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Miley's POV
When I wake up the first thing I notice is my head pounding and the fact that it feels like there are weights on my eyelids preventing them from opening. It's been a while since I've felt a hangover like this and as usual, I'm wondering why I thought it'd be worth it. On the other hand though, I don't feel nauseous which is a definite plus.
I groan and roll over and then force my lids open. I smile at what I see on the bedside table. An aspirin and a tall glass of ice water. Nick. I vaguely remember him bringing me home last night. What a sweetheart. I reach behind me, but I don't feel him there. He's probably up already and didn't want to wake me up.
I reach out for the medicine and water and down both in a short period of time. It's probably just my imagination, but my head already feels a little bit better. Then the smell of coffee brewing hits my nostrils. Mm coffee. That sounds amazing right now, but should I risk getting up? Pro: delicious coffee which will help sooth my hangover; Con: splitting headache and nausea. I finally decide to get up and look down and realize I'm still in my dress from last night so I pull it off and put my silky bathrobe on instead. Surprisingly it doesn't feel that bad to get up except the normal rush of blood.
I walk slowly into the kitchen where the smell of coffee gets stronger. My mouth is practically watering for a taste of it. Nick is leaning against the counter reading the newspaper and doesn't even seem to notice I've walked in. First things first though, I go over to the coffee pot and pour myself a cup. Nick has even gotten out the milk and sugar for me and left it on the counter. And I thought he was mad at me for last night.
Once I get my coffee ready I slide up next to Nick who's still staring at the paper.
"Hey, baby," I say quietly, "Thank you."
He nods, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," I reply, only partially lying. I mean he did all this nice stuff for me so it would be kind of rude to tell him I still feel out of it.
"Good," he says folding his newspaper and putting it on the counter, "So maybe you can explain this to me?"
He pushes something into my view on the counter and it takes me a second to realize what it is. When I finally do, my blood runs cold in my veins. It's my positive pregnancy test.
"You looked through my trash?" I ask, immediately taking the defensive. I mean seriously, what the fuck? Paranoid, much?
"No," he says through clenched teeth, "Last night when I came home, it was overflowing so I thought I'd empty it."
"Well, you shouldn't have bothered," I snapped, snatching the test off the counter and chucking it into the trash can in the kitchen.
"Hey!" Nick says loudly, just one step away from actually yelling, "Maybe I wanted to save that as a memento for our baby."
"There's no baby, I'm not pregnant," I say quietly, trying to keep my voice from cracking.
He looks at me confused then glances back at the trashcan. I can practically see the gears turning in his head. His eyes narrow at me.
"You didn't," he says coldly, backing away from me as if I'm disgusting.
It takes me a moment to realize what he's implying, but when I do I flinch at the thought of it. I wasn't feeling nauseous before, but now I am.
"Tell me you didn't," he insists, still keeping his distance from me. He might think he's angry, but it's nothing compared to how angry I am.
It's my body and my decision. The baby might have had some of Nick's DNA in it, but in the end I'm the one who has to deal with the physical aspects of carrying a baby. Personally, I think he should support whatever decision I make.
"Say you didn't!" he insists again, his voice straining as he says it.
I just stare at him in disbelief. But behind the anger, I see someone else. Pain. And once I realize it, it breaks my heart. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to hurt either.
"I'm not pregnant," I say again. I don't know how I sound so calm.
This time he moves closer to me and puts a hand on either of my shoulders.
"Tell me you didn't have an- an-" he stutters unable to finish.
My eyes fill with tears and my mouth feels like it's glued shut. I can't speak, but I don't know why. It's like even though I see him in pain and want to fix it, my body won't let me.
He looks at me intently. Even through the anger and pain, he's still the man I'm in love with. I reach out and wrap my arms around him and press my body close to his. He stiffens for a second, but then holds onto me back.
"I didn't," I whisper into his chest, but he still hears me. He holds me for a while and I bite my lip trying to prevent the tears from falling. Once I've composed myself, I recall what happened just a day ago.
FLASHBACK
I walked into the OB/GYN officer in baggy light grey sweatpants and a black sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my messy hair. I didn't really want anyone to recognize me even though if they did I could just say it was an annual visit or something. I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.
I checked in and then sat down on one of the rough seats in the waiting room. I could feel the rough material of the seat through my pants. The only other occupants of the office this early in the morning were an elderly lady and a man with a very pregnant looking woman. They held hands and giggled. Every so often he would put his hand on her bulging stomach and feel it kick. I couldn't help but watch them as the minutes passed slowly. Soon the elderly woman was called back and I settled into my seat, just waiting for my turn.
