Note: This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile.
"Fuck!" Lizzy shouts with total frustration as she sits onto the floor of the small bathroom, the place torn apart in her efforts to find the hidden car part. Every item they stowed in there from the medicine cabinet, under sink storage, and the small linen closet are strewn about the floor. The shower curtain is down, toilet tank cover removed, and she's found absolutely nothing. No hose anywhere.
With her back to the rustic wooden vanity Lizzy looks at the shower, the place where she and Dean enjoyed some of their free time just days ago, and begins to wonder if she'll ever have that kind of moment like that with him again if she can't come up with the missing piece to the Mustang.
"Fuck, that never gets old," Dean says as she sighs and whimpers with satisfaction as the shower water continues to rain down on them in their interlocked position..
"Oh yeah," Lizzy says to him, happy as ever. "You keep doing me like that and you'll never stop seeing it either."
His eyes darken as he looks at her. "Yeah?" he goads her on, loving when she talks.
"Yes. I love the way you fuck me," she starts it, pulling his neck a little until she's speaking into his ear. "I love the way you make me feel."
"God damn," he swears when her words get him going quickly. It's been so long that she's spoke like this. It's been poopy diaper this and bottle that… he almost forgot she was such a talker.
"Let's get out of the shower," she says to him. "Bed."
"I guess I'll fix the shower wall later then," he jests, kissing her again before putting her down and stepping out of the shower. He turns the water off as Lizzy looks down, a lone old blue tile lying there.
"I broke the wall?" she questions with surprise as Dean laughs at her.
"Damn straight," he tells her, grabbing her hand and helping her over the tub edge. He hands her a towel before grabbing one for himself. "Must have been a good one."
"Eh, you can do better than that," Lizzy smirks, drying herself off a little bit while staring at her beautiful example of a man she calls her own.
"Oh really?" he plays along, rubbing the towel in his hair before wrapping it around his waist.
"Mm-hmm," she nods, covering herself up with her own towel.
He yanks her arm until she's flush against him and plants one very serious kiss on her lips. He then scoops her up into his arms, carrying her with a bright smile that she hasn't seen on him in what feels like years.
"Challenge accepted," he says and books it to the stairs, looking to get her in their bed as soon as humanly possible.
Staring at the tile wall of the shower from her seat on the floor Lizzy can see the one blue tile by the corner that's surrounded by a brighter-white, newer grouting. The work was clearly done in a rush, the grout not properly wiped and applied, and the tile slid a bit out of place, making it crooked. It takes a second to understand what he was trying to tell her.
Only she would know. Only she would know that they had sex in the shower and that she was the one that popped that tile out of place. Only she would know to look there because of that.
"Oh my God," she says in a rush as she scrambles to her feet. She presses on the tile and the, what she thought was, grout gives way far too easily. It crumbles right up and the tile falls back out as the scent of mint hits her nose. Toothpaste.
She reaches into the hole in the shower wall and just a few inches down she feels it.
"That man is far too smart for his own fucking good," she mutters to herself as she pulls her hand out and sees the hose in her hand. "I got it!" she shouts as she runs out of the room.
"So any Walmart or Target will do… Target is probably a better bet for something this specific," Lizzy says to Sam as he shuts the trunk of the Mustang, his weapons and packed bag stowed away. "There's one off of 93 when you get closer to Kalispell so keep your eyes wide open."
"Will do," Sam nods and heads for the driver's seat. "Bobby, you sure you got this thing running right?"
"I know two things in life, son," Bobby says, closing the hood and wiping his hands on a rag. "Evil shit and cars. She's running more than fine."
"Alright," Sam smiles very small at him and opens the door to get in.
"Sam!" Lizzy calls out his name, getting him to pause and look at her standing next to him with a snowsuit-clad Sammy in her hold. "Um, please be careful. If you see Lucifer…"
"Lizzy, don't start that. I'll be fine," Sam assures her as internally he prays that what he says is true.
"And if you're not, you call me right away," she sternly dictates her rule for him. "You call me and get a reality check, ok? I'll answer at any hour. You're alone on this until you get there…"
"Stop worrying so much," Sam says calmly.
"I won't until you bring your brother home and your head is in one piece," she says reluctantly, hugging Sammy closer while clearly biting the inside of her lip with anxiety.
"I'll be back, with Dean, in a day or two. We know how to kill her so she's going down. You try and rest up. You look exhausted." Sam lowers into the car as Lizzy sighs.
"I am exhausted," she whispers to herself, her cheek pressed to the top of Sammy's head.
"You watch yourself, Sam," Bobby says to the man over the sound of the engine. He's decided that it's best for Sam to leave alone and he stick around. As much as they all have a lot to be guilty for his pile is a bit steeper than even most hunters. He's pretty sure he'd be a beacon guiding a vengeful Fury right to them.
