CHAPTER 9: How it feels

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Slamdunk…

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm glad you like the last chapter… for those who've read and reviewed my last chapter, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. This chap is basically the aftermath of Ayako's decision…what will be its effect on Ryota, on her and even on Misaki, perhaps… PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! So here it goes…

NOTE: the italicized words/lines are the character's P.O.V. and thoughts.


AYAKO'S BEDROOM.

It's early in the morning and the sky's colors are a hue of violet, orange and red...and just like Ayako's emotions…totally mixed up… She was awake, wide awake…she couldn't sleep…she was so tired and stressed out because of the incident last night that kept playing and playing on her mind like an old favorite movie… she remembered how she realized that she's falling for him…how they fought last night… Her eyes were red and puffy… she cried her heart out all night…it's a good thing because her parents couldn't hear a thing coz they're sleeping soundly at the other room…She couldn't think…she's so helpless…

There's nothing I can do…she said to herself while burying her face on the pillow.

It's true, she can't do anything…she hasn't got a hold on Ryota's mind and much more, his heart…

But life goes on…the fact that the world is rotating… still, Ayako's living…bearing the pain she couldn't let go of…

And now, another day has come… she can't explain how much she wanted to stay in her room…to find some solace, to be isolated…to feel alone… right now, no one could understand her feelings…she, herself, couldn't understand her feelings too… But she had to go to school…yes, you heard it right…for the first time in her life, she doesn't want to go to school…she had to…and the least and most dreadful thing is…she couldn't escape Ryota's presence…How could she?? She's his classmate and they both belong on the same team…

We both belong on the same class and team…which lead her to another teeny tiny problem…

How could I explain to the whole team about what happened last night? She said to herself wearily… I'm sure they're thinking that I'm a psycho or something because of the way I've acted yesterday…Oh enough of this already!!! She was so desperate…

"Please make me invisible today…" she prayed. But she knew it wouldn't work…

She waited for her alarm clock to tick… and after a few minutes…

KKKKKRRRRIIIINNNGGG!!!

This sound made Ayako lonely…more than ever…

"I have to get ready… remember Ayako, act as if nothing happened… and be invisible to Ryota… as far as you could, stay away from him…avoid him at all costs… you can do this, Ayako!!" she said trying to lift her hopes up… but to no avail…

She went straight to the bathroom and took a shower, put her school clothes on and crept downstairs…

There she saw her mom cooking breakfast…and her dad reading the daily newspaper…

She sat on a vacant seat and began eating her eggs and bacon…

"Why so silent, my dear?" said her mom examining her exhausted-looking daughter.

She just smiled at her mom and continued eating…

"Too much school works, perhaps?" her dad said, looking behind his newspaper.

She nodded… she wasn't in the mood to say anything…

She tried to get a few more extra minutes at home so that she wouldn't go to school early… But her mother realized this and said to her:

"You might as well be off now, Ayako…you wouldn't want to be late, would you?"

She slowly stood up from her hair and kissed her parents goodbye and walked past their house…

I don't know what am I gonna do when I get to school…somehow, I don't want to see Ryota or even the team…they would just laugh at me and…There's no more shame left for me! I've gotten in so much trouble already!!! I bet that Misaki is laughing at me right now, I can imagine it…and Ryota…I just want to stay away from him…It's too much already…even by just looking on his serene face…I can see myself…and the pain I'm going through…I can't carry this burden anymore…I need a break…to think…to keep myself from this love…this thing I'm not supposed to feel…I didn't know love could be this…hard. Of all the people, why Ryota?! And of all the girls, why me?! You're really stupid, Cupid…Oh geez! I'm here…


"Good luck to me." She said under her breath as she entered Shohoku High.

"Okay. So calm down, Ayako… it's still the same… nothing changed." she said.

