Bella's Point of View
If I were to say I remembered the Cullen's house, I might have been lying. Everything was so bright and crisp like the morning air- all of my memories had been fuzzy and soft. I had no great memories attached to this house, or any that I could remember.
I half-expected Alice to say, "We're here," or something like that. But no one said a word. It was pretty depressing. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with them. It was as if they all became mute when we arrived at the door. Or maybe they thought that I changed. That wasn't going to happen. Sure, I was a super sexy vampire now. I didn't really change besides that. I just began to realize how angry I was at Edward.
Rosalie flung open the door by just barely pressing on it. I figured she was probably infuriated with me. It was anything new, was it? She always hated me. She was jealous of me, Victoria said. I think someone else told me that before, but I'm not really sure who it was.
I guess my memory is pretty faulty right now. But I came here for a reason- primarily to find my son. And hopefully to recall some memories I had misplaced. I followed Alice into the entrance room, a scowl on my face.
Why wasn't this familiar? "Did you redecorate?" I questioned, biting my lip. I half-expected blood to trickle from my lips and then be attacked by savage vampires- but then I remembered I didn't have any blood anyway. Wait. Being attacked by vampires. That was familiar. I racked my brains for some answers.
Vampires. Edward. Alice. Rosalie. Carlisle. Emmet. Esme. Jasper. Some image of a package came to mind. Birthday? Maybe it was my birthday. Clumsiness. Paper cut. Yes, paper cut. Jasper was blood-thirsty...
I tried to think of more, but my brain decided not to function. "No," Alice replied. She looked a little puzzled. "This is exactly how it was when you were here last." Her voice trailed off dramatically, and she twirled around on the spot as I looked away.
I couldn't be losing my memories, could I? I mean, I've recovered some of them. I was thinking it might have been amnesia or something, but this is completely unfamiliar. As if I was never here before.
"Where is he, Edward?" I asked abruptly, referring to my baby.
"Who?" Edward asked, his eyebrows pulling together for a moment. After he realized what he meant, he quickly said, "In my room."
I snorted. "You don't have a nursery? What kind of parent are you?" I felt a sneer appear on my face. I guess I was trying to be as vicious as possible. I mean, I knew I was. I just wanted to hurt someone- to see their pain easily. I was not the same Bella that needed to be protected and kept away from all bad things. I was the opposite. I was independent. I could protect myself, make my own decisions.
I didn't need Edward anymore.
Edward ignored my remark. I could tell that his jaw was clenched as if he was holding back. I was restraining him. Like I always had, right? He could never do his full potential when I was around. Maybe I was only a bother to him. No, Victoria was right. I was a bother to him. If he had been a true vampire, I wouldn't be here right now.
What a wimp.
I seem to only be remembering bad things about him. However, I was probably too dull of a human to realize all of his errors. I worshiped him- everything about him was so perfect back then.
Now I feel that I thought a rock was a diamond.
"Edward!" I blurted out, without thinking. Edward glanced over his shoulder at me questionably. He looked relieved. I was going to smother that look as soon as I could think straight. Edward Masen Swan. Yes, that was my baby's name! I was full of glee as I walked into Edward's room.
Wait- where was Alice? Or Rosalie?
Or the baby?
"Where are they?" I asked Edward, and turned around towards him. "Where are they, Edward?" I felt my hands start to tremble around me. Why did I feel so powerless and defenseless now? I cast my eyes toward the floor, unable to look at him. My body seemed to be fighting against my mind.
My body was winning.
My eyes fluttered up at Edward. I felt like there was some pull of attraction towards him. Why couldn't I speak? My hands were aching to touch his cold skin, to run through his bronze hair. My lips were dying to kiss him. My mind wanted to smash my body into pieces, to tell it that it was wrong- how could you love him?
I tried to convince myself to slow down. Don't do this.
You can't do this.
No.
I tried to be rational. Every second felt like forever, and I wanted to give in. I wanted to, I really did. But some stupid part of me was telling me not to. And that stupid part somehow had dominance over everything else. I listened to that part of my mind, and ignored the rest.