I looked back over at the couple in the corner who had just exchanged a kiss. Maybe Nick would be like that. Excited for the baby. Maybe it could somehow bring us closer. Then I thought about how our careers would change and how it would affect our engagement and I started feeling panicky again.
The couple was called back next and I was all alone. But soon I would be taken back and getting a blood test which would determine my fate. I'm not normally squeamish but I had a feeling I would have a little trouble this time.
Then I felt something odd. A warmth between my legs. And not the sexual kind. The getting-your-period kind.
"Excuse me? Where's your bathroom?" I asked quickly getting up and the woman at the front desk pointed me to it.
I quickly walked in (it was the single toilet kind of bathroom) and yanked my pants down. There on my pale green underwear was a wet red splotch. Blood. But I'm pregnant I thought. Is this normal? I suddenly felt very weak and sick. Something was definitely wrong and I knew I needed to get to the doctor. I quickly pulled my pants back up and turned the knob, but before I could step out, a wave of dizziness came over me and it felt like a curtain was drawn over my eyes. That's the last thing I remember…
…Until I woke up laying down on an examination table. I made a move to get up but then I was interrupted.
"No, don't move," the doctor, Dr. Smith, said quickly, "Just lay down for a little bit more and then you can slowly get up."
"What happened?" I asked groggily, bringing my hand up to my head which was still a bit fuzzy.
"You passed out," she said gently and then it all came back to me.
"I'm bleeding!" I said quickly and then sat up slowly like the doctor told me.
"I know," the doctor said grimly and I looked down to see the reddish brown stain on my light sweatpants. I blushed in embarrassment.
"It's okay, we can give you a pair of scrubs to change into before you leave," she said kindly, "Now, your chart here says you were scheduled to have blood work done because you took a home pregnancy test that turned out positive."
I nod to indicate what she said is true.
"Can you tell me how long ago you missed your period?"
"Honestly, I didn't even notice I missed it. I thought I was just late. It's happened before. My friend was paranoid about this story she heard and wanted us both to take one," I confessed.
"Hmm..." the doctor said and wrote something down in my chart.
"Is there something wrong with my baby?" I asked worriedly, touching my stomach gently. I may not want this baby but I would never ever want it to be hurt or in distress. Whatever it takes to take care of it I'll do it. I'll swallow horse pills, switch to a weird diet, do strange exercises. This is my baby and I'd protect it with my life. The strange sense of maternal instinct was strong and exhilarating. I've never felt so attached to anything, not even Nick or my family.
"Miley," Dr. Smith said softly, reaching out to grab my hand, "I think you've experienced a chemical pregnancy."
A what pregnancy? She looked at me with so much concern that I knew it must be something really bad. Then, she sensed my confusion and finally explained it.
"Most women don't even realize it. They're fairly common; almost half of first pregnancies result in one. If you hadn't taken the pregnancy test you probably would've just assumed that your period was late," she explained, but I was still confused so she looked at me grimly and said, "It's basically a miscarriage extremely early in the pregnancy."
END FLASHBACK
When I finish, Nick just holds me tighter. Part of me wants to cry, but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal over it. This is a good thing. I don't want a baby. So why does it feel like there's a hole in my heart?
"Baby, I'm sorry," he whispers, putting a hand on the back of my head. His voice sounds broken but it only encourages me to stay strong.
"It's not a big deal," I lie, brushing it off, "It's not like I had time to get attached. The doctor said that most women probably wouldn't even have noticed. Demi just made me take the stupid test because of this thing she heard on the radio."
He pulls away from me slightly so he can see my face. This is the ultimate test. I put a smile on and try to look innocent.
I think he can tell that I'm not being completely honest so I do the one thing I know will distract him. I lean forward and connect my lips to his. Before he has a chance to react I slide my hands underneath his t-shirt and rub his chest.
"I missed you so much," I whisper seductively into his ear and then run my tongue across the shell.
I can feel him shiver against me and his hands slide to my hips and pull me closer. I got him right where I want him.
He tilts his head so that our lips connect again. His tongue quickly invades my mouth and his hands slide down to my butt and squeeze it. I jump up, wrapping my legs around him and in the heat of the moment, I forget that I'm trying to distract him and get distracted myself.
He carries me into the bedroom and by the time I hit the bed, my mind is empty except the pleasure Nick is bestowing on me as he sucks on my neck. My last rational thought before giving in completely is "I'm in love this man".
