Delusions of cola on the high seas 9The Map on the backOn the Sexy ship...TopHeavy jumped on board of her friends ship. She'd not heard a peep from her all morning and usually, if there was a 'sexy mutiny' happening, she'd have seen a flag flying. Well, more so WideHip's panda pants flapping in the wind. She wouldn't be so worried, except, even her own crew had seemed to disappear back into the woodwork. Even Raziel had gone back to the confines of darkness for a bit. She smiled, remembering how much fun she'd had with wearing him out till he had to change back to wraith form. As she approached the lower deck where WideHip's cabin was, she heard lots of discussion coming from within.'Is that it there?''No, that's a smudge, look. If we went here, I'm sure we'd find more important stuff!''What I want to know is, how exactly did this get here in the first place?''Urm...guys...could we hurry this up, I'm getting quite chilly.''It's alright Captain WideHip, we're nearly done, you can put your clothes back on soon.'TopHeavy's eyes became saucers. Her imagination was running wild and her brain was exploding with images. She knew if she didn't see what was happening now, she wouldn't be able to sleep until WideHip either told her or made her draw the images in her opened the door and was shocked at the image before her."Hell TopHeavy, would you give us a moment, we're deep in concentration." Jareth said and turned back at the job at hand."Right...well...I see...urm..." Norrington was so busy blushing he couldn't keep his concentration. As the ships navigator he was used to reading from parchments or boards or something else, but not... was stood with her back to him, completely naked and letting everyone get a good , after her 'drunken' antics, she'd revealed more of her skin than she meant and it intrigued the males to know end."Norrington, out of my way!" Beetlejuice shoved the young navigator out of the way and grasped WideHip's Hips firmly in both hands to have a good look. He rubbed his chin with his forefinger and thumb, contemplating the layout and structure and...basically, looking at her butt."Beetlejuice, what are you doing here? You're not even on their crew?" TopHeavy said with hands on hips and looked at her stray crewmember."Froglip fell overboard again. Went to find him and...got sidetracked." He smiled and then continued looking at the map."...Right," she sighed and strode over to WideHip's desk, looking for a plain parchment and pen, "WideHip stay still. The sooner I get this map drawn the sooner you can put your clothes on. And that means you can actually stop the guys from drooling on my boots.""Yeah, sure, we're just getting a closer look Captain." Beetlejuice smirked and moved closer, watching WideHip shudder and feeling it beneath his cold so long after, on the Sexy ship..."...Eh...Guys...I drew the map already." TopHeavy said and eyed up the guys STILL looking at WideHip's naked back. After a couple of slaps to the back of the boys heads' all around, they all separated and allowed WideHip to slip on a pair of panties and her jacket."Beetlejuice, stop being a bastard and move. WideHip, explain to me exactly HOW you got that thing on your back and booty?" TopHeavy nudged him aside as he tried to cop a feel from behind."I have no idea how I got it, someone spiked my cola when we where in some harbour and when I woke up, I had it." She complained, buttoning up her jacket and feeling a little violated. More so than usual."I bet it was Hook. It's a very 'Hook' thing to do." TopHeavy said, grabbing Norrington and using his magnifying glass to see details more and match up maps."That genius sexy bastard!" WideHip pronounced and trotted over to the table in which everyone was now gathered."Hey! How come he get's to be a 'genius sexy bastard' and I'm just a normal bastard?" Beetlejuice whined and then froze when TopHeavy put a fridge magnet on his head. It was made out of iron. WideHip had told TopHeavy to use it when he misbehaved."So...where does it lead?" WideHip bent forward and observed the markings to see if she could match it with older maps or ones with missing bits."To a stash of sweets, porn and cola! A pirate's paradise?" TopHeavy yelled, looking about to see if that was true."I totally wouldn't like a pirate's paradise. Too many pirate's at the same time, I'd get a headache.""Ahhh. Right, if I put this here and then...Aha! I found it! This is the match to the dreaded 'Death-be-here' islands!" TopHeavy yelled and pinned the map and the parchment side by side. It was a perfect match to previous line-ups."'Death-be-here'? Why the hell would anyone want to put there treasure there?" Eric poked his head through one side and gazed at the map drawing. It was in the shape of a giant skull."Well, if you didn't want anyone to unbury your treasure, wouldn't