, "as the dining room proudly presents…your dinner."

SpongeBob: Be…our…guests, be our guests

Put our service to the test

Tie your napkin 'round your neck, friends

And we provide the rest

A servant each tied a napkin around White Duck and her friend's necks, but they just put them on their laps, making the servants frown.

Patrick: Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeurves

Why, we only live to serve

Try the gray stuff, it's delicious!

Patrick held out a tray of gray pudding and both White Duck and Lou tried it.

Don't believe us?

Ask the dishes!

They can sing, they can dance

As if this was France!

And our dinner here

Is never second best!

White Duck and her friends picked up a menu.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Go on, unfold your menu

Take a glance and then

You'll be our guests

Be our guests

Be our guests

A parade of food came before White Duck, Horton, Kangaroo, Rudy, the Lorax, Garfield, Odie, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Barbaloots, Swomee Swans, and Humming Fishes.

Servants: Beef ragout, cheese soufflé

Pie and pudding en flambe

Squidward chose the wrong time to pop out a pie, as SpongeBob set it on fire, burning the squid to a crisp.

SpongeBob: We'll prepare and serve with flair

A culinary cabaret!

You're alone and you're scared

But the banquet's all prepared

No one's gloomy or complaining

While the flatware's entertaining

We tell jokes, We do tricks

With my glowing candlesticks

Servants: And it's all in perfect taste

That you can bet

Come on and lift your glass

You've won your own free pass

To be our guests

Be our guests

Be our guests

Patrick: If you're stressed

It's fine dining we suggest

Squidward got out of the pie and frantically tried to quiet everyone down, before Squidward caught them.

Servants: Be our guests

Be our guests

Be our guests

The servants left, leaving SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward standing on the table, as a spotlight shone down on the squid, who smiled nervously.

SpongeBob: Life is so unnerving

For a servant who's not serving

Squidward started to inch away, but SpongeBob and Patrick stopped him.

Patrick: He's not whole without a soul

To wait upon

"Get off," Squidward said to SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Ah, those good old days

When we were useful

Suddenly, Squidward noticed it was starting to snow and saw some salt shakers making it look like it was snowing.

Patrick: Suddenly, those good old days are gone

Squidward groaned in annoyance.

SpongeBob: Ten years, we've been wasting

Needing so much more than dusting

Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills

Squidward tried to get away from SpongeBob and Patrick, as they clung to his legs. Squidward finally succeeded, only to fly into some jello.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Most days, we just lay around the castle

Flabby, fat and lazy

You walked in, and oops-a-daisy!

SpongeBob and Patrick jumped onto a spoon in the jello, catapulting Squidward out.

Applejack: It's guests, it's guests

Sakes alive, well, I'll be blessed

Wine's been poured and, thank the Lord

I've had the napkins freshly pressed

With dessert, they'll want tea

And my dear, that's fine with me

While we do the cup's soft shoeing

Tea'll be bubbling

It'll be brewing

It'll get warm

Piping hot

As Applejack was making the tea, she noticed a spot on the teapot.

Heaven's sake, is that a spot?

Clean it up, we want the company impressed

After cleaning the spot from the teapot, she and the CMC got onto the teacart and headed out of the kitchen. Apple Bloom handed White Duck a cup of tea.

Applejack: We've got a lot to do

Is it one lump or two

For you, our guests

Servants: They're our guests

Applejack: They're our guests

Servants: They're our guests

"Alright, that's enough," Squidward shouted, only to see a stampede of servants coming towards him and he ran off screaming.

Servants: Be our guests

Be our guests

Our command is your request!

It's ten years since we've had anybody here

And we're obsessed!

With your meal, with your ease

Yes, indeed, we aim to please

While the candlelight's still glowing

Let us help you, we'll keep going

The crowd cleared, revealing SpongeBob and Patrick in the center.

SpongeBob and Patrick: (joining in) Course by course

One by one

Till you shout, "Enough, I'm done!"

White Duck gasped in awe as a glowing chandelier descended into the room with all the servants doing a chorus line.

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Servants: Then we'll sing you off to sleep

As you digest

Tonight, you'll prop your feet up

But for now, let's eat up

Meanwhile, Squidward stood with the crowd, looking worried, but started to loosen up a little.

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Servants: Be our guests

Be our guests

Be our guests

Please, be our guests!

The song came to an end and Squidward was dancing happily, until SpongeBob and Patrick shoved him aside in a finishing pose.

White Duck and her friends clapped, as White Duck said, "Bravo! That was wonderful!" The Barbaloots, Swomee Swans, and Humming Fishes cheered as they clapped.

"Thank you, thank you," Squidward said. "Yes, good show, wasn't it everyone?" He then looked at a clock and said, "Oh, my goodness, look at the time! Now, it's off to bed, off to bed!"

"But we couldn't possibly sleep now," White Duck said. "It's our first time in an enchanted castle!"

"Enchanted?" Squidward said, nervously. "Who said anything about it being enchanted?" He then snapped at SpongeBob and Patrick, "It was you two, wasn't it?" The three started fighting.

"We, um, figured it out for ourselves," White Duck said, making SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward stop. "We would like to look around, if it's alright."

"Oh! Would you like a tour?" SpongeBob suggested.

Patrick nodded as he said, "Yay! Let's do a tour!"

"Wait a second, wait a second," Squidward said. "I'm not sure that's a good idea." He then whispered to SpongeBob and Patrick, "We can't have them poking around you-know-where, if you know what I mean."

White Duck then said to Squidward, "Perhaps you could take us. I'm sure you know everything there is to know about this castle."

Squidward looked flattered, as he said, "Well, actually, ah yes, I do!"