Sorry it has taken me so long to post this chapter. Life has been quite crazy of late.
Hermione's world was dark, she couldn't see, but she still had her other four senses. She still had feeling, touch, smell and taste. She could feel around her, feel the crisp, well not really crisp sheets she laid on and underneath. Taste the staleness in her mouth, hear the soft ticking of a clock nearby and smell the sterile scent of the room she was in. The clean scent had told her exact location, which was the hospital wing. But how did she get here?
She tried willing her eyes to open just a crack, only to close them quickly as the bright light of the room filtered its way in. Gritting her teeth, she laid still, listening to herself slowly breath in and out matching its rhythm with the ticking clock. However long she had lain there with the only sounds of her breathing and the clock, she finally caught the wisps of voices steadily growing a louder as they entered the room, approaching where she was located.
Staying still, she listened to the two who were whispering harshly somewhere in the room. In all honest truth, it sounded more like arguing to the woman.
"Severus, once again it is not your fault what had happened to her." Minerva's soft voice said.
"But it is my fault. If I didn't do what I did, she wouldn't be here. She's still in a coma, Minerva." Severus' said in a worn out tone.
Minerva let out a slow breath of air. "Listen to me. We found her laying in the corridor, and no one knows what had happened to her. Only she knows what had happened that night. So until she wakes, we cannot ask her. You do need to calm down and stop blaming yourself though. All we know, well assuming is that she tripped and accidently hit her head hard. Or she had exhausted herself to such a point that she led herself to this state. But again we just don't know." There was a pause, and the younger witch imagine McGonagall placing a gentle hand on the dark wizard's arm. "Why don't you head back to your rooms and get some sleep."
"I can't do that." He whispered even quieter, making Hermione's ears straining just to catch the words he spoke.
"I'll be here for her. And when she awakes I'll send for you, I promise."
"I know you would. Though I think it might be wise I stay here."
"You've been by her side since we found her. I doubt you have slept at all in the last two days. In fact, I am certain you haven't slept a wink, those circles underneath your eyes are darker than normal. So do you want her to wake to see you in such a ragged state?"
He's been by my side for two days? It was shocking to hear that. Never would she have believed that he would even come and sit beside her for no more for an hour at least. But two days, was startling. The way he acted made her believe that he didn't care about her.
There was another pause, the younger witch's ears straining even more than before to hear anything coming from the man.
"Don't give me that look, Severus. I may be old, but I'm not that old that I won't give you a good wallop. Which in my opinion you sorely need." Minerva said, making a harrumphing sound after she comment.
Severus huffed, moving closer to Hermione's cot. "Go ahead then. I don't intend returning to my rooms to rest." He said, leaning down.
She could feel his body heat beside her, feel his breath upon her skin and then his calloused fingers gently moving a wayward strand of hair off of her face and hear him let out a heavy exhausted sigh.
"I want to be here when she wakes. I need to apologize to her. She needs to know that what I had said to her that night was not true. That I allowed my anger, jealousy and insecurities to get the better of me. That I also allowed the firewhiskey I consumed to fog my mind. I know it's not a good reason why. I know she'll more than likely end up telling me that I should had turned her away if I was in such a state. But that's the thing. I didn't. I allowed her to come in. She wanted to talk and here I-I lashed out at her, in an unforgivably way too. There was purely no reason for it."
He was right she would have ended up telling him that he should have turned her away that night if he was in an uproar. But she was also in the wrong. She knew he was drinking that night as well. It was heavy on his breath, his eyes were bloodshot, but still she went into his rooms. In the end they were both in the wrong.
Severus let out another heavy sigh, "I just hope she will listen to me before sending me away. I don't think I can stand being rejected once again from another who I care about immensely."
The swishing sound of the McGonagall's tartan skirts, indicated to the supposed slumbering witch that she moved next to the cot as well.