She entered the room which is, now half-full of second years. People are running around… talking, shouting… and there, on the corner, she saw the man she's dreading to face…

She walked past everyone staring at her with beady eyes…

"She has this relationship with Miyagi… I've heard it from the other class. How awful of her! She just wanted to, you know, cling onto our point guard." She heard someone say.

"But isn't it the truth that Miyagi likes Ayako?"

"That was way, way before. Back when he's nothing at all…and because our point guard's now a superstar and famous, she's already going out with him…"

I swear I'm gonna kick these stupid jerks' butt if I'm not in a be-inivisible-and-stay-away-from-Ryota mood today…

She saw Ryota laughing with the other boys… probably, it's one of their joke cracking routine…

She went to her seat which is…next to Ryota's. She was about to seat when she thought…

I won't be able to avoid him if he's sitting beside me…maybe I should…transfer my seat…somewhere else…

She spotted a classmate, which sat meters away from Ryota and asked:

"Can we change seats?"

"Why?"

"I can't really see at the back… I barely understand what the professor is saying because of my seatmate…" she said reffering to Ryota.

"Oh, okay.." the girl agreed.

"Thanks."

She sat on her new seat and looked around… This seat really suits me…I just want to get away from Ryota…and this seat is meters away from him…she said to herself, satisfied.

She got out a book and pretended to read it… suddenly…

"Uhmm, hi Aya-chan…" said a familiar voice.

She knew who's voice it was… it's Ryota's… how could she be wrong?

She looked up and saw Ryota… handsome as ever… Then she remembered,

Do not look at him Ayako!!! She suddenly looked down… and continued scanning the book… as though she hadn't heard him…

"Look, I'm really, really sorry 'bout what happened yesterday…" Ryota said, still looking at Ayako.

"Why are you saying sorry?" asked Ayako, still not looking at the teary-eyed best friend.

"Because… because I've said things that shouldn't have said.."

"You should have thought of that when you're about to say it…" she said coldly.

"I didn't think… I was stupid… I mean, I am stupid… I shouldn't have said that to my best friend… that's why I'm saying sorry, Aya-chan.." he said impatiently.

"There are no more things to say… You've said it and I've heard it… done." she said, staring at the book…

Ryota couldn't say anything… the bell rang and all the students went back to their seats… except him… he was still sitting at Ayako's table… he was about to argue… to say something… to explain everything…

"Mr. Miyagi, it would be helpful if you wouldn't seat on the table… and would go on your proper seat… In case you might've noticed, my class is about to start…" said Mr. Toshi.

"So, is this another love quarrel between our two lovebirds here, eh?" he added, referring to Ayako and Ryota.

Ayako blushed… she looked down and continued reading her book… Ryota, on the other hand, was blank… he was still thinking about Ayako… and how awful she must be feeling right now.

"Hey, Ryota…" Misaki nudged.

"Huh?" he said as if he has just been waked up.

"You're not listening to me, I said: can we meet before your practice game today?"

"Y-Yeah… right. Of course." he said.

"Good." Misaki smiled.


It was lunch time… and still, Ayako's not talking to Ryota… He saw her sitting on the bench reading a book and at the same time eating her lunch… He stared at her and again, adored her beauty… just like what he's always doing.

"Ryota."

"What?"

"You're flying off to somewhere…"

Misaki was now looking closely at him… her face was now inches away from his.

"Oh yeah.." he said looking away at Ayako.

"Try this... Remember, it's your favorite food when we're still in kindergarten?" Misaki said, pulling her lunch box full of sushi…

Ryota smiled and tried the food…

"Wow, this is delicious.."

"Mom made it for us, you know." Misaki smiled.

But Ryota wasn't listening…

It's also the food that I ate at Aya-chan's house…where we usually held our sleepovers…where I've kissed her…back when we're still, best friends(Chap 6)… He thought. That kiss… His head refreshes him the flashes of their kiss… how he longed for her… how she liked it…

"C'mon Ryota… we're gonna be late for your basketball practice.." Misaki said pulling Ryota's arm.

