CHAPTER 9: Starting again
Maria lay in bed trying to settle her overactive mind after saying goodnight to seven very overactive children. She thought about how much she cared for them and how grateful she was that they had so completely accepted her as their friend and confidant. Her mind couldn't help going over all that had happened during the summer and the past few weeks, and then she thought about the stage that she was at now, and couldn't help but feel a sudden and deep pang of sadness.
She realised that this is, and always was, a temporary situation and she knew that at the rate she was recovering there would be no need for her to stay at the Von Trapp Villa nor with the children…'or the Captain'.
She would be able to move back to the Abbey now that the sensation was returning to her legs and she was becoming a little more independent with her everyday tasks, and she was sure the Sisters would be able to handle the exercises. But as Maria thought about returning to the Abbey, it wasn't just the feeling of sadness at leaving the Villa and this family that she felt, there was also the lingering feeling that had become more and more prominent in the past few weeks, one that she had tried to ignore. Maria realised that she had made the unconscious decision a while ago that she no longer wished to return the Abbey...or to become a Nun.
But to actually admit this out loud was another thing. She mentally shook herself to shake off her thoughts and feelings, as she didn't want to dwell on this until she had at least attempted to find her feet again. 'Besides the Captain hasn't said anything about my returning to the Abbey.' Just as Maria had this thought, the Captain appeared in her doorway.
Georg had shed his suit jacket and tie and Maria couldn't help noticing the top two buttons were open on his white shirt. She tried to suppress the gasp that lingered on her lips, but the twitch to the Captain's eyebrow proved her attempt to be to no avail.
Georg could only smile and lean against the doorframe. He looked at her in what he hoped was a kind and understanding manner. He tried not to make her feel uncomfortable but he found himself staring at her, all coherent thoughts lost when he looked into her bright blue eyes. It wasn't until he saw her look down at her twisting hands sitting in her lap that he realised what he was doing and that there was a light pink hue spreading across her cheeks.
He pushed himself off the doorframe and took a few more steps into her room. He knew he would have to be the first to break the silence to ease the tension.
"I hope the children didn't bother you for too long, I know the negotiation tactics they try to use to stay up just a 'few minutes longer!'" Georg said with a hint of mock annoyance in his voice, but his wide smile and soft laugh portrayed the humour he found in his children's antics. Maria looked up at him when he spoke.
"Well it did take some convincing, but when both Gretl and Kurt yawned simultaneously, they all decided, after having a good laugh amongst themselves, that it was time for bed."
Georg gave another soft laugh, not surprised that it was these two children who had been the first to show their tiredness, as they were always up in the mornings at least an hour before their other siblings. Georg had taken a few more steps into Maria's room while she was talking and was now stood at the end of her bed. He looked into her eyes once more and knew he had to talk to Maria about the conversation he had had with Liesl.
"Maria there is something that I need to talk to you about" he said hesitantly.
Maria swallowed hard praying that he was not going to tell her she could no longer stay at the Villa as she was well enough to be sent back to the Abbey.
Georg saw the sudden change in Maria's demeanour and the worry in her face. Before he could think about what he was doing he had moved to sit beside her and was holding her hand in his.
"Oh no Maria, it is nothing to be worried about. I had a chat with Liesl about your recovery and how you want to try and begin to walk again. She told me she feels that you are ready, but she is worried what might happen if it doesn't…"
Georg couldn't finish what he was trying to say as he too worried about how Maria would feel if she could never walk again, but he also knew that he and the children would always be there for her, and he had to make sure she knew this.
"But no matter what happens Maria, I will always be here for you…WE will always be here for you" he corrected himself when he realised what he had said.
Maria however didn't miss a word and couldn't help the sudden feeling of hope that blossomed in her heart. 'Could it be possible, could he have feelings for me? NO! Don't fool yourself Maria.'
She smiled up at him and they began discussing the details of how they were going to get her walking again.
After talking for what seemed like hours the night before, and with Georg's reassurance and support, Maria woke up in the morning with a renewed sense of hope for the future and new goals in life. She had decided that if she was not going to return to the Abbey to become a nun, then she would concentrate on walking again so that she could start her life in an entirely new direction.
Georg on the other hand had had a restless night also thinking about his life's direction and hopes, but more about how he wanted to make Maria a part of this. He realised however, that he couldn't be selfish with his feelings, especially when Maria was just starting to set new goals for herself. She had disclosed to him last night that she no longer wished to become a nun and talked about perhaps starting work in caring for disadvantaged children. She had sounded so passionate and excited by the prospect that Georg had only barely managed to show his enthusiasm as he watched his dreams disappearing right before his very eyes. He had to accept that Maria may leave their lives for good.
Georg had finally fallen into a fitful sleep just before dawn to only be woken a few hours later by the usual sounds of a household of seven children. He could hear them rushing around like crazy trying to get ready for school at the last minute, as they usually did, and went crashing out the door running down the driveway to the bus.