Sam just nods and puts the car in drive, heading down the long dirt pathway leading to their cabin. Bobby and Lizzy watch the taillights until they disappear, both getting that pit-of-the-stomach fearful feeling the second he's gone.
"Well, just you and me again, kiddo," Bobby says to Lizzy while looking down at Sammy in her arm. He gives over his index finger and Sammy grips it in his hand, looking up at the older man with his bright blue-green eyes.
"Feels like that's just the way these days, huh?" Lizzy jokes without cracking a smile.
"You know what?" Bobby starts as he gently grabs Sammy under his arms and lifts him out of Lizzy's arms, the woman letting him do so with nothing but trust. "Why don't you go lay down for a bit?"
"Yeah, right…" Lizzy says, crossing her arms over her chest and shivering with the cold and the worry.
"Yeah… right," Bobby tells her. "We did all we can do. No research needed, they have the answers…"
"My husband is a second away from killing himself, Bobby," Lizzy says, her eyes suddenly showing the fright and utter desperate anxiety she's feeling. Her poker face is so good these days she can even fool him sometimes. But the poker face is gone now. "I can't… I'm not sleeping. I'm not doing anything until I see him walk through this door alive and well. Then… then and only then I'll sleep."
Bobby nods, looking at the quiet and calm Sammy in his arms, the little boy coming quickly up on three months of age. He's growing bigger by the second and his features are sharper every day. He's looking far too much like that currently in trouble daddy of his.
"Well then, how about I make some tea and we watch a little Telenovela while we wait to hear from Sam," Bobby suggests. If she won't sleep at least he can try and keep her quiet and low key. This girl has been running on empty since the second Sammy came into the world. Between his schedule, their bad luck, and monsters on their tails she's averaging a couple hours a night and a blood pressure number that must be off the charts. To say he's worried about her would be a massive understatement.
"I can do that," Lizzy responds, leaning forward to kiss her son's face once before heading inside. She'll play along and do what he asks but, like she said, until Dean comes home safe and sound, and she slugs him one for scaring the living shit out of her, she'll be a mess that cannot be helped.
The Wonder Woman label is starting to get awful tiring.
Lou stares at her phone, willing it to ring. She spoke to Sam from the road a few hours ago and since then she's been counting the seconds.
Looking at the two men tied to their chairs, each with duct tape over their mouth at this point, she continues to worry. She needs back up and the whole waiting for the evil to find her thing is wearing on her.
Adjusting herself on the mattress, stretching her legs out after sitting Indian style too long, she nearly jumps out of her skin when there's a knock on the door. She checks the clock on the night stand. Just short of two hours, right when he said he'd arrive.
"Thank fucking God!" Lou nearly shouts while jogging for the door, sawed-off in hand. She grabs the door knob and pulls. "I was losing my shit by myse…."
"Hello, Lou," Elizabeth's smiling face greets the moment the door is open and without waiting she steps through the door, grabs the hunter's face, and plants her lips onto Lou's.
Sam pulls into the motel parking lot as his heart pounds. It's about time he got there. The drive was nerve-wracking enough and now that he's there he just wants to jump in and get this done.
"You think they're still alive?"
Sam looks into the rearview mirror to see Lucifer looking right back at him from the backseat.
"Because, Sammy… I got a bad feeling about this one…."
Sam ignores him, getting out of the car and heading for the trunk. As he opens it he can hear the passenger side door squealing and Lucifer continue talking.
"I mean, it took hours to get here," the tormenter points out as Sam arms himself, grabbing his Taurus and checking that the clip is full. "That's plenty of time for a Fury to find where they've been hiding out. I bet she got to them. I bet they're dead."
"Shut up," Sam grits out, angered by the fear his hallucination is bringing on.
"They're dead, Sam," Lucifer keeps trying. "Dead as disco."
Sam drops his handgun into the trunk and closes his eyes while pressing his thumb into his palm. Sure, the cut there is healing but it still hurts enough when abused that he can focus on the realness of the pain and remind himself that old Luci is not real.
The Devil blinks out and disappears, Sam's shoulder dropping with relief. He's got enough on his plate that he doesn't need the extra distraction and grief.
Sam takes his gun, slams the trunk closed, and sprints to the motel room Lou gave him on the way. He knocks immediately. He waits for an answer but gets nothing instead. He knocks again. "Lou!?"
Nothing.
"Lou, it's me!" Sam tells her but once more nothing happens. He can't even hear anyone moving in the room. "Come on, Lou!"
His heart pounds faster and faster as he waits.
"I'm coming in!" he warns and turns the door knob, it not being locked. That just scares him all the more.
The door's unlocked. No one is answering him. Not good. Pushing the door open, he looks inside and the blood in his veins goes cold.