"You will get that chance. And she will listen to everything you have to say. Don't give her a benefit of a doubt, Severus. Remember what I said about her. She's nothing like Lily. So don't give up hope. Now if you don't plan on resting for a bit, why don't you go freshen up a bit then. You don't want her to wake seeing you this way, now do you? Wipe that scowl off your face. Freshening up charms lack compared to the way bathing properly can do and you know that better than I. How many times have you told your house the same thing?" She said with one eyebrow cocked up.
The dark wizard trailed his fingers down the side of Hermione's face tenderly. "You have a point. But if she awakes when I'm gone you'll send for me." He said with a sneer, removing his digits from Hermione's soft flesh.
The absence of his touch, made the witch stir slightly. A movement which the wizard did not catch as he was scowling once again at the headmistress exactly at that precise moment. Though the subtle reaction that was missed by the wizard had not gone unnoticed from the elder witch.
Minerva clicked her tongue. "I will. Now go, something tells me that she will be waking up sometime soon."
Hermione's ears strained as she tried to hear the soft footsteps of the dour potions master. It was hard for her to tell if Severus had left the infirmary yet. In fact, it was always hard for her to notice when he walked into a room. He was still stealthy as ever. And to be truthfully honest she didn't want him to leave at that very moment, but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes, pretending to be coming out of the coma she was in.
Now as she thought about it, he must have truly been exhausted if he didn't notice the change in her breathing, the way her brows flinched when his warm touch left her skin. Or perhaps he did, and just chose not to stay, thinking that she was laying there pretending because she didn't want to see him.
If it was the latter, she wouldn't blame him for thinking so, since she put no effort in reassuring him she was indeed awake. But she was still torn up on what had happened two nights ago. The way he spoken and acted towards her hurt her more than anything. It was hard to say how she would act around him when she felt tears pricking at the corner of her eyes when he was standing close by her.
If she had decided to open her eyes before he left the room, there was no doubt in her mind she would have ended up curling into a fetal position and cry her heart out. And still, even if she was crying part of her didn't want him to leave her side. She wanted him to stay beside her, caressing her cheek with his fingers, comfort her in a way that only he was able to do.
Feeling hot tears leaking from the corner of her eyes. She gulped down the hitch in her chest as she fought the onslaught of emotions coursing through her. Trembling as she pushing away her feelings, she felt arms pull her up into a hug.
"It's okay. Let it out." McGonagall said in a motherly tone, rubbing the younger witch's back as she rocked her slowly back and forth.
She had cried for a long time. Her tears seeming to be never ending, though they eventually ended drying up. Moving away from Minerva, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes, removing any of the residue the tears from her puffy, bloodshot eyes left.
"How much did you hear?"
"I heard almost everything you both said." She said, drawing her knees to her chest. "I want to listen to what he has to say, but then again I don't. I don't want to listen to the sort of excuses he has to say. What he had said to me that night regardless if he was intoxicated or not hurt me. I believe the alcohol he consumed allowed his tongue to flap free and spew what must have been on his mind."
"They're not excuses. He's apologizing to you. He knows what he had said and done was wrong. You can see it in his eyes. Severus is truly sorry for whatever had transpired between you two."
"
And what is the difference? His apologies are another form of excuses for the way he acted towards me, let alone what he had said to me. It just took this long—"
"No! No, it's not another excuse." Minerva's stern voice cut in. "This is Severus Snape we're talking about, Hermione, if you had forgotten. He never apologizes to anyone. And when he does, it means so much. He's showing you his vulnerable side. The side he is afraid to show to anyone. A side that ended up hurting him more than anything else. For him to do something such as this means that you mean a lot to him. I know your friendship with him has grown since he arrived. And I doubt he wants that friendship to end nor do I think you want it to end as well."
Hermione glanced down at her lap staring at her hands as they twisted in the thin bedsheet. The elder witch had a point. She didn't want their friendship to end, and to hear Severus' torn voice told her that he also didn't want that to happen as well.