As he opened his eyes and drew in a long deep sleepy breath, he realised he had fallen asleep in his dress pants and white button up shirt. He remembered the conversation he and Maria had shared last night and groaned. 'No matter what, she will always hold a place in our hearts'.
At this thought, Georg went into action. Today was going to be a big day, and it was going to take not only all his support but also all the strength and willpower of one courageous woman. So he got up and physically and mentally prepared himself for what was to come.
Maria was at that moment doing the same thing, with Frau Schmidt helping her get dressed. She was trying to control her internal emotions as they rolled one after the other. She was nervous about how she was going to be able to do this, scared about what could be the result and what that might mean for her future, but most of all she was excited to finally be getting out of the bed she had be 'tied' to for weeks and finally be able to see her mountain again, if only from a distance.
Just as Frau Schmidt had finished preparing Maria for the day and wishing her luck, Georg was entering her room with a huge smile of support and encouragement on his face. Maria smiled back and couldn't help the squeak of excitement from escaping her.
"I'll take that to mean you are ready to go!" Georg said when he heard her.
"More than ready."
She looked up at him as he bent down and scooped her up in his arms. It had been decided during their late night talk last night that they would do this outside, partly so if Maria took tumbles when she first tried walking the grass would be a softer landing than the hard floors in the Villa, but mostly because Georg thought the outdoors would be a bit more of an encouraging and relaxing atmosphere for her.
As Maria was pulled close to Georg's chest as he lifted her off the bed, it felt like the most natural thing to put her arms around his neck to balance herself as he walked out of her room towards the stairs. She could have sworn that she felt him take in a shuddering breath, but decided she was just over sensitised by her own feelings at that moment.
As they made their way downstairs, Maria started to become overwhelmed by the excitement she was feeling, and she suddenly felt so much gratitude towards Georg for his unwavering support. She looked up into his eyes and couldn't stop herself from saying and doing what she did next.
"Georg, in case I forget to say it later, thankyou for everything" and then she leaned up and very shyly gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Georg faltered in his steps for just a second, but looked down at Maria with both a little bit of shock as well as a great deal of love, and said "It is no more than you have done for me and my family Maria."
And with that they made their way through the back doors of the Villa and into the sunshine.
The moment Maria's feet hit the grass she was almost unstoppable in her determination. Georg had long shed his jacket, tie and shoes and was diligently supporting Maria's body as she so desperately tried to get her legs moving. On a number of occasions she told him to let go of her so she could try and stand on her own, but as soon as his hands left her waist she crumpled and fell towards the ground, but Georg was there every single time to break her fall and pick her back up again.
As it neared midday and the sun, and Maria's frustration, were heating up, it was decided that they should take a break and enjoy some lunch down by the lake. As they sat under a tree near the waters edge and enjoyed a simple lunch of sandwiches and apple strudel, they talked about the children and how much they had been enjoying school since they had returned, about their own pasts, and inevitably about the future again.
This topic had become somewhat of an unpleasant one for Georg as he was unsure of his at this point in time. Maria could see he was feeling slightly uncomfortable and saddened as she continued to talk about her plans, and so decided to ask him if he was alright.
"Captain is everything alright? I hope I haven't said anything to upset you."
Georg looked up into her eyes at this statement and couldn't help feeling guilty at the sad look in her eyes.
"Oh no Maria! I am excited and happy for you. It's just that…well I have come to…I mean I'll miss…WE'LL miss you when you leave us." He finally stammered out, with an increasingly deepening blush creeping up his neck.
Maria sat staring at him, not knowing how to interpret what he had just said. 'Could he really want me to stay? I know the children will miss me, but could it be true for him as well?! NO Maria, he is probably just thinking of the children…and about having to find another Governess come next summer.' But she couldn't help but hold onto a little bit of hope as she continued to look into his eyes and witness the number of emotions roll through them.
Her caring and nurturing instinct caused her to reach out and place her hand over his where it was resting on the grass beside her, and Georg didn't seem to mind…in fact he seemed to relish in the contact between them. They sat there after that for a while in companionable silence, just holding hands. Once the sandwiches had been demolished and as much of the apple strudel as possible had been eaten, Maria decided she was ready to try walking again. Georg agreed, and as diligently and supportive as always, he stood up off the grass and picked her up in his arms to carry her back to the area they had been practicing in earlier.
They continued their efforts for another few hours, with Maria once again telling Georg to let her stand on her own but Maria continually falling to the ground. It was on the fifth attempt of doing this that afternoon that she broke down in Georg's arms as he caught her as she fell. Georg couldn't understand why she was crying until after what she said next.
"I'm never going to be able to do this. This is pointless, we've achieved nothing. What am I going to do if I can never walk again? Who is going to want to take care of a woman like that?"
Maria's tears flowed freely and heavily, and while she sobbed uncontrollably into Georg's shoulder, he just held her tight and stroked her hair gently trying to soothe her. What he said next however, caused Maria to cease her sobs and look up into his face, with tears still streaming down her cheeks, but with hope in her eyes.
"I will Maria. Forever and always, no matter what happens."
To be continued…