"Lou! Don't!"
Lou looks over to him with black makeup-smudged, red-rimmed eyes as she sits at the foot of one of the beds. Her sad, desperate face latches onto his as her grip on the silver blade tightens, its point pressed into her chest over her heart.
The second she registers that it's Sam in the doorway she burst out crying in a way that Lou has never done since she saw her dead, mutilated parents on the worst night of her life.
"What the fuck… Lou!? Where's Dean!?" Sam panics as he looks to the side and sees two empty chairs, ropes still strung around them.
"I killed her," Lou says quietly through her sobs as her back hunches and she looks downward to avoid him. "I shouldn't have… I should have listened to you…"
"What!?' Sam asks when her words confuse the hell out of him. "Lou, Jesus, put the knife down."
"I deserve this," Lou tells him and grips the handle harder, ready to plunge it into her own chest.
"No! " Sam immediately shouts and takes a step forward to stop her. Immediately she's on her feet and holding the knife out at him in defense, taking a prepared, attack stance. He stops immediately. "Whoa, whoa. Ok. It's ok. It's just me."
"I should have listened to you!" Lou shouts at him in a crazed voice, clearly losing control of herself completely. The tears are constant and Sam's at a total loss with this. He's never once seen Lou anywhere near this messed up before. "I didn't listen!"
"Ok… that's ok," Sam tried to assure her, forcing a slight smile on his face. "You're stubborn as hell. You never listen to anyone, especially me…"
"NO! I should have listened!" she yells at him from deep inside her being, her face showing her anger at herself. "I didn't listen to you and now you'll hate me!"
Sam's heart stops with that. He looks at her with total shock. "Lou… nothing you could do could make me hate you. I could never hate you."
Lou's face scrunches up with utter desperation and sadness. She hangs her head and tells him, "You would if you knew."
"If I knew what?" Sam questions and he waits. All he gets is a head shake in return. "What the hell did you do?"
"I killed her," Lou cries out, hearing the admission as it prepares to launch out of her mouth. "I shouldn't have…"
"Who did you kill?"
"I killed her."
"Killed who!?" Sam demands from her.
"Amy!" Lou shouts and gets it over with, peering at him with sheer guilt and regret. "I fucking killed Amy!"
"No you didn't," he quickly responds, sounding like he doesn't believe her yet down deep he already knows she's telling the truth.
"I did."
"No… you let her go…." Sam pauses, unable to breath. "You told me you'd let her go. You said you'd follow my lead."
"And I lied to you," she cries harder, sitting back down in the bed. "I lied right to your face every day since we left Helena."
Sam takes a step back, his voice caught in his throat when she mentions the city. "Helena?" he questions as his brain figures it all out. "You… you said there was a possible case there that we should check out."
"There was never a case in Helena," Lou admits quietly, the tears spilling constantly.
"You brought me there… you tracked her down and, and killed her, didn't you? After we let her go!? After you promised me you wouldn't!?" Sam's voice grows louder and louder as his brain settles into the reality she presents him. She killed Amy. Lou killed Amy. Lou didn't trust him.
"I don't deserve you," Lou collapses in sobs, sitting once more onto the edge of the bed, knife in her hand resting on her lap. "I don't. You're so much better than me and I lied. I lied to you and I let you trust me and… and I killed Amy."
"Why would you do that?" Sam questions, his tone showing how hurt to his core he is by her.
"She had to die. She was gonna kill again…"
"No she wasn't!" he yells at her with sheer anger.
The second she can hear the hatred in his voice Lou loses it. "I should be dead. I killed her and I shouldn't have. I lied and… you'll be better off without me, Sam. You need someone much better than me. Someone that won't do this to you."
She turns the knife on herself once more, the point at her chest.
"Lou! No!" Sam tries to stop her the second he sees the suicidal thoughts start to return.
"You don't need me!" Lou says her inner-most fears. "I gave in to you! I have never in my life done that before because that shit scares the fuck out of me. I committed to you, I did that for you… and then I let you down! Your life is crappy enough without me making it worse. I'm no good for you, Sam!"
"Are you out of you mind?" Sam asks her, knowing full well that she is. He takes a slow step forward so as not to freak her out. "Lou… I absolutely need you. All I need is you, especially right now. I'm a fucking mess without you."
"I'm not gonna change my mind on this," she responds with determination, looking at the wall straight ahead instead of at him to her side. She fixes her aim and prepares.
"I need you to change your mind on this," Sam pleads as he comes even closer, watching as Lou's eyes slip closed as she cries on. Sam's anger over Amy's death is suddenly taking a backseat to keeping Lou alive. "You think I can survive without you?"
"You did for years," she answers, eyes still trained on the off-white wallpaper.