Besides, my heart doesn't work anymore. My pulse doesn't accelerate when I'm around Edward, because it can't. My breath doesn't get short, and I can speak to him.
Who was I fooling? I couldn't even move now, and I was a vampire! This silence- this tension- it was going to be the end of me! Just staring at him, into his golden eyes was death enough. I had promised, promised, promised myself I wouldn't get in too deep. But just looking into his eyes was just as bad.
I wondered what he thought of this.
Edward's Point of View
"Edward!" Bella exclaimed. I looked over my shoulder at her, curious. Why was she suddenly deciding to call my name? Maybe she had discovered that she was still in love with me?
I doubted it. Alice and Rosalie sped away. Here's your chance, Edward! Alice's happy-go-lucky voice sped into my head. Go for it. Bella still loves you, I'm sure.
Don't mess this up, Edward. Rosalie thought. Just don't.
Rosalie certainly was optimistic. I opened the door to my room. Bella walked in without thinking, and I followed her. I shut the door behind me, which happened to snap her attention right towards me.
"Where are they?" she asked. "Where are they?" Her voice grew higher and angrier. All of her looks towards me today had been ones that could kill. I was about to answer, but then I noticed her whole body shaking.
It looked as if there had been a war raging inside of her. Between what she wants to do and what she thinks is right. I wanted to console her, to comfort her- but I don't think she would've appreciated it. Her eyes looked like they were longing for something. Blood, probably. Her eyes were remarkably dark, with only a slight crimson outline around the perimeter of her irises.
Was I doing this to her? I never wanted to hurt Bella. I now could tell I was the cause of this. I wish I could read her thoughts now. Why didn't she just say what she was thinking? I always knew Bella was a puzzle, but she was even more so now that she became a vampire.
Her lips began to quiver. I was experiencing death right now. I couldn't kiss her without her fighting me off, could I? She was a newborn- very strong. Very murderous. I still had more experience, so maybe I could...?
But the last thing I would want to do is to force myself on her. No. I would not do that to Bella. She was staring into my eyes as if she was trying to burn them with her acute vision. She blinked for a moment, and just barely twitched.
I couldn't handle it anymore. I turned around, hoping to give her some time alone. Then she wouldn't have to give me death looks anymore. And maybe, maybe- she'd decide to marry me?
I sighed as I twisted the doorknob of my room and swung the door open.
"Don't leave me, Edward!" Bella cried out. I didn't even have a piece of a moment to look at her when she tackled me to the floor. She definitely had a lot more force than before. I could tell from her stunning face that if she could still cry, she would be right now. "Don't leave me. Ever." she repeated. She brought her face close to mine.
I braced myself for a kiss. I hadn't kissed anyone since Bella. It was still surprising to find that Bella was back in my house as a vampire. And she was finally with me. I could finally be happy for eternity with my Bella.
She looked hurt for a moment. "What's the matter?" I asked her, her eyes shaking over my face. She jumped up without even brushing dirt off of her black pants. I immediately got up just as she was running across the hall. "Where are you going?" I shouted, following her.
"Get away from me!" Bella yelled back, although she didn't need to. I already felt rejected. I was so ready to finally smile at someone genuinely, and now the corners of my mouth were aching from that. She sprinted towards the room where the nursery was, and pushed open the door with all of her power. It nearly broke, I noted.
"Edward!" she whispered, seeing the baby boy. I darted after her, nearly slamming into the door which she whipped closed behind her. I furiously ripped it open, angered by her swift change of heart. Her eyes pierced mine as looked up at me. She returned her attention towards the baby.
Now she doesn't even run away from me? I never could understand Bella. I see that that part of her hasn't changed. Knowing her, it probably won't ever change. Her eyes widened as she looked over the baby.
With a flash, she pried open the window with one hand. "What are you doing?" I inquired, cursing under my breath for having gigantic windows in the nursery. She still managed to keep hold of the baby as I grabbed her around the waist. I felt the wind hit my face as the window was fully opened.