The headmistress sighed, placing a tender hand over hers. "My dear, that poor fellow has been by your side since you were found unconscious in the hall. As you said, you heard our conversation. Though I knew you did when I saw you stir when he didn't. I know you were up and I know you heard everything, your admittance was all that I needed to know that I was right. You had heard him refusing to leave your side and very ardently, Hermione. He cares immensely for you."
"And because he cares, gives him the right to treat me the way he did that night, Minerva? I don't know if I can forgive him for that."
"No, it doesn't. And he regrets what he has done. He wasn't himself that night either, if you must know. He was bedraggled over whatever had transpired between the two of you. You know as well as I that both of you need to discuss it instead of running away from it. Which sounds like you are wanting to do."
"I'm not running away from it. I just….I just don't want to see him now or—"
"Ever? That's drastic even for you. You had worst with Potter and Weasley when growing up and you still stayed being their friend, until recent events. Let Severus talk to you. Give him the chance to explain and apologize. Then think about what he says before jumping into action. Because if you don't you'll end up regretting your decision in the end for being so impatiently hasty."
"I'm not being hasty, and I do want to see him. I don't know if I can control my tongue. When I'm hurt I say the worst of things to those I love."
"And do you love me as well?"
"Of course I do. You're my mentor, my friend, but you've also been a mother figure to me as well."
"Then you misplaced your love, by giving it to me when I have wronged you. You had easily forgiven me, when I had done more harm against you than he has. I didn't stick up for you, instead I berated you, put you on temporary leave during that horrid outburst in the Prophet. I let Neville stay to teach but I made you take a leave of absence."
"You only did what you had to do."
"No. What I should have done was punish you both, not just only you. And I'm sorry that I didn't do that." Minerva averted her eyes away from Hermione as guilt flutter over her features. "Not only that, but I wasn't sticking up for you like I should have been. I allowed to many people talk bad about you during that time, when I should had shut them up with a sharp barb, but I didn't. You know who did though? Severus. He stuck up for you, when no one else would. He cut down Hackly when he was downgrading you during your leave of absence." Hermione shudder upon hearing the history professors name. "You both were not friends at the time, and he still did that for you. He is a better person than I. Sure he can be a right bastard at times, but he has a good heart and he cares deeply even if he never shows it. So why is it fine to forgive this old woman, when you can't find it in yourself to forgive him or give him a chance?"
She shook her head, burying her face in her knees. It was hard to believe that the woman she had looked up to had allowed such a thing to happen when she wasn't around. Looking back on that day, she was right she was the only one punished and she remember how much that hurt her. And still she had forgiven the elderly witch for doing that. And now she was being told by the same woman that she didn't stick up for her like she had done so many times before when this all had fallen out had sent a stab of pain to her heart. What made this so hard to believe was that the very man she was trying to avoid right now had.
Sucking in a deep shaky breath of air, she let it out slowly. "I'll talk to him. He deserves to explain himself. But what he had done really torn me apart. I care for him deeply. He's the light in my world that was full of darkness. He made me feel…..well wanted. I know you make me feel that way. But having someone, no, just having him making me feel wanted changed everything for me. I enjoy our times spent together. I love conversing with him, debating with him, having tea and just sitting and reading in silence as long as I'm near him. And when he spoke so harshly to me, my heart broke. I wanted to know what I had done to make him angry. What I have caused for him to be in such a state. I want to know why he was jealous and who he was jealous about. Or why he has insecurities around me." She murmured.
"Then I'll tell you." Said a deep velvet raspy voice.
Head snapping up, cinnamon hues locked on with those of dark midnight black pools. Mouth hanging open, she flickered her gaze to the elder witch who was now standing up.
"I best be going. You and Severus have a lot of talking to do. Though I suggest using the back room for privacy. You know students coming in and out and such." Minerva said with a smile before turning and walking away from them.
Hermione slowly got up on shaky legs, allowing the dark wizard to wrap an arm around her shoulders to help her walk to the secluded room in the back of the infirmary. Once they were in, he helped her sit down, then shutting the door and cast a silencing charm on the room so no one could hear their discussion.
