Chapter Nine: Assurances

Before I say anything, I savor this moment a bit. She is content, the lights of the city reflecting in her

eyes. She has no idea I am about to possibly hurt her, but for once, I resign myself to a necessary evil.

I can delay no longer, as I ache to move past the unnpleasantries and on to happier things.

"Lover, there is something important I must speak with you about.." I hesitate, "and I'm afraid it will hurt you. Know that I do not wish to upset you, so I only ask that you think carefully about what I say."

I have her attention now, I thought ruefully. I could have just spit it out, but she deserves better than to be hit in the face with something of this magnitude.

"Eric, you kind of scare my when you talk like that." Shit, she looked pretty fucking worried. Fuck. Well, here goes. It must be done.

"I apologize, I do not wish to scare you. All is well between us, and with us, lover. Nothing is wrong." I reassure her, and kiss her on her soft cheek. I can feel the sudden tension begin to dissipate, giving me the confidence to continue. She is looking at me, expectantly.

"I want to say firstly, that I do not want you to have any doubts about how pleased I am that you want me to bring you over to me. Lover, this pleases me and is a very big relief. If I were forced to watch you die someday, it would kill me. I don't even want to think about what would happen afterward. Understand?" She nods but says nothing.

"Now that you understand how happy this would make me, I must address something that I fear is going to be painful but necessary to discuss."

I maintain her gaze reassuringly, and turn towards her in my seat. So far, so good.

"Have you considered what you're giving up to be with me? Have you thought about the sacrifice you'd be making for me, for us?" Her face did not register any specific emotion yet, so I gathered that she was unclear as to some aspect we had not discussed yet. I decided to come right out and say it.

"Children, lover, you will never be a mother if you do this, if I do this." Finally, the flash of pain I had been waiting for has arrived. It stings me, more than I expected. I waited, hoping she would not cry; that fucking rips me up inside every time.

"Eric," she began hesitantly but calmly, "I've known for a long time now that I'm different. I couldn't date anyone until I met, well, you know."

"Bill?" I volunteered. I'd rather hear that rat bastard's name on my lips rather than hers.

She nods and continues calmly. "I've known for a long time even before knowing you and him that that may never happen. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to stand more than a first date with a guy, let alone get married and have kids. I couldn't even have sex with guys!"

She chuckles a little at this, and it confuses the fuck out of me. I cannot understand how she could possibly swallow something like that so well.

"Anyways, I've pretty much known for years that I was destined for something else. I just didn't see myself being a typical wife and mother. I knew that life was going to be a lot different for me."

"But if you stayed human, we could adopt a child or use a surrogate father, I've read about these things" I countered, pressing her further. She had to understand she still has options.

"You read up on this stuff? Why?" She looked surprised, a little smile pulling on the corner of her lips. She looked so fucking cute I wanted to pull her to me and bite the shit out of her, having my way with her right here and now.
"Because of you" I answer her simply, trying to keep my mind on her, and not my own selfish urges.

She raises an eyebrow at me, and simply says, "when was this?"

"Last week, I did some researching online, nothing devious I assure you. I just wanted to be aware of what our options were, should your heart desire it. I have only ever wanted to give you everything you want, you know that now." I decided to answer her honestly, knowing she full well deserved nothing less from me. I knew by now she wouldn't run from me, so honesty it is.

My eyes had not left hers since I first turned to her minutes ago. Hers had held mine, but periodically glanced out at the lights before us. She was staring at the lights again instead of me, and it was making me uneasy. Was she hiding her feelings from me? Well that shit just won't do.

"Lover, look at me" I gently requested, hoping I was wrong. I scooted closer to her and turned her face to mine. "Why won't you look at me?" I asked.

She sighed and brought her eyes to mine. "Eric, I can't lie. I'm human, and I have a heart. I wouldn't be honest with you or myself if I sat here and said I hated kids, or something. But other than that admission, I think it's my turn for some things to be established here."

That caught me by surprise. I could tell that not only was she not in pain, but that she was not crying yet.

"I listened to you and thought about what you said, just like you asked. Now, I'm asking you for the same thing. Can you do that for me?" she asked, her confidence building.

"Ask anything of me and it is yours" I assured her, meaning every fucking word of it.

"Alright. I've thought about it before I even met you, before I even met 'he who shall not be named'. I understand there is a chance you and I could have some sort of shot at adopting. But do you know what that would mean for me? It would mean I still die someday, and you lose me too. I don't want that, and I mean that, do you understand me completely?" Her eyes were boring holes into me, and I felt my ass itching, telling me I'd better scoot back a bit. I chuckled in spite of myself, and scooted back a bit.

"Eric, why are you laughing at me? This isn't funny at all, and I'm not finished yet, either." She looked positively pissed, and wow had I missed that just a little bit. I grinned in spite of myself again, risking getting my ass beat by my beautiful vampire staker each passing second I grinned like an idiot. I decided it would be a good idea to explain myself, and quick.

"I'm not laughing at you, I promise you that" I chuckled again, as she eyed me suspiciously. "I'm just laughing because you are fearsome when you're pissed, that's all." Her expression changed, and she was suddenly grinning right alongside me.

"You? You're afraid of me when I'm mad? I don't believe that for one minute."

"I swear it – my ass was twitching, getting ready to make a run for it should it become necessary."

She laughed outloud and threw her head back a little, making that delicious vein stand out in her neck very noticeably. Shit, we're not done talking yet, shit, what did we leave off? Where did we leave off...

"We're not finished yet, don't distract me with your womanly charms, lover." She composed herself and gave me her attention, a smile still plastered on those plum colored lips I wanted to bite.

"I meant what I said, yes I realize I still have options, but I'm not interested."

"Why?" I had to know. I had to.

She put her hands on my face and get very fucking close to me all of a sudden, her eyes heavy and intense.

"How could I give you up for something I don't even love yet? The choice would be obvious if I already had a child, but I don't. I have you, and I love you. I have no room for anyone else, and do not ever want to talk about living without you again." Her eyes said she meant business, and the bond only backed it up strongly. I could feel her love for me and her confidence sharp and clear.

"Done" I breathed into her lips and tasted what was mine. "If you're sure" I managed to get out in between her aggressive kisses, earning myself a nip to my lip. Fuck.

"Done" she admonished, licking my bleeding lip. Things were going to get out of hand any second now, and there were others here. I wanted to make her scream tonight, and this was not the place. I told her as much, and thankfully she didn't tempt me into fucking her in front of everyone anyways. She slid back over to her seat and buckled herself in, giving me that same look she gave me earlier tonight putting on those........ohhhh, those were still on, weren't they? I couldn't remember if she put them back on, thanks to the pounding hard on fucking with my thoughts right now. I reached over and slid my hand up her thigh and under the hem of her dress, feeling the bumpy lace under my fingertips. Fuck me.

She smiled at me, almost crushing my willpower. I groaned and adjusted myself, mentally calculating how fucking long the trip back was going to be.

"Done" she said, breaking me out of my lust-filled revelry. She was giving me the final word on the subject. I looked at her, the street lamps illuminating her face every other second. She was sure.

"Done" I promised.

Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris (who is not me) is my hero for coming up with Eric Northman! Love ya girl!