you want it in a place where no one would go?" TopHeavy said and watched him nod in understanding."Right! Plan of action anyone?" WideHip said. She started off a massive debate and it was said that the best part of the day was spent planning and fighting off deck, on the Sexy ship...She was knackered. Well and truly. Captain WideHip was just about to walk through the door and go to her cabin, when a shout stopped her dead in her tracks."WIDEHIP!" TopHeavy yelled from atop a sail line on her ship. She grabbed the rope and swung with all her weight, and just as it got to the other side, she jumped and rolled dramatically through the air until landing on the floor right at WideHip's feet. She stood up and looked her friend seriously."I forgot my hat." She pouted and picked up her hat from the side barrel by the merely frowned and glared at her."Damn you and your drama boots!"TopHeavy merely shrugged and walked off, gaily hopping over the railing and back to her ship. WideHip had had a long day and the last thing she wanted was those damned drama boots in her face. God how she wanted was a long day after all the trotting after that treasure map that was on her back and all. She just wanted a nice cold can of cola and she'd be Next day, on the Freak ship...TopHeavy had been going through copies of the map all night. She realised the quickest way to get there and gave Beetlejuice the co-ordinates. Why she trusted him, she didn't know. She wouldn't be surprised if she awoke the next morning to find him gone and them on a harbour well known for it's cheap prostitutes. God knows she didn't want to go through THAT approached the wheel and cast her spy-glass out, pleased to see he had tied himself to it so that although he was asleep, he could still stir. He really did wanna get laid."LAND AHOY!" TopHeavy yelled and rushed about, walking up stray members of her leaned over her railing and looked at the island getting closer, before turning to face the Sexy ship."WIDEHIP! LAND AHOY!"On the Sexy ship...'LAND AHOY!' was all WideHip heard before she threw herself up and out of bed. She quickly dressed (she didn't really wanna be seen naked again. At least not for a while) and ran up towards the top deck. When she got there, she saw what all the excitement was about. Indeed, the island was in sight. The dreaded, bloody sighed and put on her hat which was clutched in her hand."LADS! STEER US WITH THE FREAK SHIP! WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!" She yelled and smirked over at TopHeavy who was standing up near the crows Captain's new, this was going to be a definite pirate the island of Death-be-here..."My feet hurt." TopHeavy said and walked down the narrow path of the jungle. After they had departed and left the ships in charge of Eric and Froglip (which meant one was soon to be sunk and the other burnt) they had set off on foot. TopHeavy had bought Beetlejuice and Reggie with her, she claimed it to be sheer strength she needed but it could have also been the fact she was hoping one or both would get eaten by some creature inhabiting the Island. WideHip had brought along Jareth and Owen. She didn't really want man power, she just wanted to admire them sweat and half naked in the hot sun. It was good to be Captain sometimes."According to the map and Norrington, we have another mile on the island before we reach our destination. That should take us about an hour." TopHeavy said holding the map to one side whilst cutting down random branches on the other. They weren't in the way, she just wanted to look cool."So let me get this straight...the tattoo, that has been on my back since a 'drunken' night out, is an ACTUAL treasure map?" WideHip marched up, leading the rear. She didn't want anyone looking at her butt on the way through."Yerp. Either that or we're gonna get screwed. And not nicely either!" Beetlejuice smirked and grabbed various bugs on the way, snacking on them and crunching them between his teeth."Remind me why I hired such a despicable and loathsome crew?" TopHeavy murmured, hoping she wasn't heard."Because we fit your personality so well!" Reggie said, sipping his tea and ducking as a large coconut was thrown at him. Luckily, it hit Jareth in the head and for a good few minutes, he believe he was a king in a far off realm, inhabited by hour later on the island of Death-be-here..."Aha! Look, that is it! The 'X' marking the spot!" WideHip Proclaimed and leapt forward. Indeed, beside a tree, marking firmly on the ground was a big 'X' in black paint. It wouldn't have to be subtle due to the fact it was on an island which no one really all ran as fast as there feet would carry them to the spot and everyone stood awaiting orders."Well, looks like it's time to dig." WideHip looked to her left where TopHeavy looked right back at her."Let's get to