There was an awkwardness hung heavy above their heads. It felt like hours had ticked by without one of them saying a word when only a couple minutes had passed by before Snape's voice sliced through the silence of the room.
"Did Minerva ask you if you remember what had happened that night when they found you?" He asked, his eyes cast off to the side.
"No. We ended up talking about something entirely different…..well sort of. What happened to me that night? How did I end up in the hospital wing?" She asked, now as her mind wander back to her silent question in her head.
"You were found unconscious in the corridor leading towards the history classroom. We assume you hit your head or you passed out from exhaustion. But we don't know, can you tell me what happened?"
"I don't remember what happened. If I did I would have told you and not asked how I ended up here now wouldn't I?" She growled, crossing her arms.
Severus let out a heavy sigh, running his hand through his still slightly wet hair. "You're right."
"Obviously." She sneered, rolling her eyes.
"Don't."
"Don't what, Severus? Have an attitude with you when you're the one who treated me horribly that night. The things you said was hurtful and completely out of line. What did I do to make you say such a thing? I know I can be annoying at times. I know that. But I didn't think I had annoyed you so much for you to say such vulgar things to me. I thought you were my friend."
"I am your friend,' he emphasized, 'or at least I hope I still am. Whatever I say will never fully atone for what I harshly said to you. I have no excuse for the way I acted. For me to blame it on the firewhiskey is petty. I knew I wasn't in a good temper when you came. I should have sent you away, but I didn't. I enjoy our time together. But something that night just snapped inside of me. I thought I was losing you."
"You thought you were losing me? We're friends, Severus. I take my friendships seriously. I never give them up. My friends are the world to me. And you knew how it hurt me with what Harry and Ron did to me. So why would you think that?"
The dour man growled, turning his back on her. "I thought I was losing you to Potter. You've been spending so much time with him I started to believe you two are-"
"A couple?" She asked, watching him nod slowly in confirmation. "That's silly. Why would Harry and I be a couple. He and Ginny are together and he plans on marrying her or so I believe by the way he talks. Besides that, I only see him as a brother figure and nothing more. And he knows how I feel about…"
Severus' ears perked up. Turning slowly around, she looked at her through narrow slit eyes. "How you feel about whom, Hermione? Neville? Ron? Some mystery wizard I don't know of? And if so why didn't you tell me?"
"Because."
"Because isn't an answer."
"Because you're the mystery wizard I have feelings for! I care for you more than a friend should. I think about you constantly, Severus. You're in my dreams every night when I go to bed. And when I wake I cannot wait to see you. But if I had told you that, you would be disgusted with me, with the fact that someone like me could be in love with you when you are still in love with Lily Evans. I don't care what Harry says, there is no way you could care for someone like me in that way." She yelled, her hands flying up in the air with force, making her tangled curls flutter around her head in a halo.
Were his ears working right? Did he actually hear her correctly? Did she just admit her feelings to him? Well in an angry sort of way, but still admitted it to him none the less?
He was speechless, no words came out of his mouth as he stared at the Gryffindor witch. His heart pumped faster, beating in his chest a quicken tempo that made him feel as if it would shoot out of him.
"See you can't say anything can you? You're disgusted that I am in love with you. I told Harry what he must have seen was just a figment of his imagination. I was foolish to hope that you may have felt the same way for me too." She said, her voice trembling as she started to get all teary eyed.
Severus closed the distance between them. Grabbing her face gently in the palm of his hands and claimed her mouth with his in a searing kiss that literally took her breath away. Pulling back just some, his mouth lingering over her own, his dark gaze, gazing into her tear filled eyes.