"Listen, Edward," Bella began, wriggling under my tight grasp. "Let go. Let go of me. Forever." she finished. "You're only hurting yourself by doing this." Her words sunk in rapidly. She was telling me to let go of loving her.
No. I wouldn't. I held her tighter.
"Edward, let go," she whispered, inhaling a short breath. She wasn't even attempting to fight back anymore. She frowned at the baby which was cradled in her arms. "Please. Do this for me, Edward." Her voice was so soft and gentle. I never wanted to let go.
But I did.
I unglued myself from her, and she smiled weakly as she turned towards me. She kissed the baby on the forehead and set it back in its crib before plunging out of the window. I didn't watch. I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled.
I wish I could've comforted myself by saying that it was a nightmare.
But everything is a nightmare now.
Because Bella is everything to me.
Bella's Point of View
I had him pinned exactly where I wanted. Just as I uttered the words "don't leave me, Edward" and pounced at him – he was mine. I could finally give in. He would kiss me, and then we could live happily ever after.
I knew he wanted it. He looked so happy and kissable. I was so ready to give myself to him, and then help raise our little boy. It was so perfect. I could taste the happiness that I would feel being with Edward.
Don't listen to him! Don't believe him! Victoria's voice hissed inside of my head. He's a liar- a poor vampire! He doesn't want you, Bella. You're too strong for him. He's going to try to dominate you and take away your freedom as a vampire!
I pulled away. Victoria was right. She always was, even if she was completely dead now. She still lived inside of me – her voice always told me what to do. I would have been bothered by it if she hadn't been so right. All Edward ever did to me is what he wanted! When did we ever get to do something I wanted to do? Never.
I stood up. And then I ran. I ran down the hall. I ran as fast as my feet could take me. I noticed a door that was painted a light shade of blue. I knew it had to be the nursery. It had to be. I could sense fresh blood, anyway. My little Edward was in there. "Edward!" I gasped, excited. I pushed the door fully open and snapped it shut behind me as I flew at the baby. I picked him up and twirled him around. I brought him down to my arms and smiled at him. He was so cute. He reminded me of Edward, but still somewhat of me.
A window! I grinned. I glanced at Edward, who was now in the room. His eyes were like some kind of drug. I looked away as soon as I could free my eyes from their favorite attraction. I turned away from him, took the baby in one hand, and attempted to break open the window. "What are you doing?" he questioned fiercely. Right after, his arms were restraining me from flying to my freedom.
My heart, or what was left of it, was breaking. I could feel some pain in my chest. I wanted to be free, but I wanted to be with him. I couldn't get both, could I? "Listen, Edward," I said, trying very hard to sound reasonable. I squirmed, hoping I could get an easy way out without having to say something I really didn't mean. He wasn't letting go. "Let go. Let go of me, forever." I finished dramatically. "You know you're only hurting yourself by doing this." Which wasn't true. I was yearning for Edward, I really was.
He tightened his grasp on me. "Edward, let go." I pleaded. I pleaded that he would never, ever let go of me. I didn't even try to wiggle out of his grasp. He would let go soon. I could sense it. "Edward, let go," I whispered almost inaudibly. I frowned at my son, who was looking at me with his wide eyes. I felt like crying. Why couldn't I be with Edward? Why? What was preventing me? "Please- do this for me, Edward!" I said, unable to say anything else.
He would never know what I really meant. I missed Edward so much, even though he was right here, next to me. Eventually he let me go. I gave him a small, ungrateful smile and then kissed little Edward on his forehead. I set him in his crib. I wanted to look back at Edward, but my brain stopped me. I hesitated for a moment, but I don't think Edward noticed.
I flung myself out of the window.
A/N: Here's a long chapter for everyone. I felt kind of bad not letting Bella get Edward or vice versa. I'm elongating the story, I guess. Anyway, I'm sure a lot of you can sense some kind of inner conflict here. Please, please please please please review! I would really appreciate it. And I love all of your reviews and I read each and every one of them. I'm super thankful for the total of 80 reviews that I have at the moment. (Besides, reviewers have some sort of input in what happens at the next installment of the story!)