He stood up and went straight to the changing room…

"Ryota, would you mind if I just go to the restroom?" said Misaki at the other side of the door.

"No…" he replied.

"I'll just see you in front of the gym." she added hastily.


Ayako was finished reading her science textbook when a shadow appeared.

"Uhmm… Ayako-san… would you mind if I sit here with you?" a familiar voice said.

"No, not at all…" she said still preoccupied in her book.

"I just want to ask you something." The girl asked.

"What is it?" she looked up and saw… Misaki.

She was the least person she wanted to talk right now… well, of course, also Ryota. She would be a hypocrite if she wouldn't admit that she hates her… no, that's not the appropriate word… loathes her… because of her, she and Ryota would be fine… like what they've always been… because of her, she wouldn't lose her best friend… because of her, she wouldn't do this crap to Ryota… it's all because of her… and oh… because of her… her feelings for Ryota would not be awaken again… now is there a possibility that she could like Misaki… she haven't got a slightest idea… but one thing's for sure… she hates her because she's jealous… yeah… Ayako, admitted it and it's official, she's jealous… who wouldn't? Everything is too damn perfect in this girl… she got the brains, the attitude… everything!!! Even the fortune, and especially the beauty… which Ayako thinks she doesn't have… Now tell me, who wouldn't want to be in this girl's shoes? And perhaps, the most important of all… Ryota likes her!!! For goodness' sake, she's got everything Ayako wanted in life… And then, here she comes… wanting to ask Ayako about something??

"Uhh… this might be awkward since you two are very close…" she asked blushing..

"Huh??" she asked with a questionable look on her face.

"Look, Ayako-san… I just wanted to ask you if…" she breathed heavily.

"Ask what?" Ayako said. She doesn't want any suspense… especially on this girl.

"Ask if it is okay if… I'm… gonna…. say…to Ryota… that… I love him?" she asked blushing like a tomato.

Ayako was surprised… she doesn't know what to say… of course she wanted to say 'no'… but she can't… because… because this girl would know that she, too, has feelings for Ryota… which is really wrong… in Ayako's perspective.

"So is it okay?" she repeated.

Ayako was like a rock… needed to be knocked and pounded… Why should I answer that question? Hello?!! Are you crazy?? I'm in love with Ryota too!! But she knew better… or so she thinks?

"Uhh… yeah.. yeah sure…" she said still quite surprised.

"You're not answering my question, Ayako-san.."

"Uhhmm.. I mean, of course, it is okay…" she lied.

"Really?"

Ayako nodded… she doesn't want to say something else anymore that would smash her heart into tiny bits…

"Oh thanks, Aya-chan!" Misaki hugged her…

If only I could strangle this girl, I would… Ayako said to herself.

"Why are you asking me this?" Ayako asked.

"Because you're the closest friend of Ryota.." she smiled.

"And who told you that?" Ayako raised her eyebrow.

"Ryota.. of course.." she said.

"Wouldn't be angry if I told him I love him?" she asked childishly.

"O-Of course n-not." Ayako said.

I would slap this girl's face if she ask me one more question… just one more…

"Okay.. thanks so much, Ayako-san." She smiled and waved goodbye.

Ayako was left there, dumbfounded… she wouldn't know how to react… will she be happy, now that Ryota has a new inspiration, rather than her?? Will she be angry because this girl's proposing to Ryota?? Will she be sad? Confused? What? She doesn't know… and she doesn't want to know…

"It's okay, Ayako… cheer up"She said.

A voice plopped in Ayako's head:

You're just fooling yourself.

She tried to paste a cheerful smile… for them to see the typical Ayako… not the Ayako she's been hiding for years… not the Ayako she is now…


"What is taking you so long, Mi-chan?!" Ryota said impatiently as he rested his back in the cold wall of Shohoku gym.