"But I wasn't as broken as I am now," Sam tells her, kneeling onto the floor at her feet and putting himself in her line of vision. "Don't know if you noticed but I'm a disaster. More than I ever was. I don't even know what's real half the time… but you… I know you're real."
"I shouldn't have killed her…"
"No, you shouldn't have," Sam agrees in a hard voice, making it clear that he won't change his mind on this, at least not right this moment. "But that doesn't mean you deserve to die."
"I should be out of your life. I lied to you."
"People lie to me all the time. I'm used to it," Sam tells her, bringing his hands to her face. He pushes her hair off to the sides and holds her cheeks. "You're not gonna kill yourself. I just got you back. I can't lose you again."
"You'd be better off…"
"No I wouldn't," he says gripping her face harder. "You can't keep saying that. Lou, without you… damn it, I have nothing without you. Nothing. Seriously. How do you not get that?"
"I… I love you, Giant," Lou says quietly, looking right into his eyes and quickly lifting her hand with the knife.
"NO!" Sam shouts once more in horror and grabs her wrist in both hands. He wrestles the knife from her quickly, using their size difference as his upper hand, and quickly pins her on her back on the mattress. With her wrists in his hands and pushed into the comforter at her sides, he looks down on her desperate and pathetic face streaked with tears. "You're not leaving me. Not yet."
Sam presses his lips to hers, kissing her with the simplicity of their bond. The whole fucking world is crazy and full of shit and terrible and fake… but what they have is real and basic. It's love. That simple.
And when he feels her arms try to lift towards him he lets his grip on her go. Her hands come to his neck, gripping hard when he can feel her start to respond and kiss him back, and he knows something's shifted in her. His chest jumps with the change, hope seeping into his being.
"Lou?" he asks, his lips still brushing over hers before kissing her deeply one more time. "You with me?"
She pulls him closer, kisses him harder, and gives herself over to him for just a second longer. That's right. This is Sam. Yes, he'll be pissed at her for what she did. Yes, he's probably going to hate her for a little while at least… but in the end he loves her. He loves her in a way she never could have thought existed outside of chick flicks. He won't just leave her for this, even if she knows she'd deserve it and a lesser man would be dumb to stick around. She holds out hope that he can get over this.
"I'm with you," she whispers out, her embarrassment already running for the display she just put on now that her brain is returning to her. "Fuck. I'm with you, Giant."
"Come on," Sam says, getting up and pulling her onto her feet by her arms. He's happy she's back despite the fear he has about her killing Amy and what it'll do to them but he needs to shove it all aside. "Where did Dean go?"
"What?" Lou asks with confusion but it all comes back when she glances at the chair he'd been in. "Oh fuck!" she yells at her own self and runs for her weapons pack, grabbing her Smith & Wesson 1911, the gun Lizzy got her when she returned. "I must have cut him loose."
"You don't know if you did!?" Sam asks, picking up the silver knife Lou had just almost taken her life with and keeping it, not letting it near her until he's sure it's safe.
"I think that bitch told me to," she says while searching.
"What bitch?"
"Elizabeth… The Fury … whatever the fuck her name is. It's a little hazy. Where's my gun?"
"I don't know…."
"Shit," Lou says, standing up and looking around.
She sees the bathroom door open a crack, the light on. She rushes over to it, praying she left her favorite weapon in there, but when she opens the door she inhales with shock before backing out instantly.
"Fuck! Damn it!" she yells with pure frustration, turning away with her hands on her hips while breathing hard with shock and loss.
"What is it?" Sam asks, looking at her with concern.
"It's Kyle…" She covers her face with the disappointment in herself.
Sam walks to the bathroom and peeks in, seeing what's upsetting her so badly. The unmoving body of an officer of the law is lying in the bathtub, blood pooling under him from the gunshot to the gut. Lou's gun is still in his hand and his pale face looks up at nothing, the expression frozen in fear.
This is what is happening to Dean, Sam thinks. He grabs the gun very quickly out of the officer's hand and wipes it down with a motel towel. They need to get out of here and find his brother.
"Where did Dean go?" Sam asks, panicked a bit now.
"Don't know," she says, eyes apologetic and once more guilty. "He was mumbling about things should stay dead and that your dad should be alive instead of him."
"Damn it!" Sam yells as he rushes to the car, immediately knowing what that means. He grabs his laptop and sprints back inside, turning it on and connecting to the motel wifi as quickly as he can.
"What do you know that I don't know?" Lou questions as she shuts the bathroom door to avoid her failure, knowing Sam's a mile ahead of her on this one.
"Dad made a deal to save Dean's life in exchange for his own," Sam says quickly, typing furiously.
"So you're telling me he's…."
"At a crossroads summoning a demon?" Sam finishes for her, looking at her with worry. "Definitely."
