Chapter Nine: How I Foiled Elle's Dastardly Plan (With One of my Own)
Author's Note: An update, I'm sure you're all very surprised. Yeah. Anyway, for all of you who have forgotten (or maybe I haven't actually said it? *shrugs*), this story contains SLASH and blah de blah. You get my drift. I'm also assuming that when she is obsessed nothing would stand in Elle's way, except possibly something shiny.
Also: my new favourite word today is 'dastardly.' Hehe.
Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes. But I own my body and it is cold.
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Elle ambushed me as soon as we crossed the threshold. She threw an apologetic smile Sylar's way, tipping me off that she was up to no good (hatred like the type she held for Sylar didn't just go away overnight), and drew me into the living room, closing the doors quietly behind her. Then she turned to me and, if I hadn't already guessed, left me in doubt as to her dastardly motives (heh, I love the word 'dastardly' – it reminds me of the good ole days with the moustache twirling villain) when she grinned wickedly.
"Oh, Becky," she gushed, clasping her hands to her chest. She paused. "You don't mind if I call you Becky, do you?" She barely waited for me to shrug my consent (people rarely give me nicknames so I didn't care all that much) before continuing with, "I have the most brilliant upon brilliant idea for getting Peter and Sylar together!" She paused again, this time to wait for my reaction with barely concealed glee.
"Well?" I said, deciding to reserve my judgement until I had heard her idea.
She bounced on the balls of her feet. "Okay, so, I was thinking...we could lock them in a closet until they finally cave and admit their true feelings for each other!" She looked at me, her blue eyes sparkling. She really liked this idea.
To me, it sounded like an awesome crack fic (which I filed away in the file in my brain entitled Great Fic Ideas Which I Might Never Write) but I had the feeling that neither Peter nor Sylar would appreciate it (especially considering the small fact that Peter seemed to be in a bit of a snit when it came to Mr. Sex on a Stick). I thought they would probably kill each other – not that this really meant anything but it was the principle of the thing.
I finally said, "Sounds great. But how, exactly, are we going to lock them in a closet?" Maybe she'd give up if she realised how impossible her plan was.
I was wrong. Her eyes continuing to sparkle with mirth, Elle regaled me with her ideas...and I had to admit that, although some (such as that chocolate sniffing one) were entirely unrealistic and anyway called for things we mostly certainly didn't have (apparently she owns a chain saw though), some of them were very good. I decided to help her although, as an equally dastardly plan began to form in my mind, with one or two tweaks.
I would distract Peter and Sylar while Elle prepared the items (yeah...right) we'd need to lure them to the closet. I found them cooing over baby Noah, who gurgled happily up at them both equally. Of course they were as far away as two people around a cot can get but Noah wasn't too picky.
"Hey," I said and they both turned their attention to me.
"If you've come to distract us while Elle prepares the closet, you're wasting your time," Sylar said flatly, his eyes showing just the tiniest bit of disappointment. "We heard everything."
Ha! I knew it! One of Sylar's best lines and people keep forgetting the context! And the fact that he has that super hearing thing too. Hehe, 'preparing the closet.' Hehe. I wonder if he realised how simple preparing the closet would be.
"Well, that's what Elle thinks I'm doing up here," I replied, my grin hiding the fact that I had no freaking idea whether they'd go for my idea either. "But really I've come to propose something else."
They listened in silence as I told them what I had thought up mere minutes ago. Peter raised an eyebrow at me and I silently cursed mind readers (he smirked at that).
After much argument, Sylar gave Peter a sidelong glance which clearly said, "If you try anything – and I mean anything – I know twenty ways in which to kill you and make it semi-permanent" (Boy, does he have loaded glances or what?). Then he turned to me and said, not without some hesitation (I mean, it was pretty dastardly, if I say so myself. My sort of dastardly too), "We're in."
Peter just continued to smirk. I glared at him, silently telling him to keep his big gob shut or...but that's a bit too graphic for here. Needless to say, he got my drift. In fact he looked a little pale as he walked out of the room, following fast behind Sylar. I waved at baby Noah, who gurgled happily to himself (he'd found some sort of fuzzy teddy bear at some point).
"Elle?" Peter said as he entered the room housing the Soon To Be Infamous Closet (Elle's words, not mine), followed closely by Sylar. I knew he was frowning when he realised that no one was in the room. What? I had to give her something. "Elle, are you in here? Rebecca said you wanted to talk to us?"
She jumped seemingly out of nowhere (from behind the open door, actually) and pushed them towards the open closet door, zapping them just a little so they didn't struggle. As soon as they were both inside she slammed the door, turning the key with a flourish, effectively locking them in the closet. Simple...but very effective, you have to admit.
She twirled around and smirked at me. Then she decided she wanted to high five and accidentally (I think, you can never really tell with her) zapped me. So, on top of the pain high fiving nearly always gives me, I also had electric shock.
"So...what do you want to do now?" she asked, ignoring me as I clutched my hand.
I shrugged, mostly because anything else would have taken far too much effort.
"Want to go read Peter/Sylar fics on the internet?" she continued, obviously wanting to do just that. I nodded in agreement. I could never pass up a chance to read Peter/Sylar fics, even when I should.
It was about three hours later when I glanced up from the computer screen and rubbed my blearily eyes. Elle continued to read, her eyes literally drinking up the details of the (somewhat dirty) fic. I tapped her gently on the shoulder and got a small electric shock for my trouble. I ignored it. She'd been doing that off and on for the past hour. I don't think she'd ever read smut before. "Elle, do you think it might be time to, you know, set them free or whatever?"
