Hi there!
I'm back with a new chapter for you guys :D
Short update but... here it is :)
Enjoy
You know how love looks like on Alex.
It has been addressed to you for so, so long that, in fact, you don't think you have a memory, beside the very first ones of when you had just met, where you haven't seen that emotion shimmering in the clear, rippling surface of her green eyes whenever she looked at you.
Not even during your darkest periods, like when you had her thrown back into prison with you, or when you refused to believe to her worries about being in danger, which - much to your shame and consuming guilt - turned out to be legitimate, the look of betrayed and anger didn't lessen that emotion or diminished its meaning.
It had migrated lower in depth, surrounded by spiky shadows of mistrust, it became more difficult to catch under that barbed wire fence of hurt, but... It was always there. And, if anything, it's exactly that emotion, the glimpses of it in all that hurt, what has rendered your guilt even more unbearable, gnawing you raw from the inside when, despite everything, she has always ended up forgiving you.
And it's just after you have gotten everything in order once more, that that sentiment got back to burn to its most wonderful, fierce, blazing brightness that you know is reflected just as intensely in your own eyes every time you look at her, and mirrored in every flutter and flip that your heart does in the confinement of your chest when she does something as simple as kiss you, or even just smile at you.
It's still one of the absolutely most invigorating feelings you have ever experienced in your life. Even after all this time you have been together.
And that's a great part of the reason why you would have never, ever thought that, one day, that look would be addressed to someone else.
But it happens.
. . .
You wake up one night, stirred from your slumber as if sensing, even in the cradle of that realm, something missing; the solid, warm, comforting shape of Alex's body curled protectively behind yours, the soft puffs of her steady breathing caressing the back of your neck, and the arm that is usually wrapped loosely around your middle.
Instinctively, feeling suddenly much more awake as you shake off the lingering haze of a fuzzy dream, you reach for the other side of the bed, and when you find it empty, just like you suspected it would be, and cold, you already know where she's gone.
With that knowledge thickening into the waking reality, a little shock of alarm shoots right up your spine, traveling through your whole body, seeping deeper, and pooling in the pit of your stomach, shaking you even more awake as you get up from the bed and walk out from the room. It's a relatively new feeling that you have developed, and one, you are sure, that will never leave you.
You pad barefoot into the living room, blinking to allow your vision to adjust from darkness to the dim lighting that you find there, and once you gain focus-
There she is.
Just where you knew she would be.
Your gaze lands magnetically on her familiar frame, sitting on the couch. With her arms wrapped around someone else, holding someone else.
And... with that unmistakable look of pure affection on her face.
Your heart clenches at the sight, so painfully tightly that for a moment you can't even breathe.
You have had that look directed at you for so long...
But this version is... different.
It's softer. Devoid of that teasing glint of mischief that you are used to see whenever she looks at you, and that always succeeds in making your insides quiver to life with a very specific pull.
Now, the affection showing on her face, that endearment shining in her eyes, is as pure and innocent and precious as the little someone cradled so carefully in her arms, peacefully sleeping.
You are barely aware of the smile that spreads across your cheeks as you approach her, silently, and yet deliberately stepping on that floorboard that always creaks a little, just to let her know you are here, not wanting to startle her all of a sudden with your presence. But, as always, being as perceptive as she's always been, Alex already knows you are there, even without having to look up from your sleeping little girl.
You still remember, so vividly, the first time Alex was about to hold her, the hesitance, the anxiety that made her hands shake, the feeling of unworthiness that you have sensed coming off her in waves at her prospect of holding something so small and precious and, most of all, innocent, after some of the things that she has done...
You remember the way she held her breath for almost an entire minute, remaining froze in place when the nurse passed the pink, squirming little bundle, over to her. And, most of all, you remember the look of fear that had widened her eyes but also made them glisten with the same awe that had shaped her features as soon as the baby stopped squirming once properly settled onto the cradle of her arms. You still remember all the reluctance about the whole pregnancy thing in general, all the discussions that came along with it, so clearly, but things have changed, so much and so fast since then, all while you were pregnant, and even faster when the baby was born, that now, the memory of it, feels more like a dream. Distant and blurred.