it!"Soon, everyone had created a hole big enough for them to not only stand in, but came up to their knees at least. They threw dirt everywhere, making sure their shovels had a good fill and making the hole deeper. Even TopHeavy and WideHip stayed in, making sure everyone pitched in. They didn't have to dig much longer. It was up to their waists when Owen' shovel hit something with a loud clunk."Owen, have I told you how much I love you?" WideHip smiled and watched him blush wildly."We have heard you Captain. You where shouting it from his cabin this morning, over and over and-Ah!" Jareth started off smirking, but was left glaring at TopHeavy who had hit him on the much banter and heaving and heavy breathing, they finally pulled out the massive chest and with a hard 'clunk' on the ground it did land."Before we open this, I just want you all to know...If I hear any 'pull out your chest' or 'open up and let's see what's inside; no I was talking about your Top' jokes, I will have to maim and mangle you all." TopHeavy declared and eyed everyone. All the males, minus Owen, all groaned in frustration."Oooooh, but I had a good one!" Beetlejuice said. He got walloped in the head with the broke off the lock with TopHeavy's flintlock and all stood back as her and WideHip opened the chest."It's...""It's...""Wonderful...""Magnificent...""TREASURE!" WideHip finished for everyone and barreled towards it. Out came various coins, jewels, trinkets and candlestick holders (which no one really paid any attention to) and soon, all those present where picking and throwing it in the air."Sexy, sexy treasure! Sparkly!" WideHip yelled happily, rolling around in it like it was money. Technically, some of it was but she still rolled in the sparkliness of it."Jewels! Gold! And...a Magic lamp?" TopHeavy held up the object to the sun so everyone could see it."How do you know it's magic?" Beetlejuice asked, trying to removed a loose jewel from his hair."It says so on the box." She pulled out a box, which indeed had 'Magic lamp' on it and a large picture of said lamp on the front."Ah.""Jafar's Magic lamp." WideHip looked at it in awe. Everyone stared at her as she looked slightly like a fangirl."I'm sorry, but he's totally awesome! All the adventures and...stuff he's done.""Yes, many epic...stuff." TopHeavy nodded in agreement. She stooped down and nodded at WideHip who understood the gesture. They placed one hand each on either side of the lamp and began to rub. It twitched and wiggled about in their hands as if itself was alive, but eventually, after much struggling, a puff of smoke escaped and then out came the...parrot of the lamp."Holy Cahoners, do you KNOW how long I've been in there?" Iago shouted and spluttered, sorting out his feathers and gasping in big gulps of fresh air."You're not a genie?" TopHeavy arched her eyebrows."No, really? And here I thought you was a ballerina! Step off, you damn broad!" Iago flew into her face and yelled at her angrily. She was so shocked she didn't act. She just sat there, frozen on her knees."...Iago, as you're new master, I command you...be my pirates parrot!" WideHip said and smiled happily. Iago saluted her with his wing and flew down, perching on her was being restrained on the ground by Reggie and Beetlejuice. She had picked up her shovel and was threatening to squash Iago into a bloody bag of feathers."Now, I'm as REAL pirate! With a parrot!" WideHip said and gave Iago a jellybean. He didn't like crackers she knew, so opted for her own sweet treat. She hoped that when he got to old to be a pirates parrot, she'd just eat him instead. But he didn't know to need that just stopped struggling and focused on something she said."Real? Then what am I?""You're still a 'porn-movie' pirate." WideHip said dryly, showing she was opened her mouth to argue and held her hand in protest, but after a moment's thought, she lowered her head. It was true. She was 'porn-movie pirate' material."Oooooooooooooh! That's REAL original! A pirate with a parrot!" Iago ignored him, shoving a cracker in his mouth which he instantly started to cough back out."If he misbehaves, just feed him a cracker." WideHip said and laughed at the horrified face of so they departed for their ships, TopHeavy constantly shoving crackers into Iago' mouth, WideHip wondering the next things to draw, Jareth and Beetlejuice lugging the chest back (with Reggie sitting on top of it drinking tea) and Owen taking up the rear. He was terrified WideHip would pinch his butt again. She had gotten him so used to it, his butt cheek was permanently clenched. Even in bed. Just in case she tried to get in. thus ends another exciting expedition! This time it was something Piratey! Will there be another misadventure for our heroines and their crews? See next time in 'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'