A few hours later I open my eyes to see Nick on the pillow next to me. He's awake, but just barely, and he's staring at me with so much love in his eyes, it melts my heart.
"Hi," I whisper softly. He looks so adorable with his curls all mused up against the pillow.
"Hi," he says back and then leans in to connect our lips. I pull the sheet close to my chest.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Mi," he says back, reaching up to push a lock of hair behind my ear. When he finishes he slides his hand down to cup my cheek. "That's why I don't want to be apart from you anymore."
I look at him confused. What is he saying?
"At least, for a while," he clarifies, "I've been thinking about asking the label to give me some local artists to work with so that I can stay in the area for a while. Take a break from my own music and touring for a while."
Even though I'm secretly happy, I wouldn't want him to do something he doesn't want to so I frown.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
"What I want is to spend time with you," he says quietly and then reaches for my left hand, "Especially while we plan our wedding." He kisses my ring finger right under my ring.
I smile at that thought and I'm about to lean in and kiss his lips when the alarm on his phone goes off. He groans and rolls over to check it.
"Shit!" he says when he reads it and jumps up. I sit up in the bed and watch amusedly as he runs around the room looking for clothes to put on. Nice pants and a button down shirt. In the middle of the afternoon. I'm going to guess it's a business meeting.
"I completely forgot about my post-tour meeting at the record label," he explains once he's ready, "I have to go, but I'm going to ask to stay here for a while and I'll be back as soon as possible."
"Okay, I'll be waiting here for you," I say and lean back against the pillows in our bed.
His gapes at me, "That's really not fair, Mi."
"Life isn't fair."
"Good one," he rolls his eyes, "I love you, and I'll see you later."
"Love you!" I call back as he leaves the penthouse. It's just me now. Alone. With my thoughts.
Ugh. I have to get up and do something. I get dressed and go into the kitchen and clear both our coffee mugs from the counter. The rest of the kitchen is pretty spotless. Maybe I could bake a cake or something. Although, I'd probably mess it up somehow so maybe that's not the best idea.
I walk around the kitchen aimlessly, opening the fridge a few times, but nothing catches my eye. I don't need to go food shopping; I already did that before Nick got home. The dishwasher is emptied. I didn't really need to use it when it was just me here.
Then something does catch my eye. The trashcan. I look around as if I'm doing something wrong even though there's nothing wrong with this, right? In the bottom of the white back lays my pregnancy test, the positive sign looking like an X from this angle. Shifting my eyes again, I reach in and pull it out.
I sigh. I wonder if it was a boy or a girl. Or wait… I don't think you can figure that out until later in a pregnancy. I look down at my stomach. I know the doctor said this was pretty normal, but what if there's something wrong with me? What if I can't have kids? What will Nick say? Will he leave me? I need to stop panicking. I take a deep breath and then let it out. I need to put this behind me. I throw the pregnancy test out again.
But once I do a feeling of sadness sets over me and I suddenly feel so tired. I crawl back into bed and try to fall asleep. But I can't. And I don't know why.
Time seems to past fast and slow at the same time. Soon enough Nick comes home. I think it might be early evening, but the clock is on Nick's side of the bed so I'm unsure.
"Mi?" he calls out as he enters the house. I don't know why, but for some reason I just don't feel like talking to him right now.
"Miley? You home?" he calls out again jokingly. This time he sounds closer to the bedroom. I close my eyes and pretend I'm a sleep.
"Oh," he says softly to himself when he walks in and sees me in bed. The scent of Chinese food invades the room, but despite the fact I haven't eaten all day, I don't feel hungry. He comes over to my side of the bed and places a gently kiss on my temple. Then he leaves the room and I'm alone with my thoughts again.
:( Sad. So much confusion. Just wanted to clarify a few things. 1) in real life a pregnancy test shouldn't be read after about ten minutes from when you first get the result (of course Nick wouldn't know that though). And 2) a chemical pregnancy is a miscarriage, but it's very, very early in the pregnancy. Most women think they've gotten a "false positive" but there really was fertilization, many people just don't realize it. I want to call it "less of a big deal" than a miscarriage that happens later in the term, but that seems a bit insensitive, but you get what I'm saying, right?
Miley's feeling a bit confused this chapter too. But I promise it all comes together within the next chapter or so. I'm not the kind of person who drags things out. I'm too impatient for that haha hope you enjoyed it. Review please!
Oh! And thanks for the NJK Award nominations… I really appreciate it!