There have been times, many times, before you decided to give it a try, during which you thought that you'd never be able to picture such image, afraid that Alex's concerns and insecurities about parenthood would have won out in the end. But... here she is. And the sight of the two of them like this is infinitely better than what you could have possibly imagined.
Because it's real.
"Hey..." It is only when you greet her, oh so very softly, that Alex looks up from the bundle in her arms to flash you a smile. It's tired, sleepy even, nonetheless still full and sincere.
"Hey." She greets you back, just as softly, scooting over a little, making more space for you just as you move aside the worn copy of The Little Prince from the couch cushion, placing it on the coffee table.
"Was she crying?" You ask her once you are settled against her side, glancing down at your sleeping baby, unable to mask some of that instinctive concern, wondering how you couldn't have heard her if she actually was distressed. But Alex reassures you before you can spiral down that path of unnecessary worries.
"She wasn't. Well... not really." She corrects, somehow cryptically, before offering a more thorough explanation at the amusedly curious look that you give her. "I just woke up for some water, went to check on her, and she was whimpering. I think she was having a bad dream, so..."
"So you decided to pick her up and soothe her with some cuddles before she could start wailing." You conclude for her as you bring your hand up to delicately caress your daughter's cheek. She is getting bigger, but she is still so small. And you are always left amazed and completely mesmerized every time you look at her.
"You could have woken me up too, you know." You tell her, but Alex just shrugs, very lightly.
"It wasn't necessary. We've been okay out here." She reassures you once more. "I mean, she didn't cry, but I've had to read her, like, three chapters before she could finally fall asleep again."
You can't prevent the grin that stretches across your face at that adorable image, and at Alex's revelation, that comes with a long sigh of absolutely fake exasperation.
She can try all she wants, pretend to roll her eyes and look annoyed, but you know exactly how much she likes reading to her. Not to mention...
"She loves listening to your voice." You tell her, also shamelessly admitting that "It's something I can definitely relate to."
And just like that, Alex's expression changes instantly, her lips shaping into one of those grins of hers, twitching into a smirk when your subtle flirt is accompanied with a not so subtle - or innocent - lip bite.
"And," You add, before she can get the occasion to say anything. "I bet she has figured out that you were there, watching her sleep, and knew that if she started to whimper you would have picked her up. I can hardly blame her for that." You conclude, much to Alex's surprise and obvious amusement, because you know, very well, how good it feels to sleep resting on Alex's chest, listening to the steady, calming beats of her heart.
"So you're saying that she did it deliberately?" She asks, looking in between ready to burst out laughing and skeptical. "Just so she would get a few chapters of a book she's way too little to even understand, and some cuddles?"
You shrug, still grinning. "She is a smart plotting little thing. And I know I definitely would do that, even just for the cuddles part."
Alex snorts an incredulous husky chuckle. The light bounce of her shoulders and the slightly raspy sound of her laugh rumbling in her chest, for as soft as it is, makes your little girl stir in her arms. You both instinctively freeze, but luckily, after a long moment spent without even breathing, your baby just makes some soft cooing noises before snuggling further into Alex's chest, going back to sleep soundly.
You and Alex both release a muted sigh of relief, remaining silent for just a few more moments just to be sure that your daughter isn't waking up again, but she looks blissfully content in her deep sleep, nestled safely there in your lover's arms.
"She's dreaming," Alex informs you, quietly breaking that stretched moment of comfortable silence. "She scrunches up her nose in little twitches like you do when you're dreaming."
You immediately look down at your sleeping baby and for a fleeting second, as you catch sight of that unconscious and utterly adorable twitch, you feel this weird need to argue that you don't, but, when you glance up at Alex again, you get distracted by that same smile of pure adoration on her face as her eyes remain fixed on your daughter, looking utterly mesmerized.
Your heart clenches on itself, hit with a new, strong pang of raw emotions that crushes the words of protest that you had ready, making them vanish into nothing.