Swiping the pad of his thumb over her cheek tenderly, he spoke in a hush tone. "You're wrong, I'm not disgusted to know you care for me in that way. Ie care for you as well."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
"Hermione, I'm nineteen years older than you. I'm old enough to be your father. And like you I had full heartedly believed that you would be disgusted to know that a man such a me felt something for you. Now why do you think I didn't tell you?" He huffed, rolling his eyes at her, though the corner of his mouth raised slightly into a smirk.
"I don't care about your age, Severus. I don't care what you did in your past. That's part of you. It's what makes you, you. I never did care, I care only about the real you, the you have shown me. I always have. You were so different from every man I have met. But that night, you were just like him. You scared me and I was fearful of you. You reminded me of Hackly."
His expression darken for a moment. "Hackly?"
She shuddered, "yes, Hackly. He has accosted me, calling me a mudblood, but offer to bed me since I have such carnal desires that need to be fulfilled supposedly."
His blood began to boil the more she spoke. The thought of that greasy butterball saying such a thing to her was unforgivable and issue he will deal with. "Why haven't you said anything about it?"
"This all happened when that issue had befallen on me. Do you think anyone would have believed me?" She asked, the lost look clouding her eyes. "No, they wouldn't. I was considered a harlot during that time and still am to most. So it didn't matter if I told someone or not."
"No, it does matter. I would have believed you. Minerva, Filius, and couple others would have believed you. What he did was harassment."
"And what you did wasn't?"
He sighed, knowing she spoke true. "No, you're right. What I did was harassment as well."
"Yes, but you did it also under the influence of alcohol."
"That doesn't matter."
"It does. He did it for the spite of it. He hates me. He always had."
"Well he won't be doing it again."
"He hasn't done it again. But I haven't run into him alone so far. And I hope it stays that way."
"And it will." He told her in a whisper.
Leaning in and kissing her tenderly on the mouth, Hermione reciprocated by kissing him back, her mouth moving with his. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and let out a sigh when he pulled back. He looked down at her, her eyes were shut, as a faint pink blush dusted her cheeks.
She may have not said it, but the way she explained it to him, she loved him to some degree, and it was hard for him to believe that someone actually loved him, Severus Snape. His heart warmed knowing this fact and he silently promised to protect her with every fiber of his being and to take away all the pain that had befallen on her.
"Let's go get you something to eat. I'm sure Poppy will like to see you before you leave."
"I wouldn't doubt it if she is standing right outside tapping her foot rapidly either. We'll get an ear full from her."
"And I'll just have to hex her."
"No you won't. I know it and so does she. Besides I finally have you and I'm not going to lose you for something petty as you hexing her. You're mine now."
You're mine now. Indeed, he was hers as she was his.
{-}
Hours had passed by, since he had arrived back into the hospital wing seeing Minerva and Hermione conversing. They had talked and figured out what had happened. And he was grateful that their friendship didn't end, but evolved instead to something more grand than he could have ever imagine in his entire life.
Making sure that his witch was fed and properly back in the comforts of her chambers. He had wished her a good night, and left for his own to only sit in front of his fire as the gears in his mind turned. It was infuriating that Hackly had done what he had done to Hermione, his Hermione. And especially after what he had said to the man.
Again he had commented not liking the fat little man. There was still something eerily familiar about him and he was now going to get to the bottom of it. At first he never cared, but now he did.
Knowing that he accosted Hermione was just enough to push him. And now he believed that he must have accosted her again two days ago. If so, something must have gone horribly wrong and he wouldn't put it past the wizard to knock her out and wipe her memories away. But how was he going to prove that was what had happened that night?
Growling, he pinched the bridge of his nose feeling a headache creeping upon him.
Hearing the charmed timer ding, he rose from the comforts of his chair and left his sitting room to his office and then to his private laboratory. The potion he was brewing was coming along real nicely. Only a month left before it would be fully finished. And then it can be put to the test.
Finally, they have finally told each other their feelings for one another. It took them long enough, right?
Also notice that Severus isn't that far off on his assumptions on what happened to Hermione is he dear readers? And what type of potion is he making?
I love to hear from you. Comments are always loved.
