That night, Harley was having difficulty drifting off to sleep with the Joker next to her in bed, tossing and turning restlessly. "Mmm…puddin'?" she said, opening her eyes. "You still awake?"
He grunted. "Can't sleep. Haven't hurt anyone today."
Harley yawned. "You told me you killed some people with that robot in the pool."
"Not the same thing," he muttered. "Need to physically hurt something with my bare hands."
Harley yawned again. "I know it's difficult, puddin'," she murmured. "Frankly I'm in the mood to handcuff you to the bed and beat you senseless."
"Aw, don't talk dirty, Harl, when you know there's nothing we can do about it," he sighed. "It's so awful to be frustrated sexually and violently…"
"Try not to think about it, puddin'," interrupted Harley. "It only makes it worse. Just try to sleep, ok?"
He sighed heavily as she cuddled up next to him, dropping off to sleep at last. She woke up later, when she felt him leave the bed to the buzzing of a phone.
"Hello? Yeah. Oh, ok. Yeah, I'll tell her tomorrow. So…do you wanna meet tonight? You know what for. You know what I'm talking about. You must miss it as much as I do. I can't sleep, and I won't until I have it. Library roof in ten minutes? Ok, bye."
He hung up the phone and then went to get dressed. Harley pretended to be asleep, waiting for him to leave, and then followed him out into the streets of Gotham.
When she reached the roof of the library, she saw a shadowy figure already there. "We have to be quick," it muttered. "Or the robots will find us."
"No problem – I'm up for a quickie," replied Joker, taking off his jacket. "Let's get it on."
The two figures rushed towards each other and began beating each other up, throwing punch after punch.
"Mr. J!" shrieked Harley. Batman and Joker whirled around, the former holding the latter in a headlock.
"Harley, this…isn't what it looks like!" stammered Joker.
"It's exactly what it looks like!" shrieked Harley. "You snuck outta bed so you could meet the Bat in secret and beat each other up! How could you do that to me?! If you wanted someone to beat, I'm right here!"
"It's not the same, baby, and Bats needs it just as much as I do!" cried Joker.
"I do not!" snapped Batman.
"Then why are you here?!" demanded Harley.
"Because…I wanted to tell the Joker what I found out about the hyenas," snapped Batman. "And then he attacked me!"
"You liar!" shouted Joker. "You could have told me over the phone, but you agreed to meet here to have a fight!"
"Where are the babies?!" shrieked Harley.
"They're not here!" snapped Batman. "They've been sent back to Africa!"
Harley stared at him. "W…what?" she stammered.
"The robots have deported them," he growled. "I hacked into the computer system to get some data on how to shut it all down. Apparently the hyenas were originally illegally obtained, and part of their whole peace on earth thing is rectifying crimes where they can. So they've sent the hyenas back to their home."
"But…but they can't survive in the wild!" cried Harley. "They're domesticated! Trained as pets!"
"Yeah, that would be like me letting Harley go out on her own!" said Joker. "She wouldn't last two seconds!"
"Puddin', we have to save the babies!" shrieked Harley.
"No, we have to help Bats save Gotham first!" insisted Joker.
"I'm saving Gotham without your help!" snapped Batman.
"Oh yeah, that's right," sighed Joker. "Go and get your little superpowered friends to help you out. If I didn't know better, Bats, I'd say you're racist. Against the human race."
"No, I just don't want help from lunatics!" growled Batman.
"You don't want help from human lunatics," corrected Joker. "You seem fine with using the aliens though. You said yourself it's their crazy ideas that got us into this mess!"
"Joker, you are not going to help me!" snapped Batman. "You're both coming back to Arkham right now!"
Joker glared at him, folding his arms across his chest. "Make me," he muttered. Then he grinned. "You know you want to, and so do I."
Batman sighed, and then threw a punch to his face. "Oh yeah, hit me!" gasped Joker. "Oh, that's it, Bats, harder!"
"Me too!" squealed Harley, leaping into the middle of the fight.
About ten minutes later, Joker and Harley lay handcuffed on the ground, battered and breathing heavily.
"Gee, Bats, you sure do know how to give a girl a good time!" sighed Harley.
"And how to give a guy a good time!" agreed Joker.
"Don't say things like that," muttered Batman, dragging them to their feet. "People are going to get the wrong impression."
He shoved them inside the waiting Batmobile and headed off in the direction of Arkham. "Puddin', we have to save the babies," said Harley, looking at him tearfully. "How are we gonna do that if we're all locked up in Arkham?"
Joker chuckled, patting her on the head. "Don't you worry about a thing, cupcake! Daddy's already thought of a plan!"
"Just stay put for now," snapped Batman. "And wait until me and the rest of the Justice League have cleared up this robot mess. Until then, don't do anything."
Joker grinned at him. "Wouldn't dream of it, Bats!" he chuckled. "Wouldn't dream of it."