"You really love her." It's what you say instead.
And it's only when Alex turns to look at you with this mixture of confusion and... something else you can't quite identify, that you realize you have actually said those words out loud.
You instantly freeze, because even though there was no other weight in that response than just the obviousness held in its own statement, you realize that it might have sounded like something said out of surprise, and you worry, more than anything, that Alex might have taken it in the wrong way.
You don't wait a second longer to explain, knowing that there is no other way around this but being as openly honest as you always are with each other.
"I know that you have always been very reluctant about the whole kids' idea, and I was afraid that..." You pause, heaving a long quiet sigh to regain some composure and balance, helping to steel your nerves and smooth out the sudden spike of anxiety before continuing. "I was afraid that, even if you have agreed to have her with me, you would have always been a little hesitant or not completely comfortable in being around her, even just like this." You conclude, gesturing to her holding the baby, to the book that she has been reading to her lately, and you honestly can't help but rethink about that first time she held your daughter, that same hesitance and concern, and insecurity, that made her always-present and cool demeanor crumble. All feelings that now, are nowhere to be found in the confidence and naturalness in the way she is holding your baby.
There is no hurt nor even confusion any longer when, tentatively, you glance up at Alex again.
"She is a part of you, Piper." It's all that she says eventually, so genuinely simple, so matter of fact.
"How could I not love a little version of you?"
The knot of emotions that has been tightening in your throat escapes as a laugh. A soft, quiet, wet laugh. And it's that choked sound, the wet quality in it, that makes you only now realize that you have been swallowing down a few tears.
Alex is instantly reassured that those shimmering in your eyes are of happiness, something that gets reinforced by the big smile already forming twin dimples on your cheeks, and you are met with an equally wide grin from her.
It doesn't last though, because suddenly, as if a realization seems to sink into her all at once, that smile twists into a look of concern that travels right through you with an immediate sense of dread.
"What is it?" You ask alarmed, your gaze instinctively going to the baby, and then back to Alex in confusion when you don't understand what got her so upset all of a sudden. "What's wrong?"
"She is a little you," She repeats, now looking positively terrified, and for a moment you are too besides being very confused. That's it at least until she continues... "She is going to have your own temperament. It's going to get her in so many troubles."
God, if only she wasn't holding such precious cargo you would probably hit her for worrying you over nothing like she just did. But the relief flooding through your system is much stronger, and in the end, you just decide to indulge her, admitting another little truth.
"Yeah... but she is also going to inherit your irresistible charm that will allow her to get away with practically anything."
Alex's smile returns in full force as she chuckles, and that sweetly husky sound, along with the sight of your baby looking as peaceful as ever in her sleep, takes away the remaining traces of your worries. Still, you scoot closer, feeling the need to reach out and hold her, too.
"Until then, however," Alex adds. "I think I'm going to enjoy her like this, while she is still a quiet, innocent little cub. Your activist genes are probably going to kick in as soon as she'll be able to talk."
You roll your eyes, suppressing a groan before leaning in to surprise her with a kiss. "You are still going to love her even then." You counter when you pull back.
"Are you kidding me?"Alex asks, with that same lopsided little grin that keeps eliciting flutters in your chest. "I'm going to love her even more. If that is even possible..."
That last part is just barely mumbled, mostly to herself, through the quietest sigh as her gaze shifts from you to the other little you sleeping in her arms, but you still hear it so clearly. You have actually been wondering that same thing yourself. If it's even possible for you to love your daughter more, and to fall even deeper in love with Alex, or if it'll always feel like a continuous freefall with her down the endless depth of that rich emotion.
All you know is that it sure feels like it.
You have felt this way especially during difficult times, but also during these precious, blissful moments.
I have received many other requests for a little more of Domestic/Baby Vauseman. I know this one wasn't particularly long, and I still feel like the characters keep coming out a bit OOC whenever I get into this genre, but... You guys asked so nicely, and then I got this idea so... Here it is. Just some (more) quiet Vauseman baby fluff :)