Just then, he saw a figure…

"Ryota!!!" Misaki called waving at him…

"Where have you gone, Mi-chan?" he asked.

"Just somewhere.." she lied.

"I thought you went to the comfort room…"

"Yeahh.. but… oh well, I have to tell you something important…" said Misaki, she was blushing profusely…

"Okay. What is it?" he said.

"I've been longing to say this to you…"she began. She was inches closer to his face now.

"Huh?" Ryota asked…

Just as then, Misaki kissed Ryota… she closed her eyes… so did he… Misaki's arms were now wrapped around Ryota's neck…he felt her kiss… a kiss so unlike Ayako's… a kiss that's sweet… but nothing more… nothing compared to Ayako's kiss… that was every bit of magical and totally unexplainable… Why was he thinking about Ayako now? Misaki is kissing him… and Ayako's roaming around Ryota's mind… it's as if… it's Ayako he's kissing…


Ayako was walking silently going to the gym… She has already worn her sports attire and is bringing the balls into the gym… I will pretend that I'm okay…Nothing's wrong, Ayako…nothing will go wrong… She sighed heavily. Just as then, she saw two familiar shadows in the entrance of the gym… She was walking slowly… trying to find who the persons are… She has the feeling she knew who owned these shadows… She just wants to make it sure… She was nearly on the entrance when she saw an incident… she never wanted to saw….

Ryota and Misaki are there… they're not just simply there… they're KISSING!

Ayako couldn't believe what she saw…or maybe she doesn't want to believe it… Misaki is snuggling Ryota… and Ryota… well… he's… he's…

HE'S KISSING HER BACK!

Ayako felt her heart shatter…so is the balls she's holding… All of it was scattered on the cemented floor and is bouncing hardly on it… Ayako wasn't in her own self for a moment… Suddenly a tear came down on her eye… Then, came another…

And another…

Another…

And another…

She couldn't stop it… she can't help but cry… She doesn't want to… nor doesn't she have to… She felt it… she felt in her very heart… she felt herself smashed into pieces… She felt herself… the true Ayako… not the strong and brave one… but the Ayako she's hiding all along… the sensitive and fragile one… the weak and vulnerable inside… that's the real her…


The ball as bouncing hard that it came in front of the two… The two broke the kiss because of such disturbance…

"What's this?" asked Misaki.

Ryota wasn't listening… she just heard him say:

"AYA-CHAN!" he called and ran after her.

Misaki saw a girl… running away… no one could go wrong with that curls… Ayako-san…

"Ryota wait!!!" she called after him… but he's already gone.

Ayako ran as fast as she could…she didn't know where she's headed… she didn't seem to care… she just ran and ran… going to nowhere… All she wanted to do was to keep on running… leaving Ryota behind… leaving everything behind… she will run until the last drop of her energy comes out… until then, she will keep on running… on an unknown path…

She heard him call… but she didn't turn to him… she doesn't want to… she couldn't believe herself… she saw them both… with her own pair of untrustworthy eyes… why did she have to see them?? Why did it affect her so much??

"Aya-chan…" Ryota said panting… sweat was covering him… He ran miles and miles just to follow Ayako… now, she's nowhere… she's gone… what seems like forever…

He regretted it… He regretted the kiss he and Misaki shared… it was not like Ayako's kiss… never would it be… but then, he did kiss Misaki…

She is just a friend, Aya-chan…

But, he kissed her… and in all angles you put it…

I'm wrong… I shouldn't have kissed Mi-chan…I didn't know what to do…What will I tell Aya-chan?? I have to explain to her…everything…

"You're such a baka, Ryota!!! Please come back, Aya-chan!!" Ryota cried.

Please come back…I love you…


WHEW! I couldn't believe I've made this chapter!! Hope you like it…I made it this long coz I'll have my quarterly exam next week… please pray for me… hope you won't get bored reading my fanfic… hehehe… PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! Reviews please!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!