She glanced up, her gaze seemingly taking forever to wrench from the screen. She blinked at me. "Uh, okay, I guess." Her gaze turned just as slowly back towards the screen but I pinched her before it could return to its previous place. She glared at me, rubbing the spot. I hadn't realised I'd pinched that hard.
"Fine," she muttered. "I'm coming."
We closed the window, shut the screen off then left the room, headed towards the closet room. It was deceptively silent. Elle narrowed her eyes suspiciously and opened the door cautiously...to find Peter and Sylar playing Go Fish (which turned out to be the only card game Sylar had ever played).
"Go fish," Peter said just as the door opened. He turned towards us, his grin telling us clearly that he had been bored stiff. "Oh, hi, Elle, Rebecca. How are you?"
Sylar ignored us, preferring to glare at the cards in his hands before throwing them, like a twelve year old with anger management issues aggravated by losing (and I would know), to the ground. He swiftly rose to his feet (a truly impressive feat to watch, believe me), Peter following suit. The latter smirked at me as he went past. He knew what was coming next.
"Oh, I'm so hungry," he moaned, pouting as he rubbed his stomach (something people do when they're hungry apparently – personally I do not see how it could help although I have been guilty of it once or twice).
Sylar (I could tell he rolled his eyes before this, sometimes you just can) turned back towards him, a surprisingly simpering smile on his face. I blinked. Weird image, let me tell you. "Oh, you are, are you?" he said, his voice lowering just enough so that excited shivers ran up and down my spine (stupid spine, why does it even do that?).
He strode over and crushed his lips against Peter's. I glanced over at Elle to gauge her reaction to my dastardly plan – she was gaping, mouth open wide enough so that flies could probably go in and out at their leisure. I couldn't help but giggle.
She turned to me, pointed at them. "You? This...?" Her gaze immediately began drifting back towards them. I didn't really blame her.
After a moment both Elle and I realised that they weren't going to stop kissing. Which, you know, surprised me because they had been against the idea of kissing and had, in fact, wanted me to come up with a different dastardly plan (well, okay, fine, Sylar had been against it – Peter had just smirked at me, which got incredibly annoying after awhile). They certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves now though.
I pulled Elle over to the sofa behind us and sat down. Better to be comfortable, is my philosophy. In this instance anyway.
Things were just getting interesting (they'd started unbuttoning their shirts!!!) when we heard the door slam and Nathan call out, "Anyone home?" And then he was at the doorway, gaping almost exactly like Elle had been at the sight of Peter and Sylar snogging in what –as I finally glanced around – turned out to be some sort of high tech TV room. How could I not have noticed this?
"Peter?" Nathan's voice actually squeaked, which was terribly adorable. And also annoying because at the sound of his voice Peter and Sylar jumped apart as though Elle had sparked them. They fumbled at their shirts, fingers clumsy as they tried to button them up again, avoiding each other's (and everyone else's) gaze as they did so.
"Yes, Nathan?" Peter said, once he'd gathered enough of his dignity. His voice was just the slightest bit rough which made Elle melt into a happy fangirl puddle beside me on the sofa. I had more self control, let me tell you...but not much. "You wanted something?"
"Did I just...? Were you...?" Nathan shook his head and I could tell that, while I simultaneously melted into a mushy pile of goo, he was trying to convince himself that he'd been seeing things. He partially succeeded, I think, although he was probably going to have nightmares about it tonight for sure.
Sylar cleared his throat and, as every glance turned towards him, moved towards me, pulling me none too gently from the sofa and propelling me out the door. "You are so dead," he hissed as I waved cheerily goodbye to a still-melting Elle, a rather disappointed looking Peter and a confounded Nathan. I spared a thought for whoever happened to return first after we left – they'd have a lot of mess to clean up. I pitied them.
"You are so dead," Sylar repeated and for some reason I wasn't even worried that his index finger was scarily near my forehead.
"Oh, come on!" I said (what was the matter with me? Was I suicidal?). "You're not seriously telling me you didn't enjoy that?"
"That's not the point," he said gruffly, his index finger lowering just the tiniest fraction, thank the gods. He sighed and his index finger lowered all the way to his side, its proper place, if you ask me. "You shouldn't have done that."
"Well, you agreed, remember?" I reminded him. Well, he had. "I didn't force you." Not much, anyway.
He gave me a Look. "Okay, fine," I said, my cheeks flaming as I placed a hand on my heart. "I promise I will never do that ever again. Is that good enough?"
He raised an eyebrow, unsmiling. I huffed. "Fine, and I won't mention it to anyone either."
I waited. He seemed amenable to that so I added, really fast before he had a chance to interrupt, "Except Elle, 'cause she saw it too and, really, she needs someone to talk to or she'll tell everyone, you just know she will." I grinned at him and, as he grumbled, I knew I had won that little bit at least. Ha.
"So..." I said, a while later as we made our rather slow way back to Milady's. "How was it?"
"Nah, nah, nah, not listening, nah, nah, nah," Sylar said in a sing-song voice, fingers plugging his ears. "Nah, nah, nah..."
I nagged him all the way back but he wouldn't give me anything. The bastard. He enjoys torturing me. Damn him.
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I feel nice...like sugar and spice...toodle doodle doo...
Review